c.fours:

who cares.

next time, think carefully before you exaggerate your comments. like the egusi soup faux pas, for example. I can't stop laughing at that one.

Let me repeat my statement again for ignorant f[i]o[/i]ols like you who obviously prefer to propagate false slander - I cook my own egusi soup from scratch and it takes me [size=14pt]max 20 mins to put ingredients together[/size] and [size=14pt]no more than 1 hr all together[/size].

i.e. it takes 20 mins to PUT INGREDIENTS TOGETHER and about 1hr max to cook the soup. Geddit now? Obviously not expecting facts to get through to an empty head.

mutter:

QUEENSMITH sometimes women can be so amazing.
A Career woman and I mean one that values her career, in the first place does not go marrying a man who is not compatible with her career. I know what kind of woman I am and how spontaneous I can get when it comes to such things so I made sure I married a man ho can accept me as I am. My husband has never stood in my way and God knows there were times i was working as much as 13 hours a day. However at that time my husband was back to school and had more time for the home.
My husband is reasonable enough to know my limitations and he helps me where he can. And yes I am not a feminist, I see no need to go get my car washed or tanked, what for? And you might find this hard to swallow, but I do see the house chores as my duty, so it`s simply about saying please and thank you. And yes I love being a slave to my husband Why not, its just one of the many roles I play as a wife and my husband is everything and more to me. He is my hold in my weakest times and my greatest strength and inspiration.

long story short you have no professional career? Just a slave to your husband? Ok we don hear you. Your case is inapplicable. I'm not fighting about wives like yourself well done and good luck with all that. Some women are satisfied with little and I believe thats a good thing. Fulfilment means alot more to some of us and this is where problem begins. Looking for too much in life. O well.

davidylan:

Quite a stup[i]i[/i]d and unecessarily aggressive retort to be honest. You seem to type on your keyboard without thinking at all.

Thank you for pointing that out- I repeated everything you said and you've confirmed the argument is stu[i]p[/i]id. Well done for finally realising.

dayokanu:

And do people need to cook fresh egusi, fresh soup, fresh stew every day of the week? And where do you see the men that must eat daily made soup? Even in my parents generation which would be considered more conservative they dont eat new soup/stew daily

Unless you are just arguing for the sake of it. If its for the sake or argument we can also say some people need their bathroom scrubbed everyday, their car serviced everyday, new clothes everyday just to make our argument more "delicious"

A married woman Chaircover wrote it and i quoted her, the responsibility of her husband and what she expects from her husband

There you go with all these kind of arguments again. You are threading on uncertain territories

"White women dont cook", "People spend 5 hours daily cooking", "now nobody fixes their car by themselves"

How come Chaircovers husband does it? Or isnt he in the subset of your "Nobody does"

Maybe you can extrapolate it to nobody secures their own house when they are not police

Actually yes- a proper african diet will require you to cook something afresh everyday? Is that not what you guys believe? You won't go a day without eating? Eating out is taboo? Tis forbidden and abominable for a man to help in the kitchen, I can't see a typical naija man eating the same soup everyday? long story short yes, if i remember correctly back home we cooked fresh stew every day. The red stew was basic so that could last 2-3 days. But in between they will cook the odd egunsi, okra, vegetables, what not what not. Then theres breakfast and if you have little children theres lunch.
Snacking is also forbidden so you will rarely see a naija man do that, unless on garri- which is probably abominable to the egotistical nigerian man.

Chaircover is a housewife- also unapplicable we are not discussing housewives here. Please remember they do not have jobs. They have ALL DAY to do the housewife for christ sake! kilode!

Does a person need to eat everyday? the answer is yes. Does a car need to be serviced everyday? The answer is no. Carry on.

Erm I live in a house and not a bus shelter dayo- that argument is super lame. I've never 'secured it' in the God knows how many years I've been living here. I've never seen my dad secure the house we grew up in so I will like you to explain to me PLEASE what this securing is about.

I'm going to stop this back and forth with you it's wasting my time. DO PEOPLE FIX AND SERVICE THEIR CARS THEMSELVES? DO THEY DO THIS EVERYDAY? NO THEY DO NOT! STOP CHATTIN SHYTE!

@David do you mind sending me the recipe to this 20minute egunsi stew? I think I can sell the recipe. It's actually scientific discovery.

c.fours:

who cares.

next time, think carefully before you exaggerate your comments. like the egusi soup faux pas, for example. I can't stop laughing at that one.

o GURL! i SWEAR! its not even funny! actually it totally is!

queensmith:

@David do you mind sending me the recipe to this 20minute egunsi stew? I think I can sell the recipe. It's actually scientific discovery.

Dont be daft. See below.


Let me repeat my statement again for ignorant f[i]o[/i]ols like you who obviously prefer to propagate false slander - I cook my own egusi soup from scratch and it takes me [size=14pt]max 20 mins to put ingredients together[/size] and [size=14pt]no more than 1 hr all together[/size].

i.e. it takes 20 mins to PUT INGREDIENTS TOGETHER and about 1hr max to cook the soup. Geddit now? Obviously not expecting facts to get through to an empty head.

^^ either ways please send the recipe to me. I am beginning to believe you are the real superman, or maybe flash

faster than the speed of light eh!


speed cooked egusi! hehe!

queensmith:

^^ either ways please send the recipe to me. I am beginning to believe you are the real superman, or maybe flash

faster than the speed of light eh!


speed cooked egusi! hehe!

the difference is in the attitude. some of us just werent raised pathologically lazy.

ehn now, we're saying the same thing. Your supposed to teach me by sending me the recipe of your advanced non lazy egunsi stew.
cmon dont be selfish

chaircover:

Queen, For the record, I am NOT a housewife, Never have been & never will be; neither was my mother or my grandmother. I juggle my career, my business and my family commitments. Am I superwoman NO; There are many women in my position who do it day after day and they just get on with it. Some are even single mothers, so I even have the luxury of a helper.

Like I said earlier, There are some things that I expect my husband to do and somethings that I expect to do because we are different and better at doing these things. These things however are not written in stone and there is nothing stopping either of us from helping each other out

I just got back from a one week business trip to leaving the kids behind. My kids ate, had clean clothes, went to school and had their homework submitted on time and went to all their after school activities in my absence so my husband can hold the fort in my absense but what would have taken him one hour to do would have taken me 10 minutes to do. I am better at some things just as he is better at some things.

All said and done, there are some things expected of a woman and some expected of a man. God forbid If my child appears at school dirty and unkept then that is my problem and if my garden fence falls down in galeforce winds, then that is my husbands problem. The his and hers general responsiblitys I think is the norm all over the world.

Nooo Its impossible. Women who have careers cant do that its only housewives that can do that.

Maybe your husband is a white man cos Naija men would never do this

chaircover:

Queen, For the record, I am NOT a housewife, Never have been & never will be; neither was my mother or my grandmother. I juggle my career, my business and my family commitments. Am I superwoman NO; There are many women in my position who do it day after day and they just get on with it. Some are even single mothers, so I even have the luxury of a helper.

I made this assumption earlier when I asked you to correct me and you didn't. You said your not responsible for the finances and that you traded in security for housework?
From this I deducted you probably don't have a 9- 5 job? and probably haven't maintained one from when you married til now. I didn't want to allow men like dayo to use examples out of women that are not in the same situation as the op.
Soo far only two types have disagreed- the men, and the wives that don't really have jobs (if we're to speak candidly). You can't juggle what you don't have.
since you traded in security and your not responsible for the finances. Most working women are half responsible for the mortgage, the bills, and can't even dream of working part time. How do you compare?

chaircover:

so I even have the luxury of a helper.

Like I said earlier, There are some things that I expect my husband to do and somethings that I expect to do because we are different and better at doing these things. These things however are not written in stone and there is nothing stopping either of us from helping each other out

I just got back from a one week business trip to leaving the kids behind. My kids ate, had clean clothes, went to school and had their homework submitted on time and went to all their after school activities in my absence so my husband can hold the fort in my absense but what would have taken him one hour to do would have taken me 10 minutes to do. I am better at some things just as he is better at some things.

All said and done, there are some things expected of a woman and some expected of a man. God forbid If my child appears at school dirty and unkept then that is my problem and if my garden fence falls down in galeforce winds, then that is my husbands problem. The his and hers general responsiblitys I think is the norm all over the world.

With everything else we are saying the same thing. Or maybe not. You say you have the luxury of a helper? Does your husband help with the frequent chores at home or only when the hypothetical gale force breaks the fence down?

And we disagree on things expected by a particular gender, i will reiterate- if a woman is working and contributing to the household outside of the home. Then the man needs to contribute as much inside.

Queensmith I have two professional qualifications - law and business.
Surprised
I am not a career woman because my family is priority. I would not take a job that is not compatible.
But work I do. The fact that you catch me here so often is because I have this six week old bundle on arms.

Oh i forgot to add, I was not raised to be a lawyer or doctor and then got so bitter because I could not achieve my parents goal, like some here.

queensmith:



And we disagree on things expected by a particular gender, i will reiterate- if a woman is working and contributing to the household outside of the home. Then the man needs to contribute as much inside.

Totally agree with this statement, but i dont see that happening in this Nigeria in this day and age. But overseas it happens all the time, men come home cook for their families, clean and put the kids to bed. In N9ja women are totally short changed.

Some arguments here are ridiculous to say the least.

Plus,some of us need to get back home and give a break already to the belief that Nigerian wives(career and housewives) are deadbeat and dumb.I've been in Nigeria for over a year now and things are NOT as bad for women as its painted on here.A woman dates and marries a jerk,she gets treated as a slut/bought slave,a lady horrible at housechores when single wont get any better in marriage. . .world over!

and oh i prepare my egusi,from scratch to finish in an hour,have 3 young boys and manage 2 businesses.

@chaircover,

spare me the talk about fixing the garden fence. lol how can any one compare daily upkeep of children and household with fixing garden fence?  Men's traditional role is not to fix cars and garden fence but to go out and work to bring money to the household. aka "breadwinner." women do all of that today. so that men's role has now been relegated to fixing car and garden fence? Is that what the title of "breadwinner" entails? how many times a day is garden fence fixing service needed?

there is nothing wrong with doing all the housework if you are a housewife or working part time. but if you work full time and still do up to 60% of domestic chores, then I don't know. something is not right there. lots of women do it but at the expense of the optimal advantage of either their family or career. sometimes you can't have it all!

in western countries, granted things are a bit easier ex dishwasher, processed foods, longer school hours, men helping out A LOT with domestic chores etc etc. but in cases like the OP's where it doesn't seem that her husband is helping out or making things easier for her, I really do not agree with that at all.

in the western world one partners career also suffers when kids are born. It is the same everywhere. Even when both are working it is clear that one might have to stop or take less hours if the need arises. In fact in the western world women do not make it so often to the top and they also earn less than their male counterparts.

C.fours Mr. CC also helps in the house chores, CC NEVER SAID HE DID NOT. She just sees it as her responsibility and those are the traditional roles since creation.
You might be surprised that the husbands of slaves are themselves slaves. Since when did slaves marry free born. . So while the slavies are get things done some others are holding equal right sessions in their homes.

If I were a man I would never raise my hand to help a woman who is lazy and lousy at house chores. That would only encourage her to degenerate the more.

It's easy to know folks who ain't married here.
Some people just dey argue based on Nollywood or soap operas

OP CC  thank you bom boy is doing fine but totally spoilt already.
Awake = carry me.

Marriage => shared responsibilities
I wake up every morning @ 6am to get ma son ready for school
Finish work at 5pm, rush home so i can cook him dinner and go over his homework
My wife, a chemical engineer is one of those that do the long hours shift thingy so i def pull ma weight round the house to compensate for that.
Being a man of the house is not all about providing all/most of the finance.

mutter:

Queensmith I have two professional qualifications - law and business.
Surprised
I am not a career woman because my family is priority. I would not take a job that is not compatible.
But work I do. The fact that you catch me here so often is because I have this six week old bundle on arms.

Oh i forgot to add, I was not raised to be a lawyer or doctor and then got so bitter because I could not achieve my parents goal, like some here.

i wont be suprised if you had a degree and a phd, whats surprising in it?
We've jumped to too many conclusions here- one being that a career woman doesn't have family as a priority. This is a terrible misconception, what will be the point of working? why does your husband go out to work everyday? Does he care about his job more than you? Please lets not be silly here. We work for our families. A woman working hard to become a senior where's she's working is doing so for the children to reap the benefits. A woman taking a job with unconventional hours but fantastic pay is doing so for her children to have a role model. If one only had to work enough to eat a plate of food I wonder what the world will be like.

I find the last paragraph hard to believe, it's been a while i've come across a Nigerian who wasnt raised to be a doctor or a lawyer  

and I don't even have a baby but i have too much time for nairaland, procastination is my enemy. watch the exams finish and queensmith dissapear for another year!  

@Chaircover- the things I disagree with

What is inbuilt? What part of the females genetic composition leaves her with everything to do? What is missing from the male chromosome excluding him from doing anything?

with the career discussion, house finances are either your responsibility or  not? You either have a career or you don't, you either have the time or you don't. You can't juggle what you don't have. Unfortunately firms and industries don't conveniently open offices in every nook and cranny of the streets so we can have the choice of making a 5 minute drive back and forth every morning? Do I suggest KPMG open down my road when i'm married so I have time to cook for my husband who happens to also be my colleague?  cmon!

and your husband helps around the home   - david and dayo CAN YOU READ THAT? #kwasiabilities!

ifyalways:

Some arguments here are ridiculous to say the least.

Plus,some of us need to get back home and give a break already to the belief that Nigerian wives(career and housewives) are deadbeat and dumb.I've been in Nigeria for over a year now and things are NOT as bad for women as its painted on here.A woman dates and marries a jerk,she gets treated as a slut/bought slave,a lady horrible at housechores when single wont get any better in marriage. . .world over!

and oh i prepare my egusi,from scratch to finish in an hour,have 3 young boys and manage 2 businesses.

sure you do

can you also give me your recipe- unfortunately the time has been cut down to 40minutes since its a 20 minute drive to and from the market where i'll buy the stuff from.
Then there's walking up and down the market for the ingredients. Sha sha lets put it to the test and quash the argument once and for all!

She cooks mostly on sat when i'm out playing footie.
No one is specifically assigned housework tasks. Either party can sweep if the place is dirty as well putting the clothes in the washing machine if and when necessary
She does the dishes though

How is she going to survive with the loss of my 65% contribution?

It was never 50:50 simply because i've always earned considerably more than her.
If the pay was on the equal parity side then surely we will have to revist the current sharing formula

The classic 50:50 argument. Marriage is not mathematics.

For most people it probably takes a while to settle into a comfortable routine for both partners. For the OP, since it looks like she's struggling, the answer is to get the husband involved in some way to ease the burden.

I agree with Ajanlekoko, many of the seemingly cleverly thought out and theoretical responses are probably from people who haven't experienced marriage yet.

Oh and one more thing, davidylan, what you wrote about cooking egusi soup is quite clear for all to understand. I think some peeps are just intent on winding you up.

queensmith:

sure you do 

can you also give me your recipe- unfortunately the time has been cut down to 40minutes since its a 20 minute drive to and from the market where i'll buy the stuff from.
Then there's walking up and down the market for the ingredients. Sha sha lets put it to the test and quash the argument once and for all!

"There is no solid satisfaction in any career for a woman like myself. There is no home, no true freedom, no hope, no joy, no expectation for tomorrow, no contentment. I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts. They mean nothing to me. And I am only one among the millions of sad women like myself." - Taylor caldwell
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Caldwell
This quote was by a woman who accomplished far more than most of us here will ever dream of, she published over 40 novels, many of them best-sellers. Her works sold an estimated 30 million copies. She became wealthy, traveling across the world. Her books were big time sellers right up to the end of her career and yet she says  I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts Whatever choices you make now concerning your so called careers, remember that at the end of your life those goals might not mean much to you so dont be deceived by looking from a far into a lot of career women's lives now.
I have come to observe that women over the age of 50 irrespective of their careers who sit down to talk would rather brag about their children, grandchildren and family and hardly over their careers. so your so called careers might mean so much now you would be shocked a few decades down the line u wont hold the same opinions.

jay bee:

Marriage => shared responsibilities
I wake up every morning @ 6am to get ma son ready for school
Finish work at 5pm, rush home so i can cook him dinner and go over his homework
My wife, a chemical engineer is one of those that do the long hours shift thingy so i def pull ma weight round the house to compensate for that.
Being a man of the house is not all about providing all/most of the finance.

I wish more men will reason like you.
Most men think providing the finance is all that is required of them but wives need help around the home.

kbdrim:

"There is no solid satisfaction in any career for a woman like myself. There is no home, no true freedom, no hope, no joy, no expectation for tomorrow, no contentment. I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts. They mean nothing to me. And I am only one among the millions of sad women like myself." - Taylor caldwell
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Caldwell
This quote was by a woman who accomplished far more than most of us here will ever dream of, she published over 40 novels, many of them best-sellers. Her works sold an estimated 30 million copies. She became wealthy, traveling across the world. Her books were big time sellers right up to the end of her career and yet she says I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts Whatever choices you make now concerning your so called careers, remember that at the end of your life those goals might not mean much to you so dont be deceived by looking from a far into a lot of career women's lives now.
I have come to observe that women over the age of 50 irrespective of their careers who sit down to talk would rather brag about their children, grandchildren and family and hardly over their careers. so your so called careers might mean so much now you would be shocked a few decades down the line u wont hold the same opinions.

Having a career doesnot prevent a woman from having a man in her life or having children and grand-children!
When we mention career women, most men just remember their harsh/bitter unmarried female bosses in the office; there are happily married women who have a great career and family and also take time to be responsible mothers and wives!