Graduate2015:

Sorry this is going to be lengthy. I dont know how to shorten this.
I'm married for 16yrs but I cannot say that I have enjoyed my marriage. My husband is lovely when in a good mood but worst during his bad mood. His mood goes up and down but he thinks he doesn't have a problem. I think he has a bipolar and I've always mentioned to him that his behaviour seems like that but he never acknowledges it. Two yrs ago it got worse and we ended in couples therapy. During this period he revealed to me that while in the uni that he goes through period of sadness and the thing affected his grades anytime he experiences that mood during exam. I encouraged him to see a doctor and the doctor gave him antidepressant but he only used it for two weeks and stopped, saying he doesnt need that. But what he doesnt realise is that his period of sadness did not only happen in uni but its currently happening in his marriage. Our marriage is Iike a roller coaster. He finds problem but never suggests or initiate or even action solutions when suggested. He believes that every problem we have in our marriage is my fault ..
During his sad moments he eats unhealthy food, orders food everyday and says i make him sad and that i have caused him to gain weight. He suffers from diabetes and hypertension but he orders ice cream, chocolate smoothies during our silent period time. I've asked him for a separation but he refused. He calls me a wicked woman, that I make his life hell, that he will kill me one day. All this outburst just because u said something like can u clean up that plate u left in the sitting room(even though there was never a problem just before u ask). He uses visitors toilet but has never cleaned it. I have asked him several times not to use it. No other person at home uses it. Every morning I check and clean the toilet because he always leaves it unflushed.
He works almost everyday and provides for the family. I also work but since having our last child I only work on his day off which is once a week or twice because my son cannot stay in daycare due to his disability. He only goes to work, comes back, eat and watches tv. He detaches himself in family involvement while i run around with our children. He basically provides everything at home but he asks for my support when the need arises such as investments, I bring money for house or land deposits to support him or school fees. We have many houses. Our last duplex in Nigeria. He did foundation and stopped because he was building a house here. So I took over the building and finished he only continued from interior deco.
He doesn't help around the house, in short he messes it up and when I ask for it to be cleaned he gets really angry and can call me names. Because of my son's disability therapists comes to our house every day but he doesn't care if they meet his socks, belts and used plates in the sitting room because he leaves them there and rushes to work next day. He also doesn't delegate or ask our older kids to do any chores. He also doesn't involve in training them or in homework. He is a chronic porn addict and for the past few months he has stopped having sex with me. The last two we had in April I initiated it so I don't initiate anymore. He said anytime he ask for sex I always turn him down. But the fact is that he works everyday, sometimes nights. We.dont sleep in the same room because he snores and have sleep apnoe yet he is still not seeking any medical help. I end up staying awake the whole night if we sleep together not only does his snoring disturbs me but he also goes secs without breathing which scares me. He stays in the sitting room watching TV and comes to my room to demand sex around 4/5am which I can't do at that time. I suggested we watch TV in my room at night and have sex before sleep but he won't do it.
He also doesn't communicate his mind but end up using passive aggression to communicate. He gives silent treatment and I used to ask what was the problem as I sometimes don't even know what the problem was. Sometimes it's something I said which he could have told me off immediately. I dont ask what the problem is anymore because ive asked him to always communicate but still the same silent treatment. He can just burst into anger even with little issue. Right now I know he has some resentment and animosity towards me because of not being able to express his feelings. I buy everything in our house because he doesn't take charge or in control and always likes to be led. I think after all this yrs he is now feeling like he has lost control and i sense low self esteem even though his career is in the top highest paid job in the world. Our marriage has been like two weeks of good mood, then two weeks of silent treatment. He avoids discussing any problem and keep saying that there is no point discussing it because it will not bear any fruit that I will not change. Anything I dont do doesn't happen in our marriage. He takes responsibility of our car insurance but its not until I got into accident that I found out he hasn't paid our car insurance for a yr or two. Even our house didn't have house insurance since 2020 until i found out in April this year and immediately paid for it. He basically takes no responsibility for anything and its getting worse. It's like having a child but then u cant correct them because they can beat u up. I have a friend that her husband works all the time too but cleans their home on his day off. He also buys gadget like robotic cleaner to ease her suffering. I basically buy everything in my house. He doesn't have initiative except when investing in property, that's only place he takes leads, oh we should buy a house or land but this happens once a yr or more. It's not something you do everytime. He doesn't even know how to use a washing machine. I had to teach him when I was going away and this man damaged all his white designer clothes because he washed different colours together and also used cleaning bleach to wash clothes and my children kept saying how could he not know because they can use the machine.. I also pay for his clothes to be ironed. I don't know how he sees me as an evil person because he calls me that during quarrell.
His behaviour makes me so sad because we live overseas where is no help or family support. I'm always tired and he doesn't care. I stay awake at night with our son and he doesn't come out to help even with his cries he sleeps through it all. I don't think I can continue like this because he doesn't realise the problem. He thinks he helps around but I'm being ungrateful. I don't mind if he can own up and confess that he wants to be a traditional man but he will never confess but his actions tells me otherwise. His good part is that he gives me access to his money may be that's because I can use it to be running the house and remove that responsibility from him. He also buys me expensive things like range rover, gucci but my love language is not material stuff but hands on man because I believe I can afford that myself.

Klass99:
This is Dramaville Reloaded. Where is Ayamatanga, do you still think the single life is a scam after reading this?

Graduate2015 paragraphs will help readers take in your story without zoning out. If you can edit and summarize that's even better.

Dear commenters please avoid quoting her whole post to make your contribution. The thread will become unnecessarily longer than River Nile.

pointblank247:
It's hard sometimes to convince a man that he needs a psychological help and when that is the case, then one of the solution is to get psychological help for your self on how to handle the situation and the man until he accepts to get treated

Klass99:
This is Dramaville Reloaded. Where is Ayamatanga, do you still think the single life is a scam after reading this?

Graduate2015 paragraphs will help readers take in your story without zoning out. If you can edit and summarize that's even better.

Dear commenters please avoid quoting her whole post to make your contribution. The thread will become unnecessarily longer than River Nile.

Graduate2015:

Sorry this is going to be lengthy. I dont know how to shorten this.
I'm married for 16yrs but I cannot say that I have enjoyed my marriage. My husband is lovely when in a good mood but worst during his bad mood. His mood goes up and down but he thinks he doesn't have a problem. I think he has a bipolar and I've always mentioned to him that his behaviour seems like that but he never acknowledges it. Two yrs ago it got worse and we ended in couples therapy. During this period he revealed to me that while in the uni that he goes through period of sadness and the thing affected his grades anytime he experiences that mood during exam. I encouraged him to see a doctor and the doctor gave him antidepressant but he only used it for two weeks and stopped, saying he doesnt need that. But what he doesnt realise is that his period of sadness did not only happen in uni but its currently happening in his marriage. Our marriage is Iike a roller coaster. He finds problem but never suggests or initiate or even action solutions when suggested. He believes that every problem we have in our marriage is my fault ..
During his sad moments he eats unhealthy food, orders food everyday and says i make him sad and that i have caused him to gain weight. He suffers from diabetes and hypertension but he orders ice cream, chocolate smoothies during our silent period time. I've asked him for a separation but he refused. He calls me a wicked woman, that I make his life hell, that he will kill me one day. All this outburst just because u said something like can u clean up that plate u left in the sitting room(even though there was never a problem just before u ask). He uses visitors toilet but has never cleaned it. I have asked him several times not to use it. No other person at home uses it. Every morning I check and clean the toilet because he always leaves it unflushed.
He works almost everyday and provides for the family. I also work but since having our last child I only work on his day off which is once a week or twice because my son cannot stay in daycare due to his disability. He only goes to work, comes back, eat and watches tv. He detaches himself in family involvement while i run around with our children. He basically provides everything at home but he asks for my support when the need arises such as investments, I bring money for house or land deposits to support him or school fees. We have many houses. Our last duplex in Nigeria. He did foundation and stopped because he was building a house here. So I took over the building and finished he only continued from interior deco.
He doesn't help around the house, in short he messes it up and when I ask for it to be cleaned he gets really angry and can call me names. Because of my son's disability therapists comes to our house every day but he doesn't care if they meet his socks, belts and used plates in the sitting room because he leaves them there and rushes to work next day. He also doesn't delegate or ask our older kids to do any chores. He also doesn't involve in training them or in homework. He is a chronic porn addict and for the past few months he has stopped having sex with me. The last two we had in April I initiated it so I don't initiate anymore. He said anytime he ask for sex I always turn him down. But the fact is that he works everyday, sometimes nights. We.dont sleep in the same room because he snores and have sleep apnoe yet he is still not seeking any medical help. I end up staying awake the whole night if we sleep together not only does his snoring disturbs me but he also goes secs without breathing which scares me. He stays in the sitting room watching TV and comes to my room to demand sex around 4/5am which I can't do at that time. I suggested we watch TV in my room at night and have sex before sleep but he won't do it.
He also doesn't communicate his mind but end up using passive aggression to communicate. He gives silent treatment and I used to ask what was the problem as I sometimes don't even know what the problem was. Sometimes it's something I said which he could have told me off immediately. I dont ask what the problem is anymore because ive asked him to always communicate but still the same silent treatment. He can just burst into anger even with little issue. Right now I know he has some resentment and animosity towards me because of not being able to express his feelings. I buy everything in our house because he doesn't take charge or in control and always likes to be led. I think after all this yrs he is now feeling like he has lost control and i sense low self esteem even though his career is in the top highest paid job in the world. Our marriage has been like two weeks of good mood, then two weeks of silent treatment. He avoids discussing any problem and keep saying that there is no point discussing it because it will not bear any fruit that I will not change. Anything I dont do doesn't happen in our marriage. He takes responsibility of our car insurance but its not until I got into accident that I found out he hasn't paid our car insurance for a yr or two. Even our house didn't have house insurance since 2020 until i found out in April this year and immediately paid for it. He basically takes no responsibility for anything and its getting worse. It's like having a child but then u cant correct them because they can beat u up. I have a friend that her husband works all the time too but cleans their home on his day off. He also buys gadget like robotic cleaner to ease her suffering. I basically buy everything in my house. He doesn't have initiative except when investing in property, that's only place he takes leads, oh we should buy a house or land but this happens once a yr or more. It's not something you do everytime. He doesn't even know how to use a washing machine. I had to teach him when I was going away and this man damaged all his white designer clothes because he washed different colours together and also used cleaning bleach to wash clothes and my children kept saying how could he not know because they can use the machine.. I also pay for his clothes to be ironed. I don't know how he sees me as an evil person because he calls me that during quarrell.
His behaviour makes me so sad because we live overseas where is no help or family support. I'm always tired and he doesn't care. I stay awake at night with our son and he doesn't come out to help even with his cries he sleeps through it all. I don't think I can continue like this because he doesn't realise the problem. He thinks he helps around but I'm being ungrateful. I don't mind if he can own up and confess that he wants to be a traditional man but he will never confess but his actions tells me otherwise. His good part is that he gives me access to his money may be that's because I can use it to be running the house and remove that responsibility from him. He also buys me expensive things like range rover, gucci but my love language is not material stuff but hands on man because I believe I can afford that myself.

JONNYSPUTE:
..... I'm only waiting for kobojunkie to come and tell us that the man has mental health issues or possessed before I say my mind.Lol.
Good evening Ma'am.