V

Sxyhalima:
im in my late 20s my boyfriend is in his early 30s

he is a great guy, he earns a good amount, he has a good job, he is ambitious, he spoils me (buys me lavish gifts), he loves and supports his family, he cares for me when i am sick, he is intentional about me, he speaks multiple languages, he is educated, and more.. he is my perfect guy and he is so handsome too, i feel like i've hit the jackpot. he isn't perfect, but neither am i, but he has great potential.

i have 3 issues

1) his family

his mother, these are the issues that have happened

A. when he took me on our first trip abroad i sensed that his mother wasnt really in suport of it, which i understand. some mothers may not think it is wise to spend lavishly on a girl you have just started dating. Also, he started to use my picture as his display picture on imessage because he liked how I look, I also used his too. but then this happened.. his mother and his aunty held a family meeting with him and asked him why I am allowing him to control me and commented about the holiday and the display picture.
B. I kind of got the vibe that his mom wasn’t happy about the fact that he spent new years eve with me at a party as opposed to at home praying as usual with her
C. Valentine’s came and when the gift he delivered for me arrived, his mother (as a joke) asked “where are her gifts” and asked him why he doesn’t buy her gifts. And then she started enquiring on our valentines plans
D. She wanted her son (my boyfriend) to go to her with to a church to pray that the relationship is God’s will (she is very spiritual and goes to church every day) and when her son told me I thought it was weird. I have no issues with her going alone, or even him going alone, or us two going together, but the fact that she and him wanted to go I felt it was weird. So then I invited myself to come to the church with them and then as the day that I was able to come was a week day she said she had to go to work on that day. So that my boyfriend offered to pay her what she would earn in a day so she could come. She agreed. But then she said she would meet us at the church and make her own way home, instead of us going as a three. And then when I just felt that was weird too, I expressed my concerns to my man and said that I wouldn’t go to the church and then he said he wouldn’t go to the church with his mother and that was a huge issue, she sent him paragraphs upon paragraphs of messages and was very unhappy about it. They didn’t speak for months, because of the church issue and other arguments they have had
E. I noticed that they don’t talk to each other via message anymore, and im wondering whether it is because of the profile picture and he said they just prefer to talk via the phone
F. Since then everything has been fine, but that is because he has stopped talking to his mother about our relationship and has kind of distanced himself from her. Also other things surrounding his family have come to light, I have found out that his mother doesn’t talk to any of her siblings she has 3 of them (for over 20 years) and has fallen out with most of her friends. She also had a bad marriage herself that ended in divorce. My boyfriend doesn’t talk to his older brother and hated his dad because of how he treated his mother. To the extent that, my boyfriend is biracial (half white) but refuses to acknowledge that he is white because of how much he hates his dad. His younger sister also has bipolar disorder and I am wondering if these things are genetic. I don’t know how comfortable I feel marrying into this family, what if his mother and I have a misunderstanding – will she stop talking to me for years? Will his little sister have an episode that puts a strain on our marriage?
G. The family also really, really depend on him. And I am concerned, if we do progress in our relationship and move to the next stage – how will they cope when he is gone, because I don’t want to share my husband. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where he is being a husband in 2 households. There is nothing wrong with having a son who is a main figure in the house, but he really does play the son/husband role in their household.

2) appearance
Like I said earlier, he is a handsome
He is handsome but he isn’t exactly my type in terms of appearance and how I’d like our future kids to look

3) job
It was always my dream to marry a doctor, or someone really rich. Im not a gold digger, but like I said earlier, he is a provider. But he still lives at home. Im interested to know how much of a provider he could be for me and our future family when he is living alone 100% paying his own bills and mortgage, because his disposable income will go down. I feel like I’d feel more confident marrying someone who was living independently and able to fend for themselves 100%

thats another thing, his mother diddnt even want him to move out because he supports the family she wanted him to stay at home and help pay off her mortgage



i get the vibe that she feels im taking her man away

are you goin to be a liability to him after marriage? You have just been saying u need a provider 100%, how would you assist him

Sxyhalima:
he has now changed his plans and says he wants to live at home until marriage because things are expensive
can a man marry me if he still lives in his parents house

Please do that man a favor by breaking up with him. You can still find a rich doctor to marry. Allow that man to live peacefully with his family, he will eventually marry someone much better than you, with the prayer of his mom. Free that soul.

Sxyhalima:
he has now changed his plans and says he wants to live at home until marriage because things are expensive
can a man marry me if he still lives in his parents house

Hey, this your post is really really annoying me. You are just a young gold digging idiot like the rest out there. You add no value to a man's life, yet you disrupt the one he had with his family? Have said it many times, there's a reason why mothers oppose some partners their son brings home. Its only a woman wey sabi a woman they know and understand themselves better. You are nothing but a manipulator and you will never succeed. Imagine if this dude was your brother, would you have ignore and watch has an unknown girl do this to your family? Taaaaa amadihoa fire your left yansh. You have nothing in your brain, nothing in your hand & nothing in your life as value, yet you are drafting choices? Lol, see me see wahala!!!!. I blame the idiotic guy for getting along with 20year old. 20 - 25 year old ladies have nothing tangible upstairs rather than squandering. Even your post reeks of confusion. Haaaaa abeg leave that Bobo make something bad no do you. Hin mama no go green you at all and you might meet your waterloo

who said i was 20!

If he’s not your type of guy why then are you dating him? You can’t be contradicting urself by saying he is really handsome but yet he terms of appearance he is not your type “we were all made from dust” just try create your own type.

Nazgul:
1. A It's very obvious that he's pumping more of his finances on you than his mom hence her ranting. Do you know the cost of flying a return ticket for 2 abroad with lodging cost, shopping...etc. And he's still a salary earner, every concerned mom would raise her eyebrows. And any sensible girl would caution her man against such unnecessary wastage.

B. No sensible girl would support her man to ditch his mom just to be with her, you should have encouraged him to go for the New year Eve prayers and even joined him there. That way you'd get to bond properly with her. You're just selfish and self-centered.

C. That woman has laboured more for that guy than you. You should have handed over the gift he bought for you to her. I'm 100% sure that if you did that, he'll definitely get you another gift and his mom would have a gift as well. It's like killing two birds with one stone.

D. You're playing a very dangerous game that wouldn't end well for you, cos with time, he'd be forced to choose between you and his mom, and believe me, he'll choose her over you over and over again. Never object whatever she suggests to her son, cos he hasn't married you. For now you're just a girlfriend whom he can replace anytime. So stop coming in between them, allow them sort out themselves and do not interfere cos he'll tell her whatever you say.

E. Hmmm

F. You should be more concerned about how you've already created division between him and his mom in just the few months you've been in his life. That should trouble you more than whatever is going on in his family. Cos if you cannot get on fine with his mom and marry him, believe me, the word depression would be a child's play as compared to what you'll face should things go south.

G. The family has been depending on him before he met you and would continue to depend on him whether or not you get married. If you try to cut him off from providing for them, they'll gang up and make that marriage a living hell for you. Your concern should be his ability to take care of the home (if he married you) and not what he gives to his people cos he'll Continue to support them. You certainly cannot stop him.

2. You don't like his appearance yet you agreed to an all paid expense trip abroad? If you know you can't stay with him, let him be. Cos it would be evil and an act of witchcraft to separate him from his mom and dump him along the way. You're no longer a kid, make up your mind.

3. So you've never had dreams of achieving your own goals and becoming an independent woman. You're saying you have no aspirations, no ambition, no career growth, nothing at all you're looking forward to aside marrying a rich man who would take care of you? That's all you hope for as a woman? You have no plans of working or at least taking care of yourself...I'm afraid to tell you that if you continue this way, sooner or later that guy would start seeing you as a liability and begin hunting for your replacement.

Ur contribution is top notch,you are highly intelligent too...the Op does not have anything to offer unto this relationship,she is totally a liability,can u imagine she doesn't like the guy physical appearance yet she likes his money and the gift she has been receiving,every genuine partner will encourage their other partner to be in church come every new year eve,but this daughter of Jezebel too her own man to party instead of praying for the new year ahead,she is even trying to bring commotion between a son and the mother,devils advocate is who she is

i am meeting d mom on sunday at church

alaso positive updates, i saw messages where she was praying for me on many occassions that i have a great birthday weekend because she knows how hard i work. (he diddnt ask her to do that)

this was after he told her about an argument we had.

does that mean she likes me

Sxyhalima:
im in my late 20s my boyfriend is in his early 30s

he is a great guy, he earns a good amount, he has a good job, he is ambitious, he spoils me (buys me lavish gifts), he loves and supports his family, he cares for me when i am sick, he is intentional about me, he speaks multiple languages, he is educated, and more.. he is my perfect guy and he is so handsome too, i feel like i've hit the jackpot. he isn't perfect, but neither am i, but he has great potential.

i have 3 issues

1) his family

his mother, these are the issues that have happened

A. when he took me on our first trip abroad i sensed that his mother wasnt really in suport of it, which i understand. some mothers may not think it is wise to spend lavishly on a girl you have just started dating. Also, he started to use my picture as his display picture on imessage because he liked how I look, I also used his too. but then this happened.. his mother and his aunty held a family meeting with him and asked him why I am allowing him to control me and commented about the holiday and the display picture.
B. I kind of got the vibe that his mom wasn’t happy about the fact that he spent new years eve with me at a party as opposed to at home praying as usual with her
C. Valentine’s came and when the gift he delivered for me arrived, his mother (as a joke) asked “where are her gifts” and asked him why he doesn’t buy her gifts. And then she started enquiring on our valentines plans
D. She wanted her son (my boyfriend) to go to her with to a church to pray that the relationship is God’s will (she is very spiritual and goes to church every day) and when her son told me I thought it was weird. I have no issues with her going alone, or even him going alone, or us two going together, but the fact that she and him wanted to go I felt it was weird. So then I invited myself to come to the church with them and then as the day that I was able to come was a week day she said she had to go to work on that day. So that my boyfriend offered to pay her what she would earn in a day so she could come. She agreed. But then she said she would meet us at the church and make her own way home, instead of us going as a three. And then when I just felt that was weird too, I expressed my concerns to my man and said that I wouldn’t go to the church and then he said he wouldn’t go to the church with his mother and that was a huge issue, she sent him paragraphs upon paragraphs of messages and was very unhappy about it. They didn’t speak for months, because of the church issue and other arguments they have had
E. I noticed that they don’t talk to each other via message anymore, and im wondering whether it is because of the profile picture and he said they just prefer to talk via the phone
F. Since then everything has been fine, but that is because he has stopped talking to his mother about our relationship and has kind of distanced himself from her. Also other things surrounding his family have come to light, I have found out that his mother doesn’t talk to any of her siblings she has 3 of them (for over 20 years) and has fallen out with most of her friends. She also had a bad marriage herself that ended in divorce. My boyfriend doesn’t talk to his older brother and hated his dad because of how he treated his mother. To the extent that, my boyfriend is biracial (half white) but refuses to acknowledge that he is white because of how much he hates his dad. His younger sister also has bipolar disorder and I am wondering if these things are genetic. I don’t know how comfortable I feel marrying into this family, what if his mother and I have a misunderstanding – will she stop talking to me for years? Will his little sister have an episode that puts a strain on our marriage?
G. The family also really, really depend on him. And I am concerned, if we do progress in our relationship and move to the next stage – how will they cope when he is gone, because I don’t want to share my husband. I wouldn’t want to be in a situation where he is being a husband in 2 households. There is nothing wrong with having a son who is a main figure in the house, but he really does play the son/husband role in their household.

2) appearance
Like I said earlier, he is a handsome
He is handsome but he isn’t exactly my type in terms of appearance and how I’d like our future kids to look

3) job
It was always my dream to marry a doctor, or someone really rich. Im not a gold digger, but like I said earlier, he is a provider. But he still lives at home. Im interested to know how much of a provider he could be for me and our future family when he is living alone 100% paying his own bills and mortgage, because his disposable income will go down. I feel like I’d feel more confident marrying someone who was living independently and able to fend for themselves 100%

thats another thing, his mother diddnt even want him to move out because he supports the family she wanted him to stay at home and help pay off her mortgage



i get the vibe that she feels im taking her man away

I deduced 5 things from your write up

1...... Your boyfriend is a yahoo boy, who spends frivolously, and his future with you will end within a twinkling, or blink of an eye.

2...... You should have opted to furthering your education, to help assimilate your use of english language, and the way you write.

3..... Enhance your world with better things, rather than living the life of a grand theft auto.

4..... You are an example of a beauty without brain.

5.... I rest my case.

What exactly do you mean by not liking his appearance?
Is it something he can change?

Lol,with all the sacrifice wey the guy don do,(you sef never do anything for am ooooooo)but still he's not your type?but you dey enjoy em money oooo.....wen we tell these simps never to impress these hoes they begin to call you names just to impress the same ungrateful hoes ..una go suffer taya