Since I broke up with my ex in 2016, I've been having this fear and it has kind of killed my interest for anything relationship with the opposite sex Now I'm not talking about your regular type of relationship, I mean even one with the so-called "christian" brethren because no one can be trusted. There are a lot of pretenders these days.Some are in church to deceive and so you don't know who is who. The ones outside are even worse.

Back to my fears. This very thing is been making me refuse or shy away any time a man tries to come close. The thought of it instantly kills the whole interest.
So, I was at my tailors last month with one other advanced lady gisting ( while my tailor was doing some final adjustments on my clothe) about how men no longer have self-control and can go into any lady at will even while married and she said all she just wants from them are children and I was like I'm not even interested in relationships any longer. she asked why? I told her about my fears and she gave me the name of the fear as "Venereophobia" and said I need to get over it otherwise i won't have a healthy relationship. but how.

How can one have a healthy relationship in this day and time of high level of sexual immorality.
How can one have peace of mind in marriage and not fear that one day your partner will mess up and bring home a disease that will cut your life Short?
How can one have a healthy relationship in this era where everyone is walking almost naked in the name of fashion causing even the strongest of men to fall. Where the internet with all the display of sensual contents and various advertisments of pimping has become man's best hub. 99% of the time, men both married and single are busy on the internet doing what I don't know.

Majority don't even know that certain life threatening disease exists until they contract it and you'll hear things like "I don't know how it got there".

These are my fears and it has become so strong that I have had to take solace in singlehood for my sanity. Biko

Is this normal or am I being paranoid? Huh...

Note:
Before you come at me to say that this is some damage control rants, no such thing. This is nothing but fact. I will never hide under any pretence to juice up my reality. This is my reality and I'm not ashamed to say it.

We attract our kind

Why not accept the man that does not exhibit these vices. Do you think all man are like that? Some man are not like this.

Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you're scared to put yourself out there and be real with your sexuality,then you will remain alone as many are.

Jewessgratitud3:
Since I broke up with my ex in 2016, I've been having this fear and it has kind of killed my interest for anything relationship with the opposite sex Now I'm not talking about your regular type of relationship, I mean even one with the so-called "christian" brethren because no one can be trusted. There are a lot of pretenders these days.Some are in church to deceive and so you don't know who is who. The ones outside are even worse.

Back to my fears. This very thing is been making me refuse or shy away any time a man tries to come close. The thought of it instantly kills the whole interest.
So, I was at my tailors last month with one other advanced lady gisting ( while my tailor was doing some final adjustments on my clothe) about how men no longer have self-control and can go into any lady at will even while married and she said all she just wants from them are children and I was like I'm not even interested in relationships any longer. she asked why? I told her about my fears and she gave me the name of the fear as "Venereophobia" and said I need to get over it otherwise i won't have a healthy relationship. but how.

How can one have a healthy relationship in this day and time of high level of sexual immorality.
How can one have peace of mind in marriage and not fear that one day your partner will mess up and bring home a disease that will cut your life Short?
How can one have a healthy relationship in this era where everyone is walking almost naked in the name of fashion causing even the strongest of men to fall. Where the internet with all the display of sensual contents and various advertisments of pimping has become man's best hub. 99% of the time, men both married and single are busy on the internet doing what I don't know.

Majority don't even know that certain life threatening disease exists until they contract it and you'll hear things like "I don't know how it got there".

These are my fears and it has become so strong that I have had to take solace in singlehood for my sanity. Biko

Is this normal or am I being paranoid? Huh...

Note:
Before you come at me to say that this is some damage control rants, no such thing. This is nothing but fact. I will nave hide under any pretence to hide my reality. This is my reality and I'm not ashamed to say it. If you're not cool with it, please face front. I no see who hiding help. Youll only die in silence and no body send you. So, better to relieve my chest of any burden and move on. That's me.

hmm
As someone who has been through this, I would have said its normal...... but I can't.


YOU MAY NEED TO COME ABROAD, AND LIVE AMONG CHRISTIAN WHITE MEN, to know that there are STILL GOOD MEN WITH PURITY AND CHASTITY AT HEART.


You can not allow few bad EPISODES of life, no matter how PAINFUL and DAMAGING they may have been, dictate the entire BOOK OF YOUR LIFE.


See, people are different o..... not all men are scum and not all women are hoes. LOCATION MATTERS.... I used to think in a certain way when I was based in NIGERIA... but when I traveled I met people who are very different. I have lived in countries where people leave their babies in the trolley on the street, for hours and THERE IS NO KIDNAP.

Over here, they see no reason to scam or lie or betray, everyone is CONTENT with what they have, EVEN THE PRISONS are almost empty.


So you need COUNSELING or THERAPY and SOUL HEALING

If you can't afford it, pls relocate and be amongst WHITE CHRISTIANS.... you will feel at home and you will heal fast.


May GOD help everyone who is out there trying to cope from the hurts and shattered trusts of past relationships.

its well.

VeeVeeMyLuv:
We attract our kind

Why not accept the man that does not exhibit these vices. Do you think all man are like that? Some man are not like this.

Thats where the problem lies. I see everyone as the same. I no longer trust or believe there are still good ones out there. That's the effect of Venereophobia im talking about. In fact I never knew it was a thing until that lady told me.

yrhuhfy113:


hmm
As someone who has been through this, I would have said its normal...... but I can't.


YOU MAY NEED TO COME ABROAD, AND LIVE AMONG CHRISTIAN WHITE MEN, to know that there are STILL GOOD MEN WITH PURITY AND CHASTITY AT HEART.


You can not allow few bad EPISODES of life, no matter how PAINFUL and DAMAGING they may have been, dictate the entire BOOK OF YOUR LIFE.


See, people are different o..... not all men are scum and not all women are hoes. LOCATION MATTERS.... I used to think in a certain way when I was based in NIGERIA... but when I traveled I met people who are very different. I have lived in countries where people leave their babies in the trolley on the street, for hours and THERE IS NO KIDNAP.

Over here, they see no reason to scam or lie or betray, everyone is CONTENT with what they have, EVEN THE PRISONS are almost empty.


So you need COUNSELING or THERAPY and SOUL HEALING

If you can't afford it, pls relocate and be amongst WHITE CHRISTIANS.... you will feel at home and you will heal fast.


May GOD help everyone who is out there trying to cope from the hurts and shattered trusts of past relationships.

its well.

Wow.. thanks for this. I thought I was alone in this.

So even abroad, only white men are sure? Smh... Ok.

So have you gotten over yours?
Thanks a lot dear. I appreciate

Air accidents, Rail accidents, Road accidents, Boatmishaps... All in all, accidents do happen but those that mean we wont have to travel through those means again?

”Person wey motto kill nah still motor we go take carry the dead body“...
I know it's hard to trust somebody this days but you'll need need to trust someone someday. Give love a chance again please.

All you wrote here are just to comport your single life.


A very good bad boy will still come your way and tickle that oxytocin and make you forget all you wrote here.

Your fears seem valid but don't let them take control over your life.

One thing I have realized so far is every opolo get him kind. You will find your own.

Also all is not lost, there are very very decent guys and even ladies here in this dame Naija.

Not the ones that use church as cover for bad things true christain guys and ladies, you will find your own match, don't let what you are seeing around deceive you, decent and chase people are plenty around.

phorget:
Air accidents, Rail accidents, Road accidents, Boatmishaps... All in all, accidents do happen but those that mean we wont have to travel through those means again?

”Person wey motto kill nah still motor we go take carry the dead body“...
I know it's hard to trust somebody this days but you'll need need to trust someone someday. Give love a chance again please.

Hmmm.

NoToPile:
Your fears seem valid but don't let them take control over your life.

One thing I have realized so far is every opolo get him kind. You will find your own.

Also all is not lost, there are very very decent guys and even ladies here in this dame Naija.

Not the ones that use church as cover for bad things true christain guys and ladies, you will find your own match, don't let what you are seeing around deceive you, decent and chase people are plenty around.

If I told you my ex was in the same choir with me but was something else outside will you believe? I had to leave him because he was trying to corrupt me and saw nothing wrong in it.

They are all the same.

I understand you.
This does not apply to women only, it also does apply to men.
Just last night, I had this same thought. All these are due to moral decadence.
If a guy can sleep with over a hundred ladies as per the directive of a evil sorcerer in order to take their destiny, only to be told by the sorcerer that only eight of the ladies have not been used before, would you as a man have the will to marry?

So, it's not even about them bringing home a disease these days and this time around; it's about their destiny still being intact.

You may not under the danger behind what these wicked people do when they take someone's destiny but I tell you it will affect any other men she sleeps with.

https://www.nairaland.com/7760540/yahoo-boy-once-told-me#124355505

They don reset this one brain''' u go explain tireee

Westerhoffe:
I understand you.
This does not apply to women only, it also does apply to men.
Just last night, I had this same thought. All these are due to moral decadence.
If a guy can sleep with over a hundred ladies as per the directive of a evil sorcerer in order to take their destiny, only to be told by the sorcerer that only eight of the ladies have not been used before, would you as a man have the will to marry?

So, it's not even about them bringing home a disease these days and this time around; it's about their destiny still being intact.

You may not under the danger behind what these wicked people do when they take someone's destiny but I tell you it will affect any other men she sleeps with.

Now, that is another good point you're raising. They are cause for concern but you see that disease part, I dread it .

I used to pass through one IDH center when going to work some two years ago. You need to see the number of people trooping in and out of that hospital. Young guys o. Some already looking like skeleton. Some bed ridden. So all those things also added to the fear .

Jewessgratitud3:


Now, that is another angle you're raising. They are cause for concern but you see that disease part, I dread it .

I used pass through one IDH center when going to work some two years ago. You need to see the number of people trooping in and out of that hospital. Young guys o. Some already looking like skeleton. Some bed ridden cos I do pass inside the hospital compound . So all those things also added to the fear .

That's the result of sexual immorality…

talented321:
They don reset this one brain''' u go explain tireee

Sablexxxtoons:
Nothing ventured nothing gained. If you're scared to put yourself out there and be real with your sexuality,then you will remain alone as many are.

See now, this is one of the things I'm talking about. As you're even talking, some will still be talking like they don't care until they fall victim or implicate an innocent person. They are just as careless with their lives as they are with words.

Stop living in your past

There is nothing to learn from that story''
Those are normal stuffs''

Jewessgratitud3:





See now, this is one of the things I'm talking about. As you're even talking, some will still be talking like they don't care until they fall victim or implicate an innocent person. They are just as careless with their lives as they are with words.

donbachi:
Stop living in your past

It's not about my past. It's about the immoral society we find ourselves in. People no longer fear for their health until it hits them then they begin to regret or act like they never knew they were endangering their lives with such reckless behavior.

My past has nothing to do with it. I broke up with him even though I really loved him but no regrets here.

Point is, if you're ugly, remain single because if you want a handsome man with an ugly face, he will definitely cheat on you.


Just fund yourself a nun house and join them over there.

talented321:
There is nothing to learn from that story''
Those are normal stuffs''

Normal? You call it normal?
Guys, see my very concern here. People have lost it and even if you directly avoid this kind of person, how are you sure the one you'll eventually meet has not met with someone that has met with this guy before or someone with such mentality.

Please, just get off my thread. I'm trying to see if I can be convinced that people with such mentality don't exist.

JASONjnr:
Point is, if you're ugly, remain single because if you want a handsome man with an ugly face, he will definitely cheat on you.


Just fund yourself a nun house and join them over there.

Lies. It is common knowledge that men with beautiful wives still cheat. So your point is not valid.

Your fears are valid, seeing a sexually chaste disciplined young man without vices in this generation is like looking for a needle in a dumpsite but they exist just few, as many allow themselves to be unnecessarily influenced just to feel among, SMH.

To move forward, you will have to move past your fears oh, atleast get to know them first, not outright dismissal.

After telling u everything u will still go and mumu again'' so cry ur cry''

Jewessgratitud3:


Normal? You call it normal?
Guys, see my very concern here. People have lost it and even if you directly avoid this kind of person, how are you sure the one you'll eventually meet has not met with someone that has met with this guy before or someone with such mentality.

Please, just get off my thread. I'm trying to see if I can be convinced that people with such mentality don't exist.

Jewessgratitud3:


Lies. It is common knowledge that men with beautiful wives still cheat. So your point is not valid.

Lol .... They will definitely cheat, but imagine if your wife is ugly? Your cheating will come with no respect and probably the kind that will break her apart to be in a shitty situation that she is today.

OP, how old are you?

Most advice would depend on your age and your proximity to the marital decision.


There's a lot I could advise you about but I think it's best you hear for yourself. I collated some resources that I think should help allay some of your fears.

You need to meet as many men as possible.

ideamonster:
OP, I read your question and understand your dilemma. Almost nobody here can give you accurate counsel but here are a few conversations and resources that should hopefully help you arrive at a decision you will be comfortable with for years to come.


1. What do you need to start a family?
Most times young women are fixated about certain attributes in men that serve no purpose in a marriage. Can you eat his physical attractiveness? What if he's a hunk and he has an accident, would you leave? This video shows young women addressing what a Nigerian woman really needs to start a family


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl43qph3dWQ



2. Is there a shortage of eligible husbands?

There are a lot of men who can date you. But how many of them are qualified to be husbands, or of the marrying kind? There are yardsticks for assessing if a man is a marrying kind. In the video below, young women like yourself had to tell themselves hard truths about their chances finding suitable men. Like someone said, pen1s is abundant, but husbands are scarce. Pay attention to what the single mother in this story said after she was told the truth about the man she was dating.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DNoFXD4Bjo




3. How to make the tricky love decisions

This conversation focuses on capitalising on available suitors. Whoever is wooing you now won't always be available. Opportunities of a lifetime have to be used within the lifetime of the opportunity. While the participants are obviously younger than you, I'm certain that you'll benefit greatly from the conversations that they are having.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ2ulJMb_pk


4. Regretting the men who get away

Are you certain that you won't regret losing this man? You need to be certain that a better offer comes along. In this conversation, there are women just like you who share their experiences of turning away suitors because of a variety of reasons. One had huge regrets, the other (just like you) was undecided. Pay attention to the girl wearing the pink tee-shirt. Her story appears closest to what you have narrated.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz8ZVqReCJ0


I'm certain one of these stories should be helpful in decision making.


Thank me later .

UPDATE:

I came back to read this after it hit front page and realised some comments made it seem like I'm encouraging you to marry him. That's far from the truth. Nobody here can give accurate-enough counsel to make a huge life-changing decision like getting married. But OP, if you've decided to go along with him, you need to be sure he isn't too good to be true. . Again, while this video below doesn't apply much, I think it contains a few cautionary tales- tings you should be skeptical about in his story.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU3zIpAEQ64

Ultimately, the decision to take is yours. I wish you all the best.

Ideamonster

Kemadealadire:
Your fears are valid, seeing a sexually chaste disciplined young man without vices in this generation is like looking for a needle in a dumpsite but they exist just few as many allow themselves to be unnecessarily influenced just to feel among, SMH.

To move forward, you will have to move past your fears oh.

Move past my fears and risk...

My dear. Had I known will never be my portion.

Thank you

Dimaya:
OP, how old are you?

Most advice would depend on your age and your proximity to the marital decision.


There's a lot I could advise you about but I think it's best you hear for yourself. I collated some resources that I think should help allay some of your fears.

You need to meet as many men as possible.

Do you even understand what I'm talking about and you're telling me to meet as many men as possible? The ones I'm afraid of or the (good) ones that do not exist?

Jewessgratitud3:


Move past my fears and risk...

My dear. Had I known will never be my portion.

Thank you

We have one- woman men who are faithful to their wives, they don't sleep with any other woman. Some as a result of discipline over the years, some because of the fear of God, some do in obedience to God, some because they have self-respect etc. they exist.

Now, getting found by such is the real deal.

Kemadealadire:

We have one- woman men who are faithful to their wives, they don't sleep with any other woman, they exist.

Now, getting found by such is the real deal.

Of course they're very scarce.

Kemadealadire:

We have one- woman men who are faithful to their wives, they don't sleep with any other woman. Some as a result of discipline over the years, some because of the fear of God, some do in obedience to God, some because they have self-respect etc. they exist.

Now, getting found by such is the real deal.

It's not a real deal… women just don't value them.
So they can always have the bad ones they prefer.

Westerhoffe:


It's not a real deal… women just don't value them.
So they can always have the bad ones they prefer.

This is a narrative you guys keep pendling around which is very wrong. Besides, there are other aspects of a man that should be looked into depending on what the woman considers as priorities to her. Who leaves the best product for a bad product Everyone wants the best available for themselves.