lioness:

so are u suggesting we don't have any boyfriend at all?

Sister,

Though we all guilty but Christianity do not support it. In fact it is a sin. We can have fiancee that we are going to marry but this marriage of a thing is tough to explain.

Puhleeese! Spare me the no-boyfriend/girlfriend thing!

so how can u get a fiancee or get engaged if u dont start from getting a r/ship?
I thought the fornication is the sin not the boyfriend.

abeg help me tell am o!!

lioness:

so how can u get a fiancee or get engaged if u don't start from getting a r/ship?
I thought the fornication is the sin not the boyfriend.

My Sister,

How could you have boyfriend without sinning?

How?

[not that am goint to try it] but havent u heard of holy courtship?
i know alot of folks who dated, got married without banging.

Or perhaps u Akola do not trust himself huh?

lioness:

[not that am goint to try it] but havent u heard of holy courtship?
i know alot of folks who dated, got married without banging.

Or perhaps u Akola do not trust himself huh?

I will like to know more about this holy courtship.

Yes, i do not trust myself

two people i know got married after 8 years together. it started as boyfriend/girlfriend just after secondary school. Guess what? after 8 years of dating there was no sex. not even once. they married virgins. and they say it everywhere they go. He is a pastor now.

lafile:

two people i know got married after 8 years together. it started as boyfriend/girlfriend just after secondary school. Guess what? after 8 years of dating there was no sex. not even once. they married virgins. and they say it everywhere they go. He is a pastor now.

Its not easy at all even though i've been in long relationship as well with no sex but no marriage

In bibilical account, its not a matter of sex, even kisses and the "attaches" are not allowed.

Again again,,
Pa Akolawole,

Oh the Ancient man

Akolawole:

Its not easy at all even though i've been in long relationship as well with no sex but no marriage

In bibilical account, its not a matter of sex, even kisses and the "attaches" are not allowed.

Really??

Clap 4 Yourself.

Akolawole:

What a topic!

Where can i start?

Though very hard to take but as a Christian, God's choice is the best.

You just leave everything to God.

Let me give you an example of one of my best friend.

In 1992, while in higher institution, my friend, Now a full-time Pastor(then a student Pastor) told me he will be busy in 3 days to hear from God, revelations about his future wife. On the 4th day, he woke me up, telling me the name of the Lady,the age,the year they will meet and that he will meet the lady Pure.
I know this guy live a holy life but i still have a doubt.
During those years, all these sisters were showing some signs but he remain who he is.
In 1998, we were together in Ibadan when this lady came with another Sister and the rest is history.

As a Christian, i believe we let God's will prevail.

It shouldnt be a matter of i have 3 boyfriends, God choose one out of them. It is wrong.

@ Akolawole,

Good for him; however God speaks to people differently. I also know of the same situation where the brother waited only to come out and propose to a married woman!!!

God knows how best to speak to us as individuals and how best we will hear Him. Not everyone will get that 'My daughter, my daughter, this art thine spouse' business.

So fellow 'landers, let God lead you the same way He leads you in other things. Some people may fall in love first, others may not. Some may 'hear', others will 'perceive'. Just recognise the voice of your Master and follow it. His blessings maketh rich and addeth no sorrow!

I've been asking myself this question for a long time.   

It would be so easy if when we met someone, an angel of God or Jesus himself would appear to both of us in a dream saying "My son or my daughter, <insert beloved's name here> is the one I have chosen for you before the beginning of time, before I shaped you in your mother's womb. Marry and make many babies for my sake"

Then you wake up and rejoice and start making wedding plans.

I wish it were so.

In my limited understanding of the subject, marriage in the old testament seemed to be arranged, love didn't seem to be a pre requisite.

In the new testament there aren't any clear cut examples of courtship, "falling in love" and then marriage, but there is the marriage celebration.

So I'm left with my own opinion and God's direction.

I think that  the feeling of being in love is a wonderful thing.  There's just "something" about that person that really gets under your skin.  It creeps up on you. First you might find yourself getting annoyed with them for something, then annoyed with yourself for being annoyed.  Then you just can't get them out of your mind.  You want to be with them all the time, talk to them all the time, and spend time together.  You ache for them when they are not around.

This is defined as temporary insanity  and is caused by chemical imbalances in the body brought about by a primal urge to mate

It is not love.

People do not fall in love, they grow in love.

However, that initial connection is a good way to investigate the why what and how's of the relationship.

Fortunately, this feeling subsides. 

So many people get married because they're "in love" and when the butterflies subside a few years into the marriage, they think they've "grown apart" and they get divorced.

I am very wary of falling "in love", and although God doesn't show us exactly who our mate should be, there are certain things I know that I want in a husband, I subject those requirements to God's word (and my personality), and I ask him to lead that type of person to me when both of us are ready.

I don't believe there's a God choice, but there is a good choice you can make for a husband subject to Godly principles

For example a woman might look for:-

1.  A man who loves God more than He loves himself or anything else in the world, including her
2.  A man who has integrity
3.  A man who has a good relationship with his mother

This list should not be superficial like

1.  A man with the body of Tyrese
2.  A man who can cook, clean and do laundry
3.  A man who can fix my car 

That way, when she meets men with these qualities (which is much harder than it sounds), and IF there is MUTUAL attraction, then a friendship/courtship can be entered into with the intent to marry.

(Please, I know I'm going to be criticized for the pre marital sex thing ,  try and stay focussed here abeg  )

Anyway, the point is there is no Mr. Right, but there is a Mr. Right For You.

And as long as your ears, eyes, heart is open someday you will discover who he/she might be.

I believe that true love starts after years of being in a relationship/marriage with someone, after the "feeling" of being in love has gone away.

One more thing,

I don't think it's a question of God leading you to the person and you don't love them at the beginning.  If he's interested in making you his wife, and you observe over time that he has the qualities that would make a good friend and companion to you then you should consider him, then make a decision.   Like I said ,  love grows over time. In your golden years more than anything you want a companion with similiar interests, similar beliefs and identical morals.

with the little of the Bible I can say I have in my skull,

what I believe is this:
GOD NEVER LEADS ASTRAY

see, forget about marriage for 1-minute.

In the Nigeria of today, is there any Nigerian, old or young, man or woman, that God is not leading. No. In fact, with all the confusion in this country, isnt God still leading everybody? Yes or No?

- Those carrying all the money and stashing it abroad can still pray and dance and speak in tongues and they can prove to you that God is still leading them.

- the Agbero and his driver can prove to you that God is leading them if you decide not to pay in the bus.

- those hoarding fuel at present are led by God.

- the church pastor who preaches nothing but prosperity is also led by God. He might commit adultery on saturday night but he will still be led by God to preach a powerful message on Sunday. Ignorant and God-led members will also sit in the congregation, and since they don't pray themselves, they can't see through the man talking on the pew.

- i heard about a church(i wont mention the name here) where the choir master was said to be - in the process of conducting the choir during the service makes hand-signals to a choir-sister he fancies, with whom he wanted to make out at the back of the altar. Definitely God is leading both of them - even to be making out in the church.

- and when a brother and sister terribly lusting after each other finally do the deed, I heard of a story of how a sister in a church was pregnant for a brother in the same church, and how they went to plan their God-is-leading-us story, then came to the congregation to give them them gist of how God has been leading them to each other, and their story fitted into each other better than a completed-puzzle, with all the accompanying visions, dreams and everything, because it was well thought out - and they wanted to get the marriage overwith before the stomach starts bulging, and while in the process they were asked to go for a blood test, only for the results to come out in addition that the lady was preggy. It would have been better if they came up front and said we have done it o, we want to get married, but they were bullshitting God-is-leading-us and everyone was falling.

- a news about some people who committed suicide in the US some years ago, wasnt God leading them?

- who is God not leading today. Wasnt it God that was leading Pastor King into Sodomy? burning people alive, with his members prancing around naked in his house. Ask him and he'll give you the accompanying verses especially in the book of Revelations.

Please don't allow anyone to bull-shit you about God is leading me. There is no pastor in any church that is not a human being. Regardless of spiritual experiences, mind you he/she will still make a judgment, an assumption or a conclusion based on his/her mere common-sense, and note that the usefulness of this common-sense varies. The demand is on you to go verify yourself regardless of what you have heard.

When a pastor begins to become match-maker in the church, and says to a sister, for example, that God is leading him(the pastor) to wed the sister to a brother out of the blues, about whom she has no clue, no information, and she, foolishly decides to 'obey her father in the Lord', without going down on her knees to find things out for herself, then later when she finds out that white is not white, not even grey but black, she begins to cry? whose fault? its her fault, because she listened to the advice of her pastor rather than listened to the voice of God. Even the Bible itself says "Search the Scriptures, for in them ye have eternal life".

You can tell me what you read in John 3:16, but the responsibility remains on me to go find out and cross check if you quoted it properly and explained it as it should be explained. Its my life that im living, so why should i base it on your advice without me doing a cross-checking. If you were right after all, then fine and good, but if not, God wont agree with me if I saw you are solely responsible for my downfall. It takes two to tango. Someone tells a lie and another believes it.

I see it as plain stupidity on the part of those who fall victim, because see, how many of our grandparents(who didnt have 1/10 of the exposure, information, knowledge we have today) were foolishly led by God into the erroneus doctrinal whatever and pityful marital situations prevalent in our societies today. They have happy stories to tell of their marital lives, whichever way it started out, even without reading half of the Bible that we have read today. Thats even if they knew how to read in the first place.

Be it marriage issues, business, a plan or agreement, when someone begins to yarn God-is-leading-me, the first thing I do is to take my Bible and use it to cut across the situation at hand. If it doesnt fit, ill stick to my Bible and let whoever was led anywhere continue in his own leadership direction.

like one of the posters said, that some people say:
- God is leading me to smile at you,
-God is leading me to love you,
-God is leading me to call you
Fine. Accepted that God is leading you to smile at me. Fine, smile first and from the way you smile, i can tell that God is leading you. Smile pass smile o. Many smiles have hidden motives - that one is not a God-lead smile. Love with a hidden agenda is not God-lead anything. THat one is devil motivated.

I wont be surprised but see, when somepeople land in hell, gbam like this, they might just say that it was God who led them there.

As i said when I started, GOD DOESNT LEAD ASTRAY. THERE HAS BEEN NO MAN WHO CAN SAY WITH ALL PROOF THAT GOD LEAD HIM/HER ASTRAY. If the direction of your leading is contrary to Gods word, there is only one conclusion: YOU ARE DECEIVING YOURSELF. For the fact that many people don't read, don't set aside time to study and understand on a personal basis this B-I-B-L-E, they take whatever comes their way.

IF YOU DONT STAND FOR SOMETHING, YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

God cannot lead you to someone you don't love. If truly it is Gods will, he will make a way in the wilderness of Love - the Love will come naturally and you wont have to work hard and kill yourself looking for it.



Storms come and go and a lot of things get washed away in the process. The mountain that has been standing for years is not by mistake. Its because it has a solid foundation. It is the aspect of this solid-Christian foundation that is missing in many 'Christian-professing congregations today'.

Yes, God still leads His people today. Note: 'His people', not everybody. I've heard many exciting testimonies of people genuinely led by God in various areas of marriage, before and after, and such testimonies are encouraging. One thing I found common in all of them is that such people were totally surrendered, ready to do Gods will. It was a "none of me and all of Thee issue". Today what we have is the "some of me and some of thee" relationship with God and manytimes, some people claim that they are lead by God while they are actually leading themselves.

On the other side of the resounding testimonies, there abound sorry tales. After this pastor had 5-children with his first wife, I heard how he claimed God led him into this first marriage(with accompanying spiritual proof together with his wife), and then out of it(the first marriage) and into another marriage. According to him, he was to begin a new missionary work, which he couldnt begin with his first family. In fact he even said God told him categorically to abandon his first family - for the purpose of this 'all new missionary work'. See how people turn things upside down. The conclusion is that God made a mistake at first. Even the first wife and her grown up kids couldnt understand the revelation. The tale cut short - he never began the ministry and the second wife left him after 2years.

Example: if you hear that some rioters are operating on the street where your house is located, you dont need to pray to know the will of God on whether to hide yourself from danger or not. There is no Bible-record of Joseph kneeling before Potiphars wife and praying, seeking the will of God on whether to run away from her temptations or stay and ask for grace to overcome.

I rest my case!!!

LMAO! I go die with laf for this thread oh

as for me oh any so called brother wey just tell me say he get one leading or d other i go just land am slap for face yes i will.

the rate at which some xtian brothers go about it, is appalling. the bible says he dat findeth a wife findeth a good thing so you hav to do your finding and it is now for God to put stamp.

estylove1:

as for me oh any so called brother wey just tell me say he get one leading or d other i go just land am slap for face yes i will.

the rate at which some xtian brothers go about it, is appalling. the bible says he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing so you hav to do your finding and it is now for God to put stamp.

And who will post the letter?

@ thread:
Depends on which "God" you are talking about. In today's Nigeria, "God" now "leads" murderers, government appointed looters, thieves and prosperity preachers. Did i hear someone say even armed robbers now pray before every assignment?
Is "God" still leading Baba to an illegal third term in office?

OHH Lawd have mercy

I will say YES, once u are sure that the voice is of God . He is not a confusionist and was fully aware that love does not exist between two of you before he reveals his desire to u.
Love is not an accident occurence it works with process. it is not all love that is at first sight but many grow with time and if its God he will speak with the other party also.
All u need to do is to go back to God and tell him to confirm his word. Aslo you need the counsel and pray of man of God for more confirmation do not be a monoplist of holyspirit.
stay blessed

fadenike:

I will say YES, once u are sure that the voice is of God .

I will say no,God does not work that way.

My dear,I cannot claim total knowledge of God.
He is way beyond my human comprehension,but one thing I do know is that we will not ask for bread and he gives us a stone neither will he give us a scorpion for an egg.

Love is the foundation of every marriage and you want to tell me that God will give a woman someone she cannot proudly walk down the street with or at the sundown dread being in bed with.

I do not know God that way and will hate to be in the shoes of that man or woman.
There is an interesting story in Genesis 24 when Abraham was about to die and made his servant swear that his son Isaac was going back to marry from their kindred,a good love story.
After it was clear that God was uniting Isaac and Rebecca read this passage of what Rebecca's family did,they recognised the woman also had a choice even though she had never met Isaac,maybe their culture then.

Gen 24:58   Then they called Rebekah and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" And she said, "I will go."
Gen 24:59   So they sent away Rebekah their sister and her nurse, and Abraham's servant and his men.


This speaks volumes.

preach it sister

what an interesting story at Gen.24 but the fact still remain that Rebecca  did not knew the servant neither Isaac from ancient . my understand about the question is that it not matter whether u love the person from onset or not. i want u to understand that u dont love people at first contact but continues interraction breed love and u may not have any reason to love someone except u give time to prove it.
if it is of God it will definitely stand b/c He knows how to bring people together.only need to be sure of His voice for he will speak peace.

fadenike:

my understand about the question is that it not matter whether u love the person from onset or not. i want u to understand that u don't love people at first contact but continues interraction breed love and u may not have any reason to love someone except u give time to prove it.
.

Dear,that's what engagement and courtship is for.
You do not wait till after you say "I do" to begin cultivating love that may or may not germinate and what is one supposed to do while waiting for the love to commence? pretend?

If anyone is talked into marrying someone because someone told them it was God's will for them,my advice will be to pray about it,get engaged for a while if you may and if the love does not appear during this period and you honestly cannot stand the sight of the bro let alone imagine being with him alone on a bed at night (after the wedding guests go home),give him back his ring and move on.

If the brethren in that Church dislike or "hate" you after your bold stand and you feel unwelcome there,find another Bible believing church,God is our judge not the pastor and the vision seeing bro.

A broken engagement is nothing compared to a broken marriage.
I am a Christian,a practical Christian at that.

If I married all the brothers that saw visions for me in the University,I would have been married to more than 5 men at the same time.
That is not God will for any woman lol

Brothers please if you like a girl and desire to have her as a marriage partner and spend your life with her,just come out flat and tell her so.
We ladies don't fall for all that over spiritualizing the whole thing.
We would not say yes to you just because you claimed to have seen visions of us in a wedding dress running into your brotherly embrace.

Please keep it simple my brothers and don't intimidate anyone into marriage because the poor girl wants to obey God when it's all your idea.

i guess the topic shud have been,

CAN GOD LEAD YOU TO SOMEONE U DONT LIKE IN MARRIAGE?,

4rm the christian perspective, love shud come in either during courtship or in marriage,

u cvant just wake up/see some1 n say u love her, thats rubbish,

GOD CAN LEAD U TO SOME1 U DONT LIKE, THE main issue is, WILL HE FORCE U TO MARRY SUCH A PERSON?, N THE ANSWER IS NO!!,

ccos as human we are shortsighted but God is omnipotent so he already knows the end,,,he is seeing something that u cant see at the present,

but never ever marry some1 whom u dont have feelings/affections 4!!, even if God LEADs u 2 some1 u dont like, <initially>, i belive with time u wud come to see the persons qualities n cum 2 understand why God is leading u to such a person as a mate n thus develop like/love 4 such a person

ALL I KNOW IS THAT MY GOD CAN NEVER GIVE ME SNAKE WHEN I NEED FISH OK AND BY THE TIME I NEED EGG HE WILL NOT GIVE ME STONE OK UR GOD KNOWS UR HEARTAND HE WILL NEVER FORSAKE U OK BE BLESSED I AM MR HENRY OKOLO 28 YRS MALE SINGLE GOD BLESS U I NEED WIFE NOT FRIEND I WANT WIFE NOT FRIENDSHIP PEACE BE WITH U ALL I AM SEACHING FOR MY LIFE PAR

God can never make a mistake, so if He lead you to anyone, be sure, He knows why and that is best for you.

If you don’t believe God can lead you to your real spouse, what is the point of the “Order my steps, Oh Lord” prayer? The problem is not God leading you to the wrong person, the problem is people not listening. Simple.

It is in this same token that I also believe that God can also lead you out of a marriage. Now it is here people will fold there arms, shake their heads and say “God cause divorce? Never” but before you scoff, let me ask this

1) We believe God wants us safe, this is why e pry for protection, right?
2) We believe God is forgiving, this is why we pray for forgiveness, right?
3) If we’ve erred wrong, it is not the final for us. . . Because of grace, we can repent.
4) Why then do we take away that gift of grace, the power of forgiveness and the gift of protection from people by condemning them to a lifetime in hell all because of NO DIVORCE

A woman’s husband will be beating her to a pulp, treating her like garbage, does not care for her or the children, can go days without coming home. . . people say no divorce.
A man’s wife is the reincarnation of Jezebel 10 times over, she has ruined him and she has no problem letting the world know her mission is to make his life a living hell. . . people will say no divorce.

What they suggest instead is that the suffering party prays for the other person. Pray the Lord soften his/her heart, pray the Lord cools their temper, pray for this pray for that,. . . Totally forgetting that some people are just born evil and except they want to change, no amount of prayer will do it. How about the suffering party pray to God for themselves instead of someone else? Surely this is not the life He wants for you? You have erred wrong and you here seeking forgiveness? Thank him for his grace and the gift of repentance and then listen. Coz maybe. . . Just maybe you will hear him to pack your bags and leave. “Go in peace my Child, your sins have been forgiven. Your wrongs righted and you now have a new lease in life” This is what I imagine my loving God will say.