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Worried About My 1year Marriage! - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by TheBTCinvestor: 12:25am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Hmmmm thats worrisome! My wife's pretty, fair n endowed. Why is there no signal from my brain for arousal?

Bro I'm facing same problem bro and we just 1year together but luckily we have a kid. Outside eh my dick go stand kakaraka but with my wife my dick will be falling that I have to struggle to finish one round in weeks of no sex. Its crazy bro! We were having sex well b4 marriage b4 I got her pregnant. cry I think it's spiritual o or psychological cos I'm confused my self

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by adverttrading: 12:38am On May 26, 2023
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Georgekyrian(m): 12:42am On May 26, 2023
Eat bitter always and thanks me later
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Humanace: 12:43am On May 26, 2023
it happens , next time a little longer pre-intimacy will help you and build a proper mindset ....its mind over body anytime ...you body listens to what the mind says

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by mclloyd22: 12:43am On May 26, 2023
My friend, if you still love her aside not being sexually attracted to her you need to stop looking outside first. It’s gonna be risky but tell her both of you should take 2/3 months break ( but monitor her oo lol this one wey you say she gather).. prepare your self with libido booster foods and fruits… na your body go carry you go…

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Kobojunkie: 1:00am On May 26, 2023
mclloyd22:
My friend, if you still love her aside not being sexually attracted to her you need to stop looking outside first. It’s gonna be risky but tell her both of you should take 2/3 months break ( but monitor her oo lol this one wey you say she gather).. prepare your self with libido booster foods and fruits… na your body go carry you go…
OP'S problem is not a side-effect of medication he is taking. I think he already knows that much. So how do you power a marriage for life with libido boosters? Won't that take a toll on a person's health? undecided
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by linearity: 1:01am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Hmmmm thats worrisome! My wife's pretty, fair n endowed. Why is there no signal from my brain for arousal?

Post her picture, so we can judge accurately.
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by vickydevoka(m): 1:09am On May 26, 2023
djon78:



That's why people should not lie to themselves when it comes to marriage

That woman that gives a man very high sexual attraction current

That's whom he should marry

A lot of painful mistakes are being made now by people in marriage

Sexual problem is the number one problem in today's marriages

I also believe easy availability of pornography also adds to the problem

Men before had no knowledge of sexual acts except when doing it practical
Now even kids know deep knowledge of sex because of porn

It's damaging many people
You might be right. But there is more to marriage than sex especially this abroad we dey. Most people for hear don marry two times, bcus first wife na papers, or cos or rush rush or referrer. Abroad really get disadvantage especially if you de rush to marry. Currently I'm put under pressure to marry, even babe I de follow now for 9ja, though I like her but I de fear to wife woman way get weight. Na my first time I de follow big woman. Though I never go intimate with her but she de really coner mark me. In reality you don't marry out of pity , you marry based on fact. E.g. you be first boy out of 9 children and your earn 300k , you fell in love with a lady that is Ada ( first daughter) , she also has 8 siblings. No matter how you love her , you are supposed to end the relationship not to talk of marrying her. Marriage is a burden , do not be deceived, you have a lot of responsibility especially if you're from poor or average home , worst still you happen to be the first boy or girl ( omo na die o).

In this life just use your sense and pray. I love you, I love you no de pay school fees.

3 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by vickydevoka(m): 1:11am On May 26, 2023
djon78:


That's funny
Sometimes those ones we guys call ugly, carry high sexual attraction

That's why you will see a man married to a very beautiful woman but a very ugly woman, the man is falling crazily for

All these are mysteries
Just like engineer. His side chick be like elephant come black join. Wife yellow tall n fine.
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by EvilNeedle(m): 1:34am On May 26, 2023
pretydiva:
The truth is you no longer find your wife sexually attractive.

In a nutshell.
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Accessed: 1:42am On May 26, 2023
TheBTCinvestor:


Bro I'm facing same problem bro and we just 1year together but luckily we have a kid. Outside eh my dick go stand kakaraka but with my wife my dick will be falling that I have to struggle to finish one round in weeks of no sex. Its crazy bro! We were having sex well b4 marriage b4 I got her pregnant. cry I think it's spiritual o or psychological cos I'm confused my self

You and the OP have not prepared yourselves mentally for the institution called marriage. It takes discipline to focus on only your wife. Work on your mind and leave side chics alone. If you don't knack outside for long, your "thing" will stand for madam. the reason it is not now, is because you are feeding it well outside. No matter how endowed your woman is, once you start looking outside, you will always not want to feel like doing it with her.

Also, we value what we do not own. The moment you "wife' her, she loses some "value" in your mind. This is partly why you see some men with very beautiful wives knacking their dirty and smelly housegirls or chasing other girls. The adventure is the spice for them. The watchword is discipline. A wise man once said, show me a beautiful wife, and i will show you a husband tired of fucking her. And this same husband will be running after scruffy-looking-girls outside o.

An adage in my place says, "if you concentrate your urine on one spot, it will foam". If you don't stop "going out"...madam will not look "sweet", and like one person said earlier, in the next 5 years, it will be maybe once in 6 months una go dey knack. Discipline!

Secondly, i don't think you love her enough. this is happening too early in your marriage! Maybe you married her out of pity or felt obligated to in any way. Even at that, Love is not enough to keep a marriage. You can still work on her and get her to be adventurous, make her more of what you see in those girls outside, while gradually reducing the "away matches". Diseases full outside o!

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Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Accessed: 1:46am On May 26, 2023
pretydiva:
The truth is you no longer find your wife sexually attractive.

He probably never really loved her! Perhaps, it was meant to be just an adventure!!
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by tunwumi: 1:51am On May 26, 2023
Happy married life bro.

Let me make a guess, you have sexual fantasies that you wife won't do. She will only do missionary and that's all. You will have to be patient with her to come around those fantasies that arouse you. She's not attractive because she's rigid. Tell her calmly you are not satisfied.

Also, she's complaining your ♂️ is too big and long, you don't have to thrust her like your ex. Always understand that the way you do wife is different from girlfriend as wife is always there but GF is just do and go. Okay, next time you are meeting, consider a slow action rather that fast one, don't push on all your length, just a few cm, and get it removed as of it's a mistake from time to time, she will be extremely wet and will be the one putting it back as her 'tight' will be very open.

Also, make discussion about sex a normal thing between you too. Stop seeing those girls they will ruin your vow as you will continue to compare your wife which will make it difficult to discover her. If needed, buy baby oil to help you both...


Mokole2023:
Dear Nlders,

I cant say if this problem is peculiar and I would sincerely appreciate mature comments and suggestions.

My marriage is just about a year old though I had an on/off online friendship with my now-wifey since 2017 before we decided to get serious late 2021. Our physical courtship was kinda brief - about 6 months - while we both resided in the same state but different Cities (about 3hrs apart).

I used to be very sexually active in my previous relationships - trust me when i say I'm quite good in bed - but with my now-wifey, I decided to limit the sex part cos i felt at a man's age (tho my sisters also advised same) that there r other things to look out for in a woman. So basically, we did not get too intimate during courtship. Worryingly, even the few times we did it, I rarely got to orgasm cos she couldn't match my stamina.

Fast forwards to 1 month into the marriage, I was diagnosed with High blood pressure which the doctors advised BP drugs might affect my libido but it will later regulate/normalize. Then the problems started! First, I get aroused normally with good turgidity enough to penetrate my Wifey's tight "body" but I tend to loose erection after some mins of thrusting and that's the end. Never comes back on again. Few times I was able to finish but that's not without alot of mental imagination to make me finish ontime.

Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.

Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.

As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time.

Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife?

I await your responses, suggestions and advice.

Many thanks,

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by GREATOMOIYA: 1:52am On May 26, 2023
TheBTCinvestor:


Bro I'm facing same problem bro and we just 1year together but luckily we have a kid. Outside eh my dick go stand kakaraka but with my wife my dick will be falling that I have to struggle to finish one round in weeks of no sex. Its crazy bro! We were having sex well b4 marriage b4 I got her pregnant. cry I think it's spiritual o or psychological cos I'm confused my self

It's not always a medical situation, at times it might be that your wife is cheating.

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by honesttalk21: 1:57am On May 26, 2023
You are unduly anxious.
Relax, build love and friendship with your wife.
Don't be in a hurry or feel you must proove some sexual prowess with her.

Keep off amorous relations with others.
Let things occur naturally.
It must not always be cohersion. Learn to hug and hold and play with eachother.

Soon you will be fine

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by onumadu: 2:12am On May 26, 2023
What I can't understand is that this marriage is just ONE YEAR old.
ONE YEAR, and you are already telling stories that resemble 15 year marriage situation.
If you are experiencing this problem this early, what will this marriage look like in 15 years?
Na wa o for marriage these days.
You clearly are not ready for marriage.

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by SaLongs1(m): 2:16am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Yea thanks. Tho quite extreme, i actually asked her for separation which she vehemently objected. So i guess that's out of the discussion. She wants us to keep trying but I always loose sleep/rest when it fails again.
Just calm down and give it time. At least there is more to marriage than blissful sex.
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by onumadu: 2:23am On May 26, 2023
One more observation...

You view yourself as GOOD in bed, i,e. you are confident of your sexual performance.

It means that you have made sex a center-point of your marriage performance.

That is why you went out to test other women, just to reconfirm your belief in yourself as some sex god.

My brother, in marriage, just electricity bill is enough to kill whatever libido you had, unless you are truly ready for marriage.
That is why I said you are not ready for marriage.

Imagine having to deal with financial and children needs in the home, and other social problems that face every family.
You may not even remember sex for days, weeks or months sometimes, depending on the challenges you face in your family.

My solution?
(1) Just stop having sex with ANYONE for sometime.
(2) Mentally reprogram yourself into a new reality of marriage and family.
(3) Then restart having sex again with your wife ONLY.
(4) Starve other "sexual outlets" (you know them).
(5) Face your wife only.

Your libido will return after a few months.

Good luck!

3 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Ofadaman(m): 3:02am On May 26, 2023
pretydiva:
The truth is you no longer find your wife sexually attractive.
.


She's answer your question here, you no longer find her sexually attractive , so your brain doesn't get stimulated, and it's not about her looks, sometime it could be that you've actually seen too much to be aroused by her unclothedness. At this point, there's very little you can do to help unless you do a mind reconditioning , or you continue to imagine other women during sex with her.

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by femmoy(m): 3:16am On May 26, 2023
Samantha124:
Tell her the truth and if possible, get a divorce and move on with those other ladies that you're already cheating on her with.

Set her free while she's still young and you guys don't have a child... The sooner you do it, the easier it's gonna be for her to move on.

Sounds good but he might not have the rigid mind to do such. It's a very hard call which has to be made in some extreme situations.
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Mayflowa(m): 3:26am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Honestly i feel u should just go back and read my first post with a more open mind.

LOL. Na oyinbo girl you dey talk to so She cannot understand your situation as you wanted. Kobojunkie thinks and imagines situations like a white lady. To be fair, She is 100% correct from what is implied from your initial and subsequent posts. Your language and intention are confusing as you enjoying yourself with other women and boastings about it. If you love anybody, you wouldn't dare cheat on her but you have done so not just once but serially. That is a deal breaker for any western thinking woman like Kobojunkie. But Nigerian women have accommodation for such nonsense.

Just thinking your wife has spiritual private part just ruin the business of sex. But I have seen shades of things like that where a man go flat for three days each time he beds his girlfriend. He told me he feels his strength leaves him. But it could be pre-intimacy. she may need to work with her mouth a lot before and in-between but her naivety and belief may get in the way. Africans are trully strong sexually. Oyinbos sticks may never signal until they are worked on. Any small thing, African levels go dey misbehave. African women are really lucky.

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by pragmatistm(m): 4:05am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Thank you so much for your time. Fortunately, I just got a better job recently which is gonna take me out of our current state totally. So inevitably, we have to move together.

Regards,
You must surely move together. That's what a marriage needs. And by the way, it appears your wife is dying for your thing to work well on her. She needs it well oo as a young woman. Do everything possible together, prayers, medication, whatever to keep her and stop sleeping around completely and expect God to see you through.

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Onyiiobi7735(m): 4:22am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Thanks alot! Your post is closer to my thoughts. Unfortunately for now, we dont stay together. We have discussed the strong issue of resignation to be together. I feel that with that, i can curb my weakness with other women. Notwithstanding, she's put me under subtle pressure for pregnancy.
Op,am of the same opinion as the poster of the comment you just replied.Just work hard to save your marriage which is still very young and everything will be alright again.

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Onyiiobi7735(m): 4:28am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Yea thanks. Tho quite extreme, i actually asked her for separation which she vehemently objected. So i guess that's out of the discussion. She wants us to keep trying but I always loose sleep/rest when it fails again.
Op,am sorry to say this,but the issue with your sex life with your wife looks like a spiritual attack.Probably from a spirit husband.
Because it doesn't look normal to me .
As in how can you not be able to perform sexually with your wife,but do so with girls outside?
It's abnormal.
As you work on your marriage,try to include search for spiritual solutions.

1 Like

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Kobojunkie: 4:34am On May 26, 2023
Mayflowa:
■ LOL. Na oyinbo girl you dey talk to so She cannot understand your situation as you wanted. Kobojunkie thinks and imagines situations like a white lady. To be fair, She is 100% correct from what is implied from your initial and subsequent posts. Your language and intention are confusing as you enjoying yourself with other women and boastings about it. If you love anybody, you wouldn't dare cheat on her but you have done so not just once but serially. That is a deal breaker for any western thinking woman like Kobojunkie. But Nigerian women have accommodation for such nonsense.
Just thinking your wife has spiritual private part just ruin the business of sex. But I have seen shades of things like that where a man go flat for three days each time he beds his girlfriend. He told me he feels his strength leaves him. But it could be pre-intimacy. she may need to work with her mouth a lot before and in-between but her naivety and belief may get in the way. Africans are trully strong sexually. Oyinbos sticks may never signal until they are worked on. Any small thing, African levels go dey misbehave. African women are really lucky.
1. So, you are convinced that Nigerian women — many of whom have even resorted to cheating on their philandering husbands, and gone as far as to bring the evidence of said cheating into their married home in many reports — are accommodating with such nonsense? undecided

2. So, it is the wife who is to blame for OP not finding her attracted and this has nothing to do with OP having checked out mentally at all? OK. undecided
Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Caseless: 4:38am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:
Dear Nlders,

I cant say if this problem is peculiar and I would sincerely appreciate mature comments and suggestions.

My marriage is just about a year old though I had an on/off online friendship with my now-wifey since 2017 before we decided to get serious late 2021. Our physical courtship was kinda brief - about 6 months - while we both resided in the same state but different Cities (about 3hrs apart).

I used to be very sexually active in my previous relationships - trust me when i say I'm quite good in bed - but with my now-wifey, I decided to limit the sex part cos i felt at a man's age (tho my sisters also advised same) that there r other things to look out for in a woman. So basically, we did not get too intimate during courtship. Worryingly, even the few times we did it, I rarely got to orgasm cos she couldn't match my stamina.

Fast forwards to 1 month into the marriage, I was diagnosed with High blood pressure which the doctors advised BP drugs might affect my libido but it will later regulate/normalize. Then the problems started! First, I get aroused normally with good turgidity enough to penetrate my Wifey's tight "body" but I tend to loose erection after some mins of thrusting and that's the end. Never comes back on again. Few times I was able to finish but that's not without alot of mental imagination to make me finish ontime.

Very worryingly for me, I decided to check myself with other women and dear readers, I achieved stronger turgidity and no fail moment. That was my first shock.

Summarily, my wife and I still dont live together but this situation has gone worse now. I got no sexual feelings towards her and na by force we dey manage run 1 round in weeks. Meanwhile, I get sex requests from other girls on a daily. I'm very sad about this situation especially when i look at my wife because she ought to be enjoying this thicke alone forever.

As a man, you can imagine how you'd feel when your woman feels ur impotent while other women are bugging you for your time.

Various extreme thoughts have crossed my mind and I'm seriously bothered which isn't even good for my health. Should i confess to my wife?

I await your responses, suggestions and advice.

Many thanks,
Don't confess anything to her- this could put your marriage under more pressure. Just stop sleeping with other women and things would fall in place. There's no man out there that enjoys sleeping one woman always. You just have to regulate it. Many men complain of being tired of their wives sexually, but that doesn't they turn randy like you have become.

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Kobojunkie: 4:39am On May 26, 2023
blaise26abj:
■ Thanks jare . Other girls are asking for your stupid , wandering prick . Leave that poor woman alone and marry one of your numerous side chicks . How would you feel if she too went to ride a prick that doesn’t go flaccid before the end of one round to check if she is the problem . Yeye dey smell
Na the woman who dey think say the man get the problem I pity. undecided

She has likely resolved to stay by her husband's side through the problems—manhood issues— oblivious to the fact that he has probably been getting his knobs shined regularly outside of the marriage. She may even boast of how she is the kind who will stand by her man and support him through what she perceives may be a medical condition. *** shakes head*** undecided

2 Likes

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by Yankiss(m): 4:59am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Hmmmm thats worrisome! My wife's pretty, fair n endowed. Why is there no signal from my brain for arousal?
your wife has spirit husband. Go for deliverance, I swear. I had a similar experience. A very pretty date I took pains to catch. Me, the powerhouse got no erection after trying for hours. The following day with another babe, libido returned.

5 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Worried About My 1year Marriage! by do4luv14(m): 5:04am On May 26, 2023
Mokole2023:


Hmmmm thats worrisome! My wife's pretty, fair n endowed. Why is there no signal from my brain for arousal?


Cause you don't live together , How often do you see her unclothness, how often did you both got under the shower together

there are things, you do that will spices up your drive, as well get her Aroused

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