michelin89:

Oh no, she lied because she acted drunk when she wasn't. Should she file a lawsuit againt him, he can say the girl was in total control of her actions, right?

Crazy world and he expects sympathy and his of opinion of sensibility.

Please stay on the Topic.

Riihimaki:

Please stay on the Topic.  

Haba wetin? Ok you want my advice, tell your fiancée. This one na woman-woman affair. Let her handle it. She alone can deal with another fellow woman, got it?

@op though I'm not judging men that "tap into exuberance", but I like to think that not all men do that. back to the issue, I fully understand what you are saying. but the truth is, there is no easy way out of this. a sacrifice has to be made somewhere. my advice is to get her to talk to a shrink or someone that may be able to help her. she's mentally unstable and she needs help. she may not even truly love you, she may be infatuated.

Inked_Nerd:


Oya, answer the question. Had your fiancé done this, would you be so understanding and forgiving?

May be

Hehehe,I trust my sisters giving it to the OP just the way he deserves to have it,well done girls.


Come Op,I don't even know what to tell you gan sef,seriously how can people be dating for 10 years?una start from primary school?hmm.


Anyways the deed has been done and you just have to look for a way to make it better,that onyinbo gal is likely to commit suicide at any slightest thing,imagine she is your fiancee and she finds out you cheated on her,she'll just kill you,herself and the other lady.

I suggest you tell your faincee and have a talk with the whitey and pray she understands,if she doesn't kwanu you marry both ladies ,hopefully in your next life you'd know better than to want to take advantage of supposedly drunk gals,nansense.

IbroSaunks:

my advice is to get her to talk to a shrink or someone that may be able to help her. she's mentally unstable and she needs help. she may not even truly love you, she may be infatuated.

Yeah right! Thanks! Majority here don't wanna believe they have mental problem although I think 90% of them do. Shrink is always the last resort if every other failed.

freecocoa:

Hehehe,I trust my sisters giving it to the OP just the way he deserves to have it,well done girls.


Come Op,I don't even know what to tell you gan sef,seriously how can people be dating for 10 years?una start from primary school?hmm.


Anyways the deed has been done and you just have to look for a way to make it better,that onyinbo gal is likely to commit suicide at any slightest thing,imagine she is your fiancee and she finds out you cheated on her,she'll just kill you,herself and the other lady.

I suggest you tell your faincee and have a talk with the whitey and pray she understands,if she doesn't kwanu you marry both ladies ,hopefully in your next life you'd know better than to want to take advantage of supposedly drunk gals,nansense.

   I never knew you could give such a splendid and meaningful advise. I am a regular here but just needed to post this with another username for privacy sake. I have had several argument with you here and this is the first time you say something meaningful   Thanks anyway,I expected more of negative words from your like  

Inked_Nerd:


Well, you've been given loads of advice here. What you choose to do with it is up to you. If you like, continue lying and to drag around this extra burden around.

Ok, so then marry her and stop complaining on the thread

I have noted the advises but I need to weight them. More advises more ways to bear the "extra burden".

@ Riihimaki,

Pls don't give into the pressure from the parents. This is a manipulative situation where the parents are players or pawns. If u bend to their will, would u be jumping at every whim she brings up. If u decide to go along and meet her, you would only be manipulated into a tight corner. If you have to, go with a legal representative.

To other posts maligning your sleeping with her. All I can say is they were 2 consenting adults. He didn't force her to sleep wt him. If she had mental health issues or baggage, its for her to sort it out or get help. I find her parents actions quite irresponsible.

To your fiancee, she needs to know about these issues before it explodes.

My 2 cents.

Just tell your girl friend,  let her understand that you did not mean to hurt her or take advantage of the relationship,

if you have been with her for 10 years like you say, i believe she knows and understands you better than anyone else

Visit the white girl in the hospital and know how her health is, talk to her as a friend, that way she will understand that she is not rejected ( cos thats what

she thinks now ) make her understand that the best you and her can be is friends and if situations were to be different, you would have been with her, tell

her about your girl friend too. if your girlfriend understands and forgives you and is ready to stand by you and help you out, then on your next visit go with

your girlfriend, find a way of making them become friends ( not close friends oh ) just platonic, it will ease the tension for both of them and both will

understand the role they play in your life.  create that balance and provide a level ground for each of them, gradually the other girl will now see you and your

girl friend as her good friends and accept it that way, rather than feeling rejected and the obssession will also die a natural death. ( it happened to my bf and

i, and this was what i did to solve the issue,( not as in succide oh, just another abssessed girl in the picture ) and now the girl sees me as her friend and

forgotten about my bf. ) hope it also works out for you. this is just my

2 cents. goodluck. and its will also depend on your girlfriend and you guys level of understanding and maturity.

doe-eyed:

@ Riihimaki,

Pls don't give into the pressure from the parents. This is a manipulative situation where the parents are players or pawns. If u bend to their will, would u be jumping at every whim she brings up. If u decide to go along and meet her, you would only be manipulated into a tight corner.  If you have to, go with a legal representative.

(1)To other posts maligning your sleeping with her. All I can say is they were 2 consenting adults. He didn't force her to sleep wt him. If she had mental health issues or baggage, its for her to sort it out or get help.

(2)I find her parents actions quite irresponsible.

(3)To your fiancee, she needs to know about these issues before it explodes.
My 2 cents.

@1st bolded; true talk. Makes sense

@2nd bolded; you have no idea on how it feels to be childless. You can do anything to protect ur only offspring.

@3rd bolded; the best solution for now. Makes sense

Riihimaki:

   I never knew you could give such a splendid and meaningful advise. I am a regular here but just needed to post this with another username for privacy sake. I have had several argument with you here and this is the first time you say something meaningful   Thanks anyway,I expected more of negative words from your like  

If you really are a regular here then you'll know I'm very sensible and give meaningful advice when there's need for such but from your comment I already know who you are(one of my haterz)anyways i don't give a rat's azz like you already know,btw take this negative comment,You dey madt,hediot. ,igwe419.

@ changes,

Thanks for your comments.
With regards to the parents being irresponsible, I stand by my words.
I agree I don't and won't know what its like to be childless.

Coming to the op is not the way to go about things. As a parent, u have to act in the best interests of your wards, particularly if they are judged to be mentally challenged at the time, no matter how hard or firm ur acts may be perceived.

Their daughter is in "love" with him, , but he's not.
Said so severally to both daughter n parents ,
things are done properly not coercing a young man into a loveless union.

Such a marriage / relationship is doomed for failure before been protracted. Everytime he does anything not to her likening, results in slit wrists or something similar.

Their focus should be on supporting her and helping her to be strong even in the face of rejection, no matter how severe. Not pandering to her weak mental mindframe. That will only destroy her eventually. And she won't be saying, "thank you".

In certain countries, suicide is seen as a cry for help or an act of manipulation, unusual in the Nija setting barring the recent spate of events. Having dealt with pple wt mental health issues, I know.

^^ u've forgotten that their way of reasoning differs from ours?? They've done nothing wrong! The just gave the OP some words to put into consideration thats all

^^^^^

I respect a difference in reasoning. But be rest assured, if it was the other way round, he might be up for stalking or harassment.

Definitely agree with a previous post of getting a legal injunction or involvement if this pattern of behaviour was to persist.

U need to understand that some people will push the limits. In the bid to scare or manipulate a situation for their own benefit.

I agree my comments may be seen as rather harsh, bearing in mind, I am not privy to the full details of the case.

I still think, focussing on getting appropriate mental health care for their daughter was the way to go.

If i were the OP, it's either i talk with my fianceé about it or go to the girl, console her without telling her i love her and start up a normal relationship. And my aim of doing this will be to dilute her conc. Mind from the ability of commiting succide. Then on the long run, i'll start keeping her at arms length (maybe reduce the frequency of calls, cut conversations short and equally reduce the amount of time i spend with her). Through this, she'll know that i'm loosing interest and it'll be in a gradual occurance. The only reason she's trying to commit sucide is because the guy (op) gave her a shock! And that is something else. U can't bleep a lady, grow a relationship and destroy it immediately! If op had continued with the relationship and disengage from Bleep, the poor oyinbo gurl will get fed up and leave in peace, simple!!!

@ Op i suggest you give it a try, and never have Bleep with her cos that's what oyibo gurls likes most. Control ursef, behave as if u guys are casual friends, make the relationship boring, and watch how she'll flee to get a lively one!!!

^^^^^^

Your above suggestions may backfire, exponentially.

Do u think this girl reasons like normal Nija chicks who count their losses and move on.

A girl desperate enough to commit suicide,not going down to the shops by the way IMHO is someone you touch with a barge pole.

Oh, "gentle,gentle" approach will end up in pregnancy or allegations of rape. The op himself, said, she's good in bed. A fact she's bound to know and use to her utmost advantage.

Despite knowing he had someone he has been dating for 10yrs , still wanted to chop another woman's meat,, ole!!

Have little sympathy for her, as she's not as innocent as she plays out.
How would she feel if she was in op' s GF shoes, and having a psycho disturbing her man.

It's hard, what's been done, is done.

Personally, there is no turning back. Otherwise it only gives rise to mixed messages, opportunity for more manipulative scamming by girl n sometimes unknowingly the parents.

My suggestions was based on the principle of self control, transparency (to an extent) and being nice. That was why i said "if i were to be OP" Although it's a risky stuff to do, but he has no other choice if he wants to take his baby love(fianceé) unawares. But my above suggestion will be about 8O% effective if he hadn't given her the shock of her life. @OP if you had known, you could av asked for help b4 spilling the beans.

Anyways, it's not too late only if he can play the game. I don't think any woman will be happy to continue a relationship that is as bored as hell. ^^ don't u think so??

^^^^^

Boring by whose definition.

The girl may be happy knowing her new guy is a puppy on its leash. It starts to bark or looks at another b, iitch literally, she slits her wrists.

Leave the PSYCHO alone. Life is too full of drama to go looking for some additional sh, iite.

By the way, if op was self-controlled, he won't have been dropping his pants down ever so often.
And this won't change either in the future, he's admitted she's good in bed. A little here , a little there, and back to square 1.

No, , Actually in a worse fix, cos he's aware of what she can do, so there's no "tumbling in the hay, I ain't no horse" excuse


@ Op,          Shut that door permanently IMHO

@OP
however harsh it may sound, here is my opinion:
A) NEVER bow to blackmail. yes, your actions may not have been straight forward but that shouldnt be a reason for dating someone by force. staying with her because of PITY is WRONG!!!!

B) this is the time for you to grow and stand for your mistakes. best tell your GF about the "small mistake" you made one night that you were drunk (yeah that's what all men say) rather than her discovering it, like a slap in her face.

C) take this incident as a big learning experience about LIFE, and become a better man knowing that you could have met a gal who would have killed YOU, before trying to kill herself!

^^^^^^^^^


Merci.

@op well dats what u get for cheating on ur gf of 10 years, hope u come out of dis one and when u do hope u have learnt ur lesson