A problem shared is half-solved, I think. All I want is to be heard.

So, here it goes. I've only dated 3 girls this far. The first, 3 years ago, was perfect—but I was somewhat immature then. (she was 2 years older than I was)

The second literally told me she ’liked’ me, and then she ‘loved’ me on the very day we spoke, and before the close of that day she started telling me to leave her alone and to talk to the rest of my girlfriends since she isn't enough for me, the a few days later she said ‘are we dating? I thought we were just friends.’ I wasn't upset. I promise, I wasn't upset.

I was LIVID. NO, I was hot with anger. I think it was me who mistakenly triggered the earth’s global boiling 😅

Yet things continued cooly. After a while of isolation, I met with her again to clear things up, and she said she felt nothing for me (in contrast with how she ‘liked’ and ‘loved’ me barely a month ago) and my efforts to dig into the situation was met with “it's like you like problem.”

Anyway, I ended it as politely as possible.

I met with another woman 3 days back, and while it's still too early to draw conclusions, I can see a similar pattern playing. It's hard for me not to play out the scenario of how things will unfold in my mind. There was mutual interest at first, she gave me her contact, I got home and called and we spoke for a while (I didn't tell her yet that I wanted to have a romance with her—but I indirectly made it clear to her when I took her contact, unless she didn't get the hint; I just asked some questions I felt were more important: about her age, values, family, etc)

Now, that was the only time I spoke to her. Since then, I haven't succeeded in reaching out to her. Even my messages on her WhatsApp are being ignored.

Yes! I'm ranting off topic, I know that. But I'm getting frustrated. At this point, I don't think I want a solution anymore. Marriages are breaking down, some divorces are happening within just two to five years of marriage. Another man was REALLY congratulating his brother for staying married for 4 years. FOUR YEARS!!!

Has things gotten so bad that the LEAST and most basic decency that results from common sense must be openly congratulated?

And don't get me started on dating and courtships. They are all the same. Heartbreaks, worries, insecurities, and regrets are plaguing all.

It's no longer a thing to ask “have you had your heart broken?” where I live, even teens are asked “when was your first heartbreak?”

I have my own goals; and as if disrupting them at least temporarily were not enough, do I also have to deal with people who's ideas and expectations of relationships are molded by a system that has failed and will continue to fail?

Peace.

Stop rusging the talking stage. Focus on bonding and dont sound serious to propose. Focus on bonding the lady will preempt the seriousness. Improve your game. Date online and date sporadically. Stop dating one at a time. Date in multiples and find what you desire from the crowd. Stop focusing on how messy life is, its rather you who should adjust and go for what you seek out of life

For me, my talking stage doesn't last more than one day. I am good with convo so I engaged the lady in particular in a fun way. The only problem I have and working on myself right now is sticking to a strictly platonic friendship with girl. Most of my female friends, I ended up sexualizing the whole thing which is wrong.

About your first experience, I dated a girl in my final year in school, she is just less perfect, she practically worship me but I was young and ambitious or rather adventurous, so I ruined everything. Among all the girls I dated, she is the only one I regretted breaking up with.

I easily get girls, and I am a great lover too, so while dating, they usually fantasize how marriage with me will be fun but the breakup is always unexpected and deep. I have stopped anything relationship for now, I am working on myself generally, because I always end up hurting those girls which I feel bad but can't help it.

Stop trying to please woman.Anyhow wey she want play the game,follow am play am.

because 9ja girls has become real time punishment from God.

1TrippleCee:
Stop rusging the talking stage. Focus on bonding and dont sound serious to propose. Focus on bonding the lady will preempt the seriousness. Improve your game. Date online and date sporadically. Stop dating one at a time. Date in multiples and find what you desire from the crowd. Stop focusing on how messy life is, its rather you who should adjust and go for what you seek out of life

Thanks for your response.

Ask how things are with her.

She was already dating someone else. Her actual boyfriend caught found out and forced her to end things with me.
Can you imagine that? She had the guts to agree to date me while she was already seeing someone else?
I knew this. I saw signs: I didn't say anything since I had no actual proof, but now I've learned something.
I'm relatively new into the world of relationships—compared to many, but I'm sure I will keep trusting people. People's cruel nature won't stop me from manifesting my trusting nature.

Savedday2:
because 9ja girls has become real time punishment from God.

Hahahahahahahahaha.
Funny.

Anyway, me and that girl only lasted one month.
Why?
Because SHE WAS ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. Either she never loved him, or she was playing me.

Next time, I'll ask to see the parents of the woman ASAP. If she refuses, I will terminate the relationship. If the parents are aware, she will have a greater sense of responsibility in the relationship.

Aaaaarghmed:
Stop trying to please woman.Anyhow wey she want play the game,follow am play am.

No be my nature, bro. If I were you, I will do that, but it really isn't my nature to play games.
Anyway, I was right. She was actually seeing someone else—she was forced to reveal this to me after one month of dating.

This world na wa o!

Demigod22:
For me, my talking stage doesn't last more than one day. I am good with convo so I engaged the lady in particular in a fun way. The only problem I have and working on myself right now is sticking to a strictly platonic friendship with girl. Most of my female friends, I ended up sexualizing the whole thing which is wrong.

About your first experience, I dated a girl in my final year in school, she is just less perfect, she practically worship me but I was young and ambitious or rather adventurous, so I ruined everything. Among all the girls I dated, she is the only one I regretted breaking up with.

I easily get girls, and I am a great lover too, so while dating, they usually fantasize how marriage with me will be fun but the breakup is always unexpected and deep. I have stopped anything relationship for now, I am working on myself generally, because I always end up hurting those girls which I feel bad but can't help it.

Hmm. You opened up here, man. Thanks for that.
I think that everyone needs to work on himself. Everyone needs to know themselves and learn to tame themselves. They must do this before entering any relationship otherwise they will end up doing what they regret.
In fact, knowing yourself and learning to tame yourself is something that must start before the person starts having friends. Until then, they can have playmates, acquaintances, whatever. But nor friends, boyfriends, or girlfriends, until they have known and learned to tame themselves.

It's usually those that don't know themselves or that can't tame themselves that end up creating a mess for their partners in relationships. It usually those same ones that make some friendships bitter experiences.



I think that a lack of patience too is at the root of human interpersonal relationship problems. Many adults never learn to wait. When they want something they must have it soonest, not later. If they are told about something to come a number of years in the future, they are not interested.
Like children they suffer from the illusion that what is in the future will never arrive. They have not learned to wait. Such people can neither value the things they get nor experience the joy of getting something after waiting.
Not being able to value the relationships they enter, they will inadvertently do something that will make their partner to break up with them.

I have deeply researched this issue of relationships, read books about them, reflected on them, and so on.
You make a valid point!!

Because there is lack of better understanding between couples lately.

The process of friendship which allow people to get to know more about each others, likes and dislikes have been erased.

From first meeting straight to relationship. From a stranger...

Not every relationship is meant to lead to marriage . Some are meant tho,while some are meant to experience comma or full-stop....

helinues:
Because there is lack of better understanding between couples lately.

The process of friendship which allow people to get to know more about each others, likes and dislikes have been erased.

From first meeting straight to relationship. From a stranger...

Hmm. Now this is making me think.
But isn't it better to express your romantic interests quickly so that you do not get friendzoned?

Of course, you might need to wait for a while; but how long is too long? I don't think you should wait long enough for another guy to try his shot, or for her to start seeing you as a friend. It's better IMO if you both know the nature of the relationship you want with one another as early as possible.

The process of getting to know the other person's likes and dislikes and such can appropriately be done during dating/courtship, isn't it?

Dustbinbint:


Hmm. Now this is making me think.
But isn't it better to express your romantic interests quickly so that you do not get friendzoned?

Of course, you might need to wait for a while; but how long is too long? I don't think you should wait long enough for another guy to try his shot, or for her to start seeing you as a friend. It's better IMO if you both know the nature of the relationship you want with one another as early as possible.

Romantic? Should relationship be all about sex?

helinues:


Romantic? Should relationship be all about sex?

No, no. By romantic, I mean that the relationship is not platonic in nature. You both are attracted to each other, and the relationship is aimed towards marriage.
That's what I mean by romantic.

Romance movies have changed our understanding of many things. 😅

Sonnobax15:

Not every relationship is meant to lead to marriage . Some are meant tho,while some are meant to experience comma or full-stop....

LOL.
Like an idealogy I go by.
A failed romance is not a failed courtship.
Is the relationship did not lead to marriage, it may be called a failed romance. But it is a successful courtship because it lead to a decision.

A successful courtship leads to a RIGHT decision—to marry or not to marry.

Terminating a romantic relationship before the right decision is reached, or making the wrong decision—such as choosing to marry the wrong person, is what I call a failed courtship.

Dustbinbint:


No, no. By romantic, I mean that the relationship is not platonic in nature. You both are attracted to each other, and the relationship is aimed towards marriage.
That's what I mean by romantic.

Romance movies have changed our understanding of many things. 😅

Friendship should be treated same irrespective of age or gender. As long as you can get along with your friends nicely, things should work naturally.

In love, you don't rush it nor force it, it comes naturally

helinues:


Friendship should be treated same irrespective of age or gender. As long as you can get along with your friends nicely, things should work naturally.

In love, you don't rush it nor force it, it comes naturally

Good point.