tbaba1234: t

Kissing was in the culture of the arabs, we know the prophet kissed his wives

He did not show open affection ...

If it is not haram, it is definite makrooh... either way, it is bad...



Again, it looks like public appearance is very important to you...

I disagree totally with the first opinion, I posted it to be fair. when ibn tamiyyah refered to difficulties in a non-muslim society, he was not refering to kissing in public... There are many muslim wedding where it does not happen... yes, even in Nigeria... So it is not in the realm of that kind of difficulty... better to stay away from ...



Kissing existed at the time of the prophet, yet that kind of expression of affection was not practised...



There is what is called Makrooh in Islam... Something considered as disliked.... You will not get 'must' in those kinds of fatwas... It does not make them right to do.

It does not talk about intercourse alone... It also addresses the topic of public kissing, focus on that...

It does not affect the happiness of a marriage...no one cares.... Stop trying to please the people...

Allah knows best...

You see, this is all I want from you. I consider it to be close to Makrooh too. Maybe because you don't live in Nigeria, you are missing my point. We live in a society where the extended family and community exerts real pressure on every marriage. Thinking you can do your own things in complete isolation will just put you in untenable situations and make you something of an outcast. The beauty of Islam you are trying to show will not come through in such situations and you will just be like an outcast that cannot function effectively within his environment.

I speak not because of public image but because reality, hard cold bitter reality that some of us fail to grasp or properly manage.

^ Bros, I grew up in Nigeria so i know what you are talking about...

I think there are many issues, you should stand your ground...

tbaba1234: ^ Bros, I grew up in Nigeria so i know what you are talking about...

I think there are many issues, you should stand your ground...

You don't know what I am talking about. Americana thinking has crept into your brain . You can stand your ground now and risk a very unhappy marriage indeed. The girl might not say it but she might feel humiliated (whether she is right to feel that way or not is besides the point). If you can conduct your wedding without the need for kissing, good for you if not just ignore it as one of those things that you can't always win.

Kissing was never a part of our culture and I have never seen anyone attaching too much importance to it. In fact, the people who would most probably talk about it are those who don't want it.

And about the cultural aspects of the marriage, I think Sino said something about it. All I have to say is, the presentation of gifts(idana) doesnt seem to have anything unIslamic about it and sshouldn't be counted as one of the things to avoid.

deols. hi. ive been looking for u

About prostrating to elders. I just dont get why our parents wont let it go even when you tell them of what Islam says about it. As for me, it is a lost battle with my mum. I am more bothered that it isn't even about greeting her or my dad(in my house, its enough to say Salam alaykum) but about greeting people from the outside, like u'd be expected to greet your mother-in-law.

What I told her is, 'okay am your daughter and wont want to make u unhappy. So, I'll do this. But, when I have my own children, I'll teach them to do what I want and that includes not prostrating to anyone'. You need to have seen the look. It was like, 'are you saying your children won't respect me? but I can't remember what she said.

So, truly, it can be hard dealing with our people. culture versus religion is a big deal but it wont take much time before they eventually get it, I guess.

I assume when we attain independence, we'd be able to make our own choices.

toba: deols. hi. ive been looking for u

no derail the thread jor and who says I was missing

deols:
no derail the thread jor and who says I was missing

who cares about ur thread? i care about u and not the thread.

we havent spoken since the wedding. i'll probably send u a msg

tbaba1234: Three Issues, I don't know if they have been addressed already...

i. Traditional practices in Marriages ,

I am not a yoruba person but i do see myself possibly getting married to one. During their traditional weddings, I see the men have to lie down flat with their heads on the ground...

Personally, I can not put my head on the floor for any man because that is only reserved for Allah... It is Islamically wrong as well.. Ca one get out of this kind of tradition without being seen as rude or disrespectful.


Assalam Aleikum

These days, they dont lie down flat anymore(as Muslims) but they still do a little prostration. Like someone said, you can make them realise you dont want that before the day. In fact, the bride is usually allowed to make many of the decisions as to how she wants her day. Convincing her should do the job.

ii. Dealing with family problems

How can you help people fix their family issues as an outsider? I have a relation whose family are consistently at loggerheads with each other... Husband, wife and children... Everyone is fighting with the other.. It is chaos...

They are just two children (boy and girl) so it is just a family of four... The kids are younger than me so i do try to offer islamic advice on how to relate with your parents. Talking back at parents is a major sin in Islam.. Already, I can see improvements with the boy but the girl is just horrible... I shudder at the things she says to her parents... Usually, she is the quiet one but when she explodes, it is terrible. (I experienced one just yesterday).

The parents are much older than me so there is a limit to the kinds of things, i can say to them.

The upbringing is different for them though, they grew up in America..

Everyone seems to have problems these days and the way we go about it makes the difference. According to Islam, bringing representatives from the two sides are supposed to help resolve issues But people are too scared of involving third parties . I really cant tell how anyone might be able to solve that.

I can however talk about how the parents might deal with their kids(being a kid myself ). The children,especially if they are teenagers might just be passing through a phase. At that time, you really think u'r an adult and don't want to be controlled. Something else I'd be bothered about is the level of relationship these parents have with their children. Are there certain things they are doing that won't make the children respect them?

I think the parents would need to sit them down and talk to them. the tight fist method would most probably only make those kids become more stubborn. I hope this helps.

iii. What is your view on a marriage where the woman earns more than her husband? Personally, i have no problems with it but it will be interesting to hear your views...

Respect matters and trust too. with so many stories of men leaving the women who helped them make it, a woman might be wary of doing the bigger spending But if She can trust him with all of her heart and he is good enough to be respected, there should be no problem.

Salamalaikum W.W, plz i wana knw what Islam says about
1:COURTSHIP?
2: as i read frm prev post by our bro n sist up here, bowing or prostrating to any MAN is haram, shld be done fr Allah S.W.T alone, bu i read that Allah told the Angels to bow to Adam n dt wen shaitan disobeyed, cn i get more light please.

@Toba: You will have to explain your badmouthing Qurana and the messenger [sa] in the other thread, in the mist of your christian comrades, yesterday. Didn't I say your lack of self control around muslim women shall be my weapon of choice? Well start clarifying the issue of how the extremists get their extremism from Quran and the life and time of the prophet [sa], your statement almost the exact sentence construction.

@Sirheed89:

by Sirheed89(m): 5:32am
Salamalaikum W.W, plz i wana knw what Islam says about
1:COURTSHIP?

courtship should not be almost forever and be as long as the last hurdle that ends it and no being alone together of the future spouses without a guardian of the future wife or another person that can play the part. You do not want shaytan to ignite the flame of which the spark is always ready to emerge in an instant.

2: as i read frm prev post by our bro n sist up here, bowing or prostrating to any MAN is haram, shld be done fr Allah S.W.T alone, bu i read that Allah told the Angels to bow to Adam n dt wen shaitan disobeyed, cn i get more light please.

every worship is haram except what Allah permits. Every action is permitted except what Allah makes disallowed. Commandment of Allah is worship of Allah. When He commanded the angels to bow to Adam, that was a worship of Allah by all the angels who normally obey Allah. they did not worship Adam, but obeyed Allah, just like when Israel [Jacob as] and his family prostrated to Yusuf [Joseph as] was not worship of Yusuf but a fulfillment of the dream of a prophet [as], a form of revelation [dream of prophets are revelation]. If you noticed, all the dreams interpreted by Joseph came true, so was his dream, the dream of our spiritual father Ibrahim [as].

@All: we should show our older folks from the Quran that prostration and bowing is for Allah and they should be satisfied with salaam and humble way of speech, if they are true to Islam as they say. I will not allow anyone to bow or prostrate to me. To me it is forbidden and i do not give it. Thank God, no one demands it, including those who are not muslims. If i were to marry a wife, I will let her parents know before I meet them prior to the nikkah that if prostration and bowing are not exclusively the Right of Allah, i would have gladly give them the dues. This very simple statement protects me from anyone ever raising an eyebrow.

and as to open affection between newly wed, like kissing as you may kiss your "spouse" of the christians, that is not part of Islam. It is not even a mandate that both potential spouses be at the wedding ceremony, so how come do we get into the kissing as if it is a cornerstone of Islamic wedding ceremony? Is the wearing of the "wedding band" part of it too? Any potential spouse should set the agenda of the marital ceremony, as he and she are truly the signatories of the marriage contract.


Allah knows Best.

Sirheed89: Salamalaikum W.W, plz i wana knw what Islam says about
1:COURTSHIP?
2: as i read frm prev post by our bro n sist up here, bowing or prostrating to any MAN is haram, shld be done fr Allah S.W.T alone, bu i read that Allah told the Angels to bow to Adam n dt wen shaitan disobeyed, cn i get more light please.

We have over discussed the courtship issue. The best way is still as it was practiced at d time of d prophet(S.A.W).

A man should be going after a woman only because he wants to marry her. He should see her mahram from whom he gets the permission to speak wv her. With permission sought,they can then communicate. If she accepts, marriage straight away..that is d best way.

all my previous arguments on it trashed

Sweetnecta: @Toba: You will have to explain your badmouthing Qurana and the messenger [sa] in the other thread, in the mist of your christian comrades, yesterday. Didn't I say your lack of self control around muslim women shall be my weapon of choice? Well start clarifying the issue of how the extremists get their extremism from Quran and the life and time of the prophet [sa]

Im i lying? where does extremism comes from? the quran tells ur ladies not to marry outside ur religion but ur men can, why?

salam..am new in here.wanna learn more about my religion..hopeam wellcome..lols

@Toba: Yes. You are lying. Sorry. You force my hand. Not marrying outside your religion is not extremism.
why would a believing woman have a disbeliever as "her glory" using christian lingo?

what about your comment about the prophet [sa]? I am sure you are swallowing every now..

and you are not even a muslim or muslim single.

arewabee52: salam..am new in here.wanna learn more about my religion..hopeam wellcome..lols

Wa Alaykum Salam. Sure! You are welcome.

@ maclatunji thnks

arewabee52: @ maclatunji thnks

You're welcome!

Salam brothers and sisters. Longest time no see. I have missed islam for muslims a lot. The problem of marriage in Nigeria is troubling because we the youths that know about the sunnah well would want to practise it, but our parents and grand parents would not allow it, because they want to bring in culture culture culture. Even we the northerners, we normally practise it too. But our culture is different from that of the yorubas. I mean we don't prostrate, kiss and serve alcohol. But we spend money before and on the wedding day.

Abujabir24: Salam brothers and sisters. Longest time no see. I have missed islam for muslims a lot. The problem of marriage in Nigeria is troubling because we the youths that know about the sunnah well would want to practise it, but our parents and grand parents would not allow it, because they want to bring in culture culture culture. Even we the northerners, we normally practise it too. But our culture is different from that of the yorubas. I mean we don't prostrate, kiss and serve alcohol. But we spend money before and on the wedding day.

The demands of many Northern educated brides would make a man forget them and focus on his life. #LOL

My brother Insha Allah, there's someone for everyone. Stay positive, live your life as a Muslim as best you can, pray and hope for the best.

maclatunji:

The demands of many Northern educated brides would make a man forget them and focus on his life. #LOL

LoL o, u go fear wen in-laws dey include iPhone 5 n porch as bridal stuff

My brother Insha Allah, there's someone for everyone. Stay positive, live your life as a Muslim as best you can, pray and hope for the best.

[/quote]

Insha Allah we singles wld get our right bone n fr d married may Allah put is luv in ur homes ameen.

^ Is the Mahr not a gift for the wife? where do in-laws come in?

tbaba1234: ^ Is the Mahr not a gift for the wife? where do in-laws come in?

It is another one of those things for you to get angry about. I have read some really exotic lists like trips to Dubai, Toyota Camry/Honda Accord (latest models), gifts for bride's mother etc. These things may not affect me personally but it is the reality for some who actually demand and have such demands met.

Over to you.

One other thing that will make u wonder is wen the bride's friends bring her to the groom's house, they won't leave until they know they've extorted u to the final core

tbaba1234: ^ Is the Mahr not a gift for the wife? where do in-laws come in?

Yeah it is, they dont mix it up. Just like the yorubas will request some form of payments to family members from father's acceptance fee to children's fee(owo baba gbo,omo ile etc.). Its the cultural aspect of our marriage. You can do "stronghead" and say NO! But its your own embarssment and that of your wife-to-be.

sino:
(owo baba gbo,omo ile etc.). Its the cultural aspect of our marriage.

What does that mean?

fellis:
What does that mean?

The fees requested by the bride's family, they are more than the two i wrote, and they are tagged with different names, just as i earlier posted, owo baba gbo-father's acceptance fee, owo omo ile-fees for the children in the household.
@ yorubas in da house, I hope my translation suffice o.

sino:

owo baba gbo-father's acceptance fee, owo omo ile-fees for the children in the household.
@ yorubas in da house, I hope my translation suffice o.

LWKMD.
what of the mother's school fees na?

fellis:
LWKMD.
what of the mother's school fees na?

I think there's something called "Owo Iyawo Ile" (Wives of the house (family) money).

I don't think Yorubas ask for too much though and I am not being biased. Yorubas tend to waste more money on the actual wedding ceremony itself.

The only i know is mahr, which should be paid to the wife.... Infact it can be given to her during the marriage after it has been agreed,

maclatunji:

I think there's something called "Owo Iyawo Ile" (Wives of the house (family) money).

I don't think Yorubas ask for too much though and I am not being biased. Yorubas tend to waste more money on the actual wedding ceremony itself.

Thank, Let me also give you another example of yoruba owambe wastage, When i was in school in ilorin, we work on a term paper, we discover that some housewives who are unemployed (contributes nothing to the economy)spend money that is enough to start a small scale business on "Aso ebi". can you imagine that.

tbaba1234: The only i know is mahr, which should be paid to the wife.... Infact it can be given to her during the marriage after it has been agreed,

LOL. I told you you're becoming an Americana. Yes, we know about Mahr but guy: This na Naija (youwhaamsayin), even if you don't have 1 kobo, some of these things have to be done.

tbaba! tbaba!! tbaba!!! Should you decide to have your wedding in Nigeria, I think you're going to be fun to watch!

#LOL