blacklion: And a last nugget for some ladies with boiling blood etc

Mark my words - you women are often your own worst enemies. If this girl takes your advice and insists on the traditional marriage taking place at the mother's place, I can guarantee you my last dime that it will be the young husband's female relatives (not even the males) who will rise up 2-3 years from now to insult and humiliate the wife that she was not properly married according to Igbo customary law because the ceremony took place at her mother's place and therefore her own kids are illegitimate just as she was born an illegitimate child.

How about you removing the speck of dust in your eyes from that "nugget", so you can see the giant "boulder" of a gem I am hurtling your way. Thank me later


Forget 2/3 years, what is the guarantee that this action on the part of the inlaws would guarantee the marriage would last a year, and happily too?

Asides from this, this desperado of a girl is not doing herself any favour, they already know she has a feckless philadering Dad, and now the whole world gets to see her Mother as the devil's spawn with no moral compass polluting our beloved upright Nigeria with 4 bastards!

Hang on, it takes two (well it used to) to make a baby, so why is only the woman(Mother) being "ridiculed and punished for this!!! Backward culture, retrogressive Country.

Busy_body:


How about you removing the speck of dust in your eyes from that "nugget", so you can see the giant "boulder" of a gem I am hurtling your way. Thank me later


Forget 2/3 years, what is the guarantee that this action on the part of the inlaws would guarantee the marriage would last a year, and happily too?

Asides from this, this desperado of a girl is not doing herself any favour, they already know she has a feckless philadering Dad, and now the whole world gets to see her Mother as the devil's spawn with no moral compass polluting our beloved upright Nigeria with 4 bastards!

Hang on, it takes two (well it used to) to make a baby, so why is only the woman(Mother) being "ridiculed and punished for this!!! Backward culture, retrogressive Country.

You, I and the whole wide world can only speculate whether the marriage will be happy or will last or otherwise. But what I do know for near-certain is that that if the mother does not place the interests of her daughter and future grand-children first, she is literally condemning her own daughter to a married life of wahala and katakata with her in-laws (especially the MIL/SILs) unless her husband is willing and able to defend and insulate her from his family members.

You are entitled to whatever views you like about Igbo or Nigerian culture. The young man's family are simply seeking to ensure that there are absolutely no questions about the legitimacy of the children that their son will father by a woman whose legitimacy is already questionable and which may be further questioned if the wedding ceremony takes place at her mother's place. I think they have every right to do so. The young lady (quite sensibly) wants to avoid the stigma of an unwed concubine that her mother has borne all these years; do you know if the girl was traumatized in childhood by school playground taunts about her illegitimacy? She may have been disrespectful to her mother but the mother also needs to see whether her daughter is coming from.

Ehn hen, so the daughter knows who her dad is despite the fact he walked out and married someone else and never took care of them?? Well done to her, 1st class ingrate. The audacity of even thinking of getting married without her mother being there is beyond disrespect.

Its ok sha, im even worried for the daughter because it seems to me like the in laws are going to present a massive prblem with their thoughtless traditions. If she is a bastard nko? Will they tell the son not to marry her? I hope the husband is not as senseless as his family, this case obviously requires sensitivity and they have trampled over the woman just to regard old fashioned traditions that do nobody any good.

The mother needs to calm down because she has other children, if the daughter wants to get married without her let it be, she has done what she could for her children she cannot do any more. Let her place her focus on the others and continue with her life. I know its not easy mehn but what can she do??

Its just such a damn shame kmt

@busy body ,you are too much! I officially love you! i didnt read your responses before posting, i wouldnt have bothered because you have said it all and closed the case!

What kind of nonsense ehn?? My own blood is over boiling!! And the girl is agreeing to this outrageous bs? Lets just pray she doesnt suffer the same fate to know what its really like.. i can now see how one can resent her own children kmt!!

blacklion:

You, I and the whole wide world can only speculate whether the marriage will be happy or will last or otherwise. But what I do know for near-certain is that that if the mother does not place the interests of her daughter and future grand-children first, she is literally condemning her own daughter to a married life of wahala and katakata with her in-laws (especially the MIL/SILs) unless her husband is willing and able to defend and insulate her from his family members.

You are entitled to whatever views you like about Igbo or Nigerian culture. The young man's family are simply seeking to ensure that there are absolutely no questions about the legitimacy of the children that their son will father by a woman whose legitimacy is already questionable and which may be further questioned if the wedding ceremony takes place at her mother's place. I think they have every right to do so. The young lady (quite sensibly) wants to avoid the stigma of an unwed concubine that her mother has borne all these years; do you know if the girl was traumatized in childhood by school playground taunts about her illegitimacy? She may have been disrespectful to her mother but the mother also needs to see whether her daughter is coming from.

Is it by force to marry?

Is it by force to marry this particular dude who has already laid the foundation showing what a spineless human being he is, and shown us that he is not man enough to defend his future wife when the need arises.

And what assurance if any do you have that this girl being accepted despite her bastard status is enough to magically erase the years of untold damage her Dad's absence has wrought in her life.

queensmith: @busy body ,you are too much! I officially love you! i didnt read your responses before posting, i wouldnt have bothered because you have said it all and closed the case!

What kind of nonsense ehn?? My own blood is over boiling!! And the girl is agreeing to this outrageous bs? Lets just pray she doesnt suffer the same fate to know what its really like.. i can now see how one can resent her own children kmt!!

I love you more jare Queensmith. And please keep up the good job of keeping Nairaland boys on their toes, they need your special touch to man up and shake off their sissyness

How can a sane human being selfishly disgrace and abandon her own Mother just because of a one-day event that is not guaranteed to last forever, haba.

What is wrong in getting a hall if you don't want to do it in your own mother's compound, some people are cruel and wicked.

I bet the girl is doing it for money and has brushed her Mum to the side because she is ashamed her Mum is poor, but because her Dad is richer and has the capacity to spend more on that day, she sold her soul to the devil.

Welcome back, Busy-body. It has been a while.

A Complex Mess! But there is a way out of this mess.
The fiance's family position is right that the ceremonies be done in her father's house.I stand by that.Thats the right way.
Appeal to her mother to let bygones be bygones and for the sake of her daughter,allow the ceremonies to go on.
There are many of such cases in our african society where men and women live as married and have kids without any marriage ceremonies conducted.
(If you are a woman in this kind of situation 'married' to a man,having children for him without the man fulfilling the traditional obligations,the fault lies with your own family who did not enforce &compel him to do what is right).
Her mother should absorb the insults and inconveniences for her daughter's sake.She has seen the worst and should not at this point destroy her daughter's chances.Her father is still her father and she can have only one father.Prolonging the matter will give the fiance's family an impression that their son is marrying into a wrong or troubled family.
There is just nothing a mother cannot endure for her children's sake.
Appeal to her mother to give peace a chance.

Appeal to her mother to allow peace to reign and not be a stumbling block to her daughter's marriage.

blank: Welcome back, Busy-body. It has been a while.

Awwww Blank, thanks for your concern. How's your lil rugrat, he is a year old now right, how time flies huh, and I bet being a boy he is a handful with you and good as gold with Dad, lol. Mine just turned 2 and I can't wait for him to just leave home and go to get married God give me strength, phew.

Busy_body:


Awwww Blank, thanks for your concern. How's your lil rugrat, he is a year old now right, how time flies huh, and I bet being a boy he is a handful with you and good as gold with Dad, lol. Mine just turned 2 and I can't wait for him to just leave home and go to get married God give me strength, phew.

Yes o. God will strengthen us.

Na wa.
After reading your other posts on this topic, the mother should just let the daughter do what she wants, that is not the kind of girl you will be fighting for, omo ti ko wu yan lori. Very ungrateful desperate child.
She definitely takes after her papa. Silly girl, she thinks marriage is just for a day.