naijasexy: ^
I have never considered myself a good writer. Thank you so much.
More tori on the way!!

naijasexy: ^
I have never considered myself a good writer. Thank you so much.
More tori on the way!!

maide: Well, well , well, Omo Naija toh sexy, u r juss to mch. Just finished reading nw I most say u kept me glued to my screen all nite long.

Its really hard to impress me. I must say I'm impressed. I just love ur writing style, u descriptions are so detailed and so typically wht we see happening in 9ja frm day to day, ur opening and closing of sentences, ur conversations were superb and each of the characters were distinct.

I really didn't want to post any comment but couldn't leave without posting smthing. While reading, here are smthing I felt didn't jell 2geda.

I'm of the opinion tht the story changed after Nataniel's death. The focus of the story stopped been on Simi.U mentioned little abt Simi & her family, she wouldn't evn pay a visit to her mum, or send her any moni, I felt u were in a hurry to complete the story so u didn't take as mch time as u had been doing to think it thru.
Also, the idea of a foursome is one too extreme. I was just not convinced @ all probably cos u didn't take as muvh time to make it convincing and acceptable.
Also, there wz an episode where Haruna placed a call to Ibro while hw ws speaking to his mother bur he cldn't reach him after having called like 5times? Bur mch l8r in the story, when Simi called Ibro, he hrd the beep and asked to call her back, those were same situation bur differnt outcome, not acceptable, then there wz too mch use of 'o as in .....before o, I didn't know o etc), they all started talking alike @ some point and there were oda little details I can't point out bur wch I also felt were out of place in the story.try make changes to this effect.

Pls try to publish the story, u r wht nigeria needs. Luv u plenti

naijasexy:

It's really nice to have someone point out some of the flaws in the story. Thank you very much.

Truth is, you are absolutely correct. I was in a haste to finish it up so I overlooked some details which would have made the tale seem more believable. Surely, those mistakes are unacceptable and I hope to not repeat them if I ever get down to writing another story.

Thanks for taking your time to read it and for being very observant. I am grateful.

@Joephezyz, thank you very much.