Tor!

Your husband messed up BIG time, most fathers are usually like this ; always forcing their children to do what they don’t want to do forgetting that the ‘ child’ is human that has got his/her mind. Now all his actions has broken your son and all is thinking of is escaping the hell he has found himself. If na me too, I go act same way, keep to myself because it’s obvious ‘ my father’ is a ‘devil’

When all these things were going on , what were you doing? I know African mentality is that whatever the man says stands as he is the head of the family. But did you do anything? Cos I didn’t see any action relating to you in the write up only that you checked his buttocks after the beating.
But which kind papa go arrange thugs and CSO to beat his son? Haaaaaaaa, If your son approach me for advice I go tell am to run from that man o

See ehn, this one no be prayer matter
And I’m sure, your son no go wan do any relating to church sef.

Just hope he doesn’t find comfort in drugs/alcohol

Me no know the advice to give o, cos this one hard o.
Does your husband find fault in himself atall in relation to this issue? If he doesn’t then madam, you have lost your son o.

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Your husband is a mean and selfish father who has ruined the life of an innocent child given to him by God. He is now the monster you made. Parents should learn to listen to their children instead of lording issues over them. And yes I graduated from Madonna University Elele campus in 2010 and have friends who went through a similar situation as your son. Fortunately they turned out alright after graduating from medical school.

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

When a father refuses to be flexible, well I hope it's not a punishment in disguise. Men commit a lot of atrocities and somehow reap the consequences in disguise. Tell the guy the plans you have for him... A plan that would help him achieve his goals without the dad. Some students go dey one week they never see 1k drink garri... And una dey waste 2k for TP daily in name of monitoring... Doesn't sit well

MorningStar233:
He will regret his actions later.

Who

Exodus15v11:
Ignorance is when you think being a Computer Scientist is the only title that comes with studying Computer Science. Information Security Analysts, Systems Architect, Software Engineer, Python Developer, to name a few, are just some of the other positions available to anyone with CS degree[s], not to mention
he/she can work in different sectors.

Agreed, but you don't need to go to university to get these skills, you can learn these without setting foot in university, this is good and bad, it causes a saturation of the industry which again makes them very replaceable.

humberjade:


Seems you don't get it, his father's grandstanding is still ongoing, that man is nor ready to back down. The father his hell bent on damaging the boy physically and psychologically.

Reason I opined his father apologize to him, the man has to apologize to his son and take responsibility.

The key to lasting peace rests on the father.

Your husband has greater part of the blame. I have teenage children in university and they are doing what they want and not what I want though I may not like what they chose.

You only need to guide them, that's all. How does a father get thugs to beat up the child over choice of course.

He may have driven your son to drugs and may be on his way to suicide. Not a question of God forbid.

You know the kind of husband you have and if he's the one that will not attack you for criticism, let him read comments of people.


Your son may already be in the last lap of his life due to the fact that your husband has killed him already.

He's disaster waiting to happen. Pray he doesn't kill you all and then commit suicide.

Let you and your husband make peace with him, then ask him what he wants to do, allow him do it that in the best interest of all of you.

lalalista:
He's a spoilt brat. Because he had rich parents paying 1million naira as school fees. They even have good plans of getting him a well paying job. He's a stupid boy. What other children don't have the privilege of getting, he got on a platter of gold. Indeed, those who have caps don't have head

Fiscus105:



which self esteem father messed up, or chid want to be problematic and prodigal on his own?

In as much I blamed father too in the situation

After spending 3 years in private university, u just wake up and say no sch again for no singular reason.

What stops him from finishing pharmacy and starts his football career or whatever he wants to do? (After 3 years in school and just 2 years left for him to finish school)


Child shouldnt become monster that whole family should be worshipping ok.


Thank God he still has good father, some very strict father's would have sent him parking and face the remaining 4 children to succeed

damn!! You exist for real??😳

When he joins egede now, ull start going from one church to another.

Very wicked people

Ajibade123:

God will judge you and your husband for all the things you guys have done
first of all you guys forced him to study the course he didn't like
you later denied him the opportunity to pursue his talent in Europe
now you are using security and area boys to beat him up and down
may God judge you both

Tell your husband he's a piece of shiit because he have ruined his son's life for his greedy purpose
That boy doesn't see you guys as his parents

Leave him alone.

After reading your story, I really feel so sorry for your son.
Your husband is the major problem. Why is he always stopping his son from doing what he is passionate about. There is this joy one gains by doing what he or she loves. First he stooped him from studying computer science and later he stopped him from pursing his passion for football. Is he not seeing great footballers today that are not graduates but doing great in life?
Your husband is just a joy killer for your son.
Please support your son in anyway you can.

Why will father treat his son like that.
He has greatly damaged the boy both mentally and psychologically. I hope he doesn't commit suicide.

..

lalalista:
He's a spoilt brat. Because he had rich parents paying 1million naira as school fees. They even have good plans of getting him a well paying job. He's a stupid boy. What other children don't have the privilege of getting, he got on a platter of gold. Indeed, those who have caps don't have head

You think everything is about money? What of human dignity and self worth?

It sounds like you are going through a difficult time with your son. It's understandable to be concerned about his behavior and his plans to move out and cut ties with the family. It seems like there are a few different issues at play here, so I will try to address them individually.

First, it sounds like your son has always been somewhat distant and independent, even when he was living at home. Some people are just naturally more introverted or independent, and that's okay. However, it's concerning that he has expressed a desire to cut ties with the family entirely. Have you tried talking to him about why he feels this way? It's possible that there are deeper issues that he hasn't shared with you.

Second, it sounds like there was a lot of pressure put on your son to study pharmacy, even though it wasn't his first choice. This can be tough for anyone, but especially for someone who is young and just starting out in their academic career. It's possible that your son felt like he didn't have control over his own life, which could be contributing to his desire to break away from the family.

Third, it's understandable that your husband would want your son to finish his degree, but it's also important to support your child's passions and talents. It sounds like your son is truly passionate about football, and it's possible that he could have a successful career in that field. Have you considered supporting him in pursuing his dreams, even if it means taking a break from school for a while?

Finally, it's important to remember that your son is an adult and ultimately has the right to make his own decisions, even if they are not the decisions you would have made for him. It's important to communicate with him openly and honestly, and try to understand where he's coming from. It's possible that with time and patience, your relationship with your son will improve.

All of you blaming the father don’t know what life is all about especially if the man came from a poor background you will always want the best for your son, like he said if the boy is really good you don’t need to go abroad to start your career grace will find you here.
How can you dropout from Madonna just like That already in 300 levels and you want the man to welcome you as a hero .

People are going through hell to sponsor themselves to university and you have someone paying your fee and you decided to be ungrateful. If he thinks it’s easy why not sponsor yourself and do what you want .
Such kids always end up being useless in life.

Madam, I couldn't finish reading the whole story, but from the little I read, Your husband imposes his will over the boy's will.
The remedy is for your husband first to realize he was wrong....... and call the boy and apologize to him.

Let your husband take him out on a date and explain why he wants him to read pharmacy at the university, and also let your husband free him from his mind to read his desired course, computer science.

both you and your husband need to give him the word of affirmation, love etc

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.


Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Op, Believe me your Husband doesn't want the Best for your SON.. no capps,

I share similar story with your SON too, but Now grown up and living my dreams..

Funny i am also a Computer Science Graduates.. i had to sponsor myself through Polytechnic ND and HND..

After 10yrs of Staying Idle, I parents were not poor.. they both are civil service under federal government..

I hated my father who wanted me to study ELECTRICAL Engineering..

My father will lock me outside, break my electronic gadgets.. that friends shared with me...

Throw my stuffs outside,

Which kind of beating , i have not received...

I grew up to hate my Father with passion..

As a Christain after much sermon...

I can only do what i can to support my parents Now...

Let that young man go and fend for himself... Since you are only ready to support is dream.

Kubin:
lazy Nigerian youth.try read the story is Interesting.

Hardworking Nigerian ancestral E-diot, I have heard you.

Your husband comes across as that typical Nigerian overbearing parent. Why I go arrange thugs to beat my son ? You sef no know say that kind thing dey damage person …the trauma and all. Be like una dey worship your husband cos me I won’t be in that house no more at 21 I’m old enough to fend for myself.

Do your best get a psychologist or counselor to talk him around.
Days are gone you choose course of study for a child like you will study it for him.
Allow him chose his passion

Your Son could have finished his CS course now get a good tech job abroad because your husband has the recourses, build a very good pharmaceutical software program and become a major share holder and all your lives would have been different. Well time would tell. He needs to put his life together and stop being angry at every one

I wish I have access to the boy,I would have willingly send money to him to rent house outside.

I would even sponsor him to school, you all are shameless

JasonScoolari:
Mehn, this post long pass NairaBet slip...

I wish you guys all the best.

Guy u for give small advice na . At least chip in something.. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What was your role in all of this because all I kept hearing was my husband this my husband that, you mean you didn't even at some point try to stand up for that boy?

Is it by force to read pharmacy?

Your husband is to blame madam and unfortunately it seems you couldn't do anything about it, don't you have some kind of influence over your husband.

This whole issue started from the you must study pharmacy palava.

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

You have successfully absolved yourself and your son of any blame. The monster here is your husband obviously.

But like the Chinese would say, if you marry a bad man, you are to be blamed, because you made a bad choice, but if you married a good man, then changes, you are still to blame, because you changed him. The Chinese belive the woman is the architect of the home.

My point. You as a mother have not handled this well, if you stood in the sideline to watch all of this, and having to let things degenerate this bad, then you caused it.

To your son, he is no longer the 16year old boy that an ill-informed father can control. He needs to take charge of his life. I like the notion that he is already thinking about living home. But he needs to stop talking about it, and start acting. The fact that he is talking about it shows that he is not ready to leave.


How can you help him

All he needs now is your support. He will later come to terms that his dad was trying to do the best for him, albeit ignorantly.

How can you support him. Get him books to read... Think and grow rich, how to influence people, the game, the 10x rule, the richest man in babylon, Mastery by Robert Green, the study of human behaviours.

How would this help, they will help him know, his life is in his hands, if he fails, it is him, not his father like you've painted.

As a mother, you need to start reading too. Read books on raising Teens, and children.


Lastly, if he wants to leave home. Don't stop him. You guys have done enough damage. Let him go figure.

lildush:


Guy u for give small advice na . At least chip in something.. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Advice don cost now....

Make everybody advice themselves. 🙂

You asked for what you could do to help the situation
Sit the child down , apologize to him (because you and your husband has wasted 5 yrs of his life ) , ask the boy what he really wants to do and tell him you are ready to give him unconditional support.
After the boy tells you what he wants to do, look for an expert in that field to have a discussion with your son and tell him the advantages and disadvantages of his choice, and also tell him the amount of work he needs to put in to succeed in the field.

Give the boy time to make his decision.
After the boy makes his decision , sit him down and tell him how you will support him. But also try to cajole him to always open up to you when he's not sure about anything.

During this period , go on fun trips with him , have light hearted conversations with him , watch football with him, Invite his friends who you like their characters over.

Also continue your research on his field of choice and look for materials or mentors to support him (you are doing all this work because you already wasted 5 yrs of his life). Encourage him to also keep studying and dreaming. Life is full of roses and thorns.


You noticed I didn't mention your husband in the solution. That is because I don't think the man has the boy's best interest at heart . Madam fight for your son and love him unconditionally . There is nothing wrong with him. He's just a young man whose hopes and dreams were shattered by his PARENTS. Now he's low in confidence and has no self belief.

You and you wicked husband has broken that boy beyond repair. What a shame. Bad parenting