Happy Sunday nairalanders! This is a pretty long read so brace yourselves.

So I'm from a broken home, as you've probably guessed, and right now I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. My parents separated around 2012 and ever since then, I've been staying with my mum in one of the south eastern states while my dad remained in Jos, where I was born and has part of my childhood. I'll be eighteen by December and my graduation was just yesterday. So here's the main issue guys;my dad has been asking me to come to Jos to spend sometime with him and his new wife(yes, he got married again some years back). Two years ago, during the covid period, he had invited me over but my mum raised an alarm and stamped the whole thing down. He became furious with me and didn't bring up the Jos issue until late last year. He has been paying my school fees, and taking care of me on the condition that I should come to Jos and stay with him, even for a little while. So I promised him that after my graduation, I'll see to that then we talked to my mum and she apparently agreed. Now the whole graduation has come and gone and my mum has started being unreasonable again. Her defense now is that travelling isn't safe, his new wife might be diabolical and that she'd probably die of worry if I succeed in travelling. I laid out my concerns to my dad and he started guilt-tripping me of course. But the thing is that both of them have a point, and I don't know what to do. My hands are tied.

Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

Mods abeg do the needful

Your mom is all about your safety and you should listen to her. One thing about this men practicing polygamy is that they always pave ways for harm if you don’t use your brains, you hardly know the new woman and can’t tell her boundaries. Your mom can never deceive you but be mindful of been blindly led on by your dad. Remember the adage that talks about “ what an elder sees while sitting “ shalom

Dont travel yet for now.

Wizzyonyxphoenix:
Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

Mods abeg do the needful

Take action that you know will favour you instead. If going to Jos is an experience you want, then go for it and let your mother do her own growing up while you are away. Of course, this isn't to say your dad is more mature but you need to understand that life, even yours, isn't meant to be lived shackled to any of your parents. And do not allow your folks to continue to make you the centre of their conflict. If they have issues with each other, tell them to deal directly with themselves rather than use you in the way they have in the past.

If you really want to go over to your dad's side, Ask him to pay for a flight you on the basis that Nigeria is not save

Your mum might actually agree, then on your own go through the ney and see if there's been anything related to bandit attack on where yiyr Dad is staying

Here to read advices.

Wizzyonyxphoenix:
Happy Sunday nairalanders! This is a pretty long read so brace yourselves.

So I'm from a broken home, as you've probably guessed, and right now I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. My parents separated around 2012 and ever since then, I've been staying with my mum in one of the south eastern states while my dad remained in Jos, where I was born and has part of my childhood. I'll be eighteen by December and my graduation was just yesterday. So here's the main issue guys;my dad has been asking me to come to Jos to spend sometime with him and his new wife(yes, he got married again some years back). Two years ago, during the covid period, he had invited me over but my mum raised an alarm and stamped the whole thing down. He became furious with me and didn't bring up the Jos issue until late last year. He has been paying my school fees, and taking care of me on the condition that I should come to Jos and stay with him, even for a little while. So I promised him that after my graduation, I'll see to that then we talked to my mum and she apparently agreed. Now the whole graduation has come and gone and my mum has started being unreasonable again. Her defense now is that travelling isn't safe, his new wife might be diabolical and that she'd probably die of worry if I succeed in travelling. I laid out my concerns to my dad and he started guilt-tripping me of course. But the thing is that both of them have a point, and I don't know what to do. My hands are tied.

Don't get me wrong, I love both my parents so much but I don't want to take an action that will favour one at the detriment of another. I'm so sick and tired of the entire fiasco. It's really not fair, how I'm in the center of this conflict. And I've met his wife a few times and she seemed nice but then, I dare not judge a book by its cover. Please guys, your mature input is needed here and mods, for the love of all that is good, just help me put this out in the front page. Thanks so much.

Mods abeg do the needful

you owe your father to travel to see him, regardless of what your mother is saying... just make sure you do that safely.
if you listen to the yeye fears that your mother is trying to use to stop you from travelling, then you will never do nor go anywhere today. its obvious your mother is trying to use you in her disagreements with your father.
you dad has all the rights to spend time with the son he is paying education for, you owe him that much.

It would be nice to spend some time with your dad.
But with all the insecurity in the country, try and stay safe.
If flights are safer, go with one.
If you can't afford flying, stay put abeg

Your Dad has remarried and moved on, your mum has just u so her reasons for not wanting you to travel are very valid. Your Dad can come and see you na if he really wants to see you. He paid your school fees, so what? Isn't that his responsibility? Abeg he has remarried, let him concentrate on his new wife n family jare. Naija is not safe now for unnecessary waka. He's an adult, he can travel down.

At what age did you gain admission to have graduated at age 17+?

You're a boy that needs mummy feeding bottle. Forget the fact that, you're a graduate. At what age did you get admission? You're not matured enough, that's why , your mummy is making the decisions for you. You're a boy and not a man. So sit your damn ass down and listen to your mum. When you're old enough, you will take your decisions yourself.

Rosrozz:
Your mom is all about your safety and you should listen to her. One thing about this men practicing polygamy is that they always pave ways for harm if you don’t use your brains, you hardly know the new woman and can’t tell her boundaries. Your mom can never deceive you but be mindful of been blindly led on by your dad. Remember the adage that talks about “ what an elder sees while sitting “ shalom

Now in ur mind the father is tge devil abi

Did u know what caused their separation?? Dont put mouth in what u dont know about.

Op, i am also from a broken home, stayed with dad a little before been offloaded to a paternal family member to take care of, so i feel ur pain.

This is what i wil say, try to persuade ur dad and tell him to calm down that u wil surely visit him ok, he deserves it. Play ur game well and be sure not to infuriate the both if ur parent.

Let me tell u this, this is the peak tym u need ur father most, dont let anybody deceive u ooh. If ur father should stop sending u ur school fees believe me ur mom would struggle and that is wen u wil know his importance.

Ofcourse u cant stay with him for long cus he's married and u know how women behave, dey are very territorial so the new wife would want to protect her territory .

Get admission first, den wen u re in school u can be switching btw ur parent homes as u like.

Pack your things and spend time with your dad and his wife.

Your mum is just manipulating you and the situation, funny enough, she's doing it out of love.

Karleb:
Pack your things and spend time with your dad and his wife.

Your mum is just manipulating you and the situation, funny enough, she's doing it out of love.

Yea,The excess love is extremely glaring... We can see ...
Singing:... Ohhh!!! U love me too muchOoo

You get luck say I no be your papa.

He has been paying your fees and taking care of you, yet your mum won’t let you go see him?

Lol. You really get luck.

MrBrownJay1:


you owe your father to travel to see him, regardless of what your mother is saying... just make sure you do that safely.
if you listen to the yeye fears that your mother is trying to use to stop you from travelling, then you will never do nor go anywhere today. its obvious your mother is trying to use you in her disagreements with your father.
you dad has all the rights to spend time with the son he is paying education for, you owe him that much.

This here


@Wizzyonyxphoenix

I guarantee your mother can come up with an infinite number of excuses and reasons as to why you should not visit your dad.

It is bad enough that your mother has kept you away from your dad for the last 9 years

But now, you are an adult and you will have to come to terms with living with both of them

Understand this - this is Nigeria, your dad could have completely washed his hands of your well being and upkeep and nothing would have happened.

The fact that he did, in spite of the barrier your mother put up shows that your father loves and cares for you. A father is also an important part of your life and of growing up. You have missed that in the past 9 years and you need to make up for it.

Your step mother may or may not be difficult - but you are 18 years old and as long as you have some self discipline (keep your room clean, wash your dishes, easy on the music, TV etal) you should be fine. There is a limit to how much a step mother can pull on a person over 18

Good luck

tayo60:
At what age did you gain admission to have graduated at age 17+?

The Op. Recently finished secondary school education.

Rosrozz:
Your mom is all about your safety and you should listen to her. One thing about this men practicing polygamy is that they always pave ways for harm if you don’t use your brains, you hardly know the new woman and can’t tell her boundaries. Your mom can never deceive you but be mindful of been blindly led on by your dad. Remember the adage that talks about “ what an elder sees while sitting “ shalom

see this scumbag. mariahangel, zzor the scammer is back. Please Protect yourself cos I love you.

If and when your dad is serious about meeting you, he will come get you.

I will advise you to visit a pastor for prayer of protection before you can embark on any journey.

You want bandit to kidnap you and shatter your pkata.

Leave the both of them and start a new life for yourself in any state.... You are an adult...

Don't allow thier selfishness to frustrate you.

Op never take an advise from a old evening newspaper women here

Go and visit your dad...

What do you want? Follow what your mind wants and learn to make each other understand you are not the tool to be used in settling their differences.

SHINJA:
Op never take an advise from a old evening newspaper women here

Go and visit your dad...

In your mind, you posted something worth applauding but oblivious to the fact you reflected how lowly of an intelllect you are,

He is still your father. And he demands to see you. My friend find your way there and go and see him.

It's a little complicated here but nothing too difficult to solve.

Since you've been with your mom all these while, I don't think going to be with your father for a short time will be unfair to her. I mean... Your father has been responsible for your education all along and not like he abandoned you. So do what he wants. Your mother is only being selfish and resentful about this whole thing because of the past and not because she really loves you to the moon and back like that. She's just trying to spite your dad.

So, talk to her lovingly and make her understand why you need to see your old man as he also has a right to you. If she tries to put up any drama, ignore her and go. Nothing go happen. Also be prayerful and when you get there, use your sense and avoid the other woman like a plague. No go keep body for her o. The world is wicked.

I've seen everyone's advice so far and I'm really super greatful. I just hope I make the right decision.

Your case is kinda similar to mine.
My own dad was not in the picture from childbirth etc. The story long sha.
But I gatz to know about him through my immediate sister. I saw him last in 2008 ie 14yrs ago. He relocated with his family to his village.
Been planning to go see him, but my fear has always been my step mom �. U know what we watch on nollywood movies na. Step mom stuffs etc.
My mom will always tell me not to go anywhere etc. Don't blame her, Momma is scared. Someone who singlehandedly trained me. During my WAEC she sold her goat, wrapper to register me for WAEC & NECO. So u can imagine �. I understand her fear.
Sha, early last week I got a call from my half brother that my dad is down. Think stroke or something. Omoh! Said to myself I gatz to go see this man oh. Wont be nice if it's just his funeral I will attend.
So I went with my immediate sis, two days ago to my pops villa. Omoh u need to see the hospitality I was given both by my step mom, her children. The love was massive. Pops man got well by force. Smiles � �.
Was a good experience seeing him again after 14yrs.
Note: I already built in my mom's village, that's where I chose to reside. Cos I grew up there etc.

So my point is this guy, try go see ur pops man, ur own better self, him dey send u money for school fees. He loves u.
Now he's still alive, go see him, spend time with him & come back to ur momcy.
Don't be scared of ur step mom, she's doing no shit!! Sha take precautions oh.
But oga, try go see ur Pops man. No time.
This life sha no balance. Life happens!! �

Rosrozz:
Your mom is all about your safety and you should listen to her. One thing about this men practicing polygamy is that they always pave ways for harm if you don’t use your brains, you hardly know the new woman and can’t tell her boundaries. Your mom can never deceive you but be mindful of been blindly led on by your dad. Remember the adage that talks about “ what an elder sees while sitting “ shalom

"mum can never deceive you but be mindful of been blindly led on by your dad"

'what an elder sees while sitting..'

Dad na toddler abi.

Isorait oh.