| Re: Please Advise by Kobojunkie: 12:04am On Feb 25, 2023 |
6 Likes 1 Share 
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| Re: Please Advise by pocohantas(f): 12:05am On Feb 25, 2023 |
cococandy:
Or they’ll say you have a man but you’re discouraging others from getting one.
How many of them will agree to get married today and wait 3-4 years before having kids?
If they can agree to that, I would encourage them to do so. Because those few years can really help with setting a stronger foundation financially and otherwise
They must always have a way to twist it. Give them a week and they would say the same thing. You say it and it is bitterness. They say it and it is logic. There is this one whose madness is still fresh. All he does is tag imaginary feminists to female threads for giveaway. Kinda like “come give your fellow woman”. Lmao! 5 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by FriendsAndFans(m): 12:15am On Feb 25, 2023 |
what people dont understand is, you still love the man apart from the children you have with him.
i wouldn't want to suggest any decision to you since breaking forth or staying back is entirely your choice.
its hard to part ways but it may be necessary sometimes because some thorn pats aren't meant to be mend 1 Like |
| Re: Please Advise by Kobojunkie: 12:50am On Feb 25, 2023 |
FriendsAndFans:
what people dont understand is, you still love the man apart from the children you have with him.i wouldn't want to suggest any decision to you since breaking forth or staying back is entirely your choice. its hard to part ways but it may be necessary sometimes because some thorn pats aren't meant to be mend She is still in love with a man who already infected her twice and maybe the death of her if she is not careful — as she reveals HIV might be next on the infection menu for her if she does not take care? Two things I know about love are ■ it has to start with you. If you don't first love yourself, you cannot love another, and no one can really love you back the way you should be loved. ■ it is perfectly OK to love someone from afar. "I love you", does not have to translate to meaning "I must sleep with you in the same bed."  2 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by Nobody: 7:57am On Feb 25, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:
She is still in love with a man who already infected her twice and maybe the death of her if she is not careful — as she reveals HIV might be next on the infection menu for her if she does not take care? Two things I know about love are
■ it has to start with you. If you don't first love yourself, you cannot love another, and no one can really love you back the way you should be loved.
■ it is perfectly OK to love someone from afar. "I love you", does not have to translate to meaning "I must sleep with you in the same bed." Very correct. Right now I don't even love myself to start with.. it's beyond words. I only want to be the best version of myself for my kids. I honestly wouldn't want to raise a weakling like myself I was a bit sick yesterday  it was my 3 year old who had to soak his shirt in cold water and placed on my body, he kept asking if i was better. (It melted my heart) this means he's been watching and learning....... I want him to be mentally strong, resilient and all but how do I teach him when I'm not even tough myself. (I'm actually trying, but it's not just easy) 1 Like |
| Re: Please Advise by keepingmum: 10:39am On Feb 25, 2023 |
I have read your previous posts and it appears that whilst your husband was cheating on you with multiple ladies, cheating wasnt a deal breaker for you: it was an irritant but not a deal breaker.
However when he made moves to take in a 2nd wife, you drew the line and bounced off the marriage whilst pregnant. With no finances, zero plans for your self or children.
You are still in the same town abuja with your husband, inconveniencing your parents (by living with them), inconveniencing nairalanders (by begging for money and antenatal list items) whilst your husband is gallivanting around abj spending money on others. When your 3yr old son starts school who will pay his tuition/lunch money/uniforms/bus fare etc??
My words may be harsh and i apologise in advance. If you were my friend or sister, i would advise that you go back to your husband’s home, he didnt drive you. You are pregnant and legally married. Stay there and have your children whilst he remains financially responsible. Then plan your exit properly if you decide that you still want to leave the marriage. It might take months or years but plan properly because this route you have taken, is setting your children for suffering.
Dont allow emotions cause younto make irrational decisions 8 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Please Advise by pocohantas(f): 10:42am On Feb 25, 2023 |
keepingmum:
I have read your previous posts and it appears that whilst your husband was cheating on you with multiple ladies, cheating wasnt a deal breaker for you: it was an irritant but not a deal breaker.
However when he made moves to take in a 2nd wife, you drew the line and bounced off the marriage whilst pregnant. With no finances, zero plans for your self or children.
You are still in the same town abuja with your husband, inconveniencing your parents (by living with them), inconveniencing nairalanders (by begging for money and antenatal list items) whilst your husband is gallivanting around abj spending money on others. When your 3yr old son starts school who will pay his tuition/lunch money/uniforms/bus fare etc??
My words may be harsh and i apologise in advance. If you were my friend or sister, i would advise that you go back to your husband’s home, he didnt drive you. You are pregnant and legally married. Stay there and have your children whilst he remains financially responsible. Then plan your exit properly if you decide that you still want to leave the marriage. It might take months or years but plan properly because this route you have taken, is setting your children for suffering.
Dont allow emotions cause younto make irrational decisions Painfully true… 3 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by dobnina(f): 10:52am On Feb 25, 2023 |
keepingmum:
I have read your previous posts and it appears that whilst your husband was cheating on you with multiple ladies, cheating wasnt a deal breaker for you: it was an irritant but not a deal breaker.
However when he made moves to take in a 2nd wife, you drew the line and bounced off the marriage whilst pregnant. With no finances, zero plans for your self or children.
You are still in the same town abuja with your husband, inconveniencing your parents (by living with them), inconveniencing nairalanders (by begging for money and antenatal list items) whilst your husband is gallivanting around abj spending money on others. When your 3yr old son starts school who will pay his tuition/lunch money/uniforms/bus fare etc??
My words may be harsh and i apologise in advance. If you were my friend or sister, i would advise that you go back to your husband’s home, he didnt drive you. You are pregnant and legally married. Stay there and have your children whilst he remains financially responsible. Then plan your exit properly if you decide that you still want to leave the marriage. It might take months or years but plan properly because this route you have taken, is setting your children for suffering.
Dont allow emotions cause younto make irrational decisions I wish I could like this comment more than once. This is just the bitter truth. I hope the Op listens to you and take your advice. She is just suffering herself, her unborn child and her son for nothing. 2 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by Ktosin753: 10:58am On Feb 25, 2023 |
keepingmum:
I have read your previous posts and it appears that whilst your husband was cheating on you with multiple ladies, cheating wasnt a deal breaker for you: it was an irritant but not a deal breaker.
However when he made moves to take in a 2nd wife, you drew the line and bounced off the marriage whilst pregnant. With no finances, zero plans for your self or children.
You are still in the same town abuja with your husband, inconveniencing your parents (by living with them), inconveniencing nairalanders (by begging for money and antenatal list items) whilst your husband is gallivanting around abj spending money on others. When your 3yr old son starts school who will pay his tuition/lunch money/uniforms/bus fare etc??
My words may be harsh and i apologise in advance. If you were my friend or sister, i would advise that you go back to your husband’s home, he didnt drive you. You are pregnant and legally married. Stay there and have your children whilst he remains financially responsible. Then plan your exit properly if you decide that you still want to leave the marriage. It might take months or years but plan properly because this route you have taken, is setting your children for suffering.
Dont allow emotions cause younto make irrational decisions I have been following her threads too and I agree with you 100%. This is not the right time to move out of her husband's house especially in her condition. I pray she does the right thing very soon so she won't regret later. 1 Like |
| Re: Please Advise by Kobojunkie: 12:13pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
yumyogo:
Very correct. Right now I don't even love myself to start with.. it's beyond words.
I only want to be the best version of myself for my kids. I honestly wouldn't want to raise a weakling like myself
I was a bit sick yesterday it was my 3 year old who had to soak his shirt in cold water and placed on my body, he kept asking if i was better. (It melted my heart) this means he's been watching and learning.......
I want him to be mentally strong, resilient and all but how do I teach him when I'm not even tough myself. (I'm actually trying, but it's not just easy) If it is possible, call your mum or sibling and give them the kids for a week, then check yourself into a mental health clinic for a week. That 3-year old is already having experiences that could scar him for life right there. Children aren't built to care for adults in that way. It causes anxiety.  I am not asking you to leave your marriage. I am asking that you get your mind together so you can be a mother to your children. Your brain is pretty much the same as your husband's so you have no real excuse to sit back and wallow in self-pity when your children need you. You need to step up and start doing-- working, living, etc. - so your children do not end up suffering needless -- emotionally and physically.  2 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by cococandy(f): 1:18pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
The thing with going back to the man is that he may not want to care for the children if she’s not having sex with him. And we know how guys like these feel about using protection. “For the woman they married with their own money”. So going back might put her health in more danger. 2 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by pocohantas(f): 1:26pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
cococandy:
The thing with going back to the man is that he may not want to care for the children if she’s not having sex with him. And we know how guys like these feel about using protection. “For the woman they married with their own money”. So going back might put her health in more danger. Then she should consider leaving them for him. I don’t like when women run off with kids they can’t provide for. SMs go through a lot raising kids on their own. A woman with a husband doesn’t find it easy, let alone SMs. That is why they have to compromise their ethics most times to stay above water. You see their daughters dating old men as early as 15 to bring home money. She is already in and she has to find the most pragmatic solution. Maybe go to his mother, since she is not in support of her son’s attitude. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Please Advise by cococandy(f): 2:23pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
For real. After all he’s the father. Let him put the title to good use. The more women make dads care for the kids, the less they’ll complain when they only have to pay to support the kids. pocohantas:
Then she should consider leaving them for him. I don’t like when women run off with kids they can’t provide for. SMs go through a lot raising kids on their own. A woman with a husband doesn’t find it easy, let alone SMs. That is why they have to compromise their ethics most times to stay above water. You see their daughters dating old men as early as 15 to bring home money. She is already in and she has to find the most pragmatic solution. Maybe go to his mother, since she is not in support of her son’s attitude. 3 Likes |
| Re: Please Advise by kkins25(m): 3:06pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
keepingmum:
I have read your previous posts and it appears that whilst your husband was cheating on you with multiple ladies, cheating wasnt a deal breaker for you: it was an irritant but not a deal breaker.
However when he made moves to take in a 2nd wife, you drew the line and bounced off the marriage whilst pregnant. With no finances, zero plans for your self or children.
You are still in the same town abuja with your husband, inconveniencing your parents (by living with them), inconveniencing nairalanders (by begging for money and antenatal list items) whilst your husband is gallivanting around abj spending money on others. When your 3yr old son starts school who will pay his tuition/lunch money/uniforms/bus fare etc??
My words may be harsh and i apologise in advance. If you were my friend or sister, i would advise that you go back to your husband’s home, he didnt drive you. You are pregnant and legally married. Stay there and have your children whilst he remains financially responsible. Then plan your exit properly if you decide that you still want to leave the marriage. It might take months or years but plan properly because this route you have taken, is setting your children for suffering.
Dont allow emotions cause younto make irrational decisions I agree.. Cuz, hmm, running business is more difficult than going to work 9-5 everyday. |
| Re: Please Advise by pocohantas(f): 3:13pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
cococandy:
For real. After all he’s the father.
Let him put the title to good use.
The more women make dads care for the kids, the less they’ll complain when they only have to pay to support the kids.
No lies o. 🤣🤣 |
| Re: Please Advise by kkins25(m): 3:15pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
Klass99:
Lol you are another werey. I tell the ones who care to listen that, if you have a job offer and a marriage proposal before you, please take the job offer first and if possible delay marriage for another year. Child birth would even be better.. Its not by force child must enter the picture immediately.. Let me go to our group chat and go and share sermon this morning self. before somebody surprises me one day with wedding card. 😂😂😂 If that man cannot wait for a year let him take a walk and keep on walking like Johnny Walker. I honestly think a good job, offers a woman more, and better benefits than marriage does in Naija. Especially jobs with reputable and well established orgs like Pwc, KPMG, FIRS, NERC, SEC, and others too many to mention. Na so.. I don die  , please which one is sack on the ground kind of business? Selling pile of tomatoe and pepper on the ground na... 😂 😂 😂. |
| Re: Please Advise by Stevenbright(m): 4:15pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
yumyogo:
Hello Nairalanders,
I'm need some form of advice.. It's not been easy talking about my personal experiences and i might not write on this platform anymore.
Words are not even enough to express all that I've been through, all you've been reading is only a simpler version of all that has happened but it's fine.
I used to think I could do it by myself.. raise my boys alone but right now I guess I lack the emotional backing to do so. I'm Lonely, I have no one to talk to .. no family friends to visit or hang out with asides my own family.
Days back my son was crying and all he was saying is "Daddy... Daddy..." it made me feel bad. He needs his Dad too and so does my unborn kid too.
While some would say "Cheating isn't enough to leave my home" I agree.. I've always forgiven him but it's unending. On two occasions he's infected me and claimed it wasn't him. I don't want to keep forgiving till he gets me infected with HIV.
Why am I writing now? I'm actually very Lonely, being a single mum isn't fun. I don't know how to go about this.. I'm not as strong as I had thought. I'm only 25 and it feels like my life is over already... How do I get over this, I need to be strong for my kids but it's not working. Are there activities I could engage in to help me get over this stage at least till I'm able to stand alone?
P.S: I called him so his son could talk to him but he was in a hotel with another woman (I'm not guessing) Move on already, you can do it! You can't keep forgiving someone who doesn't care about how his actions hurt you and hence not willing to change for good. You need peace most especially inner peace! Your children will get use to it. He is most likely not responsible even though I can't tell if any of your attitude contributed to his wayward life style. But please, if possible get him to be at least financially and materially responsible for the upbringing of his children. 1 Like |
| Re: Please Advise by Klass99(f): 4:45pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
😝 5 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Please Advise by kkins25(m): 4:52pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
Klass99:
How will child birth be better? I don't think you people understand how much these things derail a woman's life and dreams. And getting back on track after the derailment can be really hard, it takes a strong willed and determined mind to do so.
My point is simple, before you do marriage and start having kids, live a little, live your life for yourself, live on your terms, do you and put you first, put your education to good use, work and earn a living, get a stable income source, learn responsibility and be responsible as a single adult.
Declining a marriage proposal or delaying marriage for one year in favour of a job can even be to your benefit. Because in the course of your work you are exposed to trainings and continuing professional development, exposed to responsible adulting, exposed to quality people and may find a better suitor than the one proposing marriage.
The couple whose life and lifestyle I admire a lot in my estate met as graduate trainees at Pwc and you know Pwc doesn't hire any how people. So two quality people, meeting in a quality workplace, can only multiply and be fruitful with more quality. My bad. I meant to say, marrying but postponing child birth is a another option.. |
| Re: Please Advise by Klass99(f): 5:10pm On Feb 25, 2023 |
😝 3 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Please Advise by femmoy(m): 5:35am On Feb 26, 2023 |
Magnoliaa:
😂😂😂
God, I need that "vawulence can come from any angle" meme rn. 1 Like 
|
| Re: Please Advise by FriendsAndFans(m): 1:50pm On Feb 26, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:
She is still in love with a man who already infected her twice and maybe the death of her if she is not careful — as she reveals HIV might be next on the infection menu for her if she does not take care? Two things I know about love are
■ it has to start with you. If you don't first love yourself, you cannot love another, and no one can really love you back the way you should be loved.
■ it is perfectly OK to love someone from afar. "I love you", does not have to translate to meaning "I must sleep with you in the same bed." so how do you suggest she copes with loneliness and the thought about her partner because she still thinks of him ? |
| Re: Please Advise by Kobojunkie: 4:47pm On Feb 26, 2023 |
FriendsAndFans:
so how do you suggest she copes with loneliness and the thought about her partner because she still thinks of him ? commonsense will tell you that it is better to fight loneliness --- wait out those hormones running through your body --- than remain with one who can potentially put you in your grave. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Please Advise by Nobody: 9:49am On Mar 08, 2023 |
I'm starving .. .. My salary hasn't been paid. I'm not working anymore currently, although I'm still pushing my trainings and hoping there'd be some sort of miracle. I called him yesterday to ask for money, and he said he travelled to lagos, up until now.. he hasn't sent a dime. I want to start selling the small properties I have so I and the kids can feed at least |
| Re: Please Advise by Kswine(m): 12:31pm On Mar 08, 2023 |
yumyogo:
Hello Nairalanders,
I'm need some form of advice.. It's not been easy talking about my personal experiences and i might not write on this platform anymore.
Words are not even enough to express all that I've been through, all you've been reading is only a simpler version of all that has happened but it's fine.
I used to think I could do it by myself.. raise my boys alone but right now I guess I lack the emotional backing to do so. I'm Lonely, I have no one to talk to .. no family friends to visit or hang out with asides my own family.
Days back my son was crying and all he was saying is "Daddy... Daddy..." it made me feel bad. He needs his Dad too and so does my unborn kid too.
While some would say "Cheating isn't enough to leave my home" I agree.. I've always forgiven him but it's unending. On two occasions he's infected me and claimed it wasn't him. I don't want to keep forgiving till he gets me infected with HIV.
Why am I writing now? I'm actually very Lonely, being a single mum isn't fun. I don't know how to go about this.. I'm not as strong as I had thought. I'm only 25 and it feels like my life is over already... How do I get over this, I need to be strong for my kids but it's not working. Are there activities I could engage in to help me get over this stage at least till I'm able to stand alone?
P.S: I called him so his son could talk to him but he was in a hotel with another woman (I'm not guessing) I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. Here are some steps that you can take to get the help and support you need: Talk to someone: You need to confide in someone you trusts, such as a friend, family member, or counselor. It's important for you to have someone to talk to who can offer support and perspective. Join a support group: There are many support groups for single parents, including groups specifically for single mothers. These groups can provide you with a sense of community and support. Prioritize self-care: It's important for you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally during this stressful time. I will encourage you to make time for self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends. Consider therapy: A therapist can provide you with tools and strategies for coping with your husband's infidelity and the stress of being a single parent. You can find a therapist through online directories, or local mental health clinics. Please remember that your well-being and safety are the top priority. 1 Like |
| Re: Please Advise by 4ward4: 2:10pm On Mar 08, 2023 |
JovialJune:
This is why [b]I do not encourage marrying early, [/b]I'm all for experiencing life and enough maturity, but this life is per head and age has nothing to do with it
Op make friends, if you are a Christian, become a worker in church, occupy your mind and time with different activities that will distract you,
For your kids, pls be truthful to them cos kids of these days are smarter than their age, let them know why you are no more with their dad and pls do everything possible to involve him in their lives, if he isn't willing also let them know to avoid stories that touch in future, involve your ex's family if possible, you will be fine. Don't cast Blame on Early marriage... It is seen that people born in the 80's down to Gen Z aren't even getting Married early, as against their parents who did it way early. OP your Husband is a reckless cheat and such people will never change, until they meet their waterloo. Such things have been seen all around us by some certain individuals. A man who prioritize Womanizing above his family will only lead his family to a doom end, and if you choose to be with him you are certain to go down. It's time you move on and stop been emotionally attached, get your self a man if that will make you move on and not returning to your vomit. |
| Re: Please Advise by Nobody: 2:53pm On Mar 08, 2023 |
Kswine:
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. Here are some steps that you can take to get the help and support you need:
Talk to someone: You need to confide in someone you trusts, such as a friend, family member, or counselor. It's important for you to have someone to talk to who can offer support and perspective.
Join a support group: There are many support groups for single parents, including groups specifically for single mothers. These groups can provide you with a sense of community and support.
Prioritize self-care: It's important for you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally during this stressful time. I will encourage you to make time for self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends.
Consider therapy: A therapist can provide you with tools and strategies for coping with your husband's infidelity and the stress of being a single parent. You can find a therapist through online directories, or local mental health clinics.
Please remember that your well-being and safety are the top priority. Thank you.. |
