islamrules:

Why cant you read the post with your brain and not your cooock.

"Last month (Bad Sunday), I caught her red handed with my neighbor who is in his 5o’s Being Intimate with her when his family was away for church service (somebody that is as old as my father and is married with 3 children. One of his children is 18 years old as old as my gal)."

This is just an hyperbole, and, beside whats the difference between 18 and 20, if you even see the two of them hardly will you know who is older.

The title of the post is "This Is Serious: For Matured Mind Only" if you dont have anything to offer, why cant you just by typing "Passing, " no offense in that.

When I say "Matured minds" I mean mentally stable and experienced.

I know its lame posting personal issues here.

Thank you for your contribution, but it doesnt fly.

Dis boy, you need to grow up. Na me talk say make you no dey fork your girl well well? So tey na 50 yr old man dey fork her well for you. You can come NL dey shout for my head. See me see trouble o. Fellow Nairalanders, make una come oooooo. E gbami oooooooo.


Mentally stable, i very much am. But experienced? Helll noooooo! No one, repeat no one forks my girl on my behalf cos i do a very good job. So you frustrated with life cos a 50 yr old man forked your girl? Take it out on your deak and not on me!

@ Rich

ok

Shy-One:

@ Rich

ok

@The Shy-One,
I don't mean to pry,but did you and your ex have these kind of problems?Not popping the marriage question after many years of courtship?
You don't need to answer if you don't want to.

@ Rich

It's ok - I am not embarrassed to answer your question.

ummmm - ok - this is the problem

He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but i think i got afraid as the date kept getting closer and closer, i became afraid, i ummm, well he moves too fast for me.

i love him,  but i need to slow it down.  we just met only 14-15 months ago (a little over a year ago) and so much we have done together right away and i just didn't follow through and he put everything into me, into us and i backed out.   

my husband died nov. 2009, i met my guy march 2010, we had arranged our marriage november 2010 - he made all of the arrangements, ALL OF THEM, he even picked the date, location for wedding, honeymoon, guest list (everything), we were to be married in Lagos, he also was paying for everything - and the closer it got to that date - i started hyperventilating and getting afraid, everything just mentally hit me and i kept rescheduling and he got upset and devastated and he started pulling away from me, pulling back from me emotionally detaching from me-----because of my indecisiveness.

so really I AM THE PROBLEM --- i just didn't realize that this would hit me like it did.  my love for him knows no bounds, i know that he is the one for me.  i just needed to heal first from the loss before moving on. 

men - alot of times i notice will put pressure and rush things and such - it seems to be in their nature.  i just need love right now from him to heal first versus being his wife right away and i need him to understand and give me his patience - because in this area i am weak and he has the strength here.

so he has agreed - we have talked and he is giving me time to heal - but he is also looking at the fact (in his mind) that i will never heal and he is rethinking now if "he should wait for me or not"

there is another woman in the States who is chasing him and it is killing me  - very painful - i know she is chasing him because i see her throwing herself at him on his FB page

Shy-One was devastated to see this, though he has sworn to me that nothing will ever occur with her because he has no interest in her at all.  But I was crushed to my soul to see this.

It was my understanding that we would wait some more months before we married.  But he has lost faith in me and I don't want to lose him because I love him so much.  I don't want to lose him.  There is no-one like him - he is unique and special and I adore him.

But I just needed some time to mend, it doesn't change how deeply I love this man.  I am his rib and I know that with every fiber in my being.

I just still need to make sure that there is some time - that I take to focus on me for a while. I have never been selfish, but it is necessary for my future happiness and our future happiness together that I take this time for a while.

Shy-One:

so he has agreed - we have talked and he is giving me time to heal - but he is also looking at the fact (in his mind) that i will never heal and he is rethinking now if "he should wait for me or not"

there is another woman in the States who is chasing him and it is killing me - very painful - i know she is chasing him because i see her throwing herself at him on his FB page

Shy-One was devastated to see this, though he has sworn to me that nothing will ever occur with her because he has no interest in her at all. But I was crushed to my soul to see this.

It was my understanding that we would wait some more months before we married. But he has lost faith in me and I don't want to lose him because I love him so much. I don't want to lose him. There is no-one like him - he is unique and special and I adore him.

But I just needed some time to mend, it doesn't change how deeply I love this man. I am his rib and I know that with every fiber in my being.

Well this is a new Shy-One to me.
Although I don't believe in love for personal reasons,I've got no beef with people that do.
I think you need to sit down with your man and talk things over with him,okay?
Let him know how you feel and let him understand your point of view.
I don't think it is fair derailing this thread,so I suggest you open your own thread about this problem and get other peoples opinion on the matter.
However my personal opinion is that you try and talk to him soon,cos there is a lot of competition out there.
Goodluck.

@Shy-one
Nne sorry to hear about the death of your first husband. It must be hurting bad. Accept my sympathy.

@Shy One
I am happy for your strength and I read your comments with perfect understanding. You are doing the right thing and I pray your man will come to understand that he will even enjoy you more after your healing process. God is with you.

@ Rich - you are right

i don't want to derail - not fair to OP - i've been trying to be more aware as i am guilty of that quite a bit

i just wanted to give you an honest answer to your question

i don't want to open a thread about this because - i am praying deeply on this and i am communicating frequently with him, who i love soo deeply -i fear that if i listen to too many voices - i won't hear God's voice or the voice of who is already a huge part of my life - that is my man, his voice.

i completely owe it to him to be true to him and to be supportive of us - when you start listening to too many people on something this serious before you marry - you will during the marriage constantly listen to others as well which bodes ill for a harmonious home.

@ Ivynwa - ok - i will - later today - is that alright? If you are in Lagos - you are 5 hours difference from me

@ Chief - thank you - i really hope you are right

Shy-One:

@ Ivynwa - ok - i will - later today - is that alright? If you are in Lagos - you are 5 hours difference from me

@ Chief - thank you - i really hope you are right

Aight

Ivynwa:

@Shy-one
Nne sorry to hear about the death of your first husband. It must be hurting bad. Accept my sympathy. If possible drop me any casual e-mail address of yours at ivorybt@yahoo.com. I want to drop a one liner for you there, something that may be useful.

thank you - ok


I sent you mail

This is the 1st story on Nland to make me all sober and teary

Vengeance won't get you anything in life. You using his daughter would not heal your wounds, it would only make you become something else. This would further expose you to so much damage and consume you. Its not worth it. You are a better man than he is, don't stoop low to that level.

Once there is life, you are breathing, you have no deformity, no accident, no financial problems. Haba this is not even worth it all. You should even thank God that it happened before your marriage.

You would just use this as a lesson and move on. Yes, it would hurt because you witnessed everything first hand but before you know it would fade. Take it as one of the phase people go through in life for better things to come. Who knows the new blessing God is going to replace this with.

Why not leave everything to God and Let him take control of everything.

At 25, I really commend your commitment and seriousness. God would definitely be your refuge and fortress. For some reason this story really touched me because I understand.

Shy-One:

@ Rich - you are right

i don't want to derail - not fair to OP - i've been trying to be more aware as i am guilty of that quite a bit

i just wanted to give you an honest answer to your question

i don't want to open a thread about this because - i am praying deeply on this and i am communicating frequently with him, who i love soo deeply -i fear that if i listen to too many voices - i won't hear God's voice or the voice of who is already a huge part of my life - that is my man, his voice.

i completely owe it to him to be true to him and to be supportive of us - when you start listening to too many people on something this serious before you marry - you will during the marriage constantly listen to others as well which bodes ill for a harmonious home.

Understood,clearly.
Hope you find the happiness you seek with your man.

Shy-One:

@ poster

i feel that she has lost faith in "marriage" with you

you deflowered her, but didn't marry her and it is now 2 years gone by

Ask her to marry you and see if her behavior changes to being loyal to you

"I read this here your post" some days ago and withheld my tongue so your words could marinate in me

it is my firm belief that she wanted you as husband

she is now seeing her vjj as non-virgin and seeing herself as non-wife material to other men because you had her virginity

the more time passes the more it is becoming transparent to her "in her mind" that she will have problems marrying because of the taught "virgin wife" syndrome around her

"call me crazy" - but it appears that it is dawning on her more and more that her vjj is cash register opportunity - since husband in her young mind is "out of the question" because the deflowering didn't lead down the path that most girls are led to believe that it will lead to, which is the bridal alter

i believe that your answer lies in asking her to be your wife and being serious about it

that's my 2 cents - i could be wrong - but what harm is there in your taking that route?

you sound very angry and upset - which tells me that you love this girl - what do you have to lose by asking for her hand in marriage to her family and to her?

Ehmmm sorry to say this but this piece of advice is completely DUMB!!! Poster take this advice to your own detriment. Normally Shyone is on point but me thinks she was a wee bit intoxicated when she wrote this. @poster Forget the HOE you call a girlfriend and move on. She can wash all your family members' clothes but stand firm on this. You never make a hoe a housewife cos she would still remain a hoe. Yes I know it is painful but cut off ALL contact with her and move on. And please do not entertain thoughts of revenge. Let your babe's aristo's daughter be. She had no part to play in this and it would be sheer wickedness on your part to sleep with her to get back at her father

sevule:

Ehmmm sorry to say this but this piece of advice is completely DUMB!!! Poster take this advice to your own detriment. Normally Shyone is on point but me thinks she was a wee bit intoxicated when she wrote this. @poster  Forget the HOE you call a girlfriend and move on. She can wash all your family members' clothes but stand firm on this. You never make a hoe a housewife cos she would still remain a hoe. Yes I know it is painful but cut off ALL contact with her and move on. And please do not entertain thoughts of revenge. Let your babe's aristo's daughter be. She had no part to play in this and it would be sheer wickedness on your part to sleep with her to get back at her father

ahahahahahahah - lololololololol - i can't breathe

I don't drink anymore - I had to stop drinking I was going around telling people what I think about them and their BS - ahahahahaha

i stopped drinking that liquid courage - i got into too much trouble , i promise i did, that's not fair   

ok fine - so I missed the mark - i told the poster i had to let it marinate a bit - i have been waiting a few days before i posted because this one had me over a barrel.

i still think i'm close, really i do.

pls bro dont take it out on the poor girl, she is innocent, u can f her but dont imprego, now her father; forgive him cos he is just a regular naija guy, nairalanders, how many of u will see free food and will not eat, na only me, my friends call me a laya ma la le, didinrin inu wa (lol), as for ur girlfriend, put her pics all over the internet and what she did, arrange boys to f her since she doesnt know how to say no, u can even arrange ur dog to f her, who cares

Thank you all

@OP if only you are the true person facing this problem cos I find it difficult reconciling ur username and some parts of the story.How can u claim that islam rules and still go to church,are u sarcastic?

Thank you all for your comments. You all surprised me with your contributions. I even thought I will be getting junks from you people. Thank you nairalanders!

My username "Islamrules" is political, I created it to comment on one post sometimes ago. I dont like to create two account, that is why I use it. I will change it anyways.

@nanidee2, when I saw her in his car, I confronted her but not both of them because I didnt want to create a scene in the public bcuz its a shame on me. So many people in that area knows us love birds. And my gal was arrogant that day, therefore it may cause a public show "I am a man (Man is maturity and self control)"

And when the whole show happens, you know our society, they will blame the guy, they will support the gal. They may even tag me as a jealous person that I am jobless and monitoring my girlfriend around. You know our society, the man will be blamed. And, I wasnt following her around, I only Jammed them by chance.

Abeg haba

Forget about your girlfriend, she’s not yours anymore she belongs to the street now, if you marry her, you won’t find peace in your home, cos, she will still be fucking that man.
For the man’s daughter, you can Bleep her, but no give her belle ooo, and don’t hurt her.

islamrules:
I have never discuss any of my personal issues on nairaland, bcuz based on my experience on this site, at the end of the day, you wont get any answer. What you get is insults and attacks.
But, this issue is burning my heart day-in-day-out.
There is this gal of mine I thought of basing my life on. I deflowered when she was 18 years (2 years ago and I am 25 now). Ever since, we have agreed to nurture our relationship to marriage level. And, we have been trying to keep it.
Last month (Bad Sunday), I caught her red handed with my neighbor who is in his 5o’s having sex with her when his family was away for church service (somebody that is as old as my father and is married with 3 children. One of his children is 18 years old as old as my gal). I came back from church early and I saw her coming out of their apartment sweating and breathing heavily and with a strange odor coming out of her body (she came to my house when I was in the church, and I was not even expecting her that day. I was shocked to see her in my house without any notice). She was shocked when we met. I quickly sensed what has happened. I called her and she panicked and started rushing to the toilet, I followed her, grasp her hands drag her to my room. And I asked her, but it was too glaring cuz her tight was wet with sperm dripping from her “blahblah”. (What annoyed me most was they didn’t use condom. Women are reckless; if she gets pregnant she will claim its mine).
She saw my eyes and confessed that the man tricked her (weeping seriously). She gave me a cock and bull story that, he sent her to buy him a soap and when she came back to deliver the soap that the man descended on her and that she was afraid to shout because of shame and trouble it will cause between me and the man, she promised not to do it again and that she will be careful with him.
Last week, I went to her house to visit her mother, she was’nt at home,I waited for her for 5 hours. I left, when I could no longer wait. On my way home, just a stone throw from her house, I saw her coming out of this man's car joking and laughing with this man (I quickly sensed they are using Hotels or somewhere hidden)
I waited for her and confronted her, she just ignored me. On getting home I saw a text message on my phone telling me "never in my life should I call her again"
I made up my mind and forget about her (It wasnt easy but I did, cuz I had no choice).

Last friday my mother called that she came visiting her, that infact she washed her cloth and did all her Job and since then she has started begging again, still pleading and begging till this time on my facebook, SMS, email.

For the 50 years old man, I have a plan for him. I have toasted her daughter and she has agreed (We were both interested in each other before. In fact she expected me to make the move, but I didnt bcuz we are leaving in the same building, I feel its improper). But now, I will "f*****ck" hell out of her and impregnate her.
If she claims its mine I will reject it but I will admit having sex with her, so that that useless man can feel it too.
But, regarding my gal, I am confused, do I take her back? She is just disgusting to me now…