darkhand:

Man, you sound like a wimp. Did anybody force your mum to live in a one bedroom apartment? Was the money not your dad's? Was it yours? Look at this child, coming here to cry - daddy wasn't fair. You therefore hate men that cheat. Well son maybe that's cos you ain't yet a man. At the rate you are going you will end up with a chick who will despise your weakness, you are the kind of kid that ends up committing suicide over some chick who could care less.

No he is not a wimp. He sounds like a very educated well grounded man and many women love and want that. Nobody wants a barbarian which is unfortunately what is mostly lying around. Thank God my only unmarried sister is open to all types of men. She has a bigger pool to pick from. This nonsense that you people keep spewing is getting old. Calling a man a wimp because he has an issue with irresponsible men. Shame

some comments here make me feel like throwing up, honestly don't these men know that adultery is a sin - and most of them will claim to be the biggest Christians out there - TUFIKWA

IN fact i blame my late father for being a good man - why did he not tell me b4 he died that he was an abnormal man and that most men act completely opposite from him. chei if only he had been seeking 2 minute pleasures outside and beating my mum then I would be agreeing with these comments on here saying its ok to cheat on ur pregnant wife or wife after having children - sometimes i wonder if some men were just plucked from hell cos its hard to believe that some of them have come from a woman's womb

cotton101:

some comments here make me feel like throwing up, honestly don't these men know that adultery is a sin - and most of them will claim to be the biggest Christians out there - TUFIKWA

IN fact i blame my late father for being a good man - why did he not tell me b4 he died that he was an abnormal man and that most men act completely opposite from him. chei if only he had been seeking 2 minute pleasures outside and beating my mum then I would be agreeing with these comments on here saying its ok to cheat on your pregnant wife or wife after having children - sometimes i wonder if some men were just plucked from hell cos its hard to believe that some of them have come from a woman's womb

It is true. When good men do nothing evil will triumph. I never so my dad abusive to my mother. I never can imagine that he ever would even consider stepping out on her. So I totally understand were you are coming from. I joined nairaland and realized that I lived in a fantacy world. Not only are irresponsible men rampart but they are even celebrated. look at people not ashamed to say "I am a LovePeddler" "I just poke my schlong anywhere it lands" and feel no shame. Tufia kwa

First thing first please concentrate big time on things that make you happy not easy but very important, your kids and your condition is paramount. When it gets to dealing with an unfaithful and unrepentant spouse you really need to school yourself to not be emotional about it. Think about what he or she is bringing to the table and your situation. If you have very young children its not easy raising them by yourself, is he or she a provider, is he or she very helpful in the house with the kids. Even having a housemate to share expenses and raise the children together has its value, having someone at home looking after the children while you run out to get a couple of things in the shops also has its value etc. Dont give anyone an easy option and have your life more stressful than it needs to be. You both made the children and you should both raise them.

Be smart about your finances (in case you are helping him save money this is the time to get paid help to make your life easier as already said if the money is not there he is more likely to face his home or they will send him home). Make sure your children get all or most of their needs met. Be a bit more handicapp and needy. If you are in the UK and working full-time so that you can help him do what he was meant to be doing in 9ja it might be time to re-assess this since he now has spare cash would a part-time do.

Protect yourself from STD. Unfortunately infidelity is rampant in our society.

Finally pray and talk with him to see if things can turn around. Most of spouses in our society who are unfaithful actually think their partner should accept this provided they get their needs met and at times all you will be able to get is making sure that your needs are met.

Cunny man die cunny man bury am.

Hmm

Please I need some advice for my sister she has been in a brutal relationship for a guy who isn't ready to marry her legally, she has 3 kids for him but yet this guy is not serious with life he beats her, the worst was when she was 8 months pregnant for her last kid, she fainted after serious beating and ended up in the hospital. The last was about 3 months ago when he beat her and pushed her down from his car on the high way, I don't live in Nigeria so I had to arrange with a couple of people and her mum to get her and the kids out of the man's house, he was never married, she got pregnant for him in the name of love and he asked her to move in with him ,he never performed any right on her. So she finally left his place about 3 months ago, and when the kids when on holiday in September he started begging that she should let the kids come to spend the holiday with him and his parents, he has not been paying the kids school fees, he paid the past ones paid by his child mother and we felt perhaps he was getting sober, so my sister allowed her two eldest daughters 7 and 4 to go spend the holiday with their granny at Abeokuta, when the kids were to resume back to school in Lagos, he didn't bring them back to their mother and said he has looked for another school for them at Abeokuta that the kids will now be living with his mother, that he has also gotten an house maid for them their, and he never got an house maid for a mother of three even when she was living with him. Please I just need to know if their is any organization that fights for the rights of victims of domestic violence and women in this kind of situation, my sister is so frustrated and wants her daughters back.

please you can post here or  send any important information to: blessedmascot@yahoo.com

Thanks

you should endure for childbirth. then you can decide for yourself. if you believe you have suffered, I can not say anything. but if you can not bear it anymore,I recommend then it is best to divorce, it will goog for you. urge you to consider before deciding. wish you good luck always

After all has been said, poster, the most important thing is to hand everything over to God. Talk to your husband in a way he will understand your pain because he is human too and pray unto God that He would intervene in your situation. Will pray along with you cos that is the essence of sharing.
Wishing you a safe delivery and God's guidance for you, the baby and your entire family. Have faith and listen as God speaks to you concerning this situation (hope you know the Lord and he knows you too, if not this is the time to do so). It is well with you.

@prince4lif

Sorry o. It will be resolved by Gods grace.

If shes a Lagos state resident, try the Lagos State Office of the Public Defender. Check out their website.

Also womens right groups and FIDA Nigeria (women lawyers).

@Prince4life

Please I need some advice for my sister , she has 3 kids for him but yet this guy is not serious with life he beats her, the worst was when she was 8 months pregnant for her last kid, she fainted after serious beating and ended up in the hospital. The last was about 3 months ago when he beat her and pushed her down from his car on the high way

Accept my sympathy,  on your sister's behalf, about what she is going through.
From your narration, your sister must have gone through very difficult time during her pregnancy.
Why would her husband lay hands on her in the first place, not to mention when she was pregnant? That's not right!
Whatever has been the case, he should have at least exercise more self-control over himself, bearing in mind that she was pregnant, so as to safe-guard the baby's health!
Some men need a few more lesson/classes in "Anger Management".
Did he actually push her off a moving vehicle as you are implying or he asked her to "alight from a stationary vehicle" which l think is most likely the true picture?

Now, l am sure if we ask him or if he has the opportunity to speak or respond to the above allegations, he would narrate a completely different story! Thus, we've learned not to condemn "an accused" without offering such person the "benefit of doubt".

.,.,she has been in a brutal relationship with a guy who isn't ready to marry her legally; so I had to arrange with a couple of people and her mum to get her and the kids out of the man's house, he was never married, she got pregnant for him in the name of love and he asked her to move in with him ,he never performed any right on her. So she finally left his place about 3 months ago,

In reference to above, l guess the "real picture" you're trying to paint is that "He has no right over her and the children they bore together" or she owes him nothing?
Now, that should not be the "position of a good in-law".
Whether he paid a million Pounds on her head or nothing, they are husband and wife with three children. (Not minding whether they are having unhappy differences at the moment!).
Assuming he suddenly became Governor today and says because he did not pay dowry on your sister, therefore she is not his wife (and he wants to marry another "proper wife" would you be happy with that position?
Wont you be the first to come and tell us how wicked he is? Well, this is the other side of the coin so quit acting-up!
You cant be worried at this stage, about what she cant "offload from him" after divorce, or are you? Whats the story then about the "legal marriage" angle? Please slow down.

I dont know if your own disposition contributed to the infractions they are having sef!
But its good that you arranged for her to get some "breathing space" so the man can meditate on his wrong ways and calm down.

So she finally left his place about 3 months ago, and when the kids when on holiday in September he started begging that she should let the kids come to spend the holiday with him and his parents, he has not been paying the kids school fees, he paid the past ones paid by his child mother and we felt perhaps he was getting sober, so my sister allowed her two eldest daughters 7 and 4 to go spend the holiday with their granny at Abeokuta, when the kids were to resume back to school in Lagos, he didn't bring them back to their mother and said he has looked for another school for them at Abeokuta that the kids will now be living with his mother, that he has also gotten an house maid for them their, and he never got an house maid for a mother of three even when she was living with him

You see, this is what happens "WHEN YOU MAKE A "FATHER" BEG FOR HIS RIGHT!
Why dont people like you understand that "children belong to both husband and wife", not just one of the spouses?
Why dont people like you understand that "children should not be used as a weapon", when husband and wife have disagreements?
Why dont people like you know that putting the children in the middle of "adult fights" creates psychological problem for them, in the future?
Why dont people like you understand that "right of parentage" has nothing to do with money; it is inherited in the Genes of both spouses!

Wait a minute, the children have suddenly become "HER daughters" instead of "THEIR daughters", right?
So you have turned yourself to a "family court" and have decided that "he has no right or must beg" before being given the right to see his children?
C'mmon, lets be reasonable for a second: What it was the husband that took this action in the first place and took the children away from their mother, wont we condemn such action?

Now that "your side" has drawn the first blood, the husband has simply "paid you back in similar coin" and you are now here looking for NGO that would take sides with you to fight your sister's husband!
"Do unto others as you would expect them to do unto you": That's the golden rule!
How do you think he was feeling, being made to beg his in-laws, to see his own children?
Could it be that he has "vowed never to beg to see his children again" thus, his action?

Anyway, "two wrongs dont make a single right". Both parties are wrong.
No spouse has the right (except by the pronouncement of a family court, with very clear and cogent reasons) to deny the other access/custody to their children. End of story!

I would suggest you stop being the "cheer-leader" in the break-up of your sisters marriage!
Instead, channel all your energy into getting to the root of their problem.
Call your in-law and talk to him "man-to-man". Find out what he thinks is wrong in the relationship (from his own perspective).
Tell him what your own sister says he does and she does not like.
Try to bridge their differences.
Admonish both of them to be less "self-centered", they should think about how their actions would affect the children and more importantly, tell your sister to be "submissive in a wifey manner" and the husband, to "love his wife like himself" (no one beats himself!).
Calm them down and advice them to shun "fights" (even if you want us to believe that it is only the man that is doing the fighting alone) but if you must lead your sister to fight "DV", advice her to go to the court; stop looking for "backers", when you're spoiling for a fight!
Be a "calming influence" in your sisters marital life, not one that stokes the fire or have you got another husband for her already? (factor-in the three children o! )

Let them know that "Two cannot live together except they agree!; But how can they agree when both are claiming superiority"?
As far as l know, no marriage ever worked, where the wife claims superiority or challenges the husband's authority over his home!
If you want to  be "a wife", submit to your husband in all things.
if you dont want to be a wife, then dont marry a man and you dont have to give a toss about "submitting to" some ego-driven male (husband)

The problem with marriage nowadays is that "most women want to get married to 'a man' but are unwilling to submit to the man"!
Why create a headache for yourself, your husband and the children?
Marriage is not by force but if you must go into it, be ready to abide by the rules and the most important of that is SUBMISSION to your husband.
Next is "HONORING YOUR HUSBAND".
For the man, the command is to "Love your wife; as yourself"!

Do those three things and see if marriage is not a bliss!
Our parents did it and stayed married till death, why not us?

Think for a second, as a man, what if you find yourself in the same situation in the no distant future (yes, l've heard it before, l can never be in that situation! ), what would be your expectations?
What goes around, comes around.

Nuff said joor.

Lastpage

prince4lif:

Please I need some advice for my sister she has been in a brutal relationship for a guy who isn't ready to marry her legally, she has 3 kids for him but yet this guy is not serious with life he beats her, the worst was when she was 8 months pregnant for her last kid, she fainted after serious beating and ended up in the hospital. The last was about 3 months ago when he beat her and pushed her down from his car on the high way, I don't live in Nigeria so I had to arrange with a couple of people and her mum to get her and the kids out of the man's house, he was never married, she got pregnant for him in the name of love and he asked her to move in with him ,he never performed any right on her. So she finally left his place about 3 months ago, and when the kids when on holiday in September he started begging that she should let the kids come to spend the holiday with him and his parents, he has not been paying the kids school fees, he paid the past ones paid by his child mother and we felt perhaps he was getting sober, so my sister allowed her two eldest daughters 7 and 4 to go spend the holiday with their granny at Abeokuta, when the kids were to resume back to school in Lagos, he didn't bring them back to their mother and said he has looked for another school for them at Abeokuta that the kids will now be living with his mother, that he has also gotten an house maid for them their, and he never got an house maid for a mother of three even when she was living with him. Please I just need to know if their is any organization that fights for the rights of victims of domestic violence and women in this kind of situation, my sister is so frustrated and wants her daughters back.

please you can post here or  send any important information to: blessedmascot@yahoo.com

Thanks

You are a phocking liar

Liarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Someone did all these to your sister and you are here on NL asking for help? How old are you?

I would expect you to be in jail by now for homicide or attempted homicide of the so called BF. At least, if not cooling off in jail, you should, by now, have become an international fugitive.

Phocking liar. Oloshi. looking for attention on NL. Anuofia