When you have made in life and you will, get help, get therapy, if you can afford it, get it now, again, sharing it is a good thing for you, that level of abandonment have a way of messing people up. Ultimately forgive her and accept her the way she is while doing everything to retain your sanity and protect yourself. Many parents don't know better. So forgive and accept her the way she is, when you truly forgive her, a lot of good things will open up to you and you will experience more peace. Light and love.

Yoshy:
When you have made in life and you will, get help, get therapy, that level of abandonment have a way of messing people up. Ultimately forgive her and accept her the way she is while doing everything to retain your sanity and protect yourself. Many parents don't know better. So forgive and accept her the way she is, when you truly forgive her, a lot of good things will open up to you and you will experience more peace. Light and love.

I totally disagree with you

MisterBanny:


I have learnt a lot in life due my tragic experiences. Each time I see my mother's calls, my blood pressure would jump up instantly cos it's either she wants to tell me about the death of a relative in the village or complain about money. She always complains yet has the latest Wrappers. She can never give u her money. The day I got the biggest shock of my life was during my clearance in sch before NYSC. I needed transport fare to travel to sch like 3k. I was stranded. I don't ask her for any sort of monetary help cos I know she wouldn't give. But that day I asked her for help, and in her usual characteristic, she claimed not to have, she didn't even know that I had checked her phone and saw a balance of 13k. I was so sad and wondered why a mother would do this to her son. I thought people say a mother can do anything for her child, then why is my own case different? Up till today, I never told her that I knew she had money in her account.

Pls tell her had d same experience with my late dad
It was He died dat some issues became clear to me
Naso my own wife be towards are children even when am still not dead what wound happen if am not around
She a foolish woman and I owe YOU no apologies

Huracan:

I totally disagree with you

You're surprised I said forgive her I guess?

IconicR:
Give me my accolades same way you'll scold me whenever I make silly comments

Don't be biased in your dealings

I am glad you acknowledge your silly remarks.

Ok, thanks.

clark0:


Gbam, but the prophet stuff isn’t for me to agree to but you said nothing but the truth here

STEWpid:
Chai..

This is a very Chai situashun. You lived like an orphan, according to your story.

You had a terrible, unforgivable, and regrettable childhood.

I can't advice you against your Mum.

Hope you're man enough to handle the situashun.

You know your family better.

May the Grace of God continue to be with you.

Why?

Because woman must protect woman no matter how despicable their actions are. OP, your mum is unofficially dead and dad is officially dead. That is what it is. You have no living parents. You have to come to terms with that if not you will continue to suffer trauma in your mum's hands till she dies. Cut off from her. Try more to support your siblings but only in a limited way too because you have to raise your own family with the little resources you gather.

You will never be able to break the circle of poverty and suffering your mum imposed on you if you don't cut off from her.

Speaking from bible, you did not commit any sin if you cut her off. Apostle Paul in the bible said, who no work, should not chop. For the fact that she didn't invest in you, she has no right to reap from you any financial returns, physical or emotional care. Bible also says, God cannot be mocked, what a man sows he must reap. That woman should be made to reap lack of Care and lack of financial aid because that's what she sowed in your life. This is not vengeance but justice. God punishes sin not out of vengeance but to establish justice and fairness. Cutting her off is justice, fairness and respite for you because you need peace in your own life- she is a threat to your peace

You should focus now on breaking the circle of poverty from your own life and investing in your future, get a wife and take care of your own kids asap so that woman doesn't start draining and blackmailing you when you get job.

Who knows, She could even have contributed to your dad's early death with her greedy, selfish, unhelpful, unsupporting and me me only lifestyle. God frowns at her right now. Go ahead and cut her off. Don't let women on this thread or even your mother blackmail you.

Some women generally love eating where they don't sow. Cut off any man or woman from your life who like eating from where they refused to sow out of your life. Such people are parasitic. You have nothing to gain from them except pain

As someone who has been bleeped up many times by my own family.If you feel like helping her help when you can.Try and protect your mental health.It took me a year to recover.

Learn to not hold grudges against her.I am not among the bandwagon that will say your mother is your mother bla bla bla.USE THE EXPERIENCE TO BE A BETTER PARENT TO YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

MisterBanny:
Good day everyone. This topic shouldn't be on this Section, but I really need it to gain traffic urgently reason I am doing this here. My apologies.

I am from a family of four. The eldest. I hail from Plateau state. I lost my Dad when I was 10yrs. After my dad's burial, I went to live with a paternal anty who maltreated me so badly that I almost committed Suicide. I was like a slave. You can think of all the dehumanizing treatments in life. I started High sch. No sponsor.

Same anty never paid my fees for once, yet I was like a slave to her and her children. Throughout my secondary school, there was NO session that I ever wrote complete exams for 1, 2 and 3rd Terms. I would write maybe 6papers and not write the remaining papers, I will miss the next term's exams totally and write a few papers the final term of the session due to not paying sch fees. I was so ridiculed & mocked by my classmates cos of the constant embarrassment. As a result of this, I became an introvert. I couldn't even ask questions in class or socialize with my mates. No friends. My fee was #800 at the time. A private sch. I was so determined to get education & prayed God to pls help me bear whatever I faced at that time.

During this period, my mum who is unlettered stayed back in the village with my siblings and had to remarry. I got really pissed and cried myself out when I heard about the marriage cos I had no prior knowledge about it. My mum up till now has NEVER given me anything like Money in my Life. Highest she ever gave me was 1k at once...

At a point some person's even asked me if I still had a Mum particularly whenever I tried to seek help from them.
I was undeterred, wrote my WAEC, had 4-Distinctions and 4-credits and a Pass in Geography, then wrote JAMB, scored 220 and got admission to the University. I had to Hussle to pay my fees throughout. I spent 8yrs in the University due to money constraints. My mum never showed much concern. At a point I said I would drop out and to my shock, she said I should do so if I wanted to. Thank God I done with my Degree.
During and after NYSC she would always call me almost everyday talking about money. Making demands on me. I was always sending to her cos no matter what, she's my mum.

At a point, I wasn't responding to her calls for months and never sent money again. She started telling people that I wasn't calling her or picking her calls or helping her. She also instigated my younger siblings against me and they started disrespecting me. Anyone of us who has money and gives to her at that particular period is who she will become friends with then starts reporting negative things about others to the person that is currently giving her money. Some things would be done and I will never be aware except an outsider tells me. I felt so bad about all these and I decided to stay aloof and estranged from my family. I don't call except once in a while. My mum has been calling for almost a month now but I haven't picked cos money will be involved in the conversation and I don't have now.
Pls advise me.

The last straw was when I got Mobilized for NYSC and had nothing to even use for transport to the camp. I consulted a cooperative that she belongs in to loan me some money, but did u know that after they accepted to give me the loan the next day, I went back and they started giving me excuses. I later heard from an impeccable memeber of the cooperative that it was my mum that asked them not to grant me the loan. Her reason was that I may not pay back and she didn't want the responsibility of repaying to fall back on her. Same woman that has never given me any dime. Mind you, she has money to buy the latest Wrappers but can't help me.

She attends almost all the burials in the village even when the deceased isn't related to her and likes to drink alcohol. I have talked to her about this but she wouldn't listen.

This is my second time commenting on this post,i see many people criticizing me based on what i said .

Please don't listen to them, they're only trying to make you have misunderstanding with your mum.

She is your mum for christ sake, they're all here talking rubbish why they're in good term with their mother's.

Instead of them to find a solution they're telling you to avoid your own mother.

Delete that family and mum from your life


Move to another state and start afresh

Change your identity anew

Severe your relationship with all of them and go solo jo. That was how Mohbad was killed. Make a move now before it's too late. Go solo.

Dpen11:


This is my second time commenting on this post,i see many people criticizing me based on what i said .

Please don't listen to them, they're only trying to make you have misunderstanding with your mum.

She is your mum for christ sake, they're all here talking rubbish why they're in good term with their mother's.

Instead of them to find a solution they're telling you to avoid your own mother.

I appreciate everyone's input, honestly. God will help me to heal cos I am really hardened right now.

neonly:



Don't thank him pls some women are not deserve to called mother
Follow your instincts whatever you think is best do it you have no know to answer to
You are self made man walk with your head high
Good luck

Thanks

Owoado:
Pls send me a DM when you can

Have done so

Blitzking:
truth be told u don't av a mother..focus on ur life bro..sounds harsh but na wetin I go do..maa wey no fey act like mama.

Hmmmm

Dpen11:


This is my second time commenting on this post,i see many people criticizing me based on what i said .

Please don't listen to them, they're only trying to make you have misunderstanding with your mum.

She is your mum for christ sake, they're all here talking rubbish why they're in good term with their mother's.

Instead of them to find a solution they're telling you to avoid your own mother.

people like you cannot take half the shit this OP has been through before going into prostitution, drugs or immoral life. This OP, against all odds, braced the challenge, self sponsored himself, graduated after 8 good years, not a single penny or sacrifice or support from the mother. He lovingly tried to support her when he earned a meagre 30k. Can you be more loving than that? Have you given money to your enemy in your life since you were born? It's easy talking until you enter his shoes before you will discover you are not caring, loving or patient. You are just a smooth talker. A toxic mum continues to blackmail him for not supporting after nysc. Did you read here that the OP has secured a job yet? You want to pluck flowers off a blossoming plant and not allow it bear fruits by asking him to support a toxic and manipulative woman.

Even if he carries his entire salary give that selfish woman every month after getting job, a selfish person will still be selfish. The mum may begin scheming to get him divorce his wife or make marriage uncomfortable for them so he can have more control over the sons finance. That's the regular pattern of a selfish, damaged and toxic woman of that stature. The only cure is to cut them off. Let them apologize, cry, beg, regret, etc. They are only apologizing because they are unable to reap financial returns from children they never supported financially. Such wicked parents don't usually apologize to their kids except those kids later turned successful. If they are poor, parents will never apologize. So the apology is never genuine - it's because of money, they are doing everything humanly possible to make the kids that they neglected to cater for them(the parents)

Except you are toxic, you shouldn't try to downplay such toxicity in a relationship. His mum is toxic and would be toxic to her lovers equally. It's a nature she had since he was 10 and hasn't changed. A woman who looks for financiers and quickly switches her pendulum to the next available paypoint, a woman that doesn't show loyalty and unparalleled love to her own kids. That isn't a mother. She is non existing in their life all the while and she is best allowed not to exist even later. A mother that doesn't mother, a father that doesn't further are no better than reptiles that just lay eggs, burry the eggs and forever has no knowledge of what happens to the egg. Is a lizard supposed to be tracing it's mother? Learn from nature. Animals should teach you about family relationships if you can't understand

Shyboyk:


Stay away from anything or anyone that would stress u even if she is your mom stay away but not totally

Ok. Thanks

Kobojunkie:
OP, you seem to be carrying lots of scars and at the same time trying to force a relationship in your scarred and torn state with the one who imposed them on you and continues to. Why not take time out from this relationship to heal from your past hurts as well as work on accepting her for the person she has been and still is?

I somehow get this vibe of you trying to force yourself on someone who only seems to value you as a source of funds and not much else, similar to the relationship between some men and their billers. That isn't a healthy relationship at all to have. My advise to you at this point is that you please seek professional mental health therapy/counseling to help you heal from your past and also help you better understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. Afterward, or during, your therapist can help you work on how to approach having a more beneficial relationship with your siblings and maybe your mother. It is perfectly OK to love a person from afar abeg!

Thanks for your elaborate counsel. God bless you. I will heed to this advice

Ruke1989:


Why?

Because woman must protect woman no matter how despicable their actions are. OP, your mum is unofficially dead and dad is officially dead. That is what it is. You have no living parents. You have to come to terms with that if not you will continue to suffer trauma in your mum's hands till she dies. Cut off from her. Try more to support your siblings but only in a limited way too because you have to raise your own family with the little resources you gather.

You will never be able to break the circle of poverty and suffering your mum imposed on you if you don't cut off from her.

Speaking from bible, you did not commit any sin if you cut her off. Apostle Paul in the bible said, who no work, should not chop. For the fact that she didn't invest in you, she has no right to reap from you any financial returns, physical or emotional care. Bible also says, God cannot be mocked, what a man sows he must reap. That woman should be made to reap lack of Care and lack of financial aid because that's what she sowed in your life. This is not vengeance but justice. God punishes sin not out of vengeance but to establish justice and fairness. Cutting her off is justice, fairness and respite for you because you need peace in your own life- she is a threat to your peace

You should focus now on breaking the circle of poverty from your own life and investing in your future, get a wife and take care of your own kids asap so that woman doesn't start draining and blackmailing you when you get job.

Who knows, She could even have contributed to your dad's early death with her greedy, selfish, unhelpful, unsupporting and me me only lifestyle. God frowns at her right now. Go ahead and cut her off. Don't let women on this thread or even your mother blackmail you.

Some women generally love eating where they don't sow. Cut off any man or woman from your life who like eating from where they refused to sow out of your life. Such people are parasitic. You have nothing to gain from them except pain

This is not a case of woman supporting woman; I did not support her in anyway.

It's a tale of two lovers that fought and friends say,, leave him.. leave her..! When they settle, you'll be the topic of discussion.

My point is, even tough the OP should take action which I wouldn't advice him on what to do..

Certain things cannot change.. they remain permanent forever.

The OP should handle the situashun on how best it's good for him.

Chai.. Ndi uwa

MisterBanny:
■ Thanks for your elaborate counsel. God bless you. I will heed to this advice

I get the sense, from your write-up, that you live in the North, am I right? If yes, I hear there are some very good mental health hospitals there, so do not hesitate to make an appointment immediately and start working towards a better you — your happiness should be utmost — as well as your ability to forge healthy relationships with those whom you share blood with, among others.
I live in the U.S., and over here, mental health is said to be at the core of every human being — even animals—, the driving force that determines happiness, fulfillment, etc. And prioritizing mental health is key to both success and a good life. I have first-hand experience with the benefit of mental health therapy and treatment in helping to resolve frustrations and past traumas. So, I am not here recommending something I have no real experience of.

Kobojunkie:
I get the sense, from your write-up, that you live in the North, am I right? If yes, I hear there are some very good mental health hospitals there. I live in the U.S, and over here, mental health is at the core of every human being — even animals— and prioritizing mental health is key to both success and a good life. I have first-hand experience with the benefit of mental health therapy and treatment in helping to resolve frustrations and past traumas. So, I am not here recommending something I have no real experience of.

Thanks

From what I can deduce, if she knew better she would have been supportive of you. Also she does not have the means to raise you all by herself hence the need for her second marriage. I will appeal that you love her and give her the honour deserved of a mother; if she knew better she would have done better. This is in order for your peace and sanity. By doing this without foreboding you will see things aligned and you keep being the shining light in your family. Have large heart. You can imagine what Joseph the dreamer experienced before he became the prime minister of Egypt.

Op,there is no way i will write in response to your post that it won't like plagiarism.Infact,i wanted to write on this topic for a long time.This is my conclusion:
1.Your mum was frustrated by the responsibility of catering for you and your siblings after your dad's death.
2.your mum has a favourite child or your mum doesn't believe in you.
3.Handwork of the enemy-

thesilentman:
Op,there is no way i will write in response to your post that it won't like plagiarism.Infact,i wanted to write on this topic for a long time.This is my conclusion:
1.Your mum was frustrated by the responsibility of catering for you and your siblings after your dad's death.
2.your mum has a favourite child or your mum doesn't believe in you.
3.Handwork of the enemy-

1. So, this frustration kept her from communicating with her own son but did not stop her from marrying a second husband, and probably having other kids.

2. LOL.... a grown woman born pikin come dey talk of that pikin owe am something or what?

3. Arrggh! The copout used by the typical African. OK oo!

IconicR:
Imagine ooo

I'm pained for the guy

Do u know that I've been so emotionally and psychologically affected that I have Never been in a relationship with a woman? I can't maintain a relationship. It is unsustainable for me. I get angry easily and feel everyone hates me. I am somewhat vindictive. I like to be alone.

iammo:



Typical narcissist Nigerian woman, abeg simply avoid her if you want to live longer than your father

Read books about manipulative narcissist people and do your best in life to avoid them

Many narcissist are like cancer and they wont stop until they eat you up, cut them out completely



.

Thanks so much Sir

STEWpid:
Chai..

This is a very Chai situashun. You lived like an orphan, according to your story.

You had a terrible, unforgivable, and regrettable childhood.

I can't advice you against your Mum.

Hope you're man enough to handle the situashun.

You know your family better.

May the Grace of God continue to be with you.

Amen. Thanks so much

MisterBanny:


Do u know that I've been so emotionally and psychologically affected that I have Never been in a relationship with a woman? I can't maintain a relationship. It is unsustainable for me. I get angry easily and feel everyone hates me. I am somewhat vindictive. I like to be alone.

Snap out of that and live your life

You may regret never chosing yourself first before this unreasonable people around you
Seek help as well.

rajiedreez:
Ok, you meet yourself in a very bad situation. But the Nigeria society is such that will overlook whatever you've gone through negatively from your parent all for the fact that they birthed you. On this premise, you'll not disown your mother nor your siblings. If you find it really difficult to relate with them as a family, just try to see them as a responsibility and do the best you can for them.

Was your father a responsible father when he was alive?

He was very responsible Sir

IconicR:
Snap out of that and live your life

You may regret never chosing yourself first before this unreasonable people around you
Seek help as well.

Ok. Thanks