Landers, my friend has confided in me for an answer to this scenario:

"i am a girl of 29yrs working in a bank.
I am in a relationship for over 2yrs now. my man is already of age to get married. he has a good job in a bank as well. has a house of his own and his family is very comfortable.
Although he has not told me when he is ready for the marriage, but the sister, and the elder brother's wife are all telling me that the only way to get him committed and to get married to me soon is if i get pregnant for him.
They are advising me to get pregnant for him, so he will settle down with me.
as a matter of fact, i am ready to settle down.
Please, ladies in the house, if you find yourself in same position, how will you go about it.
Guys in the house, do u think getting pregnant for him, will get him committed?"

please sincere contributions will be appreciated.

It is not fair for any guy to use pregnancy as bait or a condition for settling down. Have you considered that you might get pregnant and he'll still reject you?
Marriage in the first place is not based on having kids. It is first and foremost made for companionship that is found with love, kids have to be a decision both of you will agree to. My dear, please seek professional counseling from your pastor/imam or a marriage counselor. He should accept you for who and what you are not because he sees you as a child rearing machine?

If God forbid, that while pregnant you lose the child to a miscarriage, what happens? He is placing a price on you for his own selfish reasons and because you are dying to settle down, you cannot seem to think straight. My dear, while some people will say 29 is old and that you should be settled by now, i still don't think that marriage should be done just because "i'm running out of time" or "my biological clock is ticking away".

Be very careful and please talk to God about it.

He hasn't even told you when and if he wants to get married. His sisters might be his mouth piece but they are not him, it could backfire.
What if he doesn't want to commit? And then you trap him with pregnancy,(that is if he decides to still marry you) sooner or later he'll react negatively and it will affect you too.

get pregnant for him snd believe me, you'll be dumped before you can say jack robinson

point is, do you wan to get preggie like that? sit him down and both of you should discuss before you try leaping into the lagoon called arrangee marriage

@poster
Not a good idea i think. . . doing such things on conditions are like blindfolding someone for persecution. Allow him to make decisions himself. . . willingly. Things that are meant to be is meant to hold no matter what. . trapping a guy into marriage with a pregnancy is bad!! Marriage is not a thing to be played with, . . whn u dive deep under the sea, there u will see that the place is more dangerous than the deep forest. _{wht's all this bla bla abt}

all i want to say is. . . dnt do it, leave it to make the decision himself

getting pregnant is not the best solution for this situation

he'll marry u if he really wants to marry u,
tying him down in the name of a pregnancy is even going to be more headache for u.

marriage should b by mutual consent, getting pregnant is more like forcing d guy, u'll always b treated like a desperate 1

no no dont.!

efuah:

@poster
Not a good idea i think. . . doing such things on conditions are like blindfolding someone for persecution. Allow him to make decisions himself. . . willingly. Things that are meant to be is meant to hold no matter what. . trapping a guy into marriage with a pregnancy is bad!! Marriage is not a thing to be played with, . . whn u dive deep under the sea, there u will see that the place is more dangerous than the deep forest. _{wht's all this bla bla about}

all i want to say is. . . dnt do it, leave it to make the decision himself

@ Efuah
U have said it all. I second u!

The reason I say education in Nigeria is a bloody waste of time.  Cannot even teach you how to maintain self esteem or command respect from yourself not to talk of from others!  Even individuals with trisomy 18 or 21 can communicate their needs better.

@Poster.

I think your friend needs to see a "shrink" and have her head examined!  At 29, still playing footsies under the table with some guy who has no intentions of marrying her or has even communicated the slightest urge of being with her.  Tell me, besides screwing around once in a while, what else do they discuss?  At 29? And she is talking about getting pregnant?--Hmmm! I think she needs to be sterilized as soon as possible before she carries out her terroristic threats and endangers us all.

Why in the world people choose to sleep together when they do not have similar "goals" in common beats me.  So much for working in a "bank"!!!! At 29, cannot manage her own emotional finances and some retard employed her to work in a bank?   Why girls would continue to let themselves to be used as door mats is still a wonder in 2007.

Gosh!

BTW--sorry.  I can never ever find myself in that kind of position because my parents raised me right to use my head, not my arse to think about my future.  Not for any other person but for myself.  I don't work in a bank either--since it looks like most retards are employed there!!!!!

@ poster
pls dont accept such proposiion as gettin pregnant 4 d guy. One, u are not so sure he wants u 4 keeps. Just be a gud gal, n like someone said, sit him down and talk 2 him. Find out frm him if he's d one 2 come or u shd wait 4 anoda , otherwise let him stop being a canopy over ur life so dat anyone who wants 2 enter will enter

@poster: tell ur friend not to play with fire! the best she mite get will be child-support allowance and not marriage cos when a man aint ready, he aint ready!

2dye4:

@poster: tell your friend not to play with fire! the best she mite get will be child-support allowance and not marriage because when a man aint ready, he aint ready!

Which child support? Can't you see these clowns are typical Nigerians in the native land of our forefathers?  People who do not think.  Thinking of using a child as a bait?

Can't you see that mental retardation runs in the guy's family?  The siblings are in support of this "Jane Doe" of a female---entrapping their "John Q. Public" of a brother with a "pregnancy"!!!  Wonders! What a buch of non-entities!

Get pregnant for him if that wld make him get serious

pls dont get belle for him cos he might not be ready for it for reasons best known to him.

Follow ur heart,i believe you know better

you gotta be kidding me "should i get pregnant for him" for a person who seems to be educated and well adjusted it seems like you are about to make a very bad decision. Pregnancy doesn't hold any man he might marry you if you get pregnant but you should think of how much he would resent you and the child. In the back of his mind he would always know that he only married you because you got knocked up. Don't you want him to marry you because he is ready. Granted some guys would drag out a relationship and not marry because they are scared but damn you want to get pregnant.
Listen to the previous advice which stated that you should sit down and talk about your intentsions put away your naija pride of I'm the woman i shouldn't have to talk about marriage for him to know that I'm ready to settle down. Don't you that village tactic because it would blow up right in your face and his sisters would be the one's to laugh at you.

akumbu dear, pls dont be a sucker for other people's opinion and try that. i can assure u, he'll drop u faster than u can say 'dumped' and then whose loss?

my advice? find time to discuss with him; tell him you wanna settle down and he should give you reasons why he isnt ready to. than you can begin to decide what exactly to do. who says you wont get a guy if you leave him now?

have faith dearie!!!

@poster

Don’t ever think you can get a man committed by getting pregnant for him, he knows it’s intentional and he may out rightly deny the baby, what will you do?

His family members trying to push you into pit will eventually back out, they will tell you he’s an adult and came decisions for himself.

Even if he marries you, he is doing because of the baby coming, not because he’s ready, loves or trusts you enough to share his name and life. Believe me you wont really enjoy him this way.

What I normally advise singles is have their own life, build yourself up enough to stay alone, you may wait and he doesn’t propose meanwhile your time is going, don’t push yourself on any man, let him know you cherish the relationship, but if he delays let him know he’s losing a priceless jewel he may never find elsewhere, even with this tactics he would of course run proposing to you.

helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he has not told you he wants to marry you after two years in a relationship, then he is not going to marry you,
his sisters cannot and should not speak for him, if he wants you for a wife, then he should have done that a long time ago.

call him to order and you guyz should discuss it and come to a conclusion, dont force anything on him, mention it to him, let him understand that there is no more time.

but what i think is that he does not want to marry you, thats all!

digging ur own grave by urself u sure he want to be a father now