Puss360:
The duty of a parent is to train their daughters to know themselves...
If you know yourself, you will know that from 20 yrs is now an adult and at that age any of your actions has to be taken with care....
From that age You should know when you feel you are ready for marriage, nobody should coerce you ..
You should also know the kind of man you are getting married to, nobody should know the man more than you....
If along the lane of marriage, you discover some toxic behaviour, decision to leave should rest on your shoulder Nd not your parents...

Remember, it's your marriage, it's your husband...
Not theirs...

What OP is saying is that most parents teach their children especially women to stay with their spouse regardless of issues. Personally, I will always tell my daughter if it doesn’t work out your room will always be available but if you mention that clause, psychologically they may not stay and sought things out . Meaning every little argument she’s going back to her parents house or I am sleeping at my parents house . I do not plan on taking any dowry from any man . You come up with a wedding budget and it’s split 50/50. Nobody will see my child as a property to think he can beat

Point of correction, marriage is never toxic/scam, humans are the real toxic/scam.
They are everywhere, you need to be sincere with yourself in order to avoid them.

DenreleDave:


Many endure bcox of their kids... They don't have the power to cater for them, so they stay with their abusive partner and endure as long as their kids are "fine"

I understand this very well

I would have loved if the post was a balanced one but it is clearly tilted to further make the man a scapegoat. Toxididity in marriage comes from both side either the woman making toxic or the man.

BrighterThanDay:
Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

. Training your daughter to be submissive and respect the husband as the head. Equality bring problems to many home and give your daughter a good training to avoid cheating and she should work hard to support the husband. She should not be a liability to the husband. What do you expect when olosho aka single mothers training daughter? Most of them always turn to olosho and becoming a single mothers like their mother. We have lost value .

BrighterThanDay:
Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

And you think men don't go through trauma in the hand of toxic wives? It's vice versa

BGSM:
Point of correction, marriage is never toxic/scam, humans are the real toxic/scam.
They are everywhere, you need to be sincere with yourself in order to avoid them.

I am trying to finetune the meaning of marriage...?! Please explain it to me and or tells me...?...

BRATISLAVA:


It has nothing to do with dowry and everything to do with the way the society views women who aren't married.

It also has to do with men who have never been taught how to coexist with respect for women. A man abusing a woman isn't because of him paying her dowry. Even boyfriend's in Nigeria feel they should maltreat their girlfriends, abuse them mentally and physically. We see the comments on this forum everyday from boys in the red pill. They continue their toxic manners into marriage. They don't have love in them.

It is inferiority complex. It has killed us.

Geovanni412:


The idea of marriage painted to people is what makes it a scam

Marriage is not for happiness

Marriage is about companionship, respect and tolerance.

EOD

BrighterThanDay:
Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

Majority of the toxic parents allow their daughters, including some of the daughters also wanting to get married to this toxic husband because of their money. So even if they maltreat their daughter and they still receive their regular alert no problem.


I have a female friend who ones told me that even if her husband beats her she will not leave the marriage in as much as the man is rich. Imagine that kind of talk.

frozen70:


So which one is easy

For a married woman to walk out of abusive marriage alive with her children

Or for a married woman's corpse to be carried out of that house and her children becoming motherless with a loveless father

It's easy only if you think is easy, and it's hard only if you think is hard.

nigmarelli:


Greetings to you. So toxic marriages na only men dey cause am bah?

I wonder ooo!

Thegoodone13:
. Training your daughter to be submissive and respect the husband as the head. Equality bring problems to many home and give your daughter a good training to avoid cheating and she should work hard to support the husband. She should not be a liability to the husband. What do you expect when olosho aka single mothers training daughter? Most of them always turn to olosho and becoming a single mothers like their mother. We have lost value .

What of submersive and immersive/"reimmersive" or re-immersive...? You mentioned submissive...,as an adjective...or as a relative adjective(s)/relatively and tentatively adjective, or relatively and tentatively an adjective...?... and how is it relatives to palliatives (and curatives...?) or to the time of/time with palliative... from natives,relatives and correlatives...,etc; that are wearing natives and using or holding handkerchief... Abdullateef...or chiefs and thieves Abdullateef/Abdulathieves relatives,natives and correlatives... Adam and Eve or Steve and Eve,etc; are the chiefs and thieves Abdullateef Abdulathieves relatives natives...? Chiefs and thieves Abdullateef/Abdulathieves relatives&natives of mischiefs...? Stop the narratives In the land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a Great Kingdom; rest on a shoulder or on the shoulder of a young boy/young man...,his name is Merlin...?... Now, let's read or let's talk about... Isaiah 9vs6 in/of THE HOLY BIBLE... What did...or does...says? "Unto us a Child is Born, unto us a Son is given...and government or governments( with the procurements,'curement',monuments, emoluments,elements,etc; of all moment or at/with all moments& movements...?) shall be upon HIS SHOULDER..., HIS name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Everlasting FATHER, The Prince of Peace..." Or, is HE The Prince with peace...?...

DenreleDave:


Many endure bcox of their kids... They don't have the power to cater for them, so they stay with their abusive partner and endure as long as their kids are "fine"

Pls don't encourage that, many couples have died because of it. It's not a most you must stay in an abusive marriage, if it's not working just kindly give some space o, your sanity is very important.


I can't encourage anyone to remain in that kind of relationship or marriage.

Any abusive man should work on himself
Your wife cooks , cleans ,takes care of the home makes sure everyone is fine , takes care of your children, takes them to school, she serves you, she supports you , she encourages you ,she fills your emotional tank, when your siblings come around she feeds them, when your friends come she feeds them and make them comfortable. She meets your emotional needs, sexual needs , psychological needs, she's your support system.Imagine If you were to pay her or if she's not alive and you are to pay someone else . But u the husband all u want to do is to pay bills even the bills sef na cut and join u dey pay u just feel ur the provider so u don't do any other thing u don't support your wife ,the little things like hold the baby let me make dinner u can't do, ur not there for your wife emotionally, physically yet you beat her haba now have Sense small one day that bread winner ur carrying on your head you wouldn't be able to stand up from ur sick bed who pays the bill that same wife you abused .
Husbands should think first before becoming toxic what do u gain??

Anatomy of a manipulative person
1.Appears charming
2. Expert at lying and denying
3. Self obsessed
4. Uses the silent treatment to get their way
5. Isolates you from others so no one knows
6. Never accepts blame
7. They make you question your sanity
8. Ignores your feeling
9. Seeks emotional and vulnerable people
10. Petty and passive aggressive
11. Plays dumb to avoid blames
12. Controlling
13. Guilt trips and guilt gifts

If you see these signs u will know a toxic person run away don't look back.

BrighterThanDay:


My dear, it's painful because at the end of the day, you are leaving a toxic marriage but you don't have your family to fall back on because they wanted you to remain there. That can be a very lonely place. I feel after a breakup, this is the time for your parents and siblings to shower you with the most love, but this is not always the case, certain parents even see it as you bringing shame to the family, just because you put your emotional and physical well-being first.

Una sha wan turn marriage to nonsense... It's for better for worse... If you can't no enter... The person blind when she wan enter ni... It is now they die of depression... Mama no die of depression na pikin will now die of it...

BrighterThanDay:


My dear, it's painful because at the end of the day, you are leaving a toxic marriage but you don't have your family to fall back on because they wanted you to remain there. That can be a very lonely place. I feel after a breakup, this is the time for your parents and siblings to shower you with the most love, but this is not always the case, certain parents even see it as you bringing shame to the family, just because you put your emotional and physical well-being first.

I seem to understand you better than many people who have never had to deal with such closely. Quite a number of ladies are struggling to stay in bad homes just to keep their sanity with family.

Before marriage, I am beginning to insist that parents should adopt the investigation mode used by our forefathers.

ecolime:
As usual, Naija women are always the saints while the men are the devil.


The guys no kuku dey marry again, make the saints dey marry themselves.

Yeye dey smell

We know men are not always the devil, but that's the impression since men hardly speak out on issues In their maraige.

It is toxic masculinity and the male ego that teaches you to suck things up and not show any vulnerability.

Those daughters are the ones that wants to remain in a toxic marriage, I can't even imagine my self living in a toxic environment, how much more of a toxic marriage..

My mental health is very paramount to me , nobody can take away my joy and happiness while being alive ..

We know that life can happen to anybody, and we are meant to endure all that but a DELIBERATE ACT to punish me or cause me emotional pains , is what i won't endure with you ..

Emmanuel30a:
Now, people would begin to think deep or dig deep,etc; to know or define/explain the difference(s),etc; between relationships and marriages...? I can begin to talk about "relationships with the kids and... what"?... Or, did you want to talk about relationships, fellowships, friendships, courtships, worships, warships, sheeps,ships, hips, lips,wetlips or pink lips,followership,"lowership", "courtesanship" citizenship,discipleship,etc...?...

Relationship are all the same...an agreement, business even, between two parties. If you are carrying the most, na you go suffer. That na why even one man advice his fellow believers never to enter into an unequal contract/business/relationship with anyone particularly with those are outsiders to the core principles you live by.

BrighterThanDay:
Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

Did the parents choose the spouse ? The parents can only break it for the lady if they chose the man for her.Nor be only you bring the toxic man say you love am ?

Kobojunkie:
Relationship are all the same...an agreement, business even, between two parties. If you are carrying the most, na you go suffer. That na why even one man advice his fellow believers never to enter into an unequal contract/business/relationship with anyone particularly with those are outsiders to the core principles you live by.

Whatever or no problems... You mean:"Do not be unequally yoked with the unbeliever..."? What of-do not be unequivocally yoked...,etc...?...

BrighterThanDay:


Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

Why would they tell their daughter to vet out the marriage when they are the ones that approved and supported it?... and on occasions selected the husband's? Wouldn't that be hypocritical? Parents need to look into the background of the suitors like they used to instead of accepting according to his bank account.

BrighterThanDay:
Why is it that even when it is so clear from all indications that your daughter is married to an irresponsible man who is toxic. Nigerian parents will still say endure and stay there.

A lot of married young ladies are down with depression and even high BP because of marital stress. But they have to remain there. It's just so sad

https://www.nairaland.com/7648284/marriage-failed-me

OP, what do you have to say about your previous thread?

Emmanuel30a:
Whatever or no problems... You mean:"Do not be unequally yoked with the unbeliever..."? What of-do not be unequivocally yoked...,etc...?...

Pretty much the same. If you enter a contract were you give more than 50% or you bear less than 50%, chances are higher than you end up losing if anything goes wrong. So the advice is to ensure you are on equal footing with those you enter into contract/agreement or relationship with, no matter whether they are outsiders or insiders.

Kobojunkie:
Pretty much the same. If you enter a contract were you give more than 50% or you bear less than 50%, chances are higher than you end up losing if all goes sound. So the advice is to ensure you are on equal footing with those you enter into contract/agreement or relationship with.

Alright...yeah or yeahs...

pocohantas:


✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️
The comment I was waiting for. A lot to teach young girls that goes beyond cook, clean and tight pumpum.

Wanted to ask this on a dead thread, but...

Was running a search on nairaland for "financial analyst" and stumbled on this:

REFERENCE https://www.nairaland.com/6446688/kwin-more#100482458

Would this your position also apply when a man abandones a girl he's been dating for years and who loved him, because he found a richer woman who would give him a better life and fly him abroad?

Just asking so that it doesn't sound like some things are only right and okay when done by women (she's looking out for herself and her future), but when done by a man it becomes evil and wicked.

Also, are you herein asserting that relationships and marriages are just economic opportunities for women and, as long as its about money, everyone and anyone is totally dispensable? Which means she can freely dump her current husband when she meets someone richer who'd giver her a far better life and opportunities?

How do you think that experience would influence that young man's opinion of women for the rest of his life and how he'd probably treat them when he happenes to gain wealth tomorrow?

Do you see how you all leave a trail of emotionally broken and damaged men in your wake who always haunt you, some of whom end up becoming the rich men that you're all chasing after who have all been through same experiences in their struggling years, and you wonder why they don't give you the love, respect, loyalty and faithfulness you want?

mask3:


Wanted to ask this on a dead thread, but...

Was running a search on nairaland for "financial analyst" and stumbled on this:

REFERENCE https://www.nairaland.com/6446688/kwin-more#100482458

Would this your position also apply when a man abandones a girl he's been dating for years and who loved him, because he found a richer woman who would give him a better life and fly him abroad?

Just asking so that it doesn't sound like some things are only right and okay when done by women (she's looking out for herself and her future), but when done by a man it becomes evil and wicked.

Also, are you herein asserting that relationships and marriages are just economic opportunities for women and, as long as its about money, everyone and anyone is totally dispensable? Which means she can freely dump her current husband when she meets someone richer who'd giver her a far better life and opportunities?

How do you think that experience would influence that young man's opinion of women for the rest of his life and how he'd probably treat them when he happenes to gain wealth tomorrow?

Do you see how you all leave a trail of emotionally broken and damaged men in your wake who always haunt you, some of whom end up becoming the rich men that you're all chasing after who have all been through same experiences in their struggling years, and you wonder why they don't give you the love, respect, loyalty and faithfulness you want?

When you find a rich woman, please marry and stop crying in my mentions. I didn't read past the first paragraph though.

Thanks

DenreleDave:


A lady that values her life won't look at parents and church concerns before quitting the death relationship

If a lady is not worthless without her husband money, she will not look her parents or church before leaving an abusive marriage

Thank you! 🙏

pocohantas:


When you find a rich woman, please marry and stop crying in my mentions. I didn't read past the first paragraph though.

Thanks

That's all right.

Just so you know you're one of those girls spreading negative and toxic advice all over the Internet, and poisoning the minds of younger girls nowadays with your insatiable materialistc and money-centered mindset that destroys relationships and marriages, and pushes young girls to abandone responsible, caring partners in the quest for money and the flashy life.

mask3:

That's all right.

Just so you know you're one of those girls spreading negative and toxic advice all over the Internet, and poisoning the minds of younger girls nowadays with your insatiable materialistc and money-centered mindset that destroys relationships and marriages, and pushes young girls to abandone responsible, caring partners in the quest for money and the flashy life.

Push your unmaterialistic younger sister to marry these responsible poor men. When she is pregnant, her and her caring responsible poor husband can come to NL for us to donate money for diapers. Since all financially stable men are irresponsible. #Spits