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What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? - Romance - Nairaland

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How To Retain Attraction Over Long Distance? / How To Retain Attraction Over Long Distance? / Signs That Your Long Distance Relationship Is Fading (2) (3) (4)

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What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Lacrissa: 6:58pm On Oct 01, 2011
My long distance boyfriend is having a lot of issues with his job and some personal issues and lately been using a little of the frustration on me. I got angry when he said i was not encouraging him and all that and that really hurts simply because he told me of his long hours over the weekend and my reply was "wow". I only said wow because I felt now there would be more time apart not because i wanted to make him feel worse.

At this point I'm thinking of distancing myself completely, let him solve his problems himself since I'm not encouraging or still be there for him and keep on letting him know I'm here or what is best to be done in this case?

Thanks
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Nobody: 7:14pm On Oct 01, 2011
But you seriously need to encourage him what are lovers for? He run to you in time of need, you should be his counsellor, talk to him, talk sweet to him make him believe that you will always be there for him no matter what.

You was not supposed to sit there like a dumb fool and go "wow" undecided We run to the people who love the most when we are at our saddest or happiest.

You seriously should apologize if you are wrong. And you know when you are wrong or right. You don't need anyone to tell you that.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by freecocoa(f): 7:25pm On Oct 01, 2011
“Wow” Isn't the right thing to have said,you should be able to understand how he feels,he's frustrated and now isn't a good time to distance yourself cause if do you'll only be proving him right about you not being encouraging,be there for him in any way you can,try to be patient and then look for a way to make him realize he's taking it out on you.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by ShyOne(f): 7:27pm On Oct 01, 2011
I agree with Roki

First of all - I too am in a serious long distance relationship and my friend I can tell you that it has been quite challenging to say the least, especially because we "communicate quite differently"

Also - my guy is a very devout traditional individual - he spends a great deal of time (I have observed) - outlining what is wrong with this and what is wrong with that - very judgmental

I am a traditional "Trouble shooter" - I am going to spend very little time pointing, judging, highlighting where this went wrong or where that went wrong.  I "right wrongs" - on the job and at home.

Therefore I detest complainers and whiners.  So our interactions many times moreso than ever before has been challenging for me.  If you are based in the U.S. and he is based in Nigeria - you need to "suck it up" - basically the Nigerian infrastructure is so fraught with issues that more times than naught - you will be the person in the relationship that will "endure more on an emotional level because he is enduring more on both an emotional and a physical level" - you will need to be the one who gives more understanding, more patience, more emotional support.  Because he is surrounded by bombs ready to explode and I am not speaking about terrorism (though he at any time could encounter that as well) - but systems are not in place in Nigeria that are in place in the U.S.

You are quick to complain from what I have noticed.  Are you sure you should be dating a Nigerian who is based in Nigeria?  You sound like you are to eager to throw in the towel and give up.  Are you worthy of him? If he is being loyal to you with all that is going on around him - and this is the kind of support/encouragement you give.  I pity the guy.

No offense to you intended.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Nobody: 7:31pm On Oct 01, 2011
Lacrissa:

My long distance boyfriend is having a lot of issues with his job and some personal issues and lately been using a little of the frustration on me. I got angry when he said i was not encouraging him and all that and that really hurts simply because he told me of his long hours over the weekend and my reply was "wow". I only said wow because I felt now there would be more time apart not because i wanted to make him feel worse.

At this point I'm thinking of distancing myself completely, let him solve his problems himself since I'm not encouraging or still be there for him and keep on letting him know I'm here or what is best to be done in this case?

Thanks
For this statement alone, i've come to a conclusion that you still have a hubbub mis-mash discombobulated idea of what LOVE really means! Hope you did not say that to his face or ears? Take the advice below! And show interest in what he does! That is what is meant by "I was there for him"
rokiatu:

But you seriously need to encourage him what are lovers for? He run to you in time of need, you should be his counsellor, talk to him, talk sweet to him make him believe that you will always be there for him no matter what.

You was not supposed to sit there like a dumb fool and go "wow" undecided We run to the people who love the most when we are at our saddest or happiest.

You seriously should apologize if you are wrong. And you know when you are wrong or right. You don't need anyone to tell you that.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by MrsChima1(f): 7:35pm On Oct 01, 2011
Lacrissa:

My long distance boyfriend is having a lot of issues with his job and some personal issues and lately been using a little of the frustration on me. I got angry when he said i was not encouraging him and all that and that really hurts simply because he told me of his long hours over the weekend and my reply was "wow". I only said wow because I felt now there would be more time apart not because i wanted to make him feel worse.

At this point I'm thinking of distancing myself completely, let him solve his problems himself since I'm not encouraging or still be there for him and keep on letting him know I'm here or what is best to be done in this case?

Thanks

Long distance relationship isn't for you.  If you can't cut it just tell him that you are having a change of heart.  There are others that are and were in your shoe and they too complained about their long distance relationships.  You are human just like they are.  

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with the person on a daily basis physically and in person.  You are not obligated to stay with him because you are not married.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by MrsChima1(f): 7:37pm On Oct 01, 2011
sexkillz:

For this statement alone, i've come to a conclusion that you still have a hubbub mis-mash discombobulated idea of what LOVE really means! Hope you did not say that to his face or ears? Take the below! And show interest in what he does! That is what is meant by "I was there for him"

She is having a change of heart. That's what people do when they are not into the person.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by ShyOne(f): 7:42pm On Oct 01, 2011
@ Poster

Complaining is one thing - but maybe my memory fails me - but it seems as though all of your threads but maybe one has been opened to complain about him on different levels.

So I'm not trying to come down on you.

I have been with my guy going on 2 years and have opened 1 or 2 threads about him that were to gather information to help me deal with areas where I was unsure.

The majority of my posts have been in support of him and/or actually to celebrate him in some way shape or form.

I guess what I am saying is that from what I have read - it seems like you been asking for help in almost every thread you have opened.

Please correct me if I am wrong. I just think that a new relationship or a young relationship should be more about enjoying each other vs. constant problems. Which is what seems like is going on with yours.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Nobody: 7:47pm On Oct 01, 2011
Mrs, Chima:

She is having a change of heart. That's what people do when they are not into the person.
I couldnt agree less! All her posts on him so far tends to suggest the same thing! How long it will take her to realize it, sexkillz doesnt know!. . .
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by MrsChima1(f): 7:51pm On Oct 01, 2011
sexkillz:

I couldnt agree less! All her posts on him so far tends to suggest the same thing! How long it will take her to realize it, sexkillz doesnt know!. . .

Maybe she got the eyes for you. tongue

On the real, you can tell if someone having a change of heart when they are complaining over petty and microscopic shit. If they can't hack it in a casual relationship then they should not enter a marriage. You can give and take in a casual relationship but you shouldn't give and take in a marriage and that's the reason why marriages doesn't last in today's society.

Like Tina Turner said, "What's love got to do with it"?
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Nobody: 8:34pm On Oct 01, 2011
Mrs, Chima:

Maybe she got the eyes for you. tongue
Hell raised to the power of NO!. . . In other words HELLNO cool
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by MrsChima1(f): 8:36pm On Oct 01, 2011
sexkillz:

Hell raised to the power of NO!. . . In other words HELLNO cool

I said MAYBE! angry
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Mcleo007(m): 8:41pm On Oct 01, 2011
@op, nothing can be done. Life isnt always fair as most books make it appear to be.
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Nobody: 8:51pm On Oct 01, 2011
Mrs, Chima:

I said MAYBE! angry

And i said HELLNO! cool
Re: What Can Be Done In This Case To Ease Your Lover's Stress Over Long Distance? by Lacrissa: 9:18pm On Oct 01, 2011
sexkillz:

Hell raised to the power of NO!. . . In other words HELLNO cool

What's that? angry, if I want you, is it a bad thing? Mrs Chima is right. Just kidding here lol


Mrs, Chima:

She is having a change of heart. That's what people do when they are not into the person.

I'm not having a change of heart. If I was, would have taken a bow since. it's just the issues sometimes which happens but it's how we deal with them.


Shy-One:

I agree with Roki

First of all - I too am in a serious long distance relationship and my friend I can tell you that it has been quite challenging to say the least, especially because we "communicate quite differently"

Also - my guy is a very devout traditional individual - he spends a great deal of time (I have observed) - outlining what is wrong with this and what is wrong with that - very judgmental

I am a traditional "Trouble shooter" - I am going to spend very little time pointing, judging, highlighting where this went wrong or where that went wrong.  I "right wrongs" - on the job and at home.

Therefore I detest complainers and whiners.  So our interactions many times moreso than ever before has been challenging for me.  If you are based in the U.S. and he is based in Nigeria - you need to "suck it up" - basically the Nigerian infrastructure is so fraught with issues that more times than naught - you will be the person in the relationship that will "endure more on an emotional level because he is enduring more on both an emotional and a physical level" - you will need to be the one who gives more understanding, more patience, more emotional support.  Because he is surrounded by bombs ready to explode and I am not speaking about terrorism (though he at any time could encounter that as well) - but systems are not in place in Nigeria that are in place in the U.S.

You are quick to complain from what I have noticed.  Are you sure you should be dating a Nigerian who is based in Nigeria?  You sound like you are to eager to throw in the towel and give up.  Are you worthy of him? If he is being loyal to you with all that is going on around him - and this is the kind of support/encouragement you give.  I pity the guy.

No offense to you intended.


I'm not necessarily complaining, just trying to seek opinions so I don't make mistakes I might regret. You are making it sound like I'm not doing enough which is wrong. I am here seeking advice and opinions because I don't want to give up, if it was otherwise, I wouldn't even need to come here.


rokiatu:

But you seriously need to encourage him what are lovers for? He run to you in time of need, you should be his counsellor, talk to him, talk sweet to him make him believe that you will always be there for him no matter what.

You was not supposed to sit there like a dumb fool and go "wow" undecided We run to the people who love the most when we are at our saddest or happiest.

You seriously should apologize if you are wrong. And you know when you are wrong or right. You don't need anyone to tell you that.

Roki, the "wow" as i said was not a reply to his stress, it was for something else we had made out time for but all the same I understand.


freecocoa:

“Wow” Isn't the right thing to have said,you should be able to understand how he feels,he's frustrated and now isn't a good time to distance yourself cause if do you'll only be proving him right about you not being encouraging,be there for him in any way you can,try to be patient and then look for a way to make him realize he's taking it out on you.

I agree with you.


sexkillz:

For this statement alone, i've come to a conclusion that you still have a hubbub mis-mash discombobulated idea of what LOVE really means! Hope you did not say that to his face or ears? Take the advice below! And show interest in what he does! [b][b]That is what is meant by "I was there for him[/b][/b]"

Agree with the statement in bold.


Thanks each and every one of you so much for your advice. Advice heeded smiley

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