In plain English:

Human love:

I better like you
I better feel good
I better be satisfied
I
I
I
I


It doesn't matter that you are devoted to me, that you love me, that you can provide for me, that you would be good to me.

I am the one that matters.

lioness:

@Lioness,

Abeg help me out here o!  What point exactly is she making Of course human love is not God's love! No-one is disregarding that fact. Afterall, how many of us can practise I Cor. 13 in its fullness

Answer - none

@drusilla,

we are human beings and as such our humanity plays a role in our journey here on earth; that is why there is no marriage in heaven. so if you're expecting some esoteric, heavenly, airy-fairy kind of love as you seem to describe,then I don't think you are with us at all.

Tell me something, do you have friends and do you love them Or do you relate to them out of a sense of duty of your friendship to them With your friends, don't you choose to compromise, make sacrifices, and sometimes allow yourself to be 'cheated' for the sake of friendship

and isn't that the same thing in marriage but before they became your friends, didn't 'something' draw you to them

am just curious to be honest, is there someone you're meaning to marry but you absolutely feel nothing for him and yet you're going ahead to marry him out of

Or like I asked before, are you married to someone you do not love and so want all of us to do the same

My sister, more grease to your elbow o!

but fellow 'landers, be mindful- God will not take you where His grace cannot keep you. It's not only about how you feel but also about having that peace that passeth all understanding about that man/woman. God is able to give you both- love and His perfect will; He is more than able!!!

This life is hard enough and God is not going to be petty and make it any harder. He will make a way of escape and that is certainly not a loveless marriage!!!!!

Amen to that

enugu:

This life is hard enough and God is not going to be petty and make it any harder. He will make a way of escape and that is certainly not a loveless marriage!!!!!

Yes, God can lead one to marriage even when their is no love. In the biblical sense god says "he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtain favour from Him{God}.

Also , all perfect gift come from God, therefor. we should know that God cannot make mistakes. Remember the Story of Hanna, Sara and Abraham.

It is Obvious that God can still use someone you don't love to make rich or poor.

ezegoriz:

Yes, God can lead one to marriage even when their is no love. In the biblical sense god says "he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtain favour from Him{God}.

Also , all perfect gift come from God, therefor. we should know that God cannot make mistakes. Remember the Story of Hanna, Sara and Abraham.

It is Obvious that God can still use someone you don't love to make rich or poor.

I doubt if any woman would agree with you.

I am married. i met someone, realised i loved her, then asked God for His opinion. God approved. And today i am happily married. Attraction? I am attracted to her. Not just because she is physically attractive [she is] but because i just enjoy being with her. i know i wouldnt have married her if i did not love her. if there was no love i dont think God would have asked me to marry her. and if He did, i wouldn't have heard.

My dear friend, God cannot lead you to someone you done love to marry.

I know of many situation where we have to pray to ask God to choose a life partner for, on no occassion did God choose for us or give someone we dont love.

You may say that, even as you pray, God shows you a life partner and at the end that person change, let me say something here, may on the process of your prayer, all you are after is that partner which you finally settled down with or could it be that, you relationship was build on a falls foundation, everyone of you pretending to be good while it is not, and at the end, instead of waiting on God's chosen one, you decided that that partner is the true and only one that is good for you.

My friends it is our choice to choose and not God, we only present our situation to God to guide and help us decide. He may give you the choice to choose from many, but He will never say marry A and not B. or Marry C and live the rest no.

Mind you, marriage is not a bed of roses, no matter how good the partners (couples) are, definetly one way or the other they are bound to face problem in their married life.

Lets pray that God help us in choosing for ourselves the right people to spend our lives with.

I agree with u all that say God cannot lead one to marry someone he/she does not love. But the baffling aspect of it is that most Nigerian pentecostal churches, especially the Scripture Union inclined ones are silent on the issue of choice of a marriage patner. They tend to support this vision/prophecy kind of thing which is very deceptive as it does not always permit conk members the right of choice most of the time. I just wonder what happens in such spirit filled relationships afterall for if they survive the rigours of marriage and end up being happy, it then does justify the auguement on the other hand too that God can lead one to someone he/she does not love.

ronkebaby:

I agree with u all that say God cannot lead one to marry someone he/she does not love. But the baffling aspect of it is that most Nigerian pentecostal churches, especially the Scripture Union inclined ones are silent on the issue of choice of a marriage patner. They tend to support this vision/prophecy kind of thing which is very deceptive as it does not always permit conk members the right of choice most of the time. I just wonder what happens in such spirit filled relationships afterall for if they survive the rigours of marriage and end up being happy, it then does justify the auguement on the other hand too that God can lead one to someone he/she does not love.

@ronkebaby,

that is why a good percentage of Nigerian 'pentecostal' marriages are unhappy! Let me tell you, I was almost a victim of 'prohecy marriage' until luckily for me, a sister (who appeared to have more prospects) was 'prophesied' for that same brother because the Pastor wanted both of them to remain in the church for his own profit and he knew that the sis was 'searching for husband' while I was not; neither would I be disposed to being manipulated

The bottom line is that there is a lot of pretence, deceit and falsehood in so-called choosing life-partners. People are trying to hard to be 'holy' so they think that if they date, they might sin or on the other hand, they may date too many people before the right person, leading to all sorts of complications. That's not to say that I'm encouraging indiscriminate dating as a christian but the fact of the matter is that there is no proper education or enlightenment on how to approach the issue of man-woman relationships in most pentecostal churches; that is why there are so many 'unequal yoking' even among believers.

There is too much emphasis on Pastor said this and Pastor said that; nobody bothers to find out what God is saying. so if you don't hear from God on a regular basis, how would you hear from him when you want to get married   So what do you do? You rely on someone to tell you and inevitably, they lead you down the wrong path.

So Can God Lead You To Someone You Don't Love In Marriage? Once again, a resounding NO!!!

He is a God of love not loveless. He speaks of marriage as an analogy of Christ and His church; that should tell us something!!!

@ enugu,so true.

Enugu,

I have no personal involvement with some man I do not love.

God will not take you where His grace cannot keep you. It's not only about how you feel but also about having that peace that passeth all understanding about that man/woman. God is able to give you both- love and His perfect will; He is more than able!!!

This life is hard enough and God is not going to be petty and make it any harder. He will make a way of escape and that is certainly not a loveless marriage!!!!!

But none of know the future except what the Holy Spirit shows us. What you call a loveless marriage now may very well be a loving marriage in the future.

I agree with the above statement but I go by the motto: never make life long decisions based on short term current circumstances.

If she is going to marry, she needs to think about more than how she currently feels.

@ enugu, u made sense

@Enugu

How did you know most people in pentescostal churches are not happily married?

But honestly speaking, I agree with your points. I think you are right. God cannot really lead one to a loveless marriage. I have found out over the years too that this holy ghost leading of a thing is a deceit afterall. Marriage is not just about tougue speaking and reading the bible, but about common interests and deep feelings! But then, why is this prophesy, holy ghost inclined relationships still rampant in the pentecostal settings? You know I have been wondering how such marriages always end up, that is why I am curious at how you arrived at your figures of 'a good percentage' of them not been happy in marriage. cheers!

Drusilla:

Enugu,

I have no personal involvement with some man I do not love.

@Drusilla,

[b]Thank you for that statement!

Drusilla:

Enugu,

But none of know the future except what the Holy Spirit shows us. What you call a loveless marriage now may very well be a loving marriage in the future.

I agree with the above statement but I go by the motto: never make life long decisions based on short term current circumstances.

If she is going to marry, she needs to think about more than how she currently feels.

@Drusilla,
In answer to your first point, it wouldn't be a loveless marriage in the present if it is going to be a loving marriage in the future; there will definitely be an element of some kind of attraction, be it physical / spiritual/emotional/intellectual. It usually on that foundation that a future loving marriage is built. Something usually draws the two people together; something that is beyond the natural eye. Even the Bible recognises that 'the way of a man with a maid' is one of the three wonderful things/ things which are hard to understand (paraphrase, mine- See Prov.30:18-19)

Secondly, a marriage that will last is rarely made based on feelings alone/short term current circumstances; neither is it based on some misguided sense of reluctant duty/fear of hell-fire. Trust me, if you really think about what it takes to live with a man for only-God-can-determine-how-long then my sister, you will not [/b] jump into such a decision lightly! (Think about a lifetime of snoring, not taking advice, smelly socks etc )

Anyway, seriously and lastly, how you feel is important but it is not strictly physical feelings; feelings involve how you feel about his looks, his spirituality, his intellect, his emotional state, his sense of duty and committment and most importantly, his relationship with the Father. If you don't feel a sense of God-given peace, abeg flee! It's that kind of feeling that I refer to and it  is important.

Marriage is a lifetime committment- It is something worth taking our time to get into. It is also something not to be entered with low expectations. God is not that kind of a Father- you will not ask for bread and He will give you a stone lai! lai! He wants to see a genuine smile on his daughter's face on her wedding day . So, go figure!!!

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ronkebaby:

@Enugu

How did you know most people in pentescostal churches are not happily married?

But honestly speaking, I agree with your points. I think you are right. God cannot really lead one to a loveless marriage. I have found out over the years too that this holy ghost leading of a thing is a deceit afterall. Marriage is not just about tougue speaking and reading the bible, but about common interests and deep feelings! But then, why is this prophesy, holy ghost inclined relationships still rampant in the pentecostal settings? You know I have been wondering how such marriages always end up, that is why I am curious at how you arrived at your figures of 'a good percentage' of them not been happy in marriage. cheers!

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@ronkebaby,
I apologise for that statement; I went overbaord with my summations and for a good percentage of them, I'll come to that.

You see, I've been to pentecostal churches in Naija and here and one thing I've noticed (especially with the Naija-dominated churches in the UK) is that there is always pressure, overt and covert, on people who have reached the 'magic age -25- to get married.

For that reason, people who don't want to appear to be 'old maids'/'men that are hard of hearing' begin to hear and unhear. Sometimes, you see someone who like but instead of you to try and find out who she is not necessarily by dating, you begin to use a roundabout way to get close to her- marriage/the lord sayeth etc.

Ronkebaby, I could go on and on; there are so many examples and time would not permit. You see the Bible says that "the sons of this world are more shrew in their generation than the sons of light, "(LK. 16: and without misconstruing this verse, christians are generally not sincere in their dealings. They like to appear 'holy' and as a result do not reveal what is really on their minds.

Let me tell you a story. There was once a young christian who had serious problems at home. She thought that this brother would be the answer to her problems and even though she did not love him, she went ahead' Afterall, he who findeth a wife etc etc. He turned out to be a 'demon in suit', a wife-batterer and a pretender, who knew all the scriptures and could charm all the men/women of God with his spiritual knowledge.

When she eventually broke free of the cycle of abuse, 'well-meaning' christians threatened her with hell-fire if she didn't go back because 'God hates divorce'. Of course, the bro himself had promised her an acid bath amongst other horrific things if she left. When she asked those 'well-meaning ' christians were they where when she was in her hell-fire, they couldn't give her an answer. They were more concerned with how it would look if a christian divorced

Sure, you would blame the sister, afterall nobody sent her but I tell you, that's what comes about in some, not all, pentecostal churches with all the pressure on so-called single sisters. You begin to see marriage as the be-all and end-all of your christian life so you don't look out of place and you inevitably fall into the wrong hands.

This story is longer than this; I'm sure you must have guessed this but guess what, if there was love, no matter how young the couple were, the story would have been different.

I know, I was that sister and I still have the scars to prove it.

so my beloved sisters, someone you don't love in marriage, no , no and a big fat no

@ enugu
Nothing answers a question better than somebody talking from experience. God is on your side.

@Enugu

I appreciate your sincerity and advise. Some people are more lucky than the others. How I wish those who are yet to see the relevance of taking advise before entering into marriage could read this. Some of us are already married and we sometimes wish we had known better. Yes the pretense in the pentecostal churches in Nigeria is so deep. Only a few like that of Bimbo Odukoya's actually make one realize the import of what one is going into and how you have to be prepared, ask questions and be at alert. A lot of people come in sheep clothings, but you do not really know who they are until you are married to them. God definitely cannot lead you into marrying someone you don't love. It is a big lie. I maintain and still say, a holy ghost filled married sister/brother, if married to the wrong person could backslide within months if not weeks of entering into that marriage. You definitely wouldn't enter marriage to study the bible together and go to church all day long. Marriage is more of attraction than it being a spiritual thing. Yet most Nigerian pentecostal churches make it abominable to speak about attraction. They would rather lie and say it is wrong to openly confess to a sister that you are attracted to her as that is worldly. That is why a lot of these sisters too believe the good husbands are those that come to them, telling them about how God revealed their spouses to them in the form of vision/dreams or prophesy. And they in return foolishly accept whether they are attracted to the person in question or not because of the fear of wanting to make heaven and to be in the good book of the church. A word they say is enough for the wise. Some pple married now wish this kind of forums existed to share ideas during their own time.

And finally, on your story, nope, I do not blame you at all. Anyone could have fallen victim too. that is why some of us keep shouting to the present day youths to be at alert and ask questions. Don't just rush into it because someone appears to be holy ghost filled, nice to you or whatever. Looks could be very deceptive. Listen to your hearts, compare notes if possible by seeking for advise and then choose!

that,s why i love the church i attend. dem go tell u the truth ho ha say the 'spiri-spiri' part bo be am. by the time u go thru 16 weeks of counselling u sef go know how far. i thank God i've never moved in circles that over spiritualize marriage and male/female relationships. those vision things have never cut it for me.

lafile:

that,s why i love the church i attend. them go tell u the truth ho ha say the 'spiri-spiri' part bo be am. by the time u go through 16 weeks of counselling u sef go know how far. i thank God i've never moved in circles that over spiritualize marriage and male/female relationships. those vision things have never cut it for me.

You are so lucky. Probably, you go to an othordox or one of the liberal pentecostal churches. Most people in the conk pentecostal churches don't have this priviledge, unless the person involved wants to be seen as an outcast or backslider that is deep into sin.

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ronkebaby:

@Enugu

I appreciate your sincerity and advise. Some people are more lucky than the others. How I wish those who are yet to see the relevance of taking advise before entering into marriage could read this. Some of us are already married and we sometimes wish we had known better. Yes the pretense in the pentecostal churches in Nigeria is so deep. Only a few like that of Bimbo Odukoya's actually make one realize the import of what one is going into and how you have to be prepared, ask questions and be at alert. A lot of people come in sheep clothings, but you do not really know who they are until you are married to them. God definitely cannot lead you into marrying someone you don't love. It is a big lie. I maintain and still say, a holy ghost filled married sister/brother, if married to the wrong person could backslide within months if not weeks of entering into that marriage. You definitely wouldn't enter marriage to study the bible together and go to church all day long. Marriage is more of attraction than it being a spiritual thing. Yet most Nigerian pentecostal churches make it abominable to speak about attraction. They would rather lie and say it is wrong to openly confess to a sister that you are attracted to her as that is worldly. That is why a lot of these sisters too believe the good husbands are those that come to them, telling them about how God revealed their spouses to them in the form of vision/dreams or prophesy. And they in return foolishly accept whether they are attracted to the person in question or not because of the fear of wanting to make heaven and to be in the good book of the church. A word they say is enough for the wise. Some people married now wish this kind of forums existed to share ideas during their own time.

And finally, on your story, nope, I do not blame you at all. Anyone could have fallen victim too. that is why some of us keep shouting to the present day youths to be at alert and ask questions. Don't just rush into it because someone appears to be holy ghost filled, nice to you or whatever. Looks could be very deceptive. Listen to your hearts, compare notes if possible by seeking for advise and then choose!

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My sister,

You have summed it up nicely. It was with Heb.2vs 14 & 15 that the Lord delivered me from the clutches of Lucifer; I was 'snatched as if by fire'. It took me years and I mean years to recover mainly because I could not believe that such a thing could happen in Christianity and unfortunately, the support to help facilitate my healing was not from the church. Sure, there were individual christians that reached out but in the main, you're seen as an aberration and in most cases, treated like one.

Me sef, i no dey fit keep my mouth shut when I see truth, I had to speak it. Of course this made me even more unpopular because I was expected to be quiet and humble afterall, i be sinner!

Anyway, this is what informs my crusade about loveless/spiri/prophecy marriage. I hope I would be able to reach out to people through this medium, by God's grace.

Cheers to you all

God bless all of una oh. Atleast i know am not the only "possessed" one.

I used to think i was the only one reasoning this way. The last time i shared my views on this spiri spiri marriages, my pastor almost conducted a deliverance for me. Cos he felt i was being too carnal.
Its almost like the ONLY thing u consider b4 marriage is "is he spirit filled"?

I still maintain the fact that i am a born again, spirit filled, tongue talking, "holy" sister but i dont beleive in that over spiri crap or prophesying marriage or pastor, Rev, Vica, priest, telling me "the lord has spoken, - Obasipipitatat is ya hussy . Crap!

@Lioness

Gr8, you know better now.

The misleading has been going on for ages among born again xtians that spirit filled should be the major criterion and all other factors are worldly. May God bless Pastor Bim where she is! She championed this cause knowing a lot of xtians have been misled by this spirit filled stuff.

Don't let anyone turn you into a devil filled when you might have fallen for his trick and then your eyes are wild opened in marriage. Unhappy marriage, broken homes etc, are often the result.

This is interesting. do you guys believe that there is a difference between loving someoone and being IN LOVE? I think you can marry someone that is a good christian, you love him,you understand one another and you want the same things out of life is cool. Like for example,if your are at the age,or time in your life you really want to do that christian thing and start a family and your close friend who you love asks for your hand,if you are ready and you guys want the same thing in life,why not get married.You already know what you are getting,if you are friends that means you already know each other in and out so there is no secrets,your friendshep makes you happy and you see this person a respectable,it can work.

God said seek it shall be found, ask it shall be given and knock it shall be open,

when u ask God to give u the bone of ur bone and ur rear gem, he will never give u some one else husband, cause our God is not a lier and he is faithful, u can not ask God to give u meat and he give u bone. if u havent been in a good courtship with a man u can never marry the Man: I mean in a christian way. besides u are not allow to visit him alone unless u are both married.u both must love each other and pray concerning the true will for ur life before u can proceed in marriage my sister.

thats the little i know.

yeah,especially the ones we see through human eyes as the wrong person,but go who sees and knows the future,considers the person the right one for us.

quote author=TaniCarr link=topic=8963.msg672751#msg672751 date=1161765411]
This is interesting. do you guys believe that there is a difference between loving someoone and being IN LOVE? I think you can marry someone that is a good christian, you love him,you understand one another and you want the same things out of life is cool. Like for example,if your are at the age,or time in your life you really want to do that christian thing and start a family and your close friend who you love asks for your hand,if you are ready and you guys want the same thing in life,why not get married.[/b]You already know what you are getting,if you are friends that means you already know each other in and out so there is no secrets,your friendshep makes you happy and you see this person a respectable,it can work.
[quote][/quote]

Unfortunately, [b]TaniCarr, I'll have to disagree with you on this one. Marriage is not about the things you listed which I've highlighted. It's about what God is saying to you about your future. If it so happens to be that friend, all well and good; that's not to say that you cannot marry your friend but the extra factor that keeps a marriage going is the God factor. If it's the God factor that convinces you about this friend then perfect!.

Funnily enough I was discussing this same issue this morning and the consensus was that being compatible was not enough, there has to be that extra factor or else when the trials and tribulations of life come knocking, the marriage falls apart.

By all means, it's great to marry someone who you already know and 'jell' with but let God be the ultimate 'decider'

i read a book by Rebecca Brown in which she said she didnt love her husband when he proposed to her but she married him because God said she should, and now she loves him.

i believe if God leads u to marry someone, d marriage is very likely to work. i dont see myself marrying someone i dont love tho. i think if God wants u to marry someone He would make u love d person first.

enugu:

By all means, it's great to marry someone who you already know and 'jell' with but let God be the ultimate 'decider'

i've heard/read stories of ppl who were very much in love getting divorced. so i guess in the long run it's best for God to be d ultimate decider.

marriage

marriage

marriage


what happens, happens

What a topic!

Where can i start?

Though very hard to take but as a Christian, God's choice is the best.

You just leave everything to God.

Let me give you an example of one of my best friend.

In 1992, while in higher institution, my friend, Now a full-time Pastor(then a student Pastor) told me he will be busy in 3 days to hear from God, revelations about his future wife. On the 4th day, he woke me up, telling me the name of the Lady,the age,the year they will meet and that he will meet the lady Pure.
I know this guy live a holy life but i still have a doubt.
During those years, all these sisters were showing some signs but he remain who he is.
In 1998, we were together in Ibadan when this lady came with another Sister and the rest is history.

As a Christian, i believe we let God's will prevail.

It shouldnt be a matter of i have 3 boyfriends, God choose one out of them. It is wrong.

so are u suggesting we dont have any boyfriend at all?