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thank you every one......... by letty45: 7:31pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by MissIfe(f): 7:46pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
Well, first, I don't believe it's a religion issue, there are good and bad men everywhere in the world. What your husband did to you just brought tears to my eyes. Girl, marriage is not a do or die, you just had a baby and need someone supportive. Do you have any family you could stay with? I'd advise you, for your peace of mind, to move to a good family member's house (parents, siblings) with your baby for some time. Meanwhile, feel free to tell his mother what her son has been up to. Pray for him and pray for direction. I don't support divorce without trying to make things better, bur your husband is too much. Take time to think things through and talk to him with the help of his family if possible, to understand if there is anything you did wrong or any chance he might change. If you see improvement, hold on there and try to make it work, otherwise, |
Re: thank you every one......... by rubi(f): 7:54pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
I thought I have read this story before on NL |
Re: thank you every one......... by letty45: 8:19pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by armyofone(m): 8:27pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
STD for wedding gift? damn! girl you tried for staying o. |
Re: thank you every one......... by ronkebp(f): 8:49pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
My dear, i really don't know where to start, Omo, i will just let you know that you married an irresponsible man, but i think there is still room for a change, i think the advice Miss _Ife gave you above is very good, you need to be with your family, so that you can take care of your son like you should jus for a while though, i won't advocate divorce now, until all possible chanels have been exhausted and there is no result still, just take heart, everything would be fine. |
Re: thank you every one......... by letty45: 9:04pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by 2mch(m): 9:27pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
This is why people advocate relationship before marriage. It is good that you stayed a virgin till you were married, but these are the dangers you might face. It takes a special man to appreciate a virgin; which is why i believe virgins should marry virgins. You will be too innocent to watch out for funny behaviors and attitude's before marriage. What i mean is, you are not emotionally mature to where you have faced serious problems and overcome them in which sex is involved. Sex complicates things more during relationships. I also believe that people dont show you their true self until you have reached a place where you are comfortable and most likely intimate relationship is involved. Also, you had the chance to hold off on having kids when the STD issue happened, but you still went ahead and conceived for him. If you were using your brain all this while, you would have focused on trying to work on your relationship before bringing a child into it. If he did not change while you were trying to work on the relationship without bringing a child into it, right now it would have been easier to leave. The real issue here is your husband is not and was never ready for marriage. Until he decides within himself that he is ready, things will not change. You can for the sake of your family, report the issue to his pastor. His pastor will call you both and discuss. A man that spends the money meant for his son is still a child and not responsible. You said he did not respond to the doctor's request when it was discovered you had an STD. Did he get treatment? Because if he didnt, sooner or later he may find himself impotent. Also, did you do a marriage course before marriage? It doesnt matter that you are muslim, most chirstians have this course before marriage and undergo serious counseling. Marrying a Christian means you are flexible in your religion. Seek good help where ever it comes from. It can be his pastor or your imam. I will suggest you tell his mother everything you wrote in the first post. Tell her in confidence, so that she can advise him in a way that will not look like she was told and he is being attacked or a ganged up on. |
Re: thank you every one......... by letty45: 10:39pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by 2mch(m): 11:01pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
letty45: This is a very serious issue. First i will like to know how old you are? How old is he? How long did you date before marriage? I personally think these things are very important, because i believe you let your virginity and abstinence take precedent over common sense. You are as much to blame as he is. You agreed to marry him after all, without truly knowing who he was. While being married to a spouse of like religion makes things easier, there are families with parents of different religions who live in peace under the same roof. It takes maturity and understanding to work through these. It appears he is going through trying times at the moment and is seeking happiness in the wrong places. I hope you are also not kicking him while he is down. Maybe you should focus more on encouraging him to look for work and contacting people you know who can help him find something. Also, sit him down and just listen. Dont cry, argue or nag. Just listen to him talk about what is going on and what is making him who he is. And then suggest solutions, dont impose or force. It depends on how long you are willing to stick around and work on it. I advice that as your baby is still young you desist from sex with him. About the gift issue, you come across as a bit childish. At least now you know why he could not afford your birthday present, he didnt have a job! So let that go. To me he seems afraid of failure or looking like a failure to you which is why he never told you about his job loss. Do you make it easy for him to have a conversation with you? Try to work on your relationship first. If it doesnt change, then he is simply not ready. Take it to his pastor if his family is that much of a christian home, he will listen. Look for a non judgmental pastor. |
Re: thank you every one......... by ajayme(f): 11:47pm On Jul 20, 2011 |
it is well, take time out to deeply think about what you want, then follow your heart |
Re: thank you every one......... by Nobody: 12:38am On Jul 21, 2011 |
you made a huge mistake by getting pregnant. This dude showed you signs weeks after wedding, you shouldn't have conceived. No amount of babies will change a man that does not want to change. This is one mistake women make and BY the time they realize it they have got so many kids and feel tied down. I have always said this that when a woman notices some cheating traits in her hubby especially @ the early stage ,please do not get pregnant because a time will come when you will be glad you didn't. God forbid this case will never be my portion. If it happens I am definitely not going to conceive and I am walking out. . , |
Re: thank you every one......... by Sicherheit(m): 1:37am On Jul 21, 2011 |
@ Poster I have only two words for you - TITILAYO AROWOLO |
Re: thank you every one......... by armyofone(m): 2:05am On Jul 21, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by Nobody: 4:06am On Jul 21, 2011 |
^^ that's the mistake women make. She needs to walk away . . . But we can't make that decision for her. I mean 4wks after wedding and I have got STD ki lo de? No way would I have conceived at all. There is something about serial cheats and most women don't know this. . . . A serial cheat is not to be forgiven at all, the more you forgive them and forge ahead with them , the more they call you fools in their minds and also the less respect you get from them. When I hear men say they would give a leg to have a virgin , I just tell them to STFU, here was a virgin at this age and time married to a silly man whose third leg is busy hanging low in third main land bridge for female passersby. This man made a huge mistake no doubt but this poster is as much to blame as well. Never give a serial cheat a chance, especially one that flaunts his relationship in your face, seriously imagine a married man calling other gurls on the fone whilst I am lying in bed with him, what height of insult and disrespect. Infact Stay there you here, next thing we will see here is .''I have HIV '' Thread. LMA0 @ sicherheit, what a wake up call. Ganz gut LMaO |
Re: thank you every one......... by Roland17(m): 5:59am On Jul 21, 2011 |
After reading ur post i can not claim to know what you are going through, but i surely know its bad, marriage is not meant to be misery, i commend your faithfulness to him despite all his wrongdoings, that tells me u are a woman of virtue, my dear, its not an issue with culture or religion, no, its an issue with most men (ego) many don't know how to handle this precarious factor that has punished many women. My Humble advise is to move away from the house, focus more on your baby and your job and career, so that you would remain financially independent, report the issue to all concerned parties involved, do not change your mind, leopards never change its spots. You obviously married a masked stranger who is only becoming himself again, he is not worth you. Life is too short and becoming shorter by the day to spend it in misery and pain. |
Re: thank you every one......... by simpleseyi: 7:59am On Jul 21, 2011 |
NO matter what anyone tells this young woman she will not leave her matrimonial home because she is a muslim, that is the islamic way of life, divorce is the last option. I am sure a christian will not wait this long to leave home. That is why this lady only wants someone to talk to her husband, she does not want to leave. Can't you all get it? For this woman, marriage is do or die. I really really pity this young woman. There is no help from anywhere. Maybe his mother and father are the only ones that can help you. I am a muslim man married to a christian and I have not and will never ask her to change her religion. So, your mother in-law asking you to change religion does not really make sense to me. May GOD help you through. GOODLUCK but not Jonathan. |
Re: thank you every one......... by obowunmi(m): 10:03am On Jul 21, 2011 |
Another super story. Sounds too good to be true. Enjoy the stds and Hiv --- happy marital bliss. |
Re: thank you every one......... by lucabraski(f): 11:38am On Jul 21, 2011 |
What did u really expect? dat ur marriage was doomed to fail from the beginning. Muslim and Christian? NEVER!!!!! U had better pack out now!!!!! |
Re: thank you every one......... by doctokwus: 1:52pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
I actualy did shed a drop after reading ds story.1st its so real and unmade up I cud actualy picture d poster in ha house,wailing inside ha heart.Wasting family funds,alcoHolic,unashamed womaniser while depriving his of sex,porn loving,den Jobless!How much can 1 individual endure.Dis is a tough 1,d 1thing u shd do ontop of all oda efforts u av bn making is to pray to whceva God u serve and not wat a million Nlanders here will tel u,for guidance and counselling.Dis is one of d cases dat I feel dosnt require any side comments or snide remarks,dough I do enjoy dem 2 b honest,we shd jst all wsh d poster d bst in life and may wateva decision she is guided to take b the bst for her,ha kid and evn d husb bc all wii b affected 1way or d oda by wat she finally decides to do.Lord av mercy!Issues evrywhere evrday! |
Re: thank you every one......... by babydol: 1:59pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
@ OP, your story is a sad one but it very easy to cast all the blame on your other half. I do blame him for things his done wrong but you also have to eat an humble pie and accept things you have done wrong as well. What is going on in your family is much more than a religion issue so put that aside for now and deal with the character issue that is affecting your family. While I will not apportion blames to the things that your husband as done or his doing right now, you are the one that is seeking for advice so you are the one I will talk too. It is a bit difficult to give a true advice because there are so many other things that we do not know about the two of you. Like how did you meet? What was he like before you got married? Why did both of you married when it seem you are not totally compatible? etc, From experience and from things I have read, it is a difficult time for a man to lose his job. Does that excuse is drinking or lying or cheating behaviour? NO but you also need to be careful of the kind of character to display during these times. You need to endure with great patience with men during these times. It is difficult to do as you carry the rresponsibility This can make him lose his self dignity and ego. It can be making him stay out at night and your attitude may also not be making be helping him either. I am saying this to you because I believe you still want to stay in your marriage and you want your man back. My advice is this, you need to be prayerful. -seek godly counsel whether with a marriage counsellor, imam or pastor -Be strong to face issues -Change the way you relate to your husband that is positively. There is no need to live in the same house and ignore him. -Be overly friendly, let him feel what is doing to you is not affecting you. Greet him warmly and ask how his day was? -Try and leave families out of your matters. They may not give you the right help as everyone want to protect their interest. - With calmness and humility, talk to him when his mood is better All the best |
Re: thank you every one......... by OAM4J: 2:35pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
So sad. Too bad you didn't know the man you married till you got into it. Big lessons for those yet to marry. I honestly don't know how you can survive with a man like this, it will take a miracle for him to change. I think you are better alone than with him in the meantime. After all he is not responsible for anything. |
Re: thank you every one......... by dayokanu(m): 4:46pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
Aside everything, what pisses me off most is the flagrant, irresponsible, what can you do and "I dont send you" way the man is doing it. Did you beg him to marry you or what? How can you be talking to your gf with your wife beside you, Carry STD give your wife within 4weeks of marriage, Well I really have to question the Op and what you were looking at/for during the dating process, This is just too much for you to miss unless you were total strangers to one another |
Re: thank you every one......... by letty45: 5:07pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
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Re: thank you every one......... by 2mch(m): 5:47pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
E leyi ti koja be careful. . I suggest you find someone to talk with him, someone he respects. Most likely a male figure. He is a rebellious person and will not follow you to any counselor. Besides, counselors can be expensive if you are looking for an expert. I dont think at this present financial state that you can afford it. You never talked about his father, does he have one? . You also did not answer our question about how long you dated. In the first post you also stated that you left your fiance for the OP. I see you were moved by him stalking you and misinterpreting it with love. Those kind of people are the most problem plagued or psychotic. He has a problem, the issue is he doesnt know it. He lacks empathy. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/lack-of-empathy-in-relationships.html Read this link, i think you can relate to it. |
Re: thank you every one......... by ronkebp(f): 6:37pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
My dear, you have to leave that guy, maybe that is going to be the beginning of his thinking, that he is not doing the right thing, no matter the cousellors that is couselling him, that will not change him, unless he has made up his mind to change, you have to think about yourself and baby now, |
Re: thank you every one......... by JeSoul(f): 7:23pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
@letty45, People have given you plenty of good advice on this thread. I will simply say stop thinking about yourself (and hopes of salvaging an unsalvageable marriage) and start thinking about your child - you need to leave this hell of a marriage for your child's sake since you're the only parent he has. Your baby needs a mother who is stable and emotionally able. Go and stay with family who can support you and help raise your child in a noble manner. Your husband is not your responsibility - you are his. And since he has forsaken you why are you spending time and effort trying to get people to 'talk to him' and 'change him'? Such a loser can only change by himself. Please for the sake of your child - leave this 'marriage' before it is too late. |
Re: thank you every one......... by Odunnu: 8:04pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
This is serious! A marriage so young? May God help us. But seriously, I dont believe your husband just developed this behaviour you either ignored or werent observant |
Re: thank you every one......... by damipaul(m): 9:12pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
I'll start by saying, remove divorce from your mind. The mistakes have been made already, what we want is a solution. I'm sure you made vows during your wedding, live by yours; it was for better for worse, it's a pity you guys are starting on the worse. No amount of remorse can change what is on ground. The first thing you need is patience. Besides, i hope you're not the type that tie Hijab all over the house, if you are, pls change. look sexy for him. If you have a blackberry or something that you'll engage in that can make him jealous, pls engage in them. i must warn you that you'll have to do this with some caution, when he starts getting jealous, he might want to use that as an excuse to launch attacks. The point of this is that no man, no matter how he cheats will want his wife to look outside or another man wink at his wife, when he starts noticing that, some part of him comes home |
Re: thank you every one......... by coogar: 10:04pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
letty45: lord of mercy! [img]http://hurkunde.files./2010/11/pulp-fiction-gif.gif%3Fw%3D500%26h%3D224[/img] |
Re: thank you every one......... by ADUmati(f): 10:38pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
Hi Letty, i honestly understand what u are going through, cos am going through the same thing but in another dimension. I dint think u need a marriage counselor o! u need to get hold of yourself and sparkle up your life.cos these guys dint care a bit. dint leave the marriage just use him as figure head . let him notice some positive changes in you. pls stop begging it makes them feel cool with themselves u only live once so lets enjoy this life. wish we could hang out one of these days and unwind |
Re: thank you every one......... by coogar: 10:44pm On Jul 21, 2011 |
ADUmati: that's actually a smart idea. women should go out more. guys hang out in viewing centres to watch football, knocking few bottles around. . . . .women should take cue as well. hang out, share ideas, unwind and live happily ever after. |
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