uche13: Good people of the family section, please matured advice is needed here.

Meanwhile, she is heavy and her bp is high at the moment. Her mum is so bitter with her to the extent that they had a huge disagreement which made the girl pack and leave the house to an undisclosed address as the mum further called her fiancee to curse him if her ever thinks of housing her daughter without marriage.

MRbrownJAY: people are focusing on the wrong issues here:
A) what does the future married lady WANTS?

B) who care what the mother feels, its all about her DAUGHTERs big day and she should put her cheap differences aside. father wants to step up and help his daughter (for once) and she is getting in the way, how callous! the fact that he didnt pay child support ordered by the court is OBVIOUSLY irrelevant to the daughter who has no problem having the ceremony done at her fathers.

C) at best, future hubby should understand that his future wifey's life has not been straight forward, and ACCEPT to have her mum present at her father's place during the ceremony, et voila, case closed!

uche13: @BB,

I understand your anger oh. Its really annoying but this is Nigeria for you and our over adherence to useless customs and traditions. The truth is that young men need to start standing up and take a stand on issues in their family way before the issue of marriage arises.

My father told us of how when his people fought him when he got born-again. he refused to comply with some native traditions and was almost treated like an outlaw (adherence to tradition was even worse during his time oh). He said the town union people refused to attend his wedding but they were not missed as his fellowship brethren in uni and his xtian friends more than made up for their absence. But the truth is that he became known for his stand on issues to the extent that when my elder sis did her wedding, they removed everything on the list related to alcohol and other native rites as they knew he would never comply.

As it stands, my fear is that this poor girl may end up having the mum's story as the date of the trad wedding has been cancelled. She has left her mum's house and she is heavily pregnant. She stands the risk of living with the man without being married all in the name of issues should be resolved first and then the babies start popping and before you know, no wedding is conducted.

Coldfeet: I feel sorry for this girl, if not that she's already pregnant my advise would be to just forget about the guy and his family, the signs that the family she's about to marry into are core traditionist! Lord knows what they'll insist on next.

uche13: Thank you to every person who contributed here.
@MBJ,

Yea i know it is the daughter's day but i feel the mum's pain so much.

Why is he the father all of a sudden acting all concerned about the daughter's life. He never cared about the children. It does not matter if he never cared for their mum but at least his kids. This was a man that left immediately she gave birth to the third child who happened to be a girl all in the name of the woman only having girls for him.

That is not the main issue now so i am not even delving into it now. But you know, this woman had to drop 2 of her girls for a while at the SOS Village because she was ill and she could not cope with the responsibilities as at then.

I was talking to a lady just the other day whose father sent her and her two daughters packing but who once in a while after so much bickering sends them money for their fees. At a point she said that she would stop collecting and rely on God to raise her kids. I told her to collect any money or anything he sends to her as it is not a favour but his responsibility. I also reminded her that in the future after all her suffering, the man may come back apologizing bla bla and its still people that would advice the kids to forgive "after all, he is still your father". She would now be the one at the losing side. Nonsense.

ronkebp: i think the mother's feelings should be put into consideration.

Oh!!! so all of a sudden her so-called father now wants to be a father to the kids he abondoned years ago, the girl is so silly to rub insults on her mothers face. Seriously?

Anyways, my take is that, the lady should ask the father to comeover to her mothers' place for the wedding!!! i support her mother not going, especially if she has not forgiven the man, and that is the case.

ifyalways: Much ado about nothing.Don't know why things are hard(well,except one thing) in marriages these days.

[b]Who are the husband's family that are insisting on celebrating the union in the dad's place?[/b]what is the husband(to be) position?This is how it starts oh,extended family pokenosing into matters,making simple things complicated for the new couple and sowing early seeds of discord.

This is an issue that should be agreed on by the young couple,then they convey their decision to both families.

The way forward now is to pick a neutral venue. The girl goes home to calm her mom,the boy goes to his people to tell and invite them to the new avenue and both goes to the the girls dad to invite him to the new venue.Shikena.

uche13: Thank you everyone jare.
I am giving any bit of advice to someone so strong headed. Can you just imagine, i was able to get the whole story and it down right disgusts me.

Firstly, this girl is the first and prior to her parents having issues, she was very close to her dad. When her dad abandoned them, she woke up one day and said she was going to look for her dad. She was abt 14 then. She was successful in her bid and against our advice moved in with his family. She know last there one month sef before running to her mum and complaining of her step mum maltreating her.

Now seven years later, she is acting so silly. What transpired is that after her fiancee told her that his people said it is an abomination to do the wedding in her mum's place, she told her mum and called her dad secretly. The mum got a call one day after 7 yrs from her "husband". After series of exchange of hate mails between the two of them, the girl quarreled with the mum and had the guts to tell her that she wants her to go through what she the mum went through.

To cut the story short, she(daughter) deleted her father's name from the mum's phone, told him her mum is being difficult, went ahead and presented the traditional wedding list to the father without even showing the mum and has now moved out of the house.

very sillly and immature daughter. May God help divorced or separated mothers who against all odds struggle to raise their kids.

@MBJ,
All i said was that i advise women who are separated from their spouse not to be too proud to collect funds from their husband if he offers to render any help to the kids. My reason is that the kids in the future are likely to forgive their dad and then he begins to reap where he did not sow.

uche13: Thank you everyone jare.
I am giving any bit of advice to someone so strong headed. Can you just imagine, i was able to get the whole story and it down right disgusts me.

Firstly, this girl is the first and prior to her parents having issues, she was very close to her dad. When her dad abandoned them, she woke up one day and said she was going to look for her dad. She was abt 14 then. She was successful in her bid and against our advice moved in with his family. She know last there one month sef before running to her mum and complaining of her step mum maltreating her.

Now seven years later, she is acting so silly. What transpired is that after her fiancee told her that his people said it is an abomination to do the wedding in her mum's place, she told her mum and called her dad secretly. The mum got a call one day after 7 yrs from her "husband". After series of exchange of hate mails between the two of them, the girl quarreled with the mum and had the guts to tell her that she wants her to go through what she the mum went through.

To cut the story short, she(daughter) deleted her father's name from the mum's phone, told him her mum is being difficult, went ahead and presented the traditional wedding list to the father without even showing the mum and has now moved out of the house.

very sillly and immature daughter. May God help divorced or separated mothers who against all odds struggle to raise their kids.

@MBJ,
All i said was that i advise women who are separated from their spouse not to be too proud to collect funds from their husband if he offers to render any help to the kids. My reason is that the kids in the future are likely to forgive their dad and then he begins to reap where he did not sow.