Klass99:
Did I read that correctly? The part about leaving a 5 months old baby behind or did you in your confusion mistakenly type that, OP?

Hahn! This japa syndrome has some people's brains wired so weirdly they are not thinking straight, while putting japa ahead of everyone and everything that matters......like a 5 month old baby , family time and life together, a reasonably good life where incessant suffer head is not even their reality.

Is this family separation absolutely necessary for greener pastures? Is your living situation in Naija so terrible that a 5 month old baby has to be separated from its mother? Can you people not delay gratification and carefully plan your move together at the same time?

Even me that is not interested in children of my own, I cannot fathom leaving behind or being separated from a 5 month old baby, because babies and toddlers fascinate me to no end. They are an awesome wonder, so sweet and cuddly at that age.

But what do I know, majority of you claim japa is for the sake of your children and their future so who am I to argue?

Best post I've read so far. Like really? 5 month old baby?

What’s your definition of head of household?

The one who doesn’t have to take care of the kids?
You don’t realize how lame you sound.
Does taking care of his child make him less of a leader or emasculated? Low IQ contribution

What you and guys like you need are male role models who can show you that you can still be a man, respected and honored by all and still take hands on care of your children by choice not even by necessity or extreme circumstances like in the OP.

You need to see actual men in whose presence you can’t stand who are elbows deep in child care, while simultaneously being loving and supporting husbands to their wives endeavors outside of the home.

Packaging misogyny as if it will mean something else when you type long paragraphs to rephrase it.
Your initial post that I quoted tells me all I need to know about what you actually believe

casualobserver:

You are the ones with the problems…women like you. A woman was not made to be the head of a household period. It is not misogynistic it is a fact. It does not mean oppression of women or sanctioning such. A man has a role as the leader and head of a household. When I say that that does not mean his wife is his slave or gives him any right to abuse or maltreat his wife. Don’t twist things from your narrow mindset.

A man should not emasculate himself and handover his role to his wife. Your wife can help you and in fact should help but she should not be in a position where she is the one who becomes the head of a household. It is only natural that you lose your value as man to her over time.

The irony is that it is women like you who say there is nothing wrong that are the first to emasculate, insult and demean their husbands for not doing what other husbands do.

A man is supposed to lead with his wife by his side, not a wife leading with her husband behind her. You do not ask a lawyer to design a house for you instead of an architect and then be surprised that the house is not fit for use. Man has his unique role, so also does a wife. When a husband is performing the role of a wife and vice versa problems will ensue. A man is not supposed to spend his time in the kitchen and the market, likewise it is not the wife you send to protect the family when for example your house is being burgled. That role reversals can sometimes occur especially in moments does not mean you should think it is ok….it is not.

bigsyke:
You should be worried about yourself and the baby rather than your wife.

You dey mind am!

it's just madness. people will do silly things for money. just common sense. if i were the husband's relatives I will oppose this plan. but you know how people are wired nowadays, they will be the ones to encourage the wife to go.

Godmademan:
it's sad. Some partners even refuse to commit now adays if there is no travel plan in the books. It's very difficult to postpone. Getting a job is not easy

Mindlog:


U wan give the wife a well paying paramedic job in Nigeria?

OP knows he can't stop her from going even if he threatens with divorce, she will then write only their child's name as dependent excluding the husband and by the next 6 years she will be getting her British passport, the child will also get but the husband wouldn't as they would have been divorced.

we are not marrying ourselves for economic wellbeing...we are marrying ourselves for love , companion ship and children...it is along the line we plan economic survival of the union


its love and togetherness first before economy of the house

frog12:
it's just madness. people will do silly things for money. just common sense. if i were the husband's relatives I will oppose this plan. but you know how people are wired nowadays, they will be the ones to encourage the wife to go.

What rights does the husband's relatives have over the woman's acceptance of the UK job and eventual relocation?

blacksam01:


we are not marrying ourselves for economic wellbeing...we are marrying ourselves for love , companion ship and children...it is along the line we plan economic survival of the union


its love and togetherness first before economy of the house

You’re a funny man or woman. If you have not had a baby of 5 months while working the same job and conditions as OP’s wife in London or outside london then just watch and read comments because you have no idea. Shalom

fykes:
Did you say 5months old?
How do you plan to take care of a 5month old baby?
I will advise you to do whatever it takes to go along with her and the baby.
Or better still let her go with the baby as long as she's not working in London, y'all can survive in the Uk

Dougad:
Nairaland no get middle ground at all 😂😂

The temperature is either ice cold or fiery hot. The first three responses are something else

You sef see am.

casualobserver:

You are the ones with the problems…women like you. A woman was not made to be the head of a household period. It is not misogynistic it is a fact. It does not mean oppression of women or sanctioning such. A man has a role as the leader and head of a household. When I say that that does not mean his wife is his slave or gives him any right to abuse or maltreat his wife. Don’t twist things from your narrow mindset.

A man should not emasculate himself and handover his role to his wife. Your wife can help you and in fact should help but she should not be in a position where she is the one who becomes the head of a household. It is only natural that you lose your value as man to her over time.

The irony is that it is women like you who say there is nothing wrong that are the first to emasculate, insult and demean their husbands for not doing what other husbands do.

A man is supposed to lead with his wife by his side, not a wife leading with her husband behind her. You do not ask a lawyer to design a house for you instead of an architect and then be surprised that the house is not fit for use. Man has his unique role, so also does a wife. When a husband is performing the role of a wife and vice versa problems will ensue. A man is not supposed to spend his time in the kitchen and the market, likewise it is not the wife you send to protect the family when for example your house is being burgled. That role reversals can sometimes occur especially in moments does not mean you should think it is ok….it is not.

God bless you. Reasonable people still dey nairaland sha...

blacksam01:
■ we are not marrying ourselves for economic wellbeing...we are marrying ourselves for love , companion ship and children...it is along the line we plan economic survival of the union. its love and togetherness first before economy of the house

How many of una dey this we you dey talk of abeg?

IkpemhiTG:
She will be going alone (A hard and tough decision i must confess) leaving the me and my 5 months old baby till when things are soft for us to join her.

I don't know how easy or how soon it will be for her to send invite for us to join her.
How's life in the UK with a single mum?

Who have passed through this situation and how did you people pull through

You guys and money. I can't decimate my family because of money.
Mind you, you have lost that woman. A woman that can leave a five year old to go chase money will deal with you when you join her, and that's if you join her at all.
I think your marriage has technically ended.

Ogbaba123:
You’re a funny man or woman. If you have not had a baby of 5 months while working the same job and conditions as OP’s wife in London or outside london then just watch and read comments because you have no idea. Shalom

Nna, I hope the woman is ready for the work she applied for. E no easy to do Paramedic at all, especially with all that lifting, bending, and so on. That looks like some serious back-breaking work to me.

Kobojunkie:
What can a mother do for a 5-month-old that a father can't?

ask female animals why they don't leave their babies with the male animals

Masterito:
You guys talk carelessly. How is it a scam? I am in the UK and I have seen many people do this and they reunited with thier families, living happily. You think everyone has the money or access to loan to sponsor dependent visa? Please have sense.

Mr UK sir. I know you know it all, but my advice was a double edged one targeted at the op. Why don't you just give your opinion without recourse to insulting me.

I am not in the mood for 'cybersaulting' today and please don't get me started. Thank you.

dreamwords:
■ ask female animals why they don't leave their babies with the male animals

□ Oh, so human men are no different from animals now ehn?
▢ Male animals like seahorses and all the rest of dem wey dey raise their babies are even better than human males when it comes to raising babies, right? .

Mindlog:


How would the physical separation for a few months from the mother, adversely affects the baby's growth and development?

it won't be for a few months it will be longer you don't know the uk immigration

The fact that your wife is willing to leave her 5-month old child tells you a lot about her values. You will have many challenges ahead that will affect your marriage negatively

honour7:
Let her go with the baby and marry a new wife, there is an 85 percent chance you have lost her

Walahi you be number one "kill joy agent"

honour7:
Let her go with the baby and marry a new wife, there is an 85 percent chance you have lost her

97% in fact.

5 months old? Who is going to breast feed her? What's the reputation of her before marriage? You might never see her again.

casualobserver:


You are being extreme. You don’t know a woman until she has power over you. Uk is tough place especially for a new settler. It is a regimented environment and you are constantly stressed by bills. You are forever in the work/ bill trap. You dread opening your mail because it’s one bill or another. It is a particularly tough place in the cold winter months between October and March. The cold dark isolation in those months especially will test the resolve of any single woman.

It is not the environment where you as a man want to be dependent on your wife. She will start to resent you. Fights will start. She will start alto see normal behaviour as you messing up because the real problem is while the job sounds good on paper, in the cold light of day the pay for a paramedic is not enough.

Where. Is your wife going to stay, where are you going to stay when you get there…room or flat? Rent/ council tax will take half her income, transport/ food and bills will take the rest. She will eventually get frustrated that despite all her work she has no savings left and you are not contributing.

So if you make the mistake of not greeting her properly, you have messed up, She goes to work and comes back and the house is not clean to her taste, you have messed up, even to sleep you are messing up. You are applying for jobs but have not secured One…you have messed up. The baby is crying and you even suggest she looks after the baby after her long shift at work…..yep you’ve messed up. You dare ti ask why she came back late….. you’ve messed up. That’s life in the UK for a man dependent on his wife.

These feelings will happen with every wife in this situation, the question is how long does it take for it to affect her behaviour towards you. How long does it take you to get your act together and the character of your wife.

God did not design a woman to be in control of the destiny of her husband. Woman is a helper and women wives sincerely want to help but there is a difference between helping and handing control of your destiny to your wife.

That your continued presence in the UK is dependent on your wife is a dangerous situation to put yourself.

Waoooo

So so so true

Oga, please, keep your wife. All that glitters is not gold. Marriage is for consummation, not for the couples staying apart. Be wise!

then who will feed the 5 months old baby the husband
we are going mad slow by slow all because of japa

Mindlog:


What rights does the husband's relatives have over the woman's acceptance of the UK job and eventual relocation?

samsard:
LMAO. You want a man to take care of a 5 month old baby while the mother is alive? Are you normal?

some of you are just damaged. I pity your kids.

orohbirodeysmel:
Ur own don be. ...

If she come back to you or allow you come over, make I bend.

You don't know 21st Century women abi

True talk

simplepee:
some of you are just damaged. I pity your kids.

Girl, pity your damaged self. If you were alright you wouldn't think a man should care for a five month old baby who should be breastfeeding and enjoying it's mother's nurturing love & care.

frog12:
then who will feed the 5 months old baby the husband we are going mad slow by slow all because of japa

A man can't feed his own 5-month-old baby?

Everything is not about money...

It's crazy to put so many things of value into jeopardy because of higher income.

That's the world we live in today.

The devil has painted pictures in your head about all you stand to gain by this ill decision of yours.

datbay:
I am based in the UK.. if your wife actually got a paramedic job( I hope its with NHS), do everything possible for all of you to come in together now.....People who come here on work visa settle down faster and easier than people with students visa ........

Abi.... That's just it. In fact they could have come to the UK together if they had planned it well

Bro ... I strrrrongly advise you to take things one step at a time. This is most likely a scam. Let's reason why. Recently a video was posted here of a woman in Canada .... well qualified in the Health Field in Nigeria... and with 15 years experience ... being Team Leader and all that ... great track record.... but cannot get a job in the field in Canada because she does not have Canadian certification. That's the system in developed countries. Now tell me why your wife will be an exception? ... that she would be employed as a paramedic in the UK ? ... which company would run the risk of being sued because she treated a patient the Nigerian way that threw the patient into a coma? Do you really believe theybwould run that risk? Did they name the company? .... give the address? ... did you Google the company? ... have you checked their website? ... is the registered? Bro... investigate the company and cut your losses and stress.

samsard:
Girl, pity your damaged self. If you were alright you wouldn't think a man should care for a five month old baby who should be breastfeeding and enjoying it's mother's nurturing love & care.

Lol. It was never about breastfeeding. If it was, when Nigerian men lose their wives they won't pass their young kids to all kind of female family members. If it was about breastfeeding, you guys would hire a wet nurse.

Let's be honest.