Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . - Jokes Etc (2) - Nairaland
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Men Vs Women / Gender War Jokes (Men vs. Women) / Nigerian Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 9:02am On Jan 25, 2012 |
nellycul28:No be only you o!  I slap myself tire! If you see as my brain calculate 5000 ehn, i come dey wonder whether na my brain sef! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 9:26am On Jan 25, 2012 |
Wife - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Hubby - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?  Hubby - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by AYODEJI4LOVE(m): 10:28am On Jan 25, 2012 |
Sexkillz, you are really funny, i love those loves, from the first to the last, |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:44am On Jan 25, 2012 |
^^^ Thanks mehn! I've removed subsidy from my life! #OccupyJokesSection |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:47am On Jan 25, 2012 |
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."  Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"  God replied, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you!"  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mustspin: 11:14am On Jan 25, 2012 |
^^^^ . classic |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 1:48pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
A beggar stood in front of a restaurant with a hat in each hand. A man passing by got curious and asked, "Why do you have two hats?" The beggar said, "Business is so good, I've opened a branch office." 1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 1:58pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Sneaky Burglar A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" 2 Likes |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 2:10pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Italian Grandma's advice A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Old Grandma said: 'Sit here and let me tell you about this young boy. He's gonna try and kiss you, you are gonna like that, but don't let him do that. He's gonna try and kiss your br[i]e[/i]asts, you are gonna like that too, but don't let him do that either. But most importantly, he's gonna try and lay on top of you, you are gonna really like that, but DONT let him do that for sure. Doing that will disgrace our family.  With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: 'And Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace our family as you said. When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!' Poor Grandma fainted! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by jackpot(f): 2:20pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
ok, killz, i would like to welcome you to Jokes Sextion with these 4 words: [size=32pt]WHERE IS THE JOKE?[/size] |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 2:30pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
^^ The joke is up in your motherfccking arse! This section is Jokes ETC, which means, anything goes, funny or not! If you dont like the thread, pls tie a 9 inch cement block to your neck, and jump off the 3rd mainland! My next reply to you will be in 10 years time, it's a waste replying a fool, so i suggest you carry your amazing stupefying stupidity to someone that gives a sh[i]i[/i]t about what you think, or what you say! I dont care about jackpot! Now, fcck off! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by rakel05(f): 3:23pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Arrest him  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 3:35pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Sexkillz you wan kill me with laugh! my g string wan pull comot sef! Hehehehohohohahaha! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by rakel05(f): 3:37pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
| |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:03pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
mikuz:G string? Ok! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:09pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
rakel05:Who? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by jackpot(f): 4:22pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
[size=36pt]*EXITS THREAD* [/size] |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:31pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
The Doctor's Malpractice A young girl came back to Doctor and complained, "Doctor, last time you did my abortion, you forgot your sharp blade inside of me," Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?" Girl, "No but my eight friends went impotent, ten of them lost their fingers, and four of them went dumb." 2 Likes |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 4:32pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Rakel my love |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 4:34pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Sexkillz your last joke go make Araregem h orny o |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by bunmioguns(m): 4:37pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
mikuz: |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:41pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
mikuz:Oh, that's good! I'd like to personally confirm the statement. . . |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 5:00pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Tom and Eggs Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?, and who are you?" he asked. "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately." "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own." Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied. And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?" "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my asss is about to explode." "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg." "How do I do that?" Tom asked. "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can." Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!" 1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 5:29pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
The Wedding Ring A man who was born and bred in Nigeria, went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his dcck. According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his dcck while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1) Having your girl friend find out you're married. 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dcck OR, 3) Finding out your dcck fits through your wedding ring. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:20pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is new! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 10:24pm On Jan 25, 2012 |
Wale's Interview Interviewer : What's your qualification? Wale : Sir I am Ph.d. Interviewer : What do you mean by Ph.d? Wale : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 2:11pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
This guy (Joe) had only been married for two weeks, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back, " "Where are you going coochy cooh, ?"asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, his favorite Guinness etc. Joe doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie, but the bar, you know, the frozen glass, " He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it. Joe, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious, I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise OK? "You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But sweet honey, at the bar, you know, the swearing, the dirty words and all that, " "You want dirty words cutie pie?, HERE, DRINK YOUR FU[i]C[/i]KING BEER IN YOUR FROZEN FU[i]C[/i]KING MUG AND EAT YOUR FU[i]C[/i]KING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT AS[i]S[/i]HOLE?!!" |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by cantell(m): 2:15pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
*Yawns & sleeps off again* |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 2:36pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs new clothes!" Then she hollers, "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" Then she begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!" |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by mikuz(m): 4:04pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
Bunmi whats that supposed to mean? You don start? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 4:44pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
mikuz: Na you know me pass o. Mtcheew. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:48pm On Jan 26, 2012 |
ARareGem:Was there an infinitesimal element of truth in what he said or not? |
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