I didn't say that was me. I'm just painting a picture for you guys damn people putting me in that miserable guys shoe. Well many men in similar situation though. Olosho /uni college girl did a good job to get the Blackberry Bold touch , housewife should learn from her

I guess some men replicate what they've seen from their own backgrounds.I guess the saying "you can't miss what you don't know" comes to mind in this case.
Unfortunately if all a man knows from early childhood is seeing his wonderful mother been cheated on or battered then it so happens he will in most cases practice what he believes to be the "norm".
If he has seen his father respect,cherish and love his mother then he will do the same with whichever lady he settles down with.
Our upbringing plays a big role in how we treat others around us,whether we like it or not, sometimes even subconsciously.
For those men who have grown up in loving homes and end up treating their wives or the women in their lives like dirt,You should really know better.
someone has mentioned their father died alone despite his flamboyant lifestyle, that's really sad considering he would have enjoyed seeing his kids grow up and make him proud.
@ Poster I hope your husband realizes all this before it's too late,Women who knowingly date married men need deliverance.You will always be the second best.These ladies need to realise their worth and not settle to come second because that's what it ends up to be !!

//

tEsLim:

I didn't say that was me. I'm just painting a picture for you guys damn people putting me in that miserable guys shoe. Well many men in similar situation though. Olosho /uni college girl did a good job to get the Blackberry Bold touch ,  housewife should learn from her

I donot mean its you, i used you hypothetically to represent a man in those shoes and yes the BB is for wifey , most of all , ALL of him belongs to wifey, and nothing goes for nothing.

Whitehorse:

^^^
Sex does indeed matter I agree, for any marriage to succeed.
However, after all the "slutting" around, what do you do with yourselves abi do you Be Intimate all day long? Lol.

Do you ever spend any time communicating?

Very few men dream of their wedding or want to get married . For a man to forgo his freedom and marry a woman , that woman apart from his mum is the most important woman to him. When there is not enough or alot of slutting around all communication break down, infact one of the best ways to communicate to a man how important he is to you is to sluutt around , there is no better communication to a man that he is needed than sluutting around. He will then be open to all planning and late night working will dissappear as he cannot wait to get home.
The amount those girls take outside just to slutt around and men willing pay so we must realise how important this is.
Its easier to have a peaceful and harmonious home when you sllutt , ain't nothing like that for the "so called good gal" unfair but true.
Most marriages you admire have a terrific slutting around life   teasing him while you are half way to a party together that Oh my goodness darling we need to turn back , then he asks you for what and you say sshiit I forgot to wear my panties is enough to make sure he sees no BB collector at the party , rather he will be keeping his eyes firmly on u.

P.s sluutting maybe a dirty word but once you take it to the bedroom it works like all other 4 letter words as a turn on for men especially.

Honestly some men would rather date you for 20years than marry you and loose the girl they used to know. Overzealous house wife! Who want that born again package na?

horny4u:

Buy her kama sutra books, flirty and Intimate books violet blue, tracey cox, felatio books , the way to become a sensuous woman by J is my Fav etc _{lemme stop before i gain a reputation.}
You the man, tell her to dash the kids to your mum.
Send her an hotel room key for short time break
Do it in front of the mirror while you tell her how gorgeous her body still is ( after kids many women become a bit insecure) so she can be confident like before.
Let her know its ok to be your well behaved princess outside the bedroom and your sslutt in the bedroom
sext her and encourage her to sext you back,
Google is a good friend here.

All these your academic theories sef.   Anyway, In practice, no matter how hard you try, you can't have these for 20 straight years. You just
have to deal with it when it aint there.

@poster
A lot of sensible advice here but the most important thing is to focus on your pregnancy and mental health meanwhile.  Your state of mind may have an impact on the child and how you cope during and after delivery. Try not to deny him of sex cos you"l only drive him further into the BB babes arms and make yourself more miserable. Its important to make your man always feel like coming home to you. Use condoms and let him know that you are scared of HIV and STDs.

Been thru a similar experience before but got over it by applying wisdom in dealing with the issue and praying so hard. Some men are unrepentant cheats while others just temporarily fall into temptation. Some just dont know how to cope when your attention is divided between them and the kids coupled with your current status.

Your hubby appears to respect you tho he has roving eyes which will always deplete his resources to your disadvantage if you dont act fast. This to me is not an issue for divorce. Hes apologetic and clearly wants to keep his marriage while he roves free.  Its time for you to wise up but its safer after your delivery.

If you have been supporting him financially, learn to hold back in a very nice way without hurting his feelings. There is less philandering when there are more problems to focus on and less disposable income. Put your savings to good use to secure your future which he will surely benefit from if he stays e.g. lookout for good capital intensive investments like landed property for the family which will force him to commit more funds at home. He will appreciate you for it in due course and you would have succeeded in improving your lot. Also insist politely that he takes care of his kids. Its his basic responsibility anyway tho you should assist if you want the best for them.Wakawaka babes dont have time for stories of projects they wont derive any benefit from so they are bound to move on or he gets tired of the stress of trying to satisfy too many people.

God will surely grant you safe delivery and help you get over this problem.

delpee:

@poster
A lot of sensible advice here but the most important thing is to focus on your pregnancy and mental health meanwhile.  Your state of mind may have an impact on the child and how you cope during and after delivery. Try not to deny him of sex cos you"l only drive him further into the BB babes arms and make yourself more miserable. Its important to make your man always feel like coming home to you. Use condoms and let him know that you are scared of HIV and STDs.

Been thru a similar experience before but got over it by applying wisdom in dealing with the issue and praying so hard. Some men are unrepentant cheats while others just temporarily fall into temptation. Some just dont know how to cope when your attention is divided between them and the kids coupled with your current status.

Your hubby appears to respect you tho he has roving eyes which will always deplete his resources to your disadvantage if you dont act fast. This to me is not an issue for divorce. Hes apologetic and clearly wants to keep his marriage while he roves free.  Its time for you to wise up but its safer after your delivery.

If you have been supporting him financially, learn to hold back in a very nice way without hurting his feelings. There is less philandering when there are more problems to focus on and less disposable income. Put your savings to good use to secure your future which he will surely benefit from if he stays e.g. lookout for good capital intensive investments like landed property for the family which will force him to commit more funds at home. He will appreciate you for it in due course and you would have succeeded in improving your lot. Also insist politely that he takes care of his kids. Its his basic responsibility anyway tho you should assist if you want the best for them.Wakawaka babes dont have time for stories of projects they wont derive any benefit from so they are bound to move on or he gets tired of the stress of trying to satisfy too many people.

God will surely grant you safe delivery and help you get over this problem.

Amin

Hmmmm! Na wa o!!

The first page of this thread got me thinking and l decided to quote a few things from there. I think some of the "advice" are plain too academic and may therefore backfire at the Op's real intention. Example:

@Horny4u: Painful as this is.

1. You and your kids + unborn matter most. ------------ So the husband does not matter anymore? Are they not his kids too?

2. The money : you need it to take care of your kids. ------ So it is no longer his responsibility as a father (even though he cheats on his wife!) to take care of his kids?

3. Legs closed for now : no need to give your uncurable --------- While STD's are real and there are known precautions you can take to prevent contracting them from you philandering hubby, denying him sex is a "valid and legal ground for divorce! Check it out  in the law books please!

4. The money: Please siphon the money you will need it ------ From what the OP wrote, l gather it is the man that is the bread winner of the family! He works and get paid into his account. How would you force him to part with the money you want to fitter into a safe box? If he is smart enough to keep Gf',l dont think he is that stewpid not to quickly recognize you are trying to pull a fast one!

5. Invest the money or keep it away for now. -------- The marriage is already suffering "cracks" but the quickest way to bulldoze it into oblivion is to give him a reason to think you're planning to dump him or take advantage of him (not that he will mind being dumped, as long as you dont try to play smart on his money or investments, which is the next line of action of most women in her shoes and believe me, men too are getting wiser by the day! Always looking out for the signs you described above! You will be surprised how quickly he will sell off his assets  (land, building) or go into unnecessary loans and ensure his account is always drained of cash! He can even begin to have assets in the GF's name, once he gets a hint of your plan-B! I have seen too many women destroy an otherwise "amenable' marital problem with this kind of 'bad advise".

6.  Remove emotion as much as possible , GF are expensive and if your kids are lacking then, the money again ----- Well, its a big risk when you turn the issue to a "war of Me Vs. Him". He will simply go into "defensive mode" and at that point, anything goes! Dont forget that men are not that stewpid, some of them are very smart and can be stubborn, just to prove a point!

7. He will want you to stay : divorces are expensive and child support is compulsory. --------- This is not always true! If it is in Nigeria, he can simply disappear into thin air and nothing go happen! It is is "abroad" he can simply transfer his "assets" (cash) down to his homeland and one day, move-on (as bad as it sounds), to avoid you being the beneficiary of his sweat (when push becomes shove) and never step foot in that particular country again. He might go say from U.K, to Canada or Argentina! and start a new life! Whose loose?

8. Demand the money : Your kids deserve it
so if you still love him put your foot down. Get a bigger mortgage for new baby , once he starts spending at home , it will dry up for GFS and they will sack him. No better way to do that then put the kids in  a private school, move into a bigger house, stand with a project expand the big house, Once there is no money for frivolities and so much on his hand , opportunity will be erased. -------  Are you going to force him to sign a "bigger mortgage" with you? If you say you want the kids to go private school and he says "No", are you going to o ahead and register them and then force him to pay? Even the Courts cant force him to put children in private school! Move to a bigger house?  C'mmon, lets give serious advice, if he works and pays the rent, how are you in a position to force him to move to a bigger house? One thing is, even a poor laborer doing menial jobs still finds time (and some coins), to run after Sikira that sells sweets and pure water!  Its NOT availability of funds alone that makes men cheat, its not even the most important factor, he will simply cut his coat according to his cloth afterall, there are always cheaper women along the rung of the ladder! if not so, then "poor people should not have been cheating on their spouses? Even the village farmer cheats!

Why did l write all these? (I am in no way in support of infidelity in a marriage, its hurts so much!)
'Cos l have seen too many women take the plunge (based on such advice s above) only to realize when it is too late (and impossible to go back!) that marriage break-up is not beans at all. It is a vicious fight of the sexes, the most dangerous kind of fight you can experience 'cos "the enemy" is within,one that knows you inside-out! One who is also the parent of your child! THINK TWICE before you ACT!

As for the Op, l will suggest you take things easy, have your baby (my prayers with you), talk to him with love and hopefully, he will "come back home". In most men, it is just a phase and will soon pass. Most men have done it, almost ll will do it at one stage of their life (Even that Pastor of Church of Shiloh thats always preaching against it, had 3 women with is children, at his burial! ).

@hardywaltz:

Well I know most people may find my earlier advise repulsive but its just the simple truth, a married man having only 1 'serious' girlfriend is very dangerous; here are the reasons
1) he will rent and furnish a splendid apartment for her for real privacy
2) he will buy her expensive phone and gift (jeweleries etc)
3) he will start taking care of her siblings
4) he will buy her a car
5) he will continuously look for every opportunity to travel (real or imaginary)
6) he will fall in love with her and soon enuff find reasons to throw u out marry her (if u think I am lying ask Mercy Johnson)

[s]but on the other hand if he has several gf as soon as he is done with dat 1 he will rush back home and giggle about his sexcapdes! In reality there's actually nothing 1 can do to a man who keeps looking out just find a solution dat works for u.[/s]

As annoying as your post is, l hate to say it is REALITY!
If l may "tone-it-down a bit: A man that is "cheating and attached" to a single G.F has a greater chance of marrying her than one that has like tow or three G.F's (both are morally wrong)!. The later case implies he has no emotional attachment to the G.F's and can easily do away with them at any time but the latter is a danger sign. We have seen it happen too many times, once the House Madam turns it to a fight, he will simply gravitate towards that single G.F and their love will wax stronger.

@moremi2008:

Make sure you accept only cash during the baby shower.
Squirrel away every penny you can lay your hands on.
Keep saving until all your kids are old enough for school.
In the meanwhile, start taking the pill religiously. You can't afford to get pregnant again while this man is still drunk with foolishness. Once your kids are in school, find yourself a good job.

All the while, keep saving every extra penny and make sure your husband is paying for EVERYTHING in the house.
Also start collecting evidence. If possible, book an initial consultation with a divorce laywer; they'll teach you how to collect enough evidence to make sure you not only keep the house, but you also win for yourself lots of alimony and child support. [color=#990000]All this should take you about 4-5yrs so you will have to patient as you execute your Master Strategy. Once you're strong enough, financially and evidence-wise, you can then launch your attack. Your husband will first try to prove tough guy but once you show him the evidence and invite him to an "educational" meeting with your divorce lawyer, he will calm down and start begging you. [/color]After this, he will NEVER disrespect your marriage again. Good luck! Remember, patience and a well-executed Master Strategy.

I was about to comment strongly on your post when l saw a follow-up post that you made below:

Thank you! My father thought he would be an invincible playboy forever. He abandoned his young family to spend lavishly on cars, women and partying. He died last year at the age of 58: broke, extremely lonely and a full-blown alcoholic! Not even his many hundreds of ex-girlfriends showed-up to his funeral. He invested his future in pursuit of vanity and he reaped the empty wind in the end. Vanity upon vanity.

Hmmm! My sister, l think you need to be careful, very-very careful, if this is how your mind works! Have "you" tried this method yourself, of recent?
I can understand how you feel as a result of how your father treated you and his family but the sad thing is that if care is not taken, this sort of "bad omen" can become generational!.
Already, one can see that with this kind of mindset, you are already laying the foundation for a marriage collapse 'cos whether you like it or not, marriage will always face difficulties of so many types and it is how you "handle the situation" that would determine how it turns out (and your own panacea as stated above, is a recipe for disaster and failed marriage!)
I also understand, as "Freecia" has stated:

I guess some men/ women replicate what they've seen from their own backgrounds. I guess the saying "you can't miss what you don't know" comes to mind in this case. Our upbringing plays a big role in how we treat others around us,whether we like it or not, sometimes even subconsciously.

.
So, you need to forgive your old man for his mistakes (again, not all "cheating husbands" die poor and miserable like your own Dad! (Go and ask the Senators, Governors, e.t.c. ) His case must be due to mismanagement of resources or just badluck!

Just imagine if the husband of the woman "who practices this your advice" gets a whiff of what is going on? It needs only just one simple mistake to expose this kind of devious plan and l am sure a few women can tell us of their own experience in this "smart game" of divorce!.
Remember that a lot of men are also reading all these things and are getting wiser by the day, which makes implementing them more difficult.
More reason why divorces are getting bitter and more bitter by the day and some "smart men" are even insisting on "Pre-Nup" Agreement before marriage!
If there is a problem in the marriage and the first thing that comes to your mind is "entrapment and how to launch an attack that will get you his property", then you can bet that that mindset will always condition your thinking and actions and such marriage is just a disaster waiting to happen!

BTW: Dont take this personal, l feel you but l think l need to point this out, who knows, it might help somebody someday.

Cheers,

lastpage.

I can't take these kind of posters seriously. So your hubby has a couple of flings, wow so what's new. You are pregnant and boring, he is sorry, it was all just fun. Hey if you want to take your old and tired azz and walk that's your problem. If you want some real advise - here it is, have your baby, then try and be more loving towards your hubby. This will help you both and your kids as well.

lastpage:

@moremi2008:
I was about to comment strongly on your post when l saw a follow-up post that you made below:
Hmmm! My sister, l think you need to be careful, very-very careful, if this is how your mind works! Have "you" tried this method yourself, of recent?
I can understand how you feel as a result of how your father treated you and his family but the sad thing is that if care is not taken, this sort of "bad omen" can become generational!.
Already, one can see that with this kind of mindset, you are already laying the foundation for a marriage collapse 'cos whether you like it or not, marriage will always face difficulties of so many types and it is how you "handle the situation" that would determine how it turns out (and your own panacea as stated above, is a recipe for disaster and failed marriage!)
I also understand, as "Freecia" has stated: .
So, you need to forgive your old man for his mistakes (again, not all "cheating husbands" die poor and miserable like your own Dad! (Go and ask the Senators, Governors, e.t.c. ) His case must be due to mismanagement of resources or just badluck!

Just imagine if the husband of the woman "who practices this your advice" gets a whiff of what is going on? It needs only just one simple mistake to expose this kind of devious plan and l am sure a few women can tell us of their own experience in this "smart game" of divorce!.
Remember that a lot of men are also reading all these things and are getting wiser by the day, which makes implementing them more difficult.
More reason why divorces are getting bitter and more bitter by the day and some "smart men" are even insisting on "Pre-Nup" Agreement before marriage!
If there is a problem in the marriage and the first thing that comes to your mind is "entrapment and how to launch an attack that will get you his property", then you can bet that that mindset will always condition your thinking and actions and such marriage is just a disaster waiting to happen!

BTW: Dont take this personal, l feel you but l think l need to point this out, who knows, it might help somebody someday.

Cheers,

lastpage.

I am a guy and I am only giving the advice I wish someone had given my Mum when she was a young bride in the 80s. She was left alone to raise three children while my Dad spent his money on girls and partying. My mum used to beg him all over town, pleading and crying, but all to no avail. We all turned out very well but we really suffered in the 90s, living in a one-bedroom apartment while my Dad lived in a mansion. We used to take danfo everywhere but my Dad bought a new car every year. We would have no clothes for Xmas but my Dad will have the money to send his girlfriend to London for shopping. I have absolutely no respect for cheating husbands. A man that can't preserve the sanctity of his marriage has no business marrying the first place.

Sorry op, both of you should work on your marriage ok?

What a topic! Quite a number of contributors here are one-sided. Really, you women are just one-sided.

Alot of women think marriage is just having children, living a good life but never take in cognisance of excellent communication and careful studies of their husband. Definitely, the man in question has been having affair possibly before the 1st or 2nd child. Nothing stops a woman from asking her husband about sexual satisfaction or the way he wants it! Secondly, though, women are weaker vessels but at the same time needs to guide their utterances. Some wives even through their statements push their husbands to the wall. I hope she is not the nagging type too.

Nevertheless, I strongly condenm the man act. Maybe he too has wrong orientation about marriage.I tell my wife the way I want it and she satisfies me. We discuss anything at our closet and even check ourselves physically.

Anyway, after you deliver safely in Jesus name, have a thorough chat with him. Ask deep intimacy questions you never asked before. Preach to him how his affair may endanger your life, the children and the future of the family.

Don't try to start showing you want to be alone with you children but instead show more love to him. He is your husband, you his physical weakness and strength, work on it. It is well with you.

Cogent:

^^^^The thing tire person. . . . .
The type of story you described above happens so frequently, infact I happen to be really good friends with a girl whose father, although very wealthy, still has a lot of financial difficulties because the man thinks the other woman and her children deserve the money more.
And coming to this thread and seeing men encourage this type of behaviour leaves me speechless.
Why do men ruin so many lives just because they want to have lots of sex? For the love of peace! Na oxygen? Is sex oxygen for them?
After you get married and things get boring, you work on the marriage. Try to save it because you are the one in charge, you are supposed to be the leader, the head of the house. What do you think that entails? Simply doing what you like and having and eating your cake at the same time? Or transmitting STDs to those you are supposed to take care of and depriving your children of finances because you think other girls should be keeping your money?
Honestly, I am so put off by marriage after reading through this thread.
After having children, your wife may not have all the time to dote on you or keep you constantly entertained, she has housework to do, schoolrun, kids to attend to after school and her job/career to think about. Some women hardly even have time for themselves at this stage, talkless of time to pretend to be a small girl or cheap cumdumpster to please her husband (because he watches too much indecency). At such a stage, you need to help her out, help out with the work at home so that she has more free time to attend to your needs, not run after whorés and come back to blame your wife for not spicing the marriage up. YOU BOTH WORK ON IT.

Yes, it's a very common story. Nigerians like to profess their love for tradition but only when it is inconvenient for somebody else. We love to claim that men are the head of the household and thus deserve respect blah blah blah ,  but are quick to turn a blind eye to men that turn their back on their own children once the children's mother is out-of-favor. It's like the entire country is schizophrenic. The same people that claim that men are "naturally polygamous" are the same ones to kick out their wives and condemn the children to a life of struggle and lack. Bastard fathers that have no business marrying in the first place.

Imagine that horny4u dimwit coming on here advising wives to play sex roles to entertain the husband. Is this after she feeds the man and children, cleans the house and goes to work? Shouldn't sex be two ways? Why isn't this stupid woman advising husbands on how to pamper their wives and make them feel special and loved? Why isn't she advising the husband to come home with different gifts and flowers everyday? Why aren't men dropping off the kids at their grandparents' and taking out their tired wives to a nice dinner instead of spending money on diseased w.h.o.r.e.s at clubs?

Probity100:

What a topic! Quite a number of contributors here are one-sided. Really, you women are just one-sided.

Alot of women think marriage is just having children, living a good life but never take in cognisance of excellent communication and careful studies of their husband. Definitely, the man in question has been having affair possibly before the 1st or 2nd child. Nothing stops a woman from asking her husband about intimate satisfaction or the way he wants it! Secondly, though, women are weaker vessels but at the same time needs to guide their utterances. Some wives even through their statements push their husbands to the wall. I hope she is not the nagging type too.

Nevertheless, I strongly condenm the man act.  Maybe he too has wrong orientation about marriage.I tell my wife the way I want it and she satisfies me. We discuss anything at our closet and even check ourselves physically.

Anyway, after you deliver safely in Jesus name, have a thorough chat with him. Ask deep intimacy questions you never asked before. Preach to him how his affair may endanger your life, the children and the future of the family.

Don't try to start showing you want to be alone with you children but instead show more love to him. He  is your husband, you his physical weakness and strength, work on it. It is well with you.

Women are weaker vessels? Is this what your thieving jet-riding pastor has taught you? The same woman that bore you for 9mths and pushed your big head out of her body is the weaker vessel? If a man won't tell his wife "how he wants it", why on earth would he want to tell her even if she asks directly? I think you're putting the cart before the horse. It's only a man that respects the sanctity of his marriage and loves his wife that will teach how to make love to him. Bastard husbands just go outside their matrimonial home to pay for w.h.o.r.e.s.

Moremi calm down oh no vex. I refused to touch this topic cos I no say na so e go end. Fellow women who know how it feels to be pregnant with all d hormones and at d same time caring for kids coming here to make d woman already feel more inadequate. I have since learned that most Nigerians are bloody hypocrytes, a man who swore to love his wife more than himself and his life is breaking that vow and all we re saying here is she is somehow at fault for being pregnant and not swinging chandelars to make him Hot. I no even fit talk. People will do things over and over if they can get away with it, even if she like make she give am wheel barrow style with her belle he will still run to his LovePeddler houses. This is so sickening

@moremi, I don't know whether the praise men shower on her for saying those things is what encourages her to come on here and make it look like the responsibility of keeping men from straying lies solely on the woman's shoulders, what with the 'dress like a slut' and all what not she typed.
A man that will cheat WILL cheat, regardless of how often his wife pretends to be one of the actresses from the pórn movies he is addicted to.
Both man and wife should communicate and help each other out in ways that will make the marriage work. It is not solely a woman's job. Peace.

@moremi, i feel u jare.

a man turning his back on his brood deserves to be treated less than a human,
looking at what my wife went through to just get our kid, i respect her the more and promise to do all in my power to be ensure she is appreciated,, (IJN)

@OP
I know its not easy but pls focus on youe pregnancy for now, tell him to remind himself of his words to you, focus on getting empowered independently in case he meeses yu up, and pray for your marriage

I am not advocating prayer as helplessness but for protection for your children, yourself and even favor.

He has overdone it sha, to be broke and letting his madam know,

//

Na wa oo d

Cogent:

@moremi, I don't know whether the praise men shower on her for saying those things is what encourages her to come on here and make it look like the responsibility of keeping men from straying lies solely on the woman's shoulders, what with the 'dress like a slut' and all what not she typed.
A man that will cheat WILL cheat, regardless of how often his wife pretends to be one of the actresses from the pórn movies he is addicted to.
Both man and wife should communicate and help each other out in ways that will make the marriage work. It is not solely a woman's job. Peace.

hahaha
I will be civil not because you deserve it but becos others read this posts too.
If men / man praises his wife for putting the work in is that a bad thing.
You forget that its the poster who is looking for a solution not the man and no matter how much i criticise the man or ask him to do something about it, he will not hear me , he is not here.
A woman either chooses to guard her home with every trick in her book or she claims helpless.
A man who cheats goes outside for sex, with most likely tight jeans girls and if the wife can humour him and that helps keeps him at home : good for them.
You speak baby talk to a baby not because you are a baby but thats the language the baby understands.

moremi2008:

Yes, it's a very common story. Nigerians like to profess their love for tradition but only when it is inconvenient for somebody else. We love to claim that men are the head of the household and thus deserve respect blah blah blah ,  but are quick to turn a blind eye to men that turn their back on their own children once the children's mother is out-of-favor. It's like the entire country is schizophrenic. The same people that claim that men are "naturally polygamous" are the same ones to kick out their wives and condemn the children to a life of struggle and lack. Bastard fathers that have no business marrying in the first place.

Imagine that horny4u dimwit coming on here advising wives to play sex roles to entertain the husband. Is this after she feeds the man and children, cleans the house and goes to work? Shouldn't sex be two ways? Why isn't this silly woman advising husbands on how to pamper their wives and make them feel special and loved? Why isn't she advising the husband to come home with different gifts and flowers everyday? Why aren't men dropping off the kids at their grandparents' and taking out their tired wives to a nice dinner instead of spending money on diseased w.h.o.r.e.s at clubs?

Women are weaker vessels? Is this what your thieving jet-riding pastor has taught you? The same woman that bore you for 9mths and pushed your big head out of her body is the weaker vessel? If a man won't tell his wife "how he wants it", why on earth would he want to tell her even if she asks directly? I think you're putting the cart before the horse. It's only a man that respects the sanctity of his marriage and loves his wife that will teach how to make love to him. Bastard husbands just go outside their matrimonial home to pay for w.h.o.r.e.s.

Moremi quit the anger and bullying , 
You are a man yet your hand is fast to type insults faster than your arm can gain musles ,you cannot pick and choose character with what you have displayed here, you seem a woman beater and  you are therefore worse than OP's husband and you know it so jump right down from your self righteous horse and give OP a solution , no need to curse her husband , he is not here !

Men and women cheat all the time , and instead of totally feeling helpless you try what you can.
If he is going out to meet w.h.o.r.es outside, then simple solution wifey be his w.h.o.re at home.
We can curse and blame the man yet profer no help  to OP. She does not need us to tell her husband is wrong she already knows that.
If you re not a man lover you will know that alot of divorces start from lack of seexx. If OP tries to be many woman and gets her hubby back , she needn't tell anyone.
In real life no one will advise her to do all sorts , people like you will sit with her and curse her hubby instead of sharing tips that have been known to work.
When you say 2 should work on the marriage thats true but her hubby needs to be shocked into paying attention , right now his phone is on silent which may mean,  he is still paying attention to them outside.
We forget that if indeed you got a first rate man vultures re swarming all the time.

There is a joke that says a man has only 2 emotions : Food and s,e.x so if you see him without an erectiionn make him a sandwich. Simples!


p.s After all is said and done some men will still cheat in that i repeat focus on your kids, the money and close your legs.


Just my opinion

moremi2008:

I am a guy and I am only giving the advice I wish someone had given my Mum when she was a young bride in the 80s. She was left alone to raise three children while my Dad spent his money on girls and partying. My mum used to beg him all over town, pleading and crying, but all to no avail. We all turned out very well but we really suffered in the 90s, living in a one-bedroom apartment while my Dad lived in a mansion. We used to take danfo everywhere but my Dad bought a new car every year. We would have no clothes for Xmas but my Dad will have the money to send his girlfriend to London for shopping. I have absolutely no respect for cheating husbands. A man that can't preserve the sanctity of his marriage has no business marrying the first place.

I see your history now, please accept my sympathy for what you went through.
You are a grown man now and maybe you can forgive your dad one day at a time as obviously the pain is still raw, my heart honestly goes out to you but if OP can get her hubby's attention back through whatever method can work then that's a good thing.
However you must find a way to release the hurt though maybe through EFT or affirmations or therapy.
I can almost feel your pain here but you are still letting your DAD control you emotionally and you are sending pain out there.
Our parents are not saints but humans like us, i bet your dad was sorry for what he did , forgiving him may be hard but i hope you are able to.
It will lift a great burden off your shoulders.

pele!

Just glanced through thread briefly, and want to say standing ovation to Cogent and Moremi for nailing it down, and they are men too, wow. I have screamed myself hoarse in this section that Nigerian Mothers have failed us all with their doormat mentality. They think marriage is a do or die affair so put up with shite from hapless Nigerian men whom only needs a little nudge to do the right thing. Now many dysfunctional children have been raised and thrown into the scrapheap called society.

And now it is this same pond scums procreating everywhere, calling themselves the head of the household and lording it over their family, with them getting kudos, hi-fives and a pat on the back, by Pastors, Imam, the parents, and the society at large.

The females don't fare better too, they are raised in the kitchen and only taught life lessons on how to be a glorified housegirl and a second rate citizen, whose only job is to bare her husband's heir, and wait hands and foot on the man's whims and caprices like a dogbody and their feelings are not supposed to count whatsoever. May God help that Country Niigeria and its manifold problems.



Re Horny4u's tips.
No need to pour away the baby with the bath water, she has just accepted her lot in life with regards to the role of the Nigerian women and has managed to devise a commendable formula which works for her and which let's face it, can help a lot of marriages out there. Yes she talked about sex A LOT, but she also systematically gave hints and tips on how this lady could get her hubby to stop providing for his girlfriends at the detriment of the children. She has it nailed down to a "t" when it comes to flattery which is what Nigerian men thrive on. Like I said earlier, they themselves don't have a blueprint on what marriage should be about and history keep repeating itself and it is actually worse with this generation with the advent of technology making it easy to make bootycalls and get down to business in minutes, unlike back in those days whereby people had to use pigeons to send a telegram to convey their amorous intention to a love interest, lol.  

Asides from the sex angle she proferred, this is the same advise I would give too to women to get their finances in order and start saving for the rainy days because no one knows tomorrow, heaven forbid some calamity were to befall the family the man could easily replace her or his family kick her out, etc. But some women are spoilt in this department too, buying gold, mismatched colourful shoes and bags and lace materials that makes them look like clowns, more concerned about being seen in the latest jeep, having their neck buried in the sand when it comes to the finances of the family, etc.

I have been studying Nigerians for a while and they can be so ignorant, for instance, tell them to open a joint account and 90% of them baulk at the idea as if having a joint account means they cannot have a separate personal account alongside it. The level of ignorance is alarming. They'd rather wait monthly on their knees for the man to hand them allowances for brazillian hair, food, sanitary towels, etc.

Lest I digress further, Horny4u was one of the few who touched on the serious issues on the ground of the man neglecting his financial role and proferred some solution. And at least this has far-reaching consequences than those inane tripes called advices from some male and female on here to just grin and bear it and keep loving him more.


@horny4u

it would interest you to know that most men if asked why they cheat would not be able to put a finger on one reason, it is not that they don't know they are cheating, it is just hard for them to trace the trigger if it is not an obvious reason such as the woman letting herself go, the woman not giving them good sex, etc. So on this note, it is not wise to assume sex as the sticking tape to any marital discrepancies. Sometimes this reasons go far deeper than the eyes can comprehend.




@OP

Unless he just suddenly decided to stop providing for the family, and unless he did not just start this cheating, you equally have yourself to blame here. Thank God you have a good job (hope you still do) so all you can do for now is put everything aside and concentrate on your welfare and that of the unborn child. Stressing yourself out will not lead to anything positive. After you have your baby and have rested for months, then you can decide to tackle your husband's misdemeanours.

Saying this though, if you still want your marriage to work, you would need to work on the lack of communication between you two and not accept him sweeping everything under the carpet, but like I said, concentrate on getting that baby out first. Your baby needs you, so also your other children, so try and keep your body together for their sake.

I know you must be bored out of your brains at this late stage and not getting any sleep, but you could try joining mother and baby forum to while away your time for now. . .oh dear sorry I forgot that only works for first pregnancy, lol. . .sorry was only trying to help. Hey stay strong, and hold on fast to God if you swing that way, your family still needs you.

@SexyMamaJ , Some cases like this are mainly spiritual, cause that's where everything that manifested in the Physical realm happens first. Please, stop checking your husbands phone, when it rings, don't answer it, just pick it up and get it to him. Don't harass your husband, let him be, always apologies to him even when he is wrong. What you need now is to win your husband over, you just only came here to write that your Husband is cheating on you and doesn't have a repentant spirit. But one-thing most people here failed to ask you was this question "What are you really doing to your husband at home? How do you really treat him? Do you deny him sex sometimes when you guys are fighting? Do you talk him down? Do you try to control him? Common with many women. Be truthful, the only way you can get a good advice is for you to tell the whole truth about what happen or live with it. Don't tell half stories. Good Luck

@ Busy body
Thanks for getting it!
It may have looked like i was looking out for OP hubby but far from it, I am not even looking out for OP too , lol , the people i am looking at for are the kids.

Flattery, sexx, compliments, tied to the chair,   whatever he wants that may keep his roving eyes at home and enable  the kids to have a loving home with mum and dad present is good.

I have found that we women are thot to cook, clean, nurture, care, love but sadly no one teaches us how to shhagg so how do we learn so when a cheating issue comes up i try to make sure that part which is so important to men is tackled first before you bring in ego, acceptance, decision making and all the condiments.

I donot know it all but i know what has worked for me or a friend and thats what i share.

To be honest if i knew why men cheat , i will write it in a book and have a best seller   yet i know many women who have been many women and kept his eyes to her, a woman needs him there for her kids at least and for herself too _{that is a man one loves o} again all i wrote is my opinion and what i will do if i were to tackle a situation like that.

No one is taking my sweat and the love that is rightfully my kids and I. I am not helpless rather i am a fighter by nature and prefer to put together a strategy to win and winning here is making sure i give my kids everything i have dreamt for them assuming i was the poster.

@chaircover

That was good avise

Orikinla:

The world will be better, healthier and safer if we get rid of those who cheat. Simply eliminate them to deter others from cheating.

What are you waiting for,cast the 1st stone if you have no sin

I suggest you pluck the 'log' in your eyes before attempting to remove the 'speck' in the OP's husband's eye.Dudes like you who easily cry fowl over another's faults usually reek of low morality.

However,if the OP's husband is really guilty as portrayed then his behavior is
very pathetic & insensitive to say the least,i do not support the 'crucify him' syndrome being peddled by some comments.

Wifey,pls. take care of your pregnancy,get on you knees and pray for him.I strongly believe God will turn your predicament around in your favor because He can turn all hearts as He pleases on the alter of prayers.

Pls. read 1Cor.7:13-14, Eph.6:18 & Prov.21:1,take care

Hmmmm am short of words to type, nothwithstanding, Poster you have to make up your mind on what you want out of your marraige, 'marraige is for better or worst'', Your husband is going to continue to cheat on you till God himself intervenes, and that is why you have to pray him out of that 'lust' (it is a spirit and a mountain that has to be moved). I personally do not see anything too small to be prayed for or too large that prayers cannot deal with. The result or effectiveness of prayers might not be immediate but am telling you, God will so answer your prayers. Like i say and will always say, women have a lot on their plate, it is how you want your home to be that it would eventually be, though the beginning would be rocky but the end would surely justify it.

Just calm down, go to the room, when you are all alone, and vent your anger!!! say what is on your mind to an empty chair, ( i have done it and it worked for me). when you are done venting, go and eat, forget about your husband's infidelity (infact come to terms with it) and do not give youself heart attack, no matter how you quarrel from now to eternity, that does not mean, he will change. Take care of yourself and children, especially the 'little punchkin', do not let that disturb you, (it is difficult) but try your best. DO NOT DIVORCE your hubby because i believe that ''this too shall pass''.

9to5365:

I can't take these kind of posters seriously. So your hubby has a couple of flings, wow so what's new. You are pregnant and boring, he is sorry, it was all just fun. Hey if you want to take your old and tired azz and walk that's your problem. If you want some real advise - here it is, have your baby, then try and be more loving towards your hubby. This will help you both and your kids as well.

agreed

People should learn to think of tomorrow and not today. How will your kids look at you years down the line. At some point in time we all become less active and unable to earn the same amount of income or yansh properly. It is this same family we create today that is our backup plan. Then what will happen after destroying this. Do we go back to that same family we have rubbished? Will you be happy if same is done to your son/daughter? Your wife/husband is someone else's son/daughter, please let us be reasonable and think more. People should be responsible for their actions. When you decide to become a family man/woman, act accordingly and respect yourself and your family. If you dont respect your husband/wife, dont expect outsiders to respect him/her.   . I dont understand why people are determined to tear down what can be an empire and something to be proud of for generations, just for 5 minutes of pleasure. The energy and money that you use on all these activities if invested in your family will reap uncountable benefits. If a sex addict will keep you faithful, marry a sex addict. Whatever you cannot do without and will keep you faithful, make sure your spouse has the attribute.

moremi2008:

I am a guy and I am only giving the advice I wish someone had given my Mum when she was a young bride in the 80s. She was left alone to raise three children while my Dad spent his money on girls and partying. My mum used to beg him all over town, pleading and crying, but all to no avail. We all turned out very well but we really suffered in the 90s, living in a one-bedroom apartment while my Dad lived in a mansion. We used to take danfo everywhere but my Dad bought a new car every year. We would have no clothes for Xmas but my Dad will have the money to send his girlfriend to London for shopping. I have absolutely no respect for cheating husbands. A man that can't preserve the sanctity of his marriage has no business marrying the first place.

Man, you sound like a wimp. Did anybody force your mum to live in a one bedroom apartment? Was the money not your dad's? Was it yours? Look at this child, coming here to cry - daddy wasn't fair. You therefore hate men that cheat. Well son maybe that's cos you ain't yet a man. At the rate you are going you will end up with a chick who will despise your weakness, you are the kind of kid that ends up committing suicide over some chick who could care less.