Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . - Jokes Etc (5) - Nairaland
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Men Vs Women / Gender War Jokes (Men vs. Women) / Nigerian Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 6:30pm On Feb 04, 2012 |
How insulting.   otooro: Oh my word! How impressive!  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 7:03pm On Feb 04, 2012 |
^^^But that mouth belt make sense sha! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by ARareGem(f): 7:05pm On Feb 04, 2012 |
:p |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 7:33pm On Feb 04, 2012 |
:p |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:43pm On Feb 05, 2012 |
Sp[i]e[/i]rm count A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sp[i]e[/i]rm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!"  1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:57pm On Feb 06, 2012 |
The Lamp II A guy finds a magic lamp and rubs it. The genie pops out and says "I'll grant you any wish you want." The guy thinks and thinks and finally gives his answer: "I want to be hard all the time and get all the as[i]s[/i] I want." "Okay, if you say so," the genie replied. And POOF! he turned him into a toilet seat. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:03pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
A Medical Student wrote a love letter with his BLOOD to his Medical crush and wrote in end " I WANT ANSWER TO THIS" Next Day she answered . . . . . . Your Blood Group is "O" Positive |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:08pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
Medical alert about a highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK). If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER), "Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). Choice is yours!  1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:14pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
* Height of Diplomacy * Forgetting your Girl friends Birthday and later telling her How can I remember your B'Day Honey, When you never look a year Older?  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:22pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
The Cute Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin, Here friend asked what happened? Secretary: He asked are you free tonight?? I said ya. . . . ., and that rascal gave me 50 pages to type! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:24pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
3 st[i]u[/i]pid stages of life! Teen age: Have Time + Energy. . .but No Money Working Age: Have Money + Energy. . .but No Time Old age: Have Time + Money. . . but no Energy |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 3:44pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
Female Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 4:03pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
Upon serving the passengers their in-flight snacks, one attendant attempted with utmost professional delicacy to communicate with the least risk of embarrassment to the passenger that his pants were unzipped. "Sir, your garage door is open", she whispered. Several times during the flight she attempted to inform him of his condition but her delicacy was lost on this dumb schmuck until of course he visited the bathroom and realized that he'd been exposed throughout the entire flight. Realizing now what she had been trying to tell him, he became livid with humiliation. If she had just said his pants were unzipped in 'plain English' he'd have been spared the embarrassment of having been in flight almost 8 hours in that condition. "Garage door" eh! Well, I two can play that game he said to himself. I'll show her Returning to his seat he waited for that quiet moment when he could be sure that most everyone around him could hear the exchange and called her over to his seat. "Say, when you saw that garage door open earlier, did you by any chance see a l-o-n-g, brown, sleek Cadillac parked in there?" he said smirking . Without a moment's hesitation, however, the attendant replied, "Well, no sir, I sure didn't, but I did see a little pink Volkswagen with flat tires!" |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 4:06pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
Quote of the day! Good girls are found in every corner of the Earth! But . . . . . . . . . . . . Unfortunately Earth Is Round. . . .   |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 6:33pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
So killz and sexkillz are d same and one person?!   |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 6:38pm On Feb 07, 2012 |
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| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 12:57am On Feb 09, 2012 |
The Little Old Lady and the Bet A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of, money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$5,165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $525,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a st[i]u[/i]pid bet. You can never win that kind of bet! The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $525,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet. "$525,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$525,000 is a lot of money,so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $5,100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 8:11am On Feb 09, 2012 |
^^^^^^ WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS JOKE'S D BOMB!!!!!!!! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 2:11pm On Feb 15, 2012 |
Women's Favorite Email of the Year A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balance the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home, Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night!  1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 4:02pm On Feb 15, 2012 |
seen this before boy! next? |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 11:25pm On Feb 15, 2012 |
:d |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by belomada(m): 9:50am On Feb 16, 2012 |
killz i miss u and ur post 2 dayz |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by jackpot(f): 5:56pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
yawns out loud~ |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 8:02pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
^^^ Dumb as usual! Any thing new from jackpot? I guess not! |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:31pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and h[i]a[/i]s sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FCCKING DISHES!!" 1 Like |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:41pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most Honorable sir You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I Fall out of tree, not see. No fee. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:47pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
A man was having problems with premature ejac[i]u[/i]lation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejakulate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home, his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well, when I fired the pistol, my wife shiit on my face, bit 3 inches off my pe[i]n[/i]is, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!" |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:50pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
Mommy's LITTLE GIRL A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older. The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." he mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an "F" in sex."  |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 10:59pm On Feb 16, 2012 |
Sex Therapist A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never hav[i]e[/i] sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and. . . . . . . . , tell her what happened. The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens: the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it. The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapist says she doesn't know; it's an experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to a person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee. A week later, a young boy walks into the therapist's office and says: "Are you the dumb s[i]h[/i]it who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?" "Why, yes, young man, I did. Why?" "Well, mom's dead, our neighbor's wife is pregnant, the dog has run away, and dad's sittin' in the corner going "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, " |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Nobody: 1:29pm On Feb 17, 2012 |
~Killz~: hehehe |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 7:36pm On Feb 17, 2012 |
^^^ Yeah! My best part was when his neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air! The guy go confess. |
| Re: Men Vs Women Gender Jokes. . . by Killz3(m): 8:46pm On Feb 18, 2012 |
Phunky disease This couple on their honeymoon have never made love before and the wife's in bed buttnaked ready to . She says "come on honey take your clothes off I wanna " He says I am , so he takes off his shoes and socks. She says "your toes are all deformed what happened"? He says "Well as a kid I had 'toelio'" Next he takes off his pants and she says "your knees are all beat up and pockmarked what happened"? He says well as a kid I had the kneasles" Then he takes off his undies and she looks down and says "OMG! What happened down there honey". . . Smallcox? |
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