Are Men Really Polygamous? - Family

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Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 4:36pm On Jun 28, 2023

Whenever news filters in online/offline about a man either alleged or proved to have cheated on his wife, abundant outbursts follow. Often, "Men are polygamous in nature" is argued. It is believed recognizing this reality by the man's wife and other women (single/married) prepares them to accept cheating, ridding the matter of seriousness critics give. I disagree. Men are neither polygamous (nor monogamous) in nature.

First, a man's polygamous tendencies are from nurture, not nature. This habit of justifying marital unfaithfulness, in the Christian context, by citing African culture is misplaced. Here, African men in the remote past chose to be with or marry more than one woman for social and economic reasons. To highlight their affluence to society and have more hands to help in their farming/subsistent agriculture venture. A husband who cheats on his wife makes a choice to succumb to temptation. If polygamy is actually natural to men, then we would have no cases of monogamous men.

Second, every man contains reason and instincts according to neurology and biology. Reason is a human being's edge over lower animals like dogs, goats, sheep, lions and so on, although we share trait of instincts with them. Someone may argue our bodily instincts, a biological feature passed from parents to offspring, push us toward pleasure and preservation of the human specie. This can extend to being with more than one woman, hence men are polygamous. This view is myopic. True, our instincts can suggest such but our reason can say no when we've intentionally developed it to morally serve us that way. Thus, a man chooses to be polygamous when he develops his reason to serve him accordingly. Humans, men are not the at the mercy of their instincts, as promoters of "Men are polygamous in nature" opine. A man can choose to obey or disobey his instincts courtesy of his reason.

Clearly, idea of "Men are polygamous in nature" is used by men who have a women weakness, refuse to take personal responsibility and work on it. They hide under culture and science unintelligently to secure tolerance of their bad behaviour (in Christian view) by women and society.

©Kelechi O. Naze (KON)

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 4:40pm On Jun 28, 2023

Your best partner. Content writing and personal development speaking are our forte.

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 4:42pm On Jun 28, 2023

Kayceenaz:
cc:lalasticlala

Why u calling lala that's no longer a mod and no longer participates in the forum (see below).
As to the topic history has consistently shown that if they could, men would have variety in women

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by WhisperedNoise: 4:49pm On Jun 28, 2023

Men are not polygamous.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by bukatyne(f): 7:30pm On Jun 28, 2023

The attached pictures shows that the OP likes vawlence grin

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Mindlog: 7:34pm On Jun 28, 2023

Ask men to choose between marrying 3 wives and marrying one wife, with 2 side chicks. cheesy

Being polygamous is not restricted to males as we do have women who sleep with many men at the same period of time and are emotionally detached from those men, just that they are smarter enough to get money out of it as against some men who are very willing to offer free sex.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Nobody: 7:37pm On Jun 28, 2023

Some women are also chronic cheaters... Will we then say women are also polyandrous

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Nazgul: 10:27pm On Jun 28, 2023

Men aren't polygamous, some of them just lack discipline.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 10:32pm On Jun 28, 2023

DaddyCoool:

Why u calling lala that's no longer a mod and no longer participates in the forum (see below).
As to the topic history has consistently shown that if they could, men would have variety in women

Noted.

Indeed, men should always acknowledge it is a choice they make, not a natural obligation.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 10:35pm On Jun 28, 2023

Samantha124:
Some women are also chronic cheaters... Will we then say women are also polyandrous

They are not. Those women made a choice. My argument above also applies to women.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 10:36pm On Jun 28, 2023

cc: royalroy, seun

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 12:59am On Jun 29, 2023

Kayceenaz:

Noted.

Indeed, men should always acknowledge it is a choice they make, not a natural obligation.

Kayceenaz:

They are not. Those women made a choice. My argument above also applies to women.

Almost everything is a choice, including having sex at all. That's different from natural inclination. Men are NATURALLY inclined to be more sexually aroused by a new woman than a woman they've been with for a while. It's not same with women

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 1:11am On Jun 29, 2023

Samantha124:
Some women are also chronic cheaters... Will we then say women are also polyandrous

Those are outliers. The vast majority of women, no matter how much money they have, want an exclusive monogamous relationship with ONE man they are attracted to. Men are wired differently

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Oyindamolah: 6:07am On Jun 29, 2023

Men are naturally non-monogamous.
Men are also naturally monogamous.

Women are naturally non-monogamous.
Women are also naturally monogamous.

The question has no yes-or-no answer because the question itself is not well formed. It contains a false assumption: that there is one way people “naturally” are.

There isn’t.

There are evo psych “just so” stories passed around on pseudoscience Web sites about how men evolved to spread their seed and women evolved to seek the best man and so men are naturally non-monogamous and women are naturally monogamous and blah blah blah whatever, but it’s nonsense. I’ve never met a real evolutionary biologist who believes that.

The fact is, there is no one single reproductive strategy that is “best.” Every strategy involves tradeoffs.

And human beings—well, human beings are incredibly diverse and variable. That variability is our secret sauce. As much as our opposing thumbs and our big brains and our cooking fires and our tool use and our language, the fact that we have an incredible, unprecedented range of individual variability and an astonishing adaptability is what has allowed us to dominate the planet.

Different strategies involve different tradeoffs, so the human answer to that is…we employ all of them!

Stable pair bonds and cooperative child rearing? We do it! Promiscuity and its attendant genetic variability? We do it! Asexual individuals who help through kin selection? Yep, we do that too! Cooperative societies that provide a stable foundation for serial monogamy and extended kin groups? Sure, we’ll do that too! You name a strategy, there’s a human somewhere who uses it. We haven’t met a reproductive strategy we don’t employ.

All of this is natural. Monogamy. Non-monogamy. Serial monogamy. Kin selection. It is all natural for us.

Asking “are men naturally polygamous?” is like asking “Do men naturally have brown eyes?” Yes. And men also naturally have blue eyes. And hazel eyes. And green eyes. And gray eyes. And black eyes. There is no one eye color that men naturally have. There is no one reproductive strategy that men naturally use.

That’s humanity. We are large. We contain multitudes.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by lavylilly: 6:12am On Jun 29, 2023

Multiple signs show that humans are mostly monogamous by design. Males and females are roughly the same size (the small difference seems to have been inherited from Australopithecus, and has decreased steadily since), we seem to mostly share the inherent emotion of jealousy which makes no sense for us to have otherwise, most human societies have been monogamous, and so on.

But humans are also infinitely inventive, and in situations with shortages of men or women, societies have adapted and allowed polygamy or polyandry; up until very recently, it has been much more difficult or even outright impossible to be successful outside a family, so an excess of either sex was a problem to be solved.

And, of course, some people are born without any sense of sexual jealousy; those are today known as polyamorous. It seems to work fine, too, so that's obviously also part of our nature.

There were men who decided to be monogamous. They would have been religious men, so the the impetus would have been religious in nature.

My answer is based on the facts that:

1. Historically, men in general would never have allowed a woman to make this or any other decision, most especially if it affected the law or their sex life.
2. Religion has historically been behind most cultural ideologies.
So, to answer the question, many but not all human beings may desire to have sex with more than one person. Many but not all men may wish to have more than one spouse.

Men, who historically were in charge of everything while women stayed home, chose to institute monogamy. Other men decided to move their families into these societies. Sometimes human beings had these ideologies forced upon them by other men. As time passed, monogamy became the cultural norm for many nations and states.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Hamachi(f): 6:28am On Jun 29, 2023

Men aren’t monolithic group, some are polygamous and some are monogamous. The same is with women, some are polygamous and some are monogamous. Human nature is very complex and people tend to choose what works best for them. Monogamy works out best in the long run for both men and women, so monogamy dominates the human society.

Monogamy for the most part has been imposed on women then men. Ironically, in cultures such as African and Asian culture where polygyn is common, polyandry also tend to be common even though unlike polygyny, polyandry is illegal. Because if in a culture one men has multiple wives then it leaves other men who would have no wives unless they share.

In polygynous marriage where one men can have multiple wives, results in a large number of children per men but children also have high mortality rate than monogamous marriage because raising children is harder and require resources as well as individual attention, which is difficult. Women also have high mortality rate, stress and less rights in these marriages that increased the chances of abuse for women.

In polyandry, where one women can have multiple husbands results in lower number of children but offspring survive better with multiple men providing for the family and helping the wife raise the children. However, the problem is identity of the father is difficult to know in some cases and it may give men less incentive to provide for the children that aren’t theirs.

In monogamy, both men and women tend to get what they want the most in return. The man knows that the the children are biologically his so he can provide and pass his resources to the children and he doesn’t have to share his wife’s time with other men. The women don’t have to share the resources and the husbands time with other women, which ensures better survival for her and her offspring. It’s a good compromise that works out best for the men, women and the offspring in the long run.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Rubyjade: 6:31am On Jun 29, 2023

Monogamy originated early because it takes the full time effort of 2 people to raise children. Especially early in human development a man who dropped his sperm and left discovered that his offspring were less likely to survive. Since one of the objectives of any species is to have their offspring survive both parents provided for their offspring. I would add since men and women are in roughly equal numbers at sexual maturity. It became an obvious decision to ensure the survival of the next generation. Then there is the other thing. While some men believe they have the right to more than one sexual partner it is rare for them to accept that their wife has the same right. Part of I am guessing the desire to only raise children one is genetically tied to in many cases.

I have to be honest met few men who are polygamous, wanting to and willing to support multiple legal wives and offspring. I have met guys who want sex with just about any female who is willing, but not willing to actually support the children which result from the sex.

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Nobody: 6:47am On Jun 29, 2023

Sure, women want an exclusive monogamous relationship, but you'll be shocked to find out that most of those women in long distance relationships or marriages also have side dudes and in most cases, their boyfriends or husbands never get to find out about it.

Most men who are in long distance relationships or marriages keep fathering children that are not biologically theirs... grin

So if men are polygamous in nature, then it also means that women are polyandrous in nature too and you guys should respect that... grin

DaddyCoool:

Those are outliers. The vast majority of women, no matter how much money they have, want an exclusive monogamous relationship with ONE man they are attracted to. Men are wired differently

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 10:47am On Jun 29, 2023

Samantha124:
Sure, women want an exclusive monogamous relationship, but you'll be shocked to find out that most of those women in long distance relationships or marriages also have side dudes and in most cases, their boyfriends or husbands never get to find out about it.

Most men who are in long distance relationships or marriages keep fathering children that are not biologically theirs...

So if men are polygamous in nature, then it also means that women are polyandrous in nature too and you guys should respect that...

You are funny cheesy

. Is long distance relationship natural state of things? We are talking of a couple living together in a satisfying relationship. Men and women are simply differently wired

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 11:09am On Jun 29, 2023

lavylilly:
Multiple signs show that humans are mostly monogamous by design. Males and females are roughly the same.

Oyindamolah:
Men are naturally non-monogamous.
Men are also naturally monogamous.

Meerahbel:
Some men, yes they are polygamous by nature. A lot of women like to sleep around as well so don't blame men.

Hamachi:
Men aren’t monolithic group, some are polygamous and some are monogamous. The same is with women, some are polygamous and some are monogamous.

Rubyjade:
Monogamy originated early because it takes the full time effort of 2 people to raise children.

You folks can fool yourselves all you want with all sorts of wishful thinking. Here is the TRUTH:
A young woman's dream is an EXCLUSIVE monogamous relationship with ONE man she is attracted to.
While for a young man the very thought of it is SUFFOCATING!! grin

The two sexes are simply wired differently.
(Of course there are the few outliers, but we are talking vast majority!)

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by lavylilly: 11:53am On Jun 29, 2023

A player spotted.

DaddyCoool:

You folks can fool yourselves all you want with all sorts of wishful thinking. Here is the TRUTH:
A young woman's dream is an EXCLUSIVE monogamous relationship with ONE man she is attracted to.
While for a young man the very thought of it is SUFFOCATING!!
The two sexes are simply wired differently.
(Of course there are the few outliers, but we are talking vast majority!)

2 Likes

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Rubyjade: 12:48pm On Jun 29, 2023

DaddyCoool:

You folks can fool yourselves all you want with all sorts of wishful thinking. Here is the TRUTH:
A young woman's dream is an EXCLUSIVE monogamous relationship with ONE man she is attracted to.
While for a young man the very thought of it is SUFFOCATING!!
The two sexes are simply wired differently.
(Of course there are the few outliers, but we are talking vast majority!)

1 Like

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kobojunkie: 2:51pm On Jun 29, 2023

DaddyCoool:
Those are outliers. The vast majority of women, no matter how much money they have, want an exclusive monogamous relationship with ONE man they are attracted to. Men are wired differently

It is nothing but lack of self-control and self-discipline --- nothing natural about that. undecided

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 3:11pm On Jun 29, 2023

lavylilly:
A player spotted.

Rubyjade:

Kobojunkie:
It is nothing but lack of self-control and self-discipline, nothing natural about that.

The problem is we don't THINK. We met BIOLOGY a certain way. We did not make it that way - NATURE did! It is NOT us that made it so a woman can get pregnant only ONCE EVERY TWO YEARS or so, while a man can imprenant several women in ONE DAY!
It is a cheating of society to confine special or high-achieving men to only one woman.
This man below would have had 4 kids, while some short, dumb, weakling would likely have 9!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFNx7ZhkW9A

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kobojunkie: 3:15pm On Jun 29, 2023

DaddyCoool:
■ The problem is we don't THINK. We met BIOLOGY a certain way. We did not make it that way - NATURE did! It is NOT us that made it so a woman can get pregnant only ONCE EVERY TWO YEARS or so, while a man can imprenant several women in ONE DAY!
It is a cheating of society to confine special or high-achieving men to only 9ne woman.
This man below would have had 4 kids, while some short, dumb, weakling would likely have 9!

Of all of the examples you lot continue to cite, absolutely none of them depict men who started their so-called polygamous ways and breeding like rats as soon as they were out of diapers, leading us to believe there was a turning point in their lives and hence reasoning that influenced such lifestyle. The most likely explanation is they failed to acquired needed self-discipline and self-control as far as sexual encounters with the opposite sex undecided

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 3:25pm On Jun 29, 2023

Kobojunkie:
Of all of the examples you lot continue to cite, absolutely none of those same men you cite did started their so-called polygamous ways and breeding like rats as soon as they were out of diapers, leading us to believe there was a turning point in their lives and hence reasoning that influenced such lifestyle. The most likely explanation is they failed to acquired needed self-discipline and self-control as far as sexual encounters with the opposite sex

Forget all that. What do you think NATURE intended? What do you think natural selection supports.
Don't just rush to reply as soon as you read. Try to THINK first, so your comments are not knee-jerk reactions

1 Like

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kobojunkie: 3:50pm On Jun 29, 2023

DaddyCoool:
■ Forget all that. What do you think NATURE intended? What do you think natural selection supports.
Don't just rush to reply as soon as you read. Try to THINK first, so your comments are not knee-jerk reactions

Natural selection? I am afraid I fail to see the connection between that and this here issue. undecided

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Rubyjade: 3:51pm On Jun 29, 2023

DaddyCoool:

The problem is we don't THINK. We met BIOLOGY a certain way. We did not make it that way - NATURE did! It is NOT us that made it so a woman can get pregnant only ONCE EVERY TWO YEARS or so, while a man can imprenant several women in ONE DAY!
It is a cheating of society to confine special or high-achieving men to only one woman.
This man below would have had 4 kids, while some short, dumb, weakling would likely have 9!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFNx7ZhkW9A

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by Kayceenaz(m): 4:06pm On Jun 29, 2023

CC: RoyalRoy, Mynd44, Seun. A front page material to address the trending Davido-pregnancy impasse.

Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 6:05pm On Jun 29, 2023

Kobojunkie:
Natural selection? I am afraid I fail to see the connection between that and this here issue.

Natural selection would mandate that men be polygamous by nature, while women are not. For a man, the best guarantee that his genes would be passed on is to spread them into several women. For a woman, the best way is to give the limited number she has the best chance at survival. So besides taking good care of them, she'd also give them the best genes possible by mating with a high-achieving man.
Nature could have made it so that once a man mates with a female, he'd only have eyes for her. It did not!

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Re: Are Men Really Polygamous? by DaddyCoool: 6:11pm On Jun 29, 2023

Kayceenaz:
CC: RoyalRoy, Mynd44, Seun. A front page material to address the trending Davido-pregnancy impasse.

Problem is, same topic has been on FP so many times. But I see your point

4 Likes

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