I've been wondering about this for long. I've never been good with girls so I've never had a date. My younger brother however, is a natural ladies' man and always has lots of girls flocking around him. I know he's more good-looking than I am but methinks there's more to getting dates than "good looks." Any ideas?

if it's just a date, then yes, looks matters, but if it's a relationship then not really

zahymaka that comment under your picture is not a very good one, you musnt condemn yourself who do you expect to praise you when you're condemning your own self you're nice in your own special way

Madam Rhoda I've seen some very um,  not-so-good-looking boys get dates. I don't think looks matter.

As for being nice, I guess I'm much too quiet [I hardly ever talk] and most girls think I'm crazy [because I spend all my time writing code] so those are some reasons.

So do you have any ideas on converting me? I mean from a very quiet guy who grew up around books and has no social skills to one who does?

Madam Rhoda I've seen some very um, not-so-good-looking boys get dates. I don't think looks matter

if you dont think they matter, why then do you raise it as a topic
you must learn how to talk, learn how to mingle with people esp girls

What matters most in a date is LOVE, but before love comes in , there should be an attraction, and attraction mostly comes from good look, althogh it could come from fame and financial status also. So attraction plays a role here. But mind you, beauty is seen in the eyes of the beholder; Some ladies may be dying for you some where. Are you an introvert? This could make it a little dificult for the opposit sex to interract with you.

Are you an introvert?

A very very hardcore introvert. There's this white girl that tries to chat me up -- I don't know if she's interested in me but I'm not interested in her. Her boyfriend always gives me dark looks when she leaves him and comes over to say hi and try to make talk. It's not that I'm shy but I do get uncomfortable in crowds. Girls are very social animals and tend to hang out in groups. The scenario that keeps popping up in my mind looks like this:

I see a group of girls [and boys] talking. I walk over, say hi and make a comment on what they're discussing. A deathly hush falls on the group and they just stare at me. I hate being the center of attention [especially when I've messed up] and if I'm white I guess I'll turn beet-red as I get up and walk away.

A question a girl [a colleague] asked me last week still disturbs me - "you don't smile much do you?"

Rhodalyn:

zahymaka that comment under your picture is not a very good one, you musnt condemn yourself who do you expect to praise you when you're condemning your own self you're nice in your own special way

You've got to be kidding!

dawg people that write code don't really have lives.

about your walking up to the group and saying something, it may be what you say or how you say it. CONFIDENCE You have to watch *guys* who are good with crowds/women, and learn how they talk, dress and interact with other people.

I used to be like you , now I'm the MAN.

"you don't smile much do you?" you don't have to smile like a hyena. At least your not smiling got her to talk to you, you are the Hunter, your lack of smiling is your bait. You should say "got you bitch" and move on to the next stage. Get her under your sheets!, and take out all the frustration thats building up in you as a result of the programming.

Hope I have been of help. Take it easy and goodluck

Then again you are young only 17 i thought you were a 29 year old programmer who needed my pimping advice.

you are going to grow out of your introvertedness - is that a word. Once agros begins to wire you. and you notice that the patient dawg gets no koheba. and That the only things that come to those who wait, are things that have been used and left by others.

I have a feeling i am going to be censored

Zahymaka, I think your cute.

dawg people that write code don't really have lives.

that's obviously what girls think. I have an idea they wouldn't be caught dead with me.

about your walking up to the group and saying something, it may be what you say or how you say it. CONFIDENCE You have to watch *guys* who are good with crowds/women, and learn how they talk, dress and interact with other people.

I never said I've walked up to such a gathering. I meant everytime the thought of doing so crosses my mind, that's the picture that comes out. I just freak out when it does.

Zahymaka, I think your cute.

Thanks - that's the first compliment I've ever gotten in my short life. I hope you aren't making fun of me? I think you'll hurt my feelings if you are

of course not, why would I?got nothing to loose or nothing to gain

@zebudaya

I used to be like you , now I'm the MAN.

Who told you that? *rolls eyes* Just kidding!

i thought you were a 29 year old programmer who needed my pimping advice

Keep the jokes coming _{giggles under my breath}

You guys be the main ones getting PIMPED!

hello zahymaka, Good looks goes beyond your face !
looks is just one of the things u'll need. that doesnt mean its the only imperative factor. try and be cute more in the way you dress.u'll also need to be a bit more outspoken and just must find a way to chat up ladies anyhow and in any situation. you are not going to be a master in a day, but you'll definately be better for it with constant practice. you might not be fine facially and still be the guy with the cutest and most beautiful heart! hope we are getting along

this short story is about my colleague at work who can never be reffered to as being good looking but still, will chat and date any ladies of his choice. this guy is so good at it that , his desk is always crowded with his female friends. just learn to do your thing and dont try and act out any script.

i am really not denzel washington or ramson noah but, i always get along with ladies so well. u'll need to work on the quality of your conversation as to make it more enjoyable and funfilled.

Like i have said, dress up a bit more and very neat. do your things in your own way and forge ahead and close all deals.
cheers

@Zakymaka
http://azuka.zatechcorp.com/about-me/

I’m not very out-going — in fact I’m a very introverted person and don’t feel very comfortable in crowds. For that reason I’ve never had a date — I certainly don’t intend to have one [at least for now] –, don’t go to parties, drink and the like. I’m also very strong-headed and don’t listen to advice I feel I shouldn’t be listening to. My hobbies are coding, ping pong, reading, writing and watching Jackie Chan films. I hang out only on Yahoo Messenger by the ids zahymaka and azuka_okuleye — and most of the time, my status is set to “May I code in peace? Please don’t disturb” [or something like that].

I know I’m boring so I’ll end all talk about me now.

Quoting you from your blog: I really dont think your problem is the looks-department, i think its more of self esteem.
Anyway, are you ready to change your mind about how you feel about yourself!!! When you do, the girls will begin flocking all over you.

Good looks do not matter in a date, besides we all see each other differently. What looks good to one, may not look so good to another. What you need is a healthy dose of confidence, you're a cutie, so you should stop worrying about what you look like. You shouldn't compare yourself with your brother, that will actually just keep feeding your habit of self criticism. I think you should start verbalising your attributes to yourself whenever you feel down about yourself, or when you start to have a negative thought about yourself, cut it off with a positive. We become what we speak

Actually the fear of rejection is one of my biggest problems. I've always had this image of girls as being very gossipy so every time I summon courage to talk to one, I imagine how I'd look if she rejected me and then laughed about it to other girls. I was an untouchable in school [girls were scared of me for reasons I don't know] but I did manage to get into the good graces of one girl.

I'm not the kind of guy who walks up to a girl and says, "I love you -- talk your own" but I discovered she liked some things I did. By the way potential cassanovas out there I'll tell you something -- talk to a girl about herself and she'll listen to you for hours [not flattery, just talk about her good points].

As I was saying I think I was able to kindle an interest in me from her. One thing I've never understood about girls is their territorialism -- they tend to broadcast who's their man so everyone stays off and there's no foul play. I started to notice girls looked at me in a certain way [as her guy etc etc]. My objective when I set out ws just plain romance. I was determined never to take it beyond kissing [if it got to that] but I noticed there was a certain hunger she had for [worthless] me. The intensity scared me off because I discovered she was always staring at me in class etc etc -- I've seen staring and I've seen staring. I felt I couldn't handle her if the worst came to the worst and a second guy managed to capture her during the period.

I was sick when I saw the way he treated her [like a LovePeddler] and my respect for her diminished. He would have his hands all over her body in class in full view of everyone. I felt betrayed and she seemed to know because even when she realised she was just a intimacy gadget to him and broke it off, she couldn't look me in the eye [and I like looking into the eyes of people that I . . . ]. Since then I've never gone out witha girl -- and they seem to hate me as well.

Actually the fear of rejection is one of my biggest problems

Everyone goes through these emotions, but you have to live and let go. Either the person will say yes or no. If they say yes, then you can pursue the possibilities of something more and if they say no- - -then just move on and know that they missed out on something good (you). If you don't try, you could be cheating yourself out of meeting someone wonderful. Good Luck!

Zahymaka:



I'm not the kind of guy who walks up to a girl and says, "I love you -- talk your own" but I discovered she liked some things I did. By the way potential cassanovas out there I'll tell you something -- talk to a girl about herself and she'll listen to you for hours [not flattery, just talk about her good points].

Goodluck to you! I get bored when they talk for hours. "Potential cassanovas" - cassanova had girls lots of them, He was a bad guy. Chicks love bad guys. I'm not saying become an axe-murderer. But you gotta have some of the confidence, and don't give a F**K attitude we have.

Zahymaka:
My objective when I set out was just plain romance. I was determined never to take it beyond kissing [if it got to that]

don't worry when your hormones start raging. You would want to grab the bulls by the horns. As I told you earlier these avoidance feelings are natural when you are young. Don't rush things. Relax. Only few men had a tight game at 17.

Zahymaka:
but I noticed there was a certain hunger she had for [worthless] me. The intensity scared me off because I discovered she was always staring at me in class etc etc -- I've seen staring and I've seen staring.

She is ready to leave her present dude, and she want's you. It's not rocket science. It's not hunger it's agros. why are you scared of intensity you are NIGERIAN stallion When there is demand, somebody has to supply.

Zahymaka:
I was sick when I saw the way he treated her [like a LovePeddler] and my respect for her diminished. He would have his hands all over her body in class in full view of everyone. I felt betrayed

What do you expect, [b]she has a man and stares at you seductively, and you think she is wife material? [/b]And please stop telling me your story about you only want romance, and you don't want more than kissing. I am MALE, and i know about those crazy thoughts that make cameo apperances in your head. You want that girl *bad*you just don't know how to go about it!. You did not make a move despite all the buying signals you got, and yet you think you have the right to feel betrayed

Chief Zebudaya thanks for the advice but there's something I want to correct:

What do you expect, she has a man and stares at you seductively, and you think she is wife material?

She was involved with me -- not with him then.

I am MALE, and i know about those crazy thoughts that make cameo apperances in your head. You want that girl *bad*you just don't know how to go about it!

I'm male and had those thoughts -- I wanted her too but I'm a disciplined guy. I'm one of those "crazy" guys putting "it" off until marriage. That's why I said:

I felt I couldn't handle her if the worst came to the worst

Thanks for the advice again - very helpful.

Zahymaka:
I've been wondering about this for long. I've never been good with girls so I've never had a date. My younger brother however, is a natural ladies'
and always has lots of girls flocking around him.

That's how you started the post originally , now

Zahymaka:

Chief Zebudaya thanks for the advice but there's something I want to correct:
She was involved with me -- not with him then.

She was never yours. A woman who really wants you and has a very high interest level in you, would not suddenly let another guy "capture her". It does not happen overnight.

I'm male and had those thoughts -- I wanted her too but I'm a disciplined guy. I'm one of those "crazy" guys putting "it" off until marriage.

Well good for you! Nothing crazy about it

_{applauds all the virgins in the house}

Some people think it's crazy. I'm glad there're some people who think like me - thanks b_e_b_e.

I'm glad there're some people who think like me - thanks b_e_b_e.

I applaud you for keeping yourself until marriage so continue to be true to yourself. I commend anyone, no matter what age, for being disciplined in this area.

If u are not good looking, wat are u going on a date for _{Just kidding}

Even ugly people deserve dates.

that' right, that's why i deserve a date too
Zahymaka you are not ugly!!

Ugly does not exist

I've been told this a number of times since I entered nairaland. Maybe I should believe it.

I'm not sure if I misunderstood what you attempting to say, but I'll assume you meant are good looks important to women? I'll say yes and no. Some of the ugliest men in the world have been able to get beautiful women, not because of their looks but because of their personality, money, style, and grace. Truthfully, women are easier to get to if you aren't attractive, where as men won't even consider dating an ugly chick. If you look a mess fix yourself up. Clean up your gear, you don't have to spend alot of money, to find a style suitable to attract the opposite sex. These days some women find nappy, though well sculped hair on men sexy, it that whole Maxwell/Lenny Kravitz thing. Keep in mind we're Nigerian so our parents and families won't tolerate that bohemian nonsense, but try being unique. Where your brother may have looks, you may have flare, style, intelligence etc, etc. If your teeth are jacked up, then get them fixed, if your clothes look horrid, then wash them, and or update your wardrobe if you have the money. If your skin has bumps, then begin a daily regimine to wash and cleanse daily till you start to clear up. If you are over weight then start running daily, or take the stairs instead of the elevator. Cut back on the fufu, eat more veggies, and meat instead of rice and yam. And start walking around like u are the sh*t. Women find confidence sexy. but don't be cocky, arrogance isn't cute. If you believe you are fine then it shall be. Its mind over matter. Have you seen Seal? for god sake am i the only human being that wonders how in the hell he got Tyra banks, and now is married to Heidi Klum? My friend it wasn't his looks. The man is ugly, but he has style and confidence. I hope this helps.

ObiOne:

I'm not sure if I misunderstood what you attempting to say, but I'll assume you meant are good looks important to women? I'll say yes and no. Some of the ugliest men in the world have been able to get beautiful women, not because of their looks but because of their personality, money, style, and grace.

Very true

ObiOne:
Truthfully, women are easier to get to if you aren't attractive, where as men won't even consider dating an ugly chick.

Not true.

even the ugliest of women get hit on especially when there's alchohol involved. And many men date ugly women just look around. You forget that beautiful girls are a minority. Lastly, women are not easier to get to if you aren't attractive. I can't see anyway not being attractive helps. You can't be too good looking. The rest of what you said is true.

i think good looks attract, like de way hotstepper is driving me crazy after just one look at her.