What Do I Do? Am So Confused

i m 24 years and i am so confused with my life at this stage, i have a very good and paying job but indecision is killing me softly, i have 2 boys right now and am so confused, am a very beautiful and very talented young lady, i seems to be in love with this boy who happens to frustrate me, this relationship started in may last year when i needed help and he was there for, got a house for me, paid my bills even send money back home.

the change came when i got my current job and he suspected that if i work there, my direct boss would ask me out, i managed and played the good girl for him to agree for me to start, when i started it, it was hell, one day my boss was just trying to confirm something from me on a sunday, he was beside, immediately he knew it was my boss, he collected the phone from me, called him back telling him Today is sunday not working hour call her or see in office on Monday. he held me so strong that if felt hurt and later he came back to apologize and we moved on.

After 4 month of our relationship i got a clue that he was married and i confronted him, he said the lady comes to the house because they had the mortgage in their name(the lady has a son for him about 4 years) he said to me they were not married legally.

I am very gifted in dream, early this year i had a dream that he got married to the lady and they are living together, i called him on the phone and i asked him to come over to my house, when he came i gave him a Bible and i told him to tell me the truth and i promised him that i wont use that against him, that was when the bomb shell broke! he was married to the lady in a registry when she got pregnant and the lady is living with him but he said he,s buying another house which would be ready, i accepted and i know very sure this boy spent most as 90% of is time with me and i believe he loves me too, even his junior bro was even jealous our our affair.

like the proverb every day is for the thief and one day is for the owner, he came to my house and he checked his mail, he forgot to sign out and i read his mail telling another girl Friend Nigeria that he has just moved to his newly completed house.
i felt frosted and i decided to teach him a lesson. the mistake i made was that i confronted him and i told him i was coming to his house that night, when i got there his car wasn't parked outside and i knew that he wasn't staying there anymore but the problem was he denied, swearing, cursing etc, the other time i left him for 2weeks he almost committed suicide what do i do? he has a wife and kid at home and he is on my neck?

secondly the second boy there is nothing so special about him, he not my kind of man at all, thou he dieing to marry me, he knew my relationship with the other party but he doesn't mind, he told his mum to call me and beg on his behalf for him to marry me.
Its very strange he's not my kind of boy at all,thou is tall and good looking but he has this local characteristics in him and i don't like that, people say i can change him but the love is not there! how can i grow love for this?

i need to settle down or may be look for another one, the first boy is my kind of boy but , i need you to advice me!

You should proabbly leave both of them. The first one is not honest with you, and the second one is not your type. THere's no point in hurrying into a bad marriage. Take your time to make the right decision. Leave both of them and make yourself available to better men. Good luck!

thanks seun its not has easy has you have just adviced, the last time we parted ways he almost committed suicide.

That is what he told you. He may be lying. A man will tell a woman whatever she wants to hear.

I don't want to sound heartless only frank:

A man should be judged by actions NOT WORDS. If he nearly killed himself, where are his bruises?

Suicide is not love. If the man loves you so much that he would end his life, then why is he still w/ the wife? Obviously, he does NOT love you that much.

By your own account, the man has a son. Would you like a husband, who takes his money and spends it on women instead of his own son? What if the son was yours, then how would you feel? What SORT OF MAN IS THIS? Please think of yourself in this matter.

Also, you saw the letter to ANOTHER WOMEN W/ YOUR OWN EYES! Do you believe his lies over your GOD given EYES sha

A man who would take an oath before GOD (marriage) and then lie to his wife would surely, surely lie to his girlfriend

My friend, you do not trust your married boyfriend so why bother w/ him. You are SO YOUNG. Only 24! What is the rush? Leave them both. Someone will come along.

But, before you do anything, ask yourself, if you were his wife, as you dream of being, how would you feel to be treated the way he treats his current wife? B/C you can't teach an old dog new tricks! & that's real.

Girl, you are too young to be in this kinda mess, pls , dump the two of them. your Mr right man is on the way.

Seun:

You should proabbly leave both of them.

seun i don't think itz probably, it should be definitely leave both of them
ronkeD you're still young believe there is still time to get him (the right guy).

It would be hard for you to leave both of them like that or anybody to leave their partners. But one of them is married, you hav to forget that one i 4 sure the other one u can still study him abit or else you gotta find someone else.

i can't date someone who is fully married, when i met him he was heart broken, he caught the mother of his son in bed with his cousin. he was very deserted. according to chinani, i can't be that heartless to date someone who is fully engaged but during my first few month with him he never told me he had gone to a registry with her.
His mother and the other family are not in support of his far with the lady any more.
I know he's a very caring father to his son!

It's common knowledge that you don't get into a relationship with someone who's fresh out of another relationship.  People on a rebound don't have their ducks in a row. 

While he may truly love you, it's impossible to tell under these conditions.

Furthermore, what kind of man commits suicide because of a woman?  That is indicative of emotional issues, which may have nothing to do with his love for you.  Are you sure you want to inherit that kind of challenge?

As for the other guy, if he's not your type, tell him so, gently of course.

Seun,

This forum auto replaces g-u-y with boy.

oasis what kind of challenge are you talking about?

honey u are so young. I mean 24 is a pretty young age to me. I belive it may take time to seperate the best from the rest. you can just go ahead and settle for some guy u don't love deep down,or u may be the "other woman" , or u may wait a little longer , believing that the best is yet to come. well the choice is urs.
peace

rose honestly you feel my heart. thanks!

oasis what kind of challenge are you talking about?

The challenge of a man who entertains suicidal thoughts when things don't go his way.

What else is he going to try to kill himself over?

He was probably just scoping her. Afterall he didn't kill himself when his first wife was unfaithful to him.

I agree with Seun, leave both of them because they both are NOT your type.

Get a new lover who is single and is your type, which will make your life easier, I know it's kind of cold to say this way. I've experienced a similar situation a few months ago. I decided to take a break from the love-hunting job. I travelled a bit to US and Canada. When I get back to Taiwan, I found myself totally having no feeling for those people and back to my normal life.

So, TAKE A BREAK!

To be frank, i think u have a better chance with the second guy Y? well personally i don't believe in love at first sight, i believe love grows gradually if u allow it. So my dear, give this guy a chance and b/4 u know it u'll be head over heels about him. As for his local characteristics, it is our duty as ladies to mould a man into what we want. But pls take my advice and say goodbye to the married man b'cos he'll end up giving u pains. Best of luck

Larry D thanks for your advice, when i broke up with the first guy, i tried the second one but its nothing to write home about, honestly if i marry the second guy i will be the man of the house, he not as strong as i want my man to be.

Taking a break? My organization wouldn't grant me one now!

girl jus put it dis way, if he could do it to his first wife, he will do it to u, therez no question about it, pray to God about it, the answer is rite under ur nose but u cant c it.

he doesnt respect u, basically, he doesnt love u.
as for d guy dat aint ur type, stop leadin him on if u dnt want him, tell him itz unfair to him to get married in a one way love triangle.

Drop both of them your man that we give you what u want is on the way.
Ask[b] GOD[/b] to take control for you and i know he we not disappoint you [GOD]

Thanks to all. Can you believe this first man contacted my Daddy and told my dad everything! painting himself very good and a decent son-in-law. my dad called tonight and he said a lot.
all i could say was tears because i did not know when i enter this trap.

I'm confused; which man spoke w/ your father? The married man? Or the man who is not your type? How did your Dad react? Just wondering. So sorry about the tears. Remember "The sunlight always follows the rainstorm." Good luck.

chinani it was the married man, honestly i didn't know how he got my dad so involved, i feel like traveling or getting my self out and you know what my dad is? is that kind of people that over read those days and he feels he might be good because he told him he has a cambridge.   AM CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're not sincere. You prefer Man1 because he provides for you. Man2, who probably cares more about you might not be able to pay your house rent. Enjoy Man1 with his baggage but don't delude yourself because he is not leaving wifey. You probably know that already.

Idekeson hey why say such a thing? why should a man pay my house rent when i have a good and paying job. the first man use too before i got my job! and the second guy gave me a car for my birthday last year so? am not dating or marrying because of money!

I'm sorry but any girl knowingly hanging around a married man and at same time confused about the situation, rubs me the wrong way.

Ronke!!!!!!!!!!!!! , Ronke!!!!!!!!!!!, ronke!!!!!!!
how many times did i call your name.
3 times .
hmm hmm hmm .
can a man walk on hot coals without his legs being burnt? ? ??
u better make a decison quick before its to late. and always remember if you settle for less , then don't be suprised if your true hero pasess u by. since u are already in a "relationship ". also remember that the married man is eating his cake and having it, he is going to hinder a young and pretty woman like u from moving forward. honey , wisdom calls, treat yourself like a rare gem, pple would treat u like one.
my 2 cents.

My dear ,drop them both fast.I know it won't be easy, but you need to take a break from it all and figure out what you want out of any relationship. In the long run it would be better for you

Ronke,

Forget about the married guy. U are only prolonging your pain and wasting time over something that will head nowhere. It doesnt matter what this married guy has told your father. Your father will not marry him! Think about yourself girl. This married man is being very selfish! He has too much story and lies in his mouth.

I've been there and done that. U can spend another 2-3 yrs judging this matter or you can move on and start your life again. As for the other guy, if you're not feeling it, leave it. The guy can propose and call his mother to beg you, but again, u've got to do what's best for u.

In summary, leave these two guys alone, it may hurt, but find other things to occupy, eg go to the gym, join a dance class, try to make more friends, join a cookery class, go for make-up classes, learn something new. Readjust your life style and preoccupy yourself. before u know it, they will all be history.

thanks all i have fully decided come what may, am leaving both of them.

ehh yah, we are praying someone good would come your way.