snubish: young Nigerian girls would do almost anything for the promised gift of a blackberry. . . .

does anyone ever think of refusing to buy the blackberry/brazilian hair/whatever for these girls?

not like there are no other options such as a simpler phone, different hair style, etc.

if someone tells you her love for you is dependent on you buying her a blackberry, then unless the guy is as empty-headed as the girl, you should cheerfully call her bluff.

is blackberry being given the same ranking as school fees, feeding, and so on?

anonymous22: toba & deols.......the lion and the jewel

With the end of the novel in mind,I almost puked.

tpia@:


does anyone ever think of refusing to buy the blackberry/brazilian hair/whatever for these girls?

not like there are no other options such as a simpler phone, different hair style, etc.

if someone tells you her love for you is dependent on you buying her a blackberry, then unless the guy is as empty-headed as the girl, you should cheerfully call her bluff.

is blackberry being given the same ranking as school fees, feeding, and so on?

I agree with you on this.
So many guys on this forum would rather portray a Nigerian girl as a gold digger. Would they say the same of their sisters,female cousins,aunts

Everyone who knows me well knows I take my family in high esteem. My brothers are simply the most goodlooking guys I av known. Very respective and intelligent.

I am sure they are equally proud of me. Them making derogatory statements about women in general would come as a big shock to me.

So my point is,..

snubish: tbaba, r u afraid? don't worry she won't spring any expensive surprises on you. just have a back up plan. . . like a safe escape route if that eventually happens.

@ deols, we men should know better really. 100 ferraris don't even come close to a good Muslim woman. a ferrari can not raise diligent Muslim kids with you, give you advice from a feminine perspective, or support you emotionally through tough times.

A 100 likes

tpia@:


does anyone ever think of refusing to buy the blackberry/brazilian hair/whatever for these girls?

not like there are no other options such as a simpler phone, different hair style, etc.

if someone tells you her love for you is dependent on you buying her a blackberry, then unless the guy is as empty-headed as the girl, you should cheerfully call her bluff.

is blackberry being given the same ranking as school fees, feeding, and so on?

I agree... I even doubt any girl will have the liver to ask me for such.

I think no gud woman will ask for such kind of silly things,she would seems cheap and ....2 me

busar: I think no gud woman will ask for such kind of silly things,she would seems cheap and ....2 me

You're kind of buttressing my point. Flirty, materialistic and promiscuous women tend to engage their male counterparts with ease. They have their ways of identifying and establishing relationship with each other. Another thing I have noticed is that in whatever environment you are in, you have a public perception that has little to do with the things you say but more with the things you do. If you're being promiscous, it will be in the public domain and if you're not, that will be in the public domain as well.

These things play a great part in determining the kinds of people that express romantic interest in you.

Barka de Sallah everyone. I am just reading that the Governor of Taraba survived the plane crash as I type this. Nice thing to now before going to bed.

snubish: brilliant analogy Tbaba, we met a shameful thing indeed in this world. young Nigerian girls would do almost anything for the promised gift of a blackberry. . . .

this statement was meant to highlight the loss of moral values in society generally, and Nigeria specifically.
the blame is on the unscrupulous males promising the gifts, and then the gullible, corrupt females who fall for these promises.
this has nothing to do with love or marriage immediately.

Gold digging by Nigerian women is another topic entirely. Nigerians, men and women are not inherently corrupt, or greedy. In most cases they are victims of the whole political arrangement viz a viz economic realities of this country. a single recurrent theme within the psychology of both sexes is financial insecurity. but that is a topic for another day.

I should state that I have a deep respect for Nigerian women(or men) who conduct themselves respectably regardless of religious or familial affiliations. And vice versa.

^I understood your point from the beginning.

snubish:
this statement was meant to highlight the loss of moral values in society generally, and Nigeria specifically.
the blame is on the unscrupulous males promising the gifts, and then the gullible, corrupt females who fall for these promises.
this has nothing to do with love or marriage immediately.

Gold digging by Nigerian women is another topic entirely. Nigerians, men and women are not inherently corrupt, or greedy. In most cases they are victims of the whole political arrangement viz a viz economic realities of this country. a single recurrent theme within the psychology of both sexes is financial insecurity. but that is a topic for another day.

I should state that I have a deep respect for Nigerian women(or men) who conduct themselves respectably regardless of religious or familial affiliations. And vice versa.

This is a good one. I would appreciate that everyone spells it out this way. You know what it is like when every Nigerian Muslim is tagged boko haram because a few are. That is exactly what it is like when every Nigerian female is tagged a gold digging bimbo.

Financial insecurity doesnt really explain ownership of an expensive phone or outrageously priced hair.

More like trying to feel among, or trying to feel big.

^I see your point.

^moderator or psychologist: choose one mac.

snubish: ^moderator or psychologist: choose one mac.

I dunno. Help me out.

^both.

^ Thank you. Amateur anyway.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR THE MUSLIM FAMILY

1. Pray and learn together

Bukhari and Muslim report that the Prophet (s) said: “The difference between a house in which the name of Allah is mentioned and a house in which the name of Allah is not mentioned is like the difference between a dead person and one who is alive.”

The Prophet (s) also said, as narrated by Abu Hurairah: “Do not make your houses like graveyards; satan runs away from houses in which the chapter of al-Baqarah is recited.” (Muslim)

Another hadeeth, as narrated by Abu Hurairah, says:

“May Allah have mercy upon the man who wakes up to pray during the night and wakes his wife to pray, and if she does not wake up he splashes water on her face. May Allah have mercy upon the woman who wakes up to pray during the night and wakes her husband to pray, and if he does not wake up she splashes water on his face.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Nasaa’i and Ibn Majah)

Learning and educating themselves about their deen, going to lectures as well as taking part in various dawah activities together, will unite husband and wife in purpose.

One of the best ways to resolve conflict and prevent dispute is to have a common law that all parties consider sacred and refer to for guidance. This common law is the revelation of Allah, the Quran.

2.Take good care of your appearance

The advice of taking good care of one’s appearance is not only directed to women, but also to men.

Ibn ‘Abbas said: “I like to beautify myself for my wife just as I would like her to beautify herself for me.” And he then recited the ayah that says: “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness.” 2/228

In this sense, it is very ironic for men to make sure that before they leave their homes they brush their teeth, wear perfume and dress up, whereas when they are at home they neglect their appearance when their wives are the most deserving of seeing them in good shape.

The wife should certainly also do her best in this respect. When her husband comes back from work her sight should be pleasing to his eyes and heart. This is particularly important because he has probably been around improperly dressed women at his workplace.

Do not look at that which is unlawful for you to look at because the evil consequences of this sin will impact your home; watching women on satellite television, for example, makes one’s wife appear less attractive.

3. Smiling, joking and change

Smiling lifts up the heart and wipes away hatred.

Abdullah Ibn al-Harith tells us that he has never seen anyone smile at somebody else’s face as he has seen Prophet Muhammad (s) smile.

Joking is a remedy for depression and distress.

There are several reports about how the Prophet (s) used to make jokes. However, he never said anything but the truth.

Change and recuperation are essential for our emotional wellbeing as well.

A poet said:

Do something different every day for your household, lest they will be sick of you and desert you

For water is fresh as long as it is running, and once it stagnates, it starts to change

It was authentically reported by Abu Dawood from ‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) that she used to race with the Prophet, and one time she beat him, and after she gained some weight, he raced and won. Then he said: ‘this time makes up for the other one.’

4. Physical intimacy

It was certainly not vain for Aisha (r) to tell us that the Prophet (s) used to kiss his wives even while he was fasting.

Also, when they were having their period he would avoid intercourse, but not physical contact with them as such.

He would also pray so close to Aisha (r) that he would signal to her to move her legs when he made sujood (prostration). Reported by Abu Dawood.

He said to his Companions when he lined them up for prayer:

“Do not misalign lest your hearts will become misaligned.” Reported by Ahmad and Abu Dawood.

This is because physical intimacy will bring about emotional intimacy.

5. The big little things

There are things that may seem trivial or small, yet they mean so much.

This would, for example, include a kiss on the forehead while your partner is asleep, calling from work to tell him/her that you think of him/her, covering him/her while asleep, or tucking him/her in at night.

There are many other ways to show your partner your love and appreciation. As spouses, each one knows which big little things are important to his/her partner.

6. Support each other emotionally

Women go through hormonal changes before and during their periods as well as during and after pregnancies. These changes have an impact on their emotional and mental well-being. The husband needs to be aware of this and treat his wife even more kindly during these times.

Men are usually most distressed when they feel unable to suffice their household during times of sickness of a family member. The same applies to other hardships such as loosing one’s job. In these cases, spouses should support each other emotionally.

7. Divide the burden

A husband should help his wife whenever he can.

Imam Ahmad reports that Aishah (r) was asked what the Prophet (s) would do while at home. She replied, “He was just like any other human being, he would sew his garment, milk the sheep and serve himself.”

These manners of the Prophet (s) are neglected by many men who would not even make themselves a cup of tea even when they see their wife run between nursing a baby and trying to comfort another child.

8. Etiquette of discussion

Allah has made the family a place for peace, tranquility and stability.

Allah says in the Quran (30:21):

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

It is important for the husband to remember that his wife likes to talk to him about all her daily affairs. He should be attentive and listen to her, for this is a reflection of his good manners as well as his love and appreciation of her.

You should also know that some women are too shy to complain. Their screams are hidden deep within their wounded hearts; their lives are an emotional struggle. In this case, the husband needs to be smart enough to pick up the clues and hasten to her rescue from the distress and sadness that have overtaken her before she cannot take it anymore or becomes permanently resentful.

Do not be offensive and choose your words wisely.
Allah has taught us this even with regard to the disbelievers. Even more, it applies to your spouse.

“Say: You will not be asked of what we committed, nor shall we be asked of what you do.”

Praise whenever suitable and yield to your partner at times, so that you do not seem like a tyrant.

Praising the wife for her appearance, cooking and adornment wins her heart. Moreover, Islam has allowed husbands to lie to their wives in order to increase the love between them. For example, telling her that she is the prettiest woman you have ever seen, when that may not be the reality.

Remember that your spouse is probably not the devil, so you will find something good to say about him/her.

When angry remain silent.
Anger is the cause of all disputes. The relationship between husband and wife is far too valuable to ruin in a moment of anger. So, remain silent whenever you become upset.

The Prophet (s) said: “Teach, make things easy and do not make things hard. Give glad tidings [to people] and do not repel them away; and when one of you gets angry he should remain silent.” Saheeh al-Jame’ 4027

When your spouse is angry, calm and comfort him/her.

Abu Darda’ said to his wife: “If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see you angry, I will calm you down, otherwise it will be too difficult to live together.”

9. Resolve conflicts

Forgive and lower your expectations
Bukhari and Muslim report that the Prophet (s) said: “Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.”

A believing man should never hate a believing woman. Whenever he dislikes one of her qualities, he likes others.

Always remember that while a wife is not like the female Companions that he reads about, the husband is also not like the male Companions of the Prophet (s) that she reads about. If she is not Aisha (r), he is not Abu Bakr (r) either.

Conceal and work together
Spouses should not discuss problems in front of their children because it has a negative effect on them and reduces their respect for the parents.

Muslim reports from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Prophet (s) said: ”The most evil person in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who sleeps with his wife and then goes out and spreads her (sexual) secrets.”

The Prophet (s) also tells us:


“He who covers the faults of a Muslim, Allah will cover his in this life and on the Day of Judgment.” Reported by Ibn Majah.

Find a trustworthy judge or judges
The Quran tells us:

“It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should [thereafter] have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error.” (33:36)

Before spouses start looking for someone to judge between them in case of a serious dispute, they may want to refer to a book about the fiqh of the particular matter that they disagree on and read it together. They might come to an agreement already.

If not, they may seek judgment from one member of her family and one member of his family. If the family members are not rational or practicing, this step can be skipped.

Then they may go to a scholar who is trusted by the two of them.

That scholar is not infallible, but his judgment should be accepted because it is most probably closest to Allah’s decree.

If they think he is in plain error, then they may seek advice from someone else who may be more knowledgeable.

But when the rulings of the different scholars agree, they have to accept what they think is most probably the decree of Allah.

Remember that your fight in this life is against the devil and your evil inclinations, not your ex- spouse.

May Allah protect our homes, and make them as he wishes.

Edited by: Sr. Safiya Balioglu

for full article see source: http://wathakker.info/english/articles/view.php?id=906

^ Subhanallah! Brilliant article!

I have always wanted to know what Muslims think of showing affections publicly. And now i am talking of between married couples.


Kissing hugging holding hands. It is rare to find Muslims engage in these. But I havent found direct sources that point against it.

Anyone can tell what they think if they'd give proof.

deols: I have always wanted to know what Muslims think of showing affections publicly. And now i am talking of between married couples.


Kissing hugging holding hands. It is rare to find Muslims engage in these. But I havent found direct sources that point against it.

Anyone can tell what they think if they'd give proof.

All that kissing and hugging business should be done in privacy, Islam is about modesty and shame

but for holding hands, check out this response:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

There are three scenarios here:

1) If the spouses publicly hold hands in a manner that is intimate and expresses affection and sexual intimacy to the point that it draws people�s attention towards them, then this would not be allowed.

Islam is a religion of shame and modesty. It teaches its followers to live a life that is modest and dignified. It also prohibits them from engaging in any action that would lead to an immoral atmosphere.

Allah Most High says:

�Come not near to shameful deeds, whether open or secret.� (Surah al-An�am, V: 151)

Islam considers modesty part of faith, a fact which is stressed in several Hadiths. For example:

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed by a man of Ansar who was admonishing his brother regarding modesty (haya). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: �Leave him, for modesty is (part) of Faith.� (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was also a practical example of modesty and bashfulness.

Sayyiduna Abu Sa�id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was more modest than the virgin behind the curtain (or in her apartment), and when he disliked anything, we recognised that from his face.� (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

2) The second situation is where the spouses hold hands due to need and necessity (without expressing any intimacy or affection), such as when crossing a busy road or when in a crowded area (like when performing Hajj), so as not to become separated from each other.

The ruling for publicly holding hands in such situations is that this would be permissible (rather necessary at times), for Islam is a religion of mercy and takes people�s needs into consideration.

3) The third situation is in between the above two, in that there is no real need for the spouses to hold hands neither do they express any intimacy or affection whilst holding hands in public. They merely hold hands in a casual and non-provocative manner.

In my humble opinion, the ruling on publicly holding hands in such a manner would depend on the local customs and norms (urf), and on the area and environment one resides in. A particular act may be considered modest in certain areas, whilst it may not be the case in other conservative societies. And as we know that local customs and traditions also have a role in determining the outcome of a particular ruling.

Allamah ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states in his Majmu�a al-Rasa�il:

�Local customs and habits (urf) is considered in (determining the laws of) Shariah, hence at times rulings will be based on them.� (See: Ibn Abidin, Nashr al-Urf fi bina ba�d al-ahkam ala al-urf, P. 115)

Therefore, if one resides in a society where holding hands in public is considered offensive and immodest, then it would be wrong and blameworthy for the spouses to publicly hold hands. However, in some areas, this is not considered to be offensive, thus holding hands would be permitted in such areas. But this, as mentioned earlier, is in the case where hands are held casually and not in a manner that expresses intimacy or affection.

And Allah knows best

http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?HD=11&ID=4080&CATE=121

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

^^thanks for that.

this reminds me of what people do nowadays during wedding ceremonies. They ask the husband to rub his palm over the bride's face and vice versa. I wonder where they got that from.

Its kinda repulsive to me and I dont know where they found it in Islamic traditions.

^^^ If that act is not unislamic, let the act continue joor, when will i be invited for nikkah.

kissing, hugging, holding hands, and all such public displays of affection do not guarantee a happy union, as we can see from societies where these things are encouraged as part of their culture.
most women love for their man to love them deeply and to show it whether in the home or in public, but at what cost? a thing may seem innocent to a person but be suggestive to another. and Islam is particular about morality in the community.
me sha, maybe I can hold hands sometimes and do istighfar thereafter, beyond that? I don,t know o.

^Hehehehe.

Hold hands casually if you must, Do not be all lovey-dovey in public.

tbaba1234: Hold hands casually if you must, Do not be all lovey-dovey in public.

How about a casual embrace in public?

Or a casual peck on the cheeks?

fellis:

How about a casual embrace in public?

Or a casual peck on the cheeks?

Thou shalt not do both. Amorous displays like these between married couples are not encouraged in public and forbidden for unmarried ones.

maclatunji:

LOL. I told you you're becoming an Americana. Yes, we know about Mahr but guy: This na Naija (youwhaamsayin), even if you don't have 1 kobo, some of these things have to be done.

tbaba! tbaba!! tbaba!!! Should you decide to have your wedding in Nigeria, I think you're going to be fun to watch!

#LOL

lol have not been following this post but the macla ur post on tbaba is just so hilarious.

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