Divorce should be last option here!

She need to find a way to make him change...

They is sometin she can do to make him change, she need to figure it out!

God helping her!

@op. My advice 4u now is to protect yourself at each time, don't bug your husband so much about this, I feel he might get violent on you from the way he has been talking to you. This is a very serious issue, don't be surprised that one day his female admirers will start visiting your home. I think u shouldn't divorce him,just keep praying. Look for ways to change him. Bring him closer to God. you're not just worth staying around him. He'll only kill u emotionally and mentally. If he refuses to change, then u end the marriage, it beta than contracting HIV

edwrad50: Ur friend must be such a selfish girl. For her to have gotten married to a guy of such nature then she was trying to keep him for herself. She must have seen a whole lot of signs that he has been unfaithful right from couRtship. She tot prolly she could win his heart. I guess she has gotten wat she deserved

That is it. That is how immorality revolves round and round. And yet they complain that men are unfaithful. No one tree makes a forest. A woman must be involved in a man's infidelity.
My advise for her is to get close to God and be prayerful otherwise its time to start investing heavily in herself and be preparing for her financial freedom against possible future divorce when she could no longer be a man's doormat.

Juton: @poster, i can see that the man takes care of his family very well.if she is ok with child bearing, let her be protecting herself from stds that she mentioned by using female condoms. She has her children to take care of cos if anything should happened to her, another woman is waiting to take charge nd ur children will have u to blame. Stop thinking abt it, let him be, get busy with your work. Nd leave everything to God. If mine is caring nd not abusive i wud hve stayed. Dont think of leaving. Aku fecha!!

#gbam!# like your answer.

most of advice i c here make me fear for this present n future generations esp in terms of marriage! she should endure serial cheatin b'cos? that's y it is said that dat 'not all dat glitters is gold!' if d woman attends a church regularly, she should report him to d pastor n they ll counsel him n if it doesn't work, she can be seperated from him til he changes. as to those sayin she should stay b'cos of her children, wat training would a bitter woman impart to her children or y do u think this al go in a circle? b'cos re brought up to believe that cheatin, disrespect, abuse is normal and keep d flame burning!

Nigeria is heaven for red eyed, furious and wild husbands that practice strict corporal punishment on their wives.

Some of the replies here are absolutely shocking!

To the OP you do NOT have live with an adulterous husband. I can forgive a mistake but a man who continuously cheats on his wife has no regard for marriage and does not deserve a stable family life. Let him still be following girls into his 50s.

In our culture, men get away with a lot. Kai! It takes one act of adultery for most men to kick their wives out and the OP is supposed to hope, pray, that he changes?

[quote

Amongs these girls, there is one in particular, he started dating before he married his wife and they are still dating.

[/quote]

Could someone tell me why a girl who is not good for marriage, would be good for dating, after her boyfriend is married to another woman. Are girls okay at all? Or could someone give me an answer to this?

@ OP,

Have been ignoring this thread on purpose cos am tired of reading such stories. Thank God I decided to read.

I am boiling right now and so sad @ d lack of disrespect dis lady condone from her hubby. What d heck!

Well, I think he loves her, if not why did he choose her over d numerous gals he had. Could also be simply cos she is a wife material. Dats what most players do when dey want to settle down. They look for the most decent girl dat will not give dem wahala.

Letz assume he loves you. If he does, then u can play the ' 2 can play dat game' card on him. If I dey ur situation, I will ignore him totally, but still make sure he does his resp in d house by providing d necessary cash. In return, I will cook for him (so dat I wont be accused of pushing him out) but nothing more than dat. Sex? No way. I no wan die of AIDs.

Infact, I will start missing his calls and chatting with my peeps on BB or FB wen he is around. I will so ignore him and start dressing in a sexy way. Dem no go teach am before he shine his eyes. Sometimes, we don't know what we've got untill we lose it. One thing for sure, I wont cheat on him though it takes a strong woman not to in dis kind of situation.

If he wants to start stressing you, abeg excuse yourself from the house for like 2 weeks.lol

On the otherhand, if he doesn't really care, then I will advise you to involve your families and let them know u seek to be seperated temporarily from him if he can't change. All depends on you though. If you can endure stay. But be careful not to contact AIDs.

PH babes dangerous o.

this thread is making sick. Now am regretting that I read it.

Na wa for d advice wey ppl dey give o. Man did not just make mistake cheat, it has become his lifestyle and u expect woman to adjust to dis kind of life?

Well, if she saw d signs before marriage and ignored, then its her cross. Still, she shouldn't just sit there till the man wrecks her life.

He has already wrecked it, does this story sound to you like the woman is still sane?

I laugh at all the people saying they will deny him sex except he uses a condom, hehehehheeeee, the man who has no respect for you and doesnt even touch you, make I see the mouth wey they wan use taalk that one. They will be so grateful the day he decides to sleep with them self, people who are already bending over backward to keep a man wey no send them, if na the one wey dey add beating to the cheating, open ya mouth tell him amke he use condom if you no land for hospital.
Dress sexy, ignore him, heheheheeeeeeeee, failed tactics, most of them will advice you to get a boyfriend and not bother them, if you disrespect yourself enough to let a bad husband turn you to ashewo no problem, the day he is tired of you and wants to bring girlfriend in he will use that to get you out, simply call family meeting and report you, case closed.

jennykadry: He has already wrecked it, does this story sound to you like the woman is still sane?

No she is sane oh and a "virtous woman"

Insofar he isn't violent,jus hang on & kip prayn 4 him,I assure u he'l b tired of al dos girls soon & com bak 2 u.And trust me,wen he's bak and sees dat u endured al dat long while he was chasin 'em skirts,his Respect 4 u wil be more. Pls be patient,he nids u more than u nid him. Wat u shld do is 2 kip d lovin & obedient wifey part of u 2 him,concentrate mre on ur work & in taking Adequate care of ur kids & kip prayin 4 u both,u'l sumday rmbr ds post I gave u ere wen evrytin falls bak in plac & knw dat u got d best of advice 4rm me. "DON'T LEAVE DAT MAN".

jennykadry: He has already wrecked it, does this story sound to you like the woman is still sane?

my sista, e beta make we read well before posting. I no think say dat woman still dey sane. My first advice no fit work for am. I doubt she still has any self esteem left.

Women dey truly suffer.

MRbrownJAY:

i can find many ways for this woman to get HIM to ask for divorce: let her get herself a few lovers and i am sure he will divorce her sharp sharp! she doesnt even have to s[b]e[/b]x anybody, just hanging around a few guys late at night will do.

sadly, some women have nothing to go for in their life, as they have invested EVERYTHING on their marriages, so they'd rather stay and get publicly humiliated like that, than to start over and being able to proudly look at themselves in the mirror. i weep for the kind of message her children get from such action (if daddy disrespects mama like that, and she accepted it all her life, then it must be RIGHT)!!!!

people in 9ja are so desperate to stay married (and pretend that all is great to the outside world) that they will endure MUCH WORST than what the OP is going through.

Nigerian women are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

*When the man is cheating, the clarion call is to bear and endure and to stay for the children's sake.

*If she decides to up stick and leave, she becomes stigmatised and ostracised in some quarters and her children become bastards.

*If she decides to play the man at his own game and seek solace in the arms of another man or to revenge, battalion of women descend on her calling her a cheap LovePeddler, etc

How can such woman see the trees for the wood huh?

Efemena_xy: ^^ and that is just plain stup!d

well then, if divorce is not on the plates for her because of societal norms, then she might as well get herself a toyboy / lover - abi?

Afterall, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And while she's at it, she might as well make sure it's covered with a raincoat!

Nonsense!

Toy gini, in this same obodo Nigeria!

Ask Agiboma who is in the same boat as the OP, who was only toying with the "thought" and voiced this out, come and see how fellow women sank their talons and fangs and claws into her as if she'd just announced a new career as a TV IndecentStar

1. Yes 2. Desensitise herself 3. Have an affair.

Hope that is straightforward enough for u.

She will desensitise herself by doing what all nigerian women do and develop and imaginary alternate world in which their husbands love them and dont treat them like shit to remain sane and happy.

Your welcome

Busy_body: Nigerian women are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

if these Nigerian women are more concerned about what others think, rather than what they think about themselves? YES!

*When the man is cheating, the clarion call is to bear and endure and to stay for the children's sake.

as we all know that this is the wrong way to look at this issue, why would i ever advise someone i truly care for to do that?! a person who cares for you would NEVER ask you to do that, and the people who ask you do such acts, dont care for you!

*If she decides to up stick and leave, she becomes stigmatised and ostracised in some quarters and her children become bastards.

better a bastard with at least ONE healthy parent than an orphaned one.

*If she decides to play the man at his own game and seek solace in the arms of another man or to revenge, battalion of women descend on her calling her a cheap LovePeddler, etc

playing the same game with hubby wont solve the issue, but it sure would help him understand the pain. however other women are insulting her is irrelevant, especially if these same women expected her to stand by a cheating spouse.

How can such woman see the trees for the wood huh?

she simply has to use her damn brain, and focus on the important bit here, while asking herself the important question:
- what is best for ME!?
- what is best for my children? (staying with a disrespectful cheating spouse isnt one of them)
- how can i solve this issue rather that sweeping it under the carpet and pretend it never happened?
- how can i better myself and that of my children?

MRbrownJAY:

if these Nigerian women are more concerned about what others think, rather than what they think about themselves? YES!



as we all know that this is the wrong way to look at this issue, why would i ever advise someone i truly care for to do that?! a person who cares for you would NEVER ask you to do that, and the people who ask you do such acts, dont care for you!



better a bastard with at least ONE healthy parent than an orphaned one.



playing the same game with hubby wont solve the issue, but it sure would help him understand the pain. however other women are insulting her is irrelevant, especially if these same women expected her to stand by a cheating spouse.



she simply has to use her damn brain, and focus on the important bit here, while asking herself the important question:
- what is best for ME!?
- what is best for my children? (staying with a disrespectful cheating spouse isnt one of them)
- how can i solve this issue rather that sweeping it under the carpet and pretend it never happened?
- how can i better myself and that of my children?

Easier said than done MBJ, especially in that Country.

Uneasy lies the head wearing the crown of "wifey" in that Country.

Divorcees are seen as tainted goods and their kids status reverts to "bastards". She looses hert friends, has no social support, some employers discriminate against her kind, some Landlords discriminate against them, heck I have even heard some schools would refuse to take on her children. . .

The high rate of ignorance in that Country rankles and the mind boggles.

MRbrownJAY:

if these Nigerian women are more concerned about what others think, rather than what they think about themselves? YES!



as we all know that this is the wrong way to look at this issue, why would i ever advise someone i truly care for to do that?! a person who cares for you would NEVER ask you to do that, and the people who ask you do such acts, dont care for you!



better a bastard with at least ONE healthy parent than an orphaned one.



playing the same game with hubby wont solve the issue, but it sure would help him understand the pain. however other women are insulting her is irrelevant, especially if these same women expected her to stand by a cheating spouse.



she simply has to use her damn brain, and focus on the important bit here, while asking herself the important question:
- what is best for ME!?
- what is best for my children? (staying with a disrespectful cheating spouse isnt one of them)
- how can i solve this issue rather that sweeping it under the carpet and pretend it never happened?
- how can i better myself and that of my children?

Thank You Jare. Is it hard star

MRbrownJAY:

if these Nigerian women are more concerned about what others think, rather than what they think about themselves? YES!



as we all know that this is the wrong way to look at this issue, why would i ever advise someone i truly care for to do that?! a person who cares for you would NEVER ask you to do that, and the people who ask you do such acts, dont care for you!



better a bastard with at least ONE healthy parent than an orphaned one.



playing the same game with hubby wont solve the issue, but it sure would help him understand the pain. however other women are insulting her is irrelevant, especially if these same women expected her to stand by a cheating spouse.



she simply has to use her damn brain, and focus on the important bit here, while asking herself the important question:
- what is best for ME!?
- what is best for my children? (staying with a disrespectful cheating spouse isnt one of them)
- how can i solve this issue rather that sweeping it under the carpet and pretend it never happened?
- how can i better myself and that of my children?

ting over? Yes Extremely hard is it doable? Yes it is do-able. There are a thousand and one excuses available to those who have lost all their respect and self esteem and prefer to eat shit than to try again but it is do able and Nigerian women yes Nigerian women are taking the bold step to start over. It is a choice, no one is pushing it down anyones throats, If i am to advice anyone i will give her the options and the consequencies of each options I would tell her there is only one way to go and totally paint a horrible picture of the other option, simple. At the end of the day the choice is hers or his

^^^well said

Busy_body:

Easier said than done MBJ, especially in that Country.

Uneasy lies the head wearing the crown of "wifey" in that Country.

Divorcees are seen as tainted goods and their kids status reverts to "bastards". She looses hert friends, has no social support, some employers discriminate against her kind, some Landlords discriminate against them, heck I have even heard some schools would refuse to take on her children. . .

The high rate of ignorance in that Country rankles and the mind boggles.

i do know that it aint easy being a woman with her own mind in Nigeria, but we all have a device inside our head that tells us what is RIGHT or WRONG. anyone who dismisses that device's founding has only themselves to blame for their misery.

people can call a divorcee and her kids what they like, it doesnt make her any less the strong woman she is. we have to teach people to stand proud on their feet, and to act right.
she should get social support from others like her in her community, they are out there. if she gets discriminated upon by employers/landlords and schools then she should look for others that dont discriminate. life was never meant to be a bed of rose.

is it better for a woman to get fake friendship and lose her dignity, rather than lose these fake friends and be able to look at herself (and her children) proudly every morning?

Busy_body:

Toy gini, in this same obodo Nigeria!

Ask Agiboma who is in the same boat as the OP, who was only toying with the "thought" and voiced this out, come and see how fellow women sank their talons and fangs and claws into her as if she'd just announced a new career as a TV IndecentStar

Like I said in an earlier post, it takes a woman of really low self esteem and self worth to descend so low as to "close her eyes" and "bear her cross" where a serial cheating spouse is concerned. Why put up with it? Esp. as he obviously has no regards for his marriage vows? A lot has already been said about this on this thread so there isn't much point in repetition.

However, I am beginning to think that as far as Nigeria is concerned, there are 2 types of women:

1. The indecent girls: who during their haydays saw nothing wrong with going out with, dating and sleeping with married men for material gain. Probably felt they were "smart". I'm referring to the "home-wreckers" who didn't give a toss for how these men's wives felt or what they were going through. These are the same ladies that would stop at nothing to bag a "ready made home" and as a result, the man in question has no respect for the so called wifey.

So, my guess here is that when they eventually get married, someone else does to them what they did to all those men's wives. Afterall the good book does say "do unto others what you want to be done to you". Talk about them getting their full comeuppance / karma.

2. The decent, well brought up girls: Were content to live within their means, content with what their families could provide them with (esp. whilst at school / uni) AND to whom married men where strictly off the agenda. These ones (I believe) have been brought up to believe in themselves, full of self-worth, happy to build up their homes from scratch with their spouse rather than walk into a "ready made home" and would gladly show a serial cheating spouse the door. In return, the spouse would respect them all the more for what they (the lady) brings to her married home.
Guys back me up on this if you think I'm right

Efemena_xy:

Like I said in an earlier post, it takes a woman of really low self esteem and self worth to descend so low as to "close her eyes" and "bear her cross" where a serial cheating spouse is concerned. Why put up with it? Esp. as he obviously has no regards for his marriage vows? A lot has already been said about this on this thread so there isn't much point in repetition.

However, I am beginning to think that as far as Nigeria is concerned, there are 2 types of women:

1. The indecent girls: who during their haydays saw nothing wrong with going out with, dating and sleeping with married men for material gain. Probably felt they were "smart". I'm referring to the "home-wreckers" who didn't give a toss for how these men's wives felt or what they were going through. These are the same ladies that would stop at nothing to bag a "ready made home" and as a result, the man in question has no respect for the so called wifey.

So, my guess here is that when they eventually get married, someone else does to them what they did to all those men's wives. Afterall the good book does say "do unto others what you want to be done to you". Talk about them getting their full comeuppance / karma.

2. The decent, well brought up girls: Were content to live within their means, content with what their families could provide them with (esp. whilst at school / uni) AND to whom married men where strictly off the agenda. These ones (I believe) have been brought up to believe in themselves, full of self-worth, happy to build up their homes from scratch with their spouse rather than walk into a "ready made home" and would gladly show a serial cheating spouse the door. In return, the spouse would respect them all the more for what they (the lady) brings to her married home.
Guys back me up on this if you think I'm right

I got your back on this one. The only thing is that for those you categorised as decent girls, it would still take some time before they pack their bags and leave but most will almost ultimately do that. This man/woman thing is very complex. However, your hypothesis is not a bad way of explaining the theme of this thread.

Happiness seems truly elusive. Imagine, people dancing all-so-happily on their wedding day and ending-up being miserable just a few years after. Na wah O!

One of the advantages of being single, you are still free and can be more circumspect about your choice of spouse. Happiness seems truly elusive. Imagine, people dancing all-so-happily on their wedding day and ending-up being miserable just a few years after. Na wah O!

One of the advantages of being single, you are still free and can be more circumspect about your choice of spouse.

CC, why are you spoiling my co-writer's name? It is Efemena not Efemenya.

maclatunji: CC, why are you spoiling my co-writer's name? It is Efemena not Efemenya.

Is dat y u had to waist our space. Wetin konsain u

^

Happiness seems truly elusive. Imagine, people dancing all-so-happily on their wedding day and ending-up being miserable just a few years after. Na wah O!

One of the advantages of being single, you are still free and can be more circumspect about your choice of spouse. Happiness seems truly elusive. Imagine, people dancing all-so-happily on their wedding day and ending-up being miserable just a few years after. Na wah O!

One of the advantages of being single, you are still free and can be more circumspect about your choice of spouse. tongue

There are some winches following Seun's coding in this new Nairaland that are determined to keep repeating some posts. Why now?

abi o. D witches plenty. It makes posting via mobile frustrating.

Efemena and Maclatunji:
I do not think it is ok to generalise that the wifey in this situation is getting what she must have done to others or some contributors who have concluded that the wifey saw a ready-made guy and married him knowing he was a womaniser.

I posted this thread because I know this particular wifey in question. We schooled together and were roomies for 3-yrs.
She has not been the type that followed men (she had some dates as a single lady but not the type that flew from one end of the country to another following different men/sugar-daddies as some people have claimed).

This is just a victim of chance. They were not seeing so much of each other while they dated because of their job locations and houses. She trusted him. She didn't even know of his several affairs until 1-yr after their wedding and that was because she got infected with STD for the 1st time.
This guy has been a womaniser on a small scale but when he got his offshore job, his porfollio of women increased as his income increased.

You get to know who a man really is when he has money and some power.
Do have a rethink and give a suggestion instead of abusing every lady in Nigeria. If you live in Naija you may be in this same situation because here, you cant call the police on your hubby for cheating on you.
Bottom line is, there is a lot to being married to a Nigerian in Nigeria than being married to a Nigerian living in the USA, or Europe.

I pause for now.

Jenny Agun:

You get to know who a man really is when he has money and some power.
Do have a rethink and give a suggestion instead of abusing every lady in Nigeria. If you live in Naija you may be in this same situation because here, you cant call the police on your hubby for cheating on you.
Bottom line is, there is a lot to being married to a Nigerian in Nigeria than being married to a Nigerian living in the USA, or Europe.

I pause for now.

Madam No wahala na, shey you and your friend read the story of Ogo abi, who told you we are all abroad? You came here looking for advice you got it, take the one you want and ignore the one you dont want, which kain talk be this one? Did you specifically want to be told something in particular? Next time specify the kind of advice you want to hear so people with a different oppinion wont bother.

debrief08
You sound harsh, no one is quarelling with your suggestion/opinion.
I only do not think it is ok to generally condemn people.