| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by TreasureJunky: 9:09pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
You guys have succeeded in damaging your first son. At this stage, the only solution to that boy's problem is to do his bidding, whatever he says he wants should be granted to him. That boy needs support, he needs both parents to stand by him. If you guys don't support that boy quickly, he will do something funny to himself. The best way out of this mess is to ask him what he wants, then give him whatever he says he wants. That boy has been damaged psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. It will be hard for that boy to be revived again, but you people should start from somewhere 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Nobody: 9:14pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Blame your husband. What sort of father will hire thugs to beat his own son? The man deserves every shred of HATRED your son has for him. To succeed in a profession, you must have passion for it. It is that energy that will keep you going. It is good that children discover their passion at max, in their teens to avoid confusion. 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Vietnaminfo(m): 9:19pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Xammie001:
please link me with those schools boss, i want my boy to leave nigeria when he clock 5 years sir
When he clock 5 years? I don't understand. |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Duchessree(f): 9:28pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Like I'm still trying to understand how you allowed your son to be taken away by thugs for 2 weeks just to be tortured.
You also stood by and watched your son got beaten again by your estate CSO.
Your own is only "my husband did" "my husband said"
You, yourself what are you doing about the situation.
You said your son is not good in chemistry, but you guys still forced him to study pharmacy which he didn't want.(how the hell did you want him to cope )
Your son finally gain admissions to study computer science after you the parents have frustrated the hell out of his life, but your husband dont want him to go to a university far away from home .
Now he's at home studying a course he hates, not only that , he has to stress himself everyday to go to school (that is if he's even going to school, he can be saving that 2k, just to japa from home), he also have to come home daily just to see the people who is making his life hell.
There's no way for him to make friends at all,
Omo, I'm surprised he hasn't done anything to harm himself o.
Your husband is too controlling and over protective over your son( maybe because he's the first child)
I thought when the husband is proving stubborn, the kids can run to their mother and sweet talk her to talk to her husband , buf i guess in your home it isn't so.
Your husband holds the ultimate power there( he is always right and his words are final).
Sometimes when a child is proving stubborn about his goals and if it doesn't sit well with you, just let them do it and see how it goes first.
You as a mother, did not try for your son at all.
It looks as if you're a house wife.
You and your husband should apologize to your son. And allow him study the course he wants to study even though the university is far from you. You guys have money , you can send him to a private uni to study computer science if only that is if he wants to.
Your husband has disgraced your son publicly, i won't be surprised if your estate neighbors and his little siblings talks to him anyhow.
Let your husband go and study pharmacy, if he thinks it easy🙄🙄🙄🙄 that is if this story is true sef 4 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by superCleanworks(m): 10:01pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
booksbo0k:
Nairalanders please I need your advice. I patiently went through every word you wrote and I cried in my heart for your son. He has been murdered long ago by his dad's egocentric reasoning & behaviour. THIS WILL NOT END WELL. 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by darlenese(f): 10:11pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
The damage was don many years ago! I always tell parent !discipline and establish a relationship with your kids before they turn 12, if you fail within this formative years, forget that child 2 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by weebee(f): 10:39pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
I read your story and I sincerely felt bad for your son. This boy is near damage by your over controlling husband and unfortunately you as a mother have no say in the matter that concerns a child you carried in your womb!
There's no case that is irreversible by God and your son's case is not an exception. God will come through for you IJN. You need to start doing the following right away:
1. Start praying for your son like never before
2. Show him lots of love and try to reach him
3. Speak to him and allow him tell you what
exactly he wants for his life, not what his dad
wants after all he is and adult now it's his life!
4. Free him to follow his dreams and allow him
make that mistake you are scared of, he will
learn from it.
5. Let him socialize more, encourage him to go out
to places with you.
6. Speak to your husband on the damage his
attitude is creating in your son's life incase he
doesn't realize that.
7. Both of you should allow this guy be a man that
he is and not a child that you still think he is.
Getting strangers beat up your child twice is unimaginable and going a way too far. His self esteem and ego have been tampered with. You owe him an apology forget the fact that you are his parents.
I pray that God will intervene in this situation and touch his heart. I pray, you won't loose him IJN. Mind you, if this story is true, that child is not an ordinary child. Stop caging him, allow him to fly like an eagle that he is. It is well with your household IJN.
Shalom! 2 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by 9182736455O1999(m): 10:54pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Blaxie:
So you watched your husband toture your son twice,and you did nothing? Slept and woke up feeling OK during the weeks he was with thugs? Knowing your son was being totured?
Haba!! Any time i think about this, a part of me wouldn't want to believe the story. Is she disable or something because i don't think any mother can do such a thing. I mean for two whole weeks? Gosh! 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Tayorshd2(m): 11:00pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
You don't need to change his direction for what he loves to study and what he does not U light b his mother but yet we are different in everyways he is an introvert and d course he went to study was not part of his joune6in life.. You are getting all those.attitude from him because he knew he was not part the d plans u guys are making for him.. Don't forget he is still very young so his brain doesn't think more or beyond what have said .. booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.
My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...
He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...
I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..
When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....
We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..
Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.
My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....
He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...
He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...
But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...
I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..
The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....
After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...
Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...
My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..
Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...
Nairalanders please I need your advice. |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Xantel(f): 11:02pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
You and your husband messed up big time, you people are his problem now. So pharmacist can't womanizer? It's only footballers. Mtchewwww. See Saka, Nelson,Nketiah, Martilleni.... Making us proud, 2 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by TheGreatIYANU: 11:04pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Men this post was painful to read.
All I can say is may God help us parents. The OP's husband is living proof that not all literates are educated.
You saw pharmacists in NAFDAC living big and you think they're the hottest sh*t in town! I'm livid.
I stand uncorrected when I say no Pharmacist in the world earns half of what the top IT specialists earn, EXCEPT you own a multi-national pharmaceutical or produced a covid vaccine. 3 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Munzy14(m): 11:28pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
JasonScoolari:
Mehn, this post long pass NairaBet slip...
I wish you guys all the best. Kill joy  |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by JasonScoolari: 11:29pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
Munzy14:
Kill joy Dede, E don tey oh, where you go hide? |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by 9182736455O1999(m): 11:32pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
siofra:
She's like my mother. Too dependent and can't speak up. Like she has no will of her own
It's so annoying.
My father is just like her husband, narcissistic and controlling. I hate his character so much. He won't even listen to her if she talks to him. In his mind, he's always right. No wonder. |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Starships4u(m): 11:38pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.
My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...
He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...
I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..
When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....
We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..
Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.
My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....
He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...
He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...
But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...
I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..
The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....
After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...
Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...
My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..
Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...
Nairalanders please I need your advice. Sorry yhu lost yhur SON... And I'm honestly not sorry... Yhu all deserve what's got to yhu.... In this generation yhu still choose course for people?? How'd he not be a nuisance in a course he doesn't have zeal to study and with these kind of thuggery life yhur husband his dad is displaying? How different is yhur husband from TINUBU who uses thugs to achieve his aim? Biko, I won't be part of this... Shalom! 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Munzy14(m): 11:49pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by JasonScoolari: 11:54pm On Apr 06, 2023 |
|
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Fefa: 12:56am On Apr 07, 2023 |
A pleasant evening madam. Below are my candid pieces of advice to you ma:
First of all, I think you and your husband need to apologise to God for trying to take the space of God in your son's life.
Your are NOT his maker!
I am saying this because you mentioned in your post that you both are christians but you never talked as such. I couldn't see God in all the picture.
It was just YOUR HUSBAND!
Did you and your husband sit to consider the implication if that is ( his calling - Computer Science ) ?
Secondly, I think your husband and yourself need to sincerely apologise to the young man - now, not because you ( were all wrong ) but because you
did what you did in the WRONG WAY.
You are his parents; guardian and your first duty was to ​help him make great and positive choices, to support him and encourage him, to help him fight and conquer his fears and NOT do otherwise.
Thirdly madam and very respectfully; PRAYER works but it doesn't do all for us!
Simply put, God will NEVER do what we as humans should do.
See the example here ma; you gave birth to your children and God will not train them for you. Although if you guide and instruct them in God's way, he helps you so that they turn out well.
Now here is my point, it is nice that you were told to pray BUT you need to do the NEEDFUL!
1. It is imperative that you find your way back into your son's mind ( heart )
Reasons; his image and self - esteem has been tampered with, his love for you all damaged, his trust shamed.
2. His mind needs to be " at peace " , ( balanced ) for any meaningful recovery to take place because our MINDS as humans is where " We Win or Lose Every of Life's battle "!
3. Get the help of someone your husband respects to convince him.
I mean, since he has the resources, helping the young man actualise his own dream should not be problem.
​Now to the young man in question, sit him down and tell him how much his father loves him and was merely looking out for him. ( Don't feel ashamed to admit he took it too far )!
Help him to trust you again because the ( isolation ) is DANGEROUS for him! It could lead to a whole lot of irreversible damage; suicide, drug abuse, low self - esteem, emotional and psychological trauma and so on.
Let him tell you want he wants and then, encourage him as long as it is something positive!
See ma'am, even if he FAILS while trying or doing what he loves, it'll only make him stronger and wiser.
Research has shown that " kids " that are allowed to ( explore ) - use their own self - will turn out great in life!
You should read more about that ma!
I mean, ask your husband what exactly he is ( afraid of ) ?
Then, get your son help! He needs it because having someone ( a counselor / therapist ) to share his HURT with would help him heal up faster.
In conclusion, you have a wonderful child as your son ma!
He has a ( heart of gold ).
I just hope he gets the help, love and support he needs.
And yes, pray and pray!
I wish you well ma as you help another star shine! 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by joyfullyjoyous(f): 2:04am On Apr 07, 2023 |
1. Your son is intelligent.
2. Your son is depressed as a result of your Husband's insensitivity. All your son needs now is to undergo psychotherapy. It is evident his mentality has been tampered with. He wanted a course but the dad tried to force another on him. He also stressed him physically and mentally. The stress of going n coming home daily while he sees his agemates staying around the school is a serious factor that is enough to stress him mentally. He stopped studying for lack of interest. He sees you as enemies and wishes to go far from u. For not being able to convince his dad on his behalf,u r seen as enemy No 2.
3. At 21 he can still study the computer he loves to study n will definitely make it. You have to support him to make his dream come true.
4. Also have u studied him to know if he is autistic or not? In this part of the globe, we feel autistic children only show physical signs but there are different categories of autism. Most autistic children are intelligent n love dealing with machines and not humans on a regular basis.
5. If care is not taken he may get suicidal n not only that he might think of taking his assumed enemies with him.
6. Talk to him. Beg him. Let him know u realize your mistakes now. Buy things for him.
6. You turned him to the man he is today.
7. Do something fast before it's too late.
May God help u. 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by XAUBulls: 2:11am On Apr 07, 2023 |
booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.
My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...
He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...
I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..
When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....
We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..
Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.
My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....
He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...
He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...
But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...
I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..
The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....
After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...
Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...
My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..
Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...
Nairalanders please I need your advice. @Booksbook, I have just read your engaging post. This is deep. I love the maternal instincts you displayed here though. Read more about the current world record holder in 110 metres hurdles, Tobi Amusan and how she ended up getting an athletics scholarship to study at a University in Texas, with the full support of her teacher mother (after Tobi's teacher father tried to stop the then school girl from athletics and also burned up all her sports wears to make her concentrate on her academics in Ijebu Ode). You have to do the same and be there for your son, who also needs emotional support from you and his father on his way to soccer success and millionaire status since he has the natural skills that can be further honed by a soccer academy coach and during a University sports tournament called NUGA. Local and international soccer scouts can then find him and off he goes to Europe. You feel me? Good! Cheers.  |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by samtol4(m): 2:35am On Apr 07, 2023 |
Your husband is a problem. " He hired thugs to beat him up " What kind of father hired thugs to beat up his son. If anything happen to your son your husband should be held accountable .
Sit your husband down & ask him to calm down, otherwise your son will run away from home . 1 Like |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by okunwaye(m): 6:11am On Apr 07, 2023 |
Smartguyboy:
All of you blaming the father don’t know what life is all about especially if the man came from a poor background you will always want the best for your son, like he said if the boy is really good you don’t need to go abroad to start your career grace will find you here.
How can you dropout from Madonna just like That already in 300 levels and you want the man to welcome you as a hero .
People are going through hell to sponsor themselves to university and you have someone paying your fee and you decided to be ungrateful. If he thinks it’s easy why not sponsor yourself and do what you want .
Such kids always end up being useless in life. Remove that smart for your moniker  3 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by otunbateejay(m): 6:46am On Apr 07, 2023 |
Bro don't talk like that his dad is a good man and a God favour person u see that man see what there don't see he has a good mind for d boy and d mother should support d man to train d boy Esortigress:
Your husband is the cause of everything |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by EriMma1: 7:25am On Apr 07, 2023 |
I like your husband. That's the kind of man I pray to marry.
Madam you seem to be the cause here for not speaking with one voice with your husband by going to arrange for him to travel with your pastor then, giving your son the impression that your husband is a bad man. You should have stood with your husband and be firm with his decision. So whatever the boy is suffering now, you caused it.
He's still a small boy and answerable to you as long as he's still under your roof. Stop giving him the impression that he can have his way which you already did by supporting his football career. Your husband was right. He needs to complete his education first before chasing his football career. Or do you want your son to now be dictating to the father? Anyways, I trust the father and like the way he organized special beating sessions for him. If he wants to go, let him go! He's stressing the father too much. See how may millions the wasted on his education only for him to blow it up with his silly attitude. At least he should have considered that and tried to be serious and manage to finish but because you have spoilt him by always letting him have his way, he had the guts to sit back and say he's not going again. Who born monkey?
If that money was coming out of your own pocket, will you be talking gently about it like this?
You know what? Tell the father what he's planning to do let him organize another brain resetting beating for him again. Na that one Sabi handle am pass.
Lastly, nothing will happen to him. Just keep a close tab on him and be praying for him. Take him to RCCG first born programs. That's why daddy Adeboye always emphasize on the need to bring the first born sons for that special prayers because the enemy always want to destroy their lifes. What your son is going through is a sign that he's being manipulated.
. |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by geosegun(m): 7:48am On Apr 07, 2023 |
I can bet the boy looks or probably takes after his father. He has the same attributes like his father - He hates to see his decisions challenged. He is also a controlling frick like his father. Like charges repel and unlike charges attract. Meaning, because they have similar attributes, they may never agree and will alwayshave issues here and there. However, that doesn't mean he did not love his father, it is just the law of nature.
The best solution is for you and your husband to accept your mistakes and sincerely apologise to the young man. As a mother, you should have summon courage to defend your child and provide some emotional and psychological support. The young man is broken.
You can still salvage the situation. Funny enough, he may not be too mad about his father that much as they are alike? Your son may feel so dejected and unhappy because of you. Being his mother, you let him down. He is from the womb of the morning, your first son, he is special to you as you are to him. So you are the only one that can safe him from depression now.
Though, you have let your son down, you can still salvage the situation, even, if it requires you smartly confront your husband in defence of your son. The moment he sees you doing that, he will gradually come out of his shell and warm up to you. If you can get him to your side, he will later warm up to his father.
For the records - computer science brings more money than pharmacy. Your husband is still living in stone age. Your husband approach is totally wrong.
Please salvage the situation wisely. Defend your son and let him see you do that, albeit with respect for your husband. Your reffered husband will love you for it. This is why you are a MOTHER. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by straight2point(m): 8:10am On Apr 07, 2023 |
I wish I could slap that goat you call husband. Foolish dictator. U too can not do anything about the whole situation cos he will hire thugs to beat u as well |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Nobody: 8:15am On Apr 07, 2023 |
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| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Geminiivory: 8:15am On Apr 07, 2023 |
Here are the problems in this case:
1. YOUR HUSBAND
2. YOU..
Both of you are nt fit to train children that wld face the world... You shld go handle robots |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Kvngyemi0407(m): 8:31am On Apr 07, 2023 |
NeoWanZaeed:
You want him to do something to please his child and he can't afford to do it? Sometimes you only please people to bring out the best in them |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by theamazonguru(m): 8:33am On Apr 07, 2023 |
Fiscus105:
Oga ur gragra, won't solve anything, the child is going down the drain, if he is not careful, his life would finish.
Father that can send child to private university is average in Nigeria standard.
If the child likes, let him keep playing foolish and see his destiny destroyed.
Millions of such destiny are in ghetos, motor packs, mortuaries and grave yards.
He won't be first, neither would he be last. Oga no gragra. I hear you sir. I wish your dad imposed his wish on you. Perhaps your reaction would be the same. Shallom. |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Nobody: 8:54am On Apr 07, 2023 |
What sort of man hires street thugs to beat up his son? Uses public security personnel to intimidate and disgrace his son publicly? He has successfully destroyed whatever dignity, self worth and street cred that guy has left and he will either go into a long depressed state or rebel more to prove he's man enough in his father's language which will push him further into the abyss. If I were to be him that estate cso will get back 1k folds of what he dished me and those street thugs will forever be doomed. I was a stubborn child myself and always rebelled against my dad because of some reasons I got wrong as a child growing up buy never for once did my dad hand me over to someone else to discipline. Them no even born the person when go agree to touch me. I went to the state University as against my father's wish and when my name was out on the list he refused his support. I was able to clear myself and pay my fees with help from one of my step mom's as my mom wasn't available at that time. But after a while he succumbed. Your child is stubborn true but there are better ways to handle him than what his father did. He's going about it the wrong way which will eventually make the boy something else. Such kids are easy targets for cultists on recruit mission. He's angry,bitter feels rejected, isolated, feels powerless,confused, sad, lonely, secretive, broken, low self-esteem etc... They will offer him a fake sense of belonging and false hopes and lies of the fake life of freedom, power and glory. Trust me u won't see it coming. He needs to get back his respect on the street and what better ways to get it asides fake frat promises. Your husband is creating a very dangerous monster and I hope he's prepared when it unfolds it's full maturity. There are better ways to handle stubborn kids not with brute force 2 Likes |
| Re: Nairalanders Please Help, My First Son Is Behaving Somehow by Tufunky: 9:08am On Apr 07, 2023 |
booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.
My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...
He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...
I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..
When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....
We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..
Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.
My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....
He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...
He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...
But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...
I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..
The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....
After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...
Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...
My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..
Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...
Nairalanders please I need your advice. t need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after..... After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won Your husband is a narcissist. You are a mad woman. You both killed your son. You don't deserve forgiveness. Your other children should be taken from both of you for their safety and sanity. |
