Hello everyone,am in some kind of fix and i need help.i have a boyfriend who believes that every male that comes close to him wants to snatch me,he thinks that my family hates him because he's not so comfortable.he keeps telling me stories about people that dated for years,got married and lived happily ever after,then he'll tell me that girls that leave their boyfriends to marry other guys always end up unhappy and miserable.most times his stories will end with"imagine how happy we'll be together if we get married".but the truth of the matter is that i used to think he was all that untill i noticed he's a ball-less weakling.he's the type that will take his friends along on a private date with his girlfriend,the type that wouldn't stand up to his friends when they insult his girlfriend.he's not a man one bit.the problem,my friends, is that his insecurity,and lack of confidence is driving me nuts.i've tried so many times to talk to him but he does the same thing and really he irritates me now.it makes me feel like his a child and i don't need him.can u imagine,my sister's friend offered to give me a ride home and he got all upset about it,he went on blabbing about how it's unsafe and how safe it is for me to take a bus home and the worst part is that that was my first day of going that way after work cos i just moved to that area.he checks my phone like woo and wants to know who calls me and why, as well as check my messages.am still in that relationship because we were friends before we started dating so we knew each other.he was even telling me at some point that i'll be miserable if i leave him and i gradually started believing him, this relationship will be 5yrs next month and i don't want to waste anymore of my time, am at a loss on what to do,i feel like i shouldn't leave cos am sooo used to him but at the same time am soo bored with all the whining and nervous break downs about every man that throws a glance at me, pease tell me what do i do?

have a boyfriend who believes that every male that comes close to him wants to snatch me

ok sorry,he believes everymale that comes close to ME not HIM,

@ Hazel: Leave him. He's got issues, which no amount of love you show him will solve.

Insecurity is bad, and the level at which he exhibits it is very unhealthy. Searching through your phone! Can you imagine being married to this guy, and spending the rest of your life with him?

He sounds the sort who'd actually be jealous of your kids, and will resent the amount of time you spend with them. Jealousy and insecurities such as he's showing CAN lead to resentment, and before you know it, he could become violent.

My advice is, leave him, and move on. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you.

He is a very jealous guy and i think jealousy is only healthy when its not taken to the extreme, in this case, i find him 2 b an extremist - not healthy,

besides, when did u started noticing all these, 4 u 2 have stayed with him 4 almost five years means u at least were getting along together, or dont tell me u were dying in silence.

i think u alrady made up ur mind

uve lost respect for him
u cant stand him any more
u can c that ur wasting ur time
ur not happy

and believe me it will get even worse

its hard to let go of someone u r used to and start again from the begining but thats a step u'll have to find strength to do or u'll just stay stuck there and come to realize later that uv done a big mistake

dont waste more time

there is love and happiness out there u just have to free ur self to find it

thanks Siena,i really appreciate,

@joey, to be frank and truthful to u,i noticed in our second yearbut i kept on hoping he'll change.i talked with him a lot nd on every occassion he said he'll change but things are always the same.so i stopped talking and started dying in silence and now i resent him cos his attitude is annoying.my worst fear is leaving him,what if all those things he tells me about me being miserable without him comes true?can u believe,he used to threaten me that if i ever cheat on  him that he'll find out and in our third year,i did.i cheated over and over and nothing happened.that made me think he must be a fool.when i started working newly,he told me he doesn't see me anymore and that i don't send him text messages everyday.and could u believe he kept on whining about how i don't talk to hm at night,am talking about midnight calls.imagine working all day,get home at 9:30 or 10pm only to start midnight calls at 1am which might end at 2;30am and am supposed to wake up at 5:30 to get ready for work cos i have to leave my house at 6am to beat the lagos traffic,

Hey Girl,

How old are u now and what are u currently doing?

You have to be detached emotionally to know what exactly is good for you.
You should by now know what you want in life.
One of this should be considered:
lFling
Casual or
purposefull relationship

Once considered , measure if he matches your consideration.

Ayo
misterfresher2@yahoo.com

@hazel_eyed,

I can imagine his love 4 u has bcome an obsession and could b that he lives just 4 u,
truth is, he isnt going 2 find it funny if u detach urself from him completely, but u have 2 consider ur age, is time wasting? can u get into another better r/ship any sooner?

Most important of all u have 2 consider ur happiness, 2 me, thats all that matters, if u're not happy, u cant make others happy, not even ur husband, now the ball is in ur court, just choose what 2 do and make sure u're right. 4get about those stories that u may remain miserable if u dump him, nobody is God.

thanks joey

Smart chap! She sought your advice but here you are trying to compound her problem by introducing a new dimension. You sounded like an herberlist who was approached for love concoction only to use his charm to woo the woman to his side. Sorry.

@poster,
as observed by earlier contributors, your man is a jealous (extremely jealous) one. You should not have let it go into two years not to talk of five years. The good thing is that you are not married yet. So you can plot your escape strategy before going legal.

However, before dumping him, revaluate the relationship. Two major problems faces you.

1. He is a weakling who can't stand up to aggression. I won't be surprised if you can subdue physically in a combat. This problem can be overcome if he desire to.
2. He is jealous type that can't be influenced by reason. This is a deadly trap whose solution is rare.

Talk to him. And then watchout for his willingness to change. You don't need to waste time since you'd known him for close to 5 years.

If there is little or no improvement, follow what your heart tell you and quit. Sorry, it's going to be painful but life must go on.

i think you love this guy more than you know

5 yrs relatioship the guy still not trust you, i thinks you should sit him down and ask him what real his problem. Also  are u sure you are not writing dis cos you see any guy pulling you legs, cos this is common among guys and ladies.
pls ckeck you self.

@ poster
u really ave 2 figure out wat xactly u want, cos seems lik u ave described the problem wit ur relationship

Hazel-eyed:

is that his insecurity,and lack of confidence is driving me nuts.

INSECURITY as it is a sibling to lack of trust which can b a big issue in relationships.so tink abt it dear and try to weigh things,probably not 4 today,but 4 d future. if u cnt handle it now den i guess u ave 2 let go. all d best

thanks everyone for ur responses,i really do appreciate it.

realplay:

i think you love this guy more than you know

yes reaplay,i know i love him a lot.but we all know that there's a limit to what a girl can take,with or without love.there's no need wasting any more,i've always known that but all i need is the will to let go and actually convince myself that this is not good for me.

That is why "it" is called a "boy"---- Get yourself "a real man" who is confident in himself ---trusts you and understands what the saying means that "the sum is greater than the individual parts"---Synergy--- Deal with maturity not juvvy delinquency!  Also someone with a job not a student. Goodluck-------

almondjoy:

That is why "it" is called a "boy"---- Get yourself "a real man" who is confident in himself ---trusts you and understands what the saying means that "the sum is greater than the individual parts"---Synergy--- Deal with maturity not juvvy delinquency! Also someone with a job not a student. Goodluck-------

And the Professor has spoken, now pay heed dear

Heh---- Just havin' ma fun as usual---You gat that right!

@ Hazel-Eyed

i can just imagine ur plight.i was in a kind of relaionship almost like urs once.we dated for 2 yrs,at first i tot this guy was my all in all,fun to be with etc(we were even planning to get married the following yr i.e by the 3rd yr).

Then all of a sudden,things started happening fast,the insecurity(he had no stable job then),the 'i dont think u love me anymore'(on his part).i never cheated on him and i can never double-date.Things just got really irritating and we started having serious problems that even the intervention of people close to us couldnt help out.

i had to leave him,it wasnt easy becos we had our whole life planned out together but i had to move on.why??

i just woke up one day(in the midst of the confusion then)and thought ' can i really spend the rest of my life with this person?',i didnt think so,so i moved on.

I'm not saying u should walk or dont walk ,but what i would say to u is to ask urself the same question i asked myself,'can u spend the rest of ur life with him,with is behaviour,attitude,habits etc??if yes go on with him,if nottttttt uhmmmmmmmmm.

Only u can answer this,no one but u knows that answer,so sweetheart what do u say??think about it.

Cheers!!!

he is just jealous and insecured considering his state.i think you should appreciate the fact that he is jealous about you.think about the opposite.if he does not care about who called you,who u are with ,who you hang out with.come to think of it you have come a long way.what he need from you is that assurance that you are his.think about it.

tbadru: 5 yrs relatioship the guy still not trust you, i thinks you should sit him down and ask him what real his problem. Also  are u sure you are not writing dis cos you see any guy pulling you legs, cos this is common among guys and ladies.
pls ckeck you self.

I had the same feelings too and I`m sure she has seen someone else.
Old thing STINKS and things SCENTS.
Becareful not all that glitters...

And you went ahead to call him 'boy'?

valmunich: And you went ahead to call him 'boy'?

and you resurrected a "2007 thread" ?