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Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? - Romance - Nairaland

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Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by publisher(m): 9:05pm On Aug 20, 2011
When the notion of this world being a man’s world is raised, many women rights groups, quickly become agitated looking for any means to prove to us that men and women are equal. The western nations are ahead of us Africans in terms of guaranteeing equity between their male and female citizens. As a matter of fact, they have provided numerous legislations especially in areas of marriage that clearly favour their female folk. Today, in Europe, America and parts of Asia, when there’s a divorce, the woman is most likely a major beneficiary of the ‘spoils’ from the marriage, and the man? In most cases the men also tend to move on with life pretty fast, their only challenge being constant alimony and child support payments. With this scenario in place, one can conclude that women in these countries have attained full equal status with men, right? Wrong!   
In the United States, especially amongst the African American population, there’s a ‘baby mama’ boom. ‘Baby Mama’ is an American slang for describing single mothers, many are divorcées, others never married, and a very small population of them are widows or wives of convicts. In order to know how bad things are, at least in the United States, you need to watch some of their award shows, whenever an African American artiste comes on stage to receive an award, be sure that he or she is going to give thanks to God, ‘my mama’ or ‘my grandma’, hardly do you ever hear ‘daddy’. Many sociologists in the US believe that the immense marital legal protection women enjoy in their society has made it difficult for men/husbands to live in peace with their women/wives while exercising their (man’s) authority over her. Whether women in these advance societies are happier for it or not, is another discussion for some other day.
In Nigeria, of all the numerous things we love to copy from the west, we have graciously added the ‘baby mama’ syndrome to our endless list of man-made ‘wahalas’. In days gone by, Nigerian single mothers belonged to either of three categories; The First category was widows, second category was divorcees and the third category was wayward ladies.
In today’s Nigeria, single mothers are not necessarily wayward, divorced or widowed, we now have upwardly mobile, highly educated, young beautiful women who are proud single mothers or at least they tell us they are. Many of them are career women, financially independent and ready to mingle. About the mingling part, several issues always tend to arise. The bulk of Nigerian and African urban societies, no matter how educated or liberal it has become, still looks down on single mothers, no matter how successful or beautiful she is. They may never come to her face and insult her, but in other gatherings, or private functions once her name is mentioned, the gist will not be too pleasant. Nigerian single mothers who belong to the lower strata of society have already accepted their fate in good faith; most of them just go about their low keyed life style. If they are involved in a petty trade or something, they just do their business and fade into the crowd, taking care of their child or children back home. The modern independent Nigerian single mother on the other hand still wants to be seen and heard, you could see her rocking nite clubs with friends, attending social events, her kid in an expensive school, and basically she’s living life to the fullest. But one thing most single mothers crave for whether they admit it or not is the presence of a permanent male companion in her life. A man that will accept her and her child as his own and show them both that ‘true fatherly love’. Independent single mothers, though outwardly present a strong character and personality are actually very vulnerable when it comes to matters of the heart. Before venturing into any long-term relationship they must put not just themselves but their child/children into consideration. It is also true that most Nigerian single mothers who got lucky in love settled for widowers, divorcees, polygamists and believe it or not, foreigners. Foreigners here does not necessarily refer to ‘white’ men, Ghanaian men for example do not see getting married to a single mother as a big deal. However, it is very rare to find a Nigerian single mother, no matter how endowed, get hitched with a young first timer Nigerian bachelor; remember I said ‘rare’, not ‘impossible’.
So the question now is why do young, fresh Nigerian bachelors shy away from tying the knot with a ‘baby mama’? The first and obvious answer is because her child is not his, biologically. Secondly, what will his parents say? Especially, if his parents are the conservative type, even liberal parents will raise an eyebrow. Thirdly, i was made to understand a term called ‘psychological defeat’. I once had a friend called Tunde (not his real name) who fell in love and actually married a single mother, but the marriage lasted a little over three years. When I pressed on to find out what went wrong, Tunde told me that it all started when the father of his wife’s daughter began coming over to visit the little girl. Tunde stressed that whenever his wife’s ex came around he (Tunde) felt so useless and alienated throughout that visiting period. In Tunde’s exact words, ‘you know, it’s bad enough when you marry a non virgin knowing that other men had slept with her in the past, which is even okay’. ‘But when you get to see the manifestation of your wife’s past everyday through her child and to add insult upon injury you also see the man responsible for it on a regular basis, then it messes up the head’. ‘You start to imagine things’.
Tunde tried to convince his wife to send her daughter to go live with her biological father, but she refused. Tunde even went a step further to call his wife’s ex requesting that he takes his daughter to live with him but to Tunde’s dismay, the wife’s ex rejected the offer saying that his own wife would not accept it. To make matters worse for Tunde, two years into their marriage, his wife already a mother of one could not get pregnant for him. Tunde, fearing that the problem was from him, ‘experimented’ with another younger girl, he got her pregnant and his marriage to ‘baby mama’ crumbled.
Tunde’s case is probably a one off story and surely there are several men out there who are happily married to erstwhile single mothers, but truth be told, these happy endings are uncommon. At this juncture, no one can safely conclude if this world is a man’s or woman’s world but what is obvious is that the male folks get away with a lot of things.  In our society for example, a successful bachelor with five children from five different women still stands a higher chance of finding a young fresh single virgin woman to marry.  Same cannot be said for a successful single mother with just one child; most times it’s her and kid(s) against the world.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by MrsChima(f): 9:08pm On Aug 20, 2011
Yes, I would marry an Independent woman.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by seedord247(m): 9:31pm On Aug 20, 2011
Mrs.Chima:

Yes, I would marry an Independent woman.

what will you say b4
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Jenifa1: 9:35pm On Aug 20, 2011
most if they ever remarry always end up marrying a man who is also divorced with kids. or a polygamist

no single attractive woman will go for a divorced man with kids unless he is rich/ financially secure
the same for guys.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Nobody: 9:35pm On Aug 20, 2011
some of them have real issues apart from beng single parents
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Tosinville(m): 9:40pm On Aug 20, 2011
Too much for me to read but never would i marry any Nigerian one but with the westerners then thats diff.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by seedord247(m): 9:43pm On Aug 20, 2011
Tosinville:

Too much for me to read but never would i marry any Nigerian one but with the westerners then thats diff.


You have not reach MMA before you are dreaming of greencard. . . . .
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Tosinville(m): 10:02pm On Aug 20, 2011
^^This dude must be a crackhead, do you know me in reality? besides do you know where i am presently? you're suffering from brain disease, man
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by tpia5: 11:21pm On Aug 20, 2011
Cant read the whole write up but i need to know why the op grouped being a foreigner with being a polygamist, divorcee, widower or whatever else he categorized up there.

What's wrong with a nigerian woman marrying a foreigner and can you explain why you see it as a bad thing.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by oc2fish: 11:33pm On Aug 20, 2011
As a man I cannot marry a single mum because my mum will kill me.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by yeye4live(m): 7:59am On Aug 21, 2011
I HATE DIS WORD INDEPENDENT NIJA WOMEN CUSE THEY CANT B ONE ATALL,dey still beg no mata how cashy dey re,an being dat d chick s afta one,to hell wit her nt intrested
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Mynd44: 9:46am On Aug 21, 2011
Yes I can
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Freiburger(m): 10:59am On Aug 21, 2011
yes
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by mekaboy(m): 1:13pm On Aug 21, 2011
I discussed this with friends and said I could marry a single mother if she is young and sexy, u know what they told me ? They said she has given birth, and unless my manhood is as big as a baby's head I can't satisfy her sexually, I hope its a joke.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Orikinla(m): 3:31pm On Aug 21, 2011
There is nothing wrong with dating or marrying Independent, Divorcee/Single Mother, whether Nigerian or not.

A woman is a woman.
What matters most is either she is a good woman or a bad woman.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Amya(f): 3:56pm On Aug 21, 2011
Orikinla:



A woman is a woman.
What matters most is either she is a good woman or a bad woman.



TRUE TALK BROTHER
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by publisher(m): 1:14am On Aug 22, 2011
Cant read the whole write up but i need to know why the op grouped being a foreigner with being a polygamist, divorcee, widower or whatever else he categorized up there.

What's wrong with a nigerian woman marrying a foreigner and can you explain why you see it as a bad thing.

There's nothing wrong with Nigerian woman marrying a 'black' foreigner,on the surface people may not care,but let me put it this way and let ur answer be 'true' or 'false'.
Whenever a Nigerian man is walking the streets of any Nigerian city hand in hand with his oyibo wife,people tend to hail and respect him,true or false?
When a Nigerian woman walks the streets of Nigeria with a white husband,people generally conclude that she's a loose,cheap,porn addict,'yeye' woman,true or false? Forget Kate Henshaw here o,inspite of her stardom people still talk, but who cares though?
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by ice234: 1:17am On Aug 22, 2011
The story too long. Yes I fit if we love each other period
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Mynd44: 1:18am On Aug 22, 2011
The most important thing is UNDERSTANDING as long as that exist, anything can be acheive
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by tpia5: 2:04am On Aug 22, 2011
publisher:

Whenever a Nigerian man is walking the streets of any Nigerian city hand in hand with his oyibo wife,people tend to hail and respect him,true or false?

this might be true where you come from- i cant speak for what you personally have experienced.



When a Nigerian woman walks the streets of Nigeria with a white husband,people generally conclude that she's a loose,cheap,indecency addict,'yeye' woman,true or false? Forget Kate Henshaw here o,inspite of her stardom people still talk, but who cares though?


false.

but once again, that might be the norm in your hometown?

just wondering.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Mynd44: 2:28am On Aug 22, 2011
^^^
That's the norm in their village
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by DaDoctor: 11:18am On Aug 22, 2011
^^REPEATED TOPIC, WE HAD TRASHED THIS LONG AGO^^

DO USE THE SEARCH ENGINE DEAR POSTER.

MODERATOR PLS WAKE UP
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by MrCork17: 11:21am On Aug 22, 2011
all women are the same in the dark. who cares about Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? undecided
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by johnwell(m): 11:28am On Aug 22, 2011
its not a big deal, its all about her character.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by ebonyvibe(f): 11:31am On Aug 22, 2011
you should only marry an independent woman if you are independent yourself and dont intend to be dependent on this woman.

as for single mother or divorcees whatever tickles your fancy if you love her and you can deal with step children go on if not stay back it simple
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by omolajaone: 3:38pm On Nov 05, 2011
Yes, I would marry an Independent woman.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Nobody: 4:11pm On Nov 05, 2011
Yea, gladly. I would gladly marry an independent woman!
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by MrsChima1(f): 7:34pm On Nov 05, 2011
Why wouldn't some of you men marry independent women when women doesn't have an issue marrying independent men?

Flip floppers.
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by r231(m): 7:36pm On Nov 05, 2011
only if her name is mrs chima grin cheesy
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by MrsChima1(f): 8:04pm On Nov 05, 2011
r231:

only if her name is mrs chima grin cheesy

I would have you crying home to Momma. tongue
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Pollak: 1:19pm On Nov 24, 2012
Hello humbles........plz if you are a nice woman, divorced and ready to keep a serious relationshp wit a young handsome guy, plz feel free to contact me on 07033289622. I am precisely hunting for a graduate job. This implies that I don't have the earthly materials to offer but most of all, my heart will always be there for you. On a very serious ground, I don't have a relationshp presently bt u will be convinced about the truth when we meet in person. I have no disability of any kind. Have a lovely day!!! tongue tongue
Re: Can You Marry An Independent, Divorcee/'single mother' Nigerian Woman? by Pollak: 1:28pm On Nov 24, 2012
Hello humbles.........life they said is a product of personal adventure. If u are a lady, has a nice character, single, working class, ready to settle down with me, but I need a job so the burden won't lie upon you alone........plz contact mme on 07033289622 for some personal discussion pertaining my obligation. I am real, graduated and needs to start doing somtin very soon cuz I dropd my job at benin then in order to upgrade in my ICT profession. Presently I don't have a job. And I long to have settled down by now. Age I believ won't be a barrier cuz its only remembered by our minds not our heart. Our heart is only conscious of a true love. Plz contact me on 07033289622 or ping me on 22BEE2BC

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