We like changing topics on NL!  

THe poster asked how a working woman can cope with house chores and people advised her to encourage her husband to help out around the house. How does that make someone and incapable wife/mother

Woman's responsibility or not, a man's got to know that his wife is NOT his slave.

What the heck are we even arguing about    

hbabe:

I wish more men will reason like you.
Most men think providing the finance is all that is required of them but wives need help around the home.

Any man who doesn't help out with chores at home IMO is irresponsible. IF you really love your spouse, You would not even want her going through so much pressure, Our duties as men should be to lighten the burdens on women so much that she would be so glad to serve her family.

hbabe:

I wish more men will reason like you.
Most men think providing the finance is all that is required of them but wives need help around the home.

Nah, most men who are saying that aren't married.
Outside kitchen duties and taking care of the kids, there is still a lot to do in the house. What most of us are saying is, the kitchen stuff is women territory, and it's an aberration to want to share that responsibility with your husband. Get a maid if you must.

kbdrim:

"There is no solid satisfaction in any career for a woman like myself. There is no home, no true freedom, no hope, no joy, no expectation for tomorrow, no contentment. I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts. They mean nothing to me. And I am only one among the millions of sad women like myself." - Taylor caldwell
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Caldwell
This quote was by a woman who accomplished far more than most of us here will ever dream of, she published over 40 novels, many of them best-sellers. Her works sold an estimated 30 million copies. She became wealthy, traveling across the world. Her books were big time sellers right up to the end of her career and yet she says  I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts Whatever choices you make now concerning your so called careers, remember that at the end of your life those goals might not mean much to you so dont be deceived by looking from a far into a lot of career women's lives now.
I have come to observe that women over the age of 50 irrespective of their careers who sit down to talk would rather brag about their children, grandchildren and family and hardly over their careers. so your so called careers might mean so much now you would be shocked a few decades down the line u wont hold the same opinions.

loooool no1- what does that have to do with egunsi?

no2- the woman never married? She never had children? It makes sense she will assume so since it's something she never experienced? If she married and what not, she wouldnt have those accomplishments and you wont be here quoting her today?

Ujujoan:

We like changing topics on NL!  

THe poster asked how a working woman can cope with house chores and people advised her to encourage her husband to help out around the house. How does that make someone and incapable wife/mother

Woman's responsibility or not, a man's got to know that his wife is NOT his slave.

What the heck are we even arguing about    

the men here don't want to help their wives and are finding ways to justify it.

hbabe:

Having a career doesnot prevent a woman from having a man in her life or having children and grand-children!
When we mention career women, most men just remember their harsh/bitter unmarried female bosses in the office; there are happily married women who have a great career and family and also take time to be responsible mothers and wives!

The point I was making it, let your family be ur priority, careers should be secondary because decades down u might regret the choices you make, I would rather sacrifice a major part of my career than my family. that is a choice i have made and yes I am a Guy. I value family above everything.

Man . . . girls of nowadays complain a lot sha.

queensmith:

loooool no1- what does that have to do with egunsi?

no2- the woman never married? She never had children? It makes sense she will assume so since it's something she never experienced? If she married and what not, she wouldnt have those accomplishments and you wont be here quoting her today?

Are you that ignorant? She was married thrice and had Kids, smh, Go read the link before you spew rubbishh

kbdrim:

The point I was making it, let your family be ur priority, careers should be secondary because decades down u might regret the choices you make, I would rather sacrifice a major part of my career than my family. that is a choice i have made and yes I am a Guy. I value family above everything.

then you should do it, go and quit your job NOW! immediately! resign and tell your boss your family means more than your job! i DARE you!

kbdrim:

Are you that ignorant? She was married thrice and had Kids, smh, Go read the link before you spew rubbishh

i was asking! m[i]o[/i]ron! hence the question mark! f[i]o[/i]ol!

OP, resign from work and start a small business because there is little way around these things- welcome to life as a married woman.  

Okay, I know I am sounding harsh-but seriously if you are complaining now what will you do when you get pregnant and have kids? The key is eliminating some of your stress-factors. You are the woman, I don't expect you to be hustling like the man even if you are going to work.

Personally, I work myself to stupor trying to build a career, I don't expect my future wife to be going through the same stress- she should have a little bit of freedom to take care of the home.

So, I think you should start looking for a less stressful job or better still become an entrepreneur and grow at your own pace- accept my empathy.

queensmith:

i was asking! m[i]o[/i]ron! hence the question mark! f[i]o[/i]ol!

To answer ur question yes she was married thrice and had kids, She did accomplish very great stuff, As Africans dont read You wont know her, I see her as the greatest female writer of all time but at the end of her life she was bold enough to let people like you know that you would probably find more satisfaction in life when relationships take priority over awards, money, careers, properties. that it is not decisions we take when we are young and ignorant that matter. it is how you feel at the end of your life. Most successful people are not bold enough to admit at the end of their lifes that they were not happy people and she was bold enough to do that. Go read biographies of great people like Paul Getty and others and you would be able to reason better young lady and not follow opinions of talk show host who havent come to the end of their lives yet. A word is enough for the wise

kbdrim:

Any man who doesn't help out with chores at home IMO is irresponsible. IF you really love your spouse, You would not even want her going through so much pressure, Our duties as men should be to lighten the burdens on women so much that she would be so glad to serve her family.

Thats good to hear. So what do you do around the house to lighten the burdens on your wife? (I am assuming you are married)

AjanleKoko:

Nah, most men who are saying that aren't married.
Outside kitchen duties and taking care of the kids, there is still a lot to do in the house. What most of us are saying is, the kitchen stuff is women territory, and it's an aberration to want to share that responsibility with your husband. Get a maid if you must.

Brother! So will you sweep, dust, fold clothes etc?
I am not saying SHARE responsiblity as in make sure no one gets cheated but assist each other to keep the home running.

As for having men in kitchen, the only married man I have seen cooking while his wife is around and healthy is my elder brother.

hbabe:

Thats good to hear.  So what do you do around the house to lighten the burdens on your wife? (I am assuming you are married)

Im not married yet but very soon I hope to be, I ve got an idea of what a perfect man should do and I ve decided I would work hard to be that man. luckily for my spouse Im not really a food person but I would never allow my wife slave herself in the kitchen while I sit reading newspapers. we would work together cleaning the house, Cooking together. I would ask her to take time off once in a while to go have fun with her friends while i take care of the kids for days. I will be a slave for her if need be. Im not a sticker for made at home meals 24/7 so if we are not up to it we can eat out,  I would also take care of all the manly stuff-fixing the car, electronics etc, Life is simpler than we make it to be.

hbabe:

Brother! So will you sweep, dust, fold clothes etc?
I am not saying SHARE responsiblity as in make sure no one gets cheated but assist each other to keep the home running.

As for having men in kitchen, the only married man I have seen cooking while his wife is around and healthy is my elder brother.

In my house there are ground rules as follows:

1. Everybody does their own dishes. If I snack or do an ad-hoc meal, I tidy up myself. I don't pile up dishes for anyone.

2. No one leaves things lying around. Nobody cleans up after anyone. You are responsible for your own waste, your own laundry, etc. There are wardrobes and laundry baskets, and we expect everyone living in our house to use them. We also encourage everyone to do their own laundry, since we have washer-dryer installed. Though we have an ironing guy who also takes care of mine, the Mrs, and the kids' clothes. The actual laundry is done mostly by the Mrs, sometimes by me when I have the time or she's not around. But she manages the laundry. I generally do not like to do laundry.

3. We have a maid, and she takes care of the kids routines, and cleans the house generally. Except for people's rooms. Everybody cleans their rooms.

4. My wife cooks in bulk, and she cooks everyday unless she is not in town. I hardly eat dinner at home anyway, except on weekends.

Home maintenance is my responsibility. I do the one I am able to, and outsource the rest (like the yard cleaning, buying fuel for gen, water maintenance, etc.).
Kitchen stuff (groceries etc) is entirely my wife's responsibility. She makes sure EVERYTHING we stock is available. She has built it into her schedule. Even when she was out of the country on assignment for a long time, she ensured we had stock for months.

I'm sure you don't have a large household like mine. When I was still newly married, we ran a lean household, and did not do so much cooking and storage of stuff, cos it was just the two of us. Then we were also living on the mainland, so we needed to factor in the stress of commuting.

I still have a little bit of the lean element today. For example, I stopped using a driver cos we live very close to our respective offices. I drop the kids at school, and either me or madam pick them up.  Downside is, I have to worry about car maintenance myself. What we do for that is, we switch cars often during the week (me and madam) so I always top up fuel etc. But the actual servicing I still need to make time for.

@Ajanlekoko
I gained a lot from your schedule and I love the idea of everyone cleaning up.
Some men just have to eat dinner every night!

@Kbdrim
I hope you maintain that mindset after marriage o, most men just leave everything to their wife.

chaircover:

Hbabe I am sorry to say but you havent been round millenium men

You have a point there. I don't visit people that much so maybe I have a small population for my data collection.

Thanks Ajalenkoko. Your post will help the OP and anyother person with a similar issue in the future. Hopefully they can find it on page 15 where it ended

@ hbabe
That population must be very small ooo
My hubby makes some specific types of  soup while i cook everythinglse (chinese, japanese, mongolese) plus baking which i love.
 I am currently a stay at home wife cos i am preparing for exams to enable me work here.We are both doctors.
I once complained about having to read and clean and cook.One thing he told me is that we have one goal in mind,pushing OUR FAMILY forward,doing what's best for US.We shouldn't compare who is doing this or who isn't doing that.He said this so lovingly and kindly and it struck a cord in me.It made me go into action to organise the house in such a way that no one feels too much strain.

1.Take a piece of paper and pen and write down all the rooms in your house.Then list all the chores.Divide into those that should be done daily,weekly,2 weekly and monthly.Eg.The bathroom can be done weekly,the pantry/store organised once monthly.You are just 2 adults so it's much easier.Every room should have a waste basket so things don't lie around.

2. Maybe once a month,pick a room and declutter.You will find that tidying will become easier.In my home,paper doesn't lie around as i have  expandable files for everything,if they don't fit into files,i use shoe boxes.Everything should be labelled neatly and stored.that way,no chaos at all cos you know where every little thing is.have a stack of newspapers?buy magazine racks,store some and get rid of the ones not being used.Love reading books?buy shelves and keep neatly.Once kids start coming,just buy plenty storage boxes for toys,and teach everyone to pick up after themselves.

3.FOODSTUFF:
  Try to shop in bulk monthly or yearly,i dunno.This will prevent the stress of going shopping every second.Go to your pantry and take an inventory of what you have and what you don't have.Make lists and more lists.Once you do this,you will only have to topup small stuff like bread,fruits etc.

   I like to dice my veggies and store in a ziploc bag.So lets say you just want to whip up stirfry veggies with chicken,you don't have to cut anything or better still you could just have the already cut store bought veggies.
  For your meats,invest in resealable bags,cut up your meat,cook some and store in the freezer along with the stock.

4.COOKING:
 Key is to start early and map out a menu,either on paper or in your mind.If you already have the condiments,start dicing on friday night.Get home by 9pm?rest till 12am and wake up.Every hubby would love to help in slicing veggies,blending tomatoes etc , (just ask for help).This should take 2 hours tops along with cooking your meat.Store everything in the fridge and hop back into bed or watch tv or hang with the hubs.

 Saturday morning,Wake up early and just throw all your already prepared condiments into the different pots and start cooking,wash up immediately as you use.I spend a lot of time in the kitchen cos i make many things at a go,
 I make snacks every morning for hubby to take to work,fajitas/sandwiches/ cupcakes.I prefer to do them myself as it is healthier.I guess as my family expands,i just increase the cheese,meat,bell peppers etc.

 After cooking,store in freezer.All you have to do is everyday as you are going to work,bring out whatever you want to eat for the day and let it defrost.Anyone can pop in a microwave,or boil quick rice or beans as the case may be.
 5.LAUNDRY:
You could have laundry baskets-colored/non colored/underwear.makes things easier to sort.Hubby could throw in the washer and dryer.Folding can take place anytime.If you have someone to iron for you,better.For hubbys work clothes it's the dry cleaners.You know best.

6. Bathtub scrubbing can be done just before bathing.Remember that during the week,the house has been cleaned little at a time so by the weekend,the bulk of work is just cooking,laundry and the bathroom.So what is left is basically wiping down,small mopping and minor vaccuming.
Hubby can vaccum with  the hoover in one hand and a pancake in the other while you cook and declutter.

 
Saturday is majorly my day of suffering .So just pick your special day

7. On Sundays,it's rest and family/visiting time.The most i do is whip up a quick fruit salad /veggie salad.Warm up the stored food and relax.

 If you have a hubby that pitches in,that's really reallly nice.Some are raised to help out,some are raised to lounge.If you have a lounger in your hands,there's nothing you can do.My dad doesn't do anything except the fixing stuff around the house,going to work,and sleeping and eating,lol.My mom is really a strong woman,she did all the cooking till we grew older and we are 8 kids .Learnt a lot from her,
 
The main thing i can tell you to do is just sit down and organise down to the last T.Hope this helps you a little.

Sorry for the long post oo!! I realise that i wrote an epistle

Its soo easy to from the posts on here to know the married women from the unmarried ones

Hispinkolo, that is nice!!!!! You have all the time in your hands to do what you do.

@ronke,
I have a bit of time right now,yes.
It's just a suggestion to the poster so she doesn't lose her mind and get swamped.
It is easier to do a bit at a time than get choked up by chores.
I will start work as soon as i am done with my exams,i know it will be tougher but at least if there is a semblance of order i believe it will make things much simpler.

hispinkolo:

@ronke,
I have a bit of time right now,yes.
It's just a suggestion to the poster so she doesn't lose her mind and get swamped.
It is easier to do a bit at a time than get choked up by chores.
I will start work as soon as i am done with my exams,i know it will be tougher but at least if there is a semblance of order i believe it will make things much simpler.

You are so right, and i wish you luck in your exams, don't worry everything will ease out well when you start working You will just have to do more adjustment here and there.

i think hbabe is lazy period.

Secondly i here a lot of folks bandying the word "career" around. Are we really clear what this means or are folks who work as bank tellers also claiming to have a "career"?

I had this problem when I first got married. I would spend my weekend cleaning and cooking and on Monday I will be yawning at work. So here are thing that helped me.

I got rid of the mindset that every corner of my house has to be spotless , so I started following a chore schedule , my husband saw the schedule and willingly picked some chores himself.

I follow the schedule religiously, for eg. Laundry on Fridays, if I can't do it on Friday then I will do just a few loads of laundry as opposed to everything.

I also set my kitchen timer for each chore. I do a 30min tidy up each day before bed. When 30mins is up , the rest of the cleaning is for the next day. Usually daily task invole dishes, wipping counter tops, puttin up clothes, maybe laundry. There are some days that daily cleaning is not necessary.

All yard work, (grass), car maint. Vacuuming is done by husband .

Also making sure u have the correct cleaning supplies and equipment the right tools can reduce the stress of house cleaning.

Music helps too.

AjanleKoko:

Nah, most men who are saying that aren't married.
Outside kitchen duties and taking care of the kids, there is still a lot to do in the house. What most of us are saying is, the kitchen stuff is women territory, and it's an aberration to want to share that responsibility with your husband. Get a maid if you must.

so you have not read Jaybaby's post? he's a married man and said so himself.
aberration my b.utt. Is it an aberration for women to have professional careers? so, why can't men cook in the kitchen? if you don't want to do any housework, marry a housewife. very simple. or better still open a small shop for her so she doesn't have to work full time.
clearly you have a stone age mentality. check this out:

chaircover:

Hbabe I am sorry to say but you havent been round millenium men  

camrygmail:

I had this problem when I first got married. I would spend my weekend cleaning and cooking and on Monday I will be yawning at work. So here are thing that helped me.
I got rid of the mindset that every corner of my house has to be spotless , so I started following a chore schedule , my husband saw the schedule and willingly picked some chores himself.

this is partially how my dad got into doing house chores and cooking as well.
after a while you just get fed up and burnt out.

the job doesnt even have to be a professional one- so long as it's full time keeping you out of the house all day and paying the bills. who cares

the fact is you will have as much time as your husband does- not more.

davidylan:

Secondly i here a lot of folks bandying the word "career" around. Are we really clear what this means or are folks who work as bank tellers also claiming to have a "career"?

Nice one mate, that na Job no be career. These days even  9-5 call center work don turn career for some people 

davidylan:

i think hbabe is lazy period.

Secondly i here a lot of folks bandying the word "career" around. Are we really clear what this means or are folks who work as bank tellers also claiming to have a "career"?

So a teller cannot have a career in banking?