IMO, and from what the OP said about keeping it a secret from his family, @OP don't you think if you keep it a secret from your family, and after marriage they get to find out, main while you know about it. How do you expect them to look @ her? Don't you think that would spoil the relationship between your family and her self, because she would be seen as the one who roped you into marriage, not telling you. Main while you have a very good knowledge of the situation. Please consider it, because if your family find out they would not be happy with her, not knowing you knew about it.

IS SHE A CHRISTIAN?
ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?
ARE BOTH OF YOU CHRISTIANS?
IS HER FIRST HUSBAND STILL LIVING?
IF HE IS STILL LIVING,THEN YOU CAN NOT MARRY HER AS IT IS CONTRARY TO GOD'S WORD IN ROMANS 7:1-3 & 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11.
SHE IS BOUND TO HER FIRST HUSBAND AS LONG AS HE LIVES
IF YOU MARRY HER,YOU COMMIT ADULTERY AND WILL BE UNDER GOD'S WRATH (MATTHEW 5:32)
IF YOU STUBBORNLY VIOLATE GOD'S WORD AND MARRY HER,IT IS A DISOBEDIENCE TO GOD.
IN FUTURE, YOU WILL HAVE TO DO RESTITUTION, WHICH WILL BE MORE PAINFUL TO DO, ELSE YOU JEOPARDISE YOUR ETERNITY.
LEAVE HER ALONE. LOOK FOR YOUR OWN WIFE ELSEWHERE.YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE.YOU ARE SIMPLY INFATUATED.
BEWARE!
FLEE EVERY APPEARANCES OF EVIL!
WAIT ON THE LORD FOR YOUR OWN WIFE (PROVERBS 3:5-6).

knowledge4: IS SHE A CHRISTIAN?
ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?
ARE BOTH OF YOU CHRISTIANS?
IS HER FIRST HUSBAND STILL LIVING?
IF HE IS STILL LIVING,THEN YOU CAN NOT MARRY HER AS IT IS CONTRARY TO GOD'S WORD IN ROMANS 7:1-3 & 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11.
SHE IS BOUND TO HER FIRST HUSBAND AS LONG AS HE LIVES
IF YOU MARRY HER,YOU COMMIT ADULTERY AND WILL BE UNDER GOD'S WRATH (MATTHEW 5:32)
IF YOU STUBBORNLY VIOLATE GOD'S WORD AND MARRY HER,IT IS A DISOBEDIENCE TO GOD.
IN FUTURE, YOU WILL HAVE TO DO RESTITUTION, WHICH WILL BE MORE PAINFUL TO DO, ELSE YOU JEOPARDISE YOUR ETERNITY.
LEAVE HER ALONE. LOOK FOR YOUR OWN WIFE ELSEWHERE.YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE.YOU ARE SIMPLY INFATUATED.
BEWARE!
FLEE EVERY APPEARANCES OF EVIL!
WAIT ON THE LORD FOR YOUR OWN WIFE (PROVERBS 3:5-6).

Good advice.

Hmmm! It's a dicy situatuation.Many are backing you to jump into it.You had better be careful and play it safe.Love is not blind.Have u really tried to investigate what led to the collapse of her marriage? For even planning not to tell or parents is something else.All I will tell you is to put all in prayers.if it's fate things wl work out fine but don't force the workings yourself.Be wise.

Your plans are as good as mine... Once your heart is true to it. Its your future and you have to live it yourself. Do not let anyone deter you from pursuing what you feel and know is right for you. GOODLUCK!

wizzy11: IMO, and from what the OP said about keeping it a secret from his family, @OP don't you think if you keep it a secret from your family, and after marriage they get to find out, main while you know about it. How do you expect them to look @ her? Don't you think that would spoil the relationship between your family and her self, because she would be seen as the one who roped you into marriage, not telling you. Main while you have a very good knowledge of the situation. Please consider it, because if your family find out they would not be happy with her, not knowing you knew about it.

I think she was only modestf. I think I was the one going too far.

@OP,

you said she's only separated and not legally divorced....have you heard of the word 'ADULTERY' before?

see it working? YES, ONLY IF U'RE SERIOUS AND NOT BEATING AROUND THE BUSH.

If you are certain in your heart that this is what you want, then go for it.

@gbenga007

IF you are a xtian. I suggest you heed the advice by the bible on marriage and divorce ROM 7:1-3 & 1 COR 7:10-11.

Also if would advise dat you filter the many nonsense advice u get here to rush and marry the single. Majority of the advise you will here are insensitivity to ya future well being .. Just be careful what you do sha

Go for it bro

But what about the option of convincing her to let go of the child and only visit once in a long while thereby absorbing herself completely of her motherly responsibilities? ME thinks that would work. So, the child remains with the in-laws if they want it, and she can focus and move on.

davidylan: The OP is deluded. After reading the entire 4 pages i just wonder why NOT ONCE did the OP talk about the status of the child in question? Does he think this child will just disappear? Are you READY to bear the responsibility for another man's mistake? Will you treat that child like your own? Do you understand the unique problems that such entails?
lol i was once like you, ready to abandon my family... until i asked myself a key question - is losing my family worth giving another man's child a life his/her parents failed to provide? NO.

there is a lot you dont seem to have considered at all...

1. I agree with one poster who says that what you really love about this woman is the mental picture of her you had in primary school. Do you know her well enough NOW?
2. The answer to question 1 is no, most of the responses you have given about her has been very vague. Clear indication you dont know this woman.
3. One poster asked you if you were ready to be a step-father... have you considered the repercussions of not treating this child AS YOUR OWN and that this woman's first priority will always be her son and not you? If its not then that is even more cause for alarm!
4. Are you aware that as long as that child is alive, her ex-husband will be tied to your wife for life?
5. Part of the joys of marriage is the little things that a man and his wife get to share together. You will NEVER get to share the joys of being a first time parent together (she's "been there done that".
6. What of your family? Are you prepared for being with a woman rejected by your own flesh and blood?
7. Most importantly, as a christian, marrying a divorcee with the ex-spouse still alive is a sin.

My dear, find your own woman. One you wont be sharing with any other ex.

As fate would have it,. She's an understanding type. I think she just needs someone to lean on in this trying period. The ex-husband is also believed to have secured another woman for himself.

cgift: But what about the option of convincing her to let go of the child and only visit once in a long while thereby absorbing herself completely of her motherly responsibilities? ME thinks that would work. So, the child remains with the in-laws if they want it, and she can focus and move on.

She feels it's grossly irresponsible to 'abandon' her offspring. Moreso that she has the wherewithal. She even opined sending money to the mother inlaw for upkeeps if there be a way. She feels she should be responsible as a mother.

To start with, she confided in you about her status but you've betrayed her. YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR HER. You will certainly use it against her when the chips of marriage are down. LEAVE HER ALONE.

gbenga007:
She feels it's grossly irresponsible to 'abandon' her offspring. Moreso that she has the wherewithal. She even opined sending money to the mother inlaw for upkeeps if there be a way. She feels she should be responsible as a mother.

haha. Soon she will be insisting the kid moves in with her (and with you should you get married to her).

@OP, please be convinced you are ready for all the challenges of getting involved with divorcee,e.g comparison with the other guy, condemnation from the church if you are Christians,bringing up her child, should there be a delay in giving birth to a child for you and many others. Pls be very sure before you jump.

KENEDANI: To start with, she confided in you about her status but you've betrayed her. YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR HER. You will certainly use it against her when the chips of marriage are down. LEAVE HER ALONE.

How did I betray her? Have I betrayed her by seeking for advice - anonymously?

Negwo: @OP, please be convinced you are ready for all the challenges of getting involved with divorcee,e.g comparison with the other guy, condemnation from the church if you are Christians,bringing up her child, should there be a delay in giving birth to a child for you and many others. Pls be very sure before you jump.

That is quite thoughtful!

I feel for you my brother. Let me intimate you with my side of a similar story. If you google my posts, they are not much on NL.
You will notice something. I have issues, marriage issues. I have a wife who hasn't slept under my roof in the past 6 months.
We are not yet divorced, and we are not officially separated. She just ran away. She lives in this city with me but I dont see her.
Her excuse? That I am unfaithful. Any other excuse? That she does not feel safe. My take on it? Utter rubbish and nonsense.
Is a child involved? Yes. Where is the child? With my mum. When was the last time she saw or heard the child's voice? 6 months ago.
What did I do after she ran away? I escalated to her family and mine. Did they try to settle issues? Yes. Result? fail.
What's her dad's take on this? He disowned her.I am talking hard facts, not making it up, or trying to look good.
What is her godfather's (her godfather is a multamillionaire, he can afford to buy a N45 million Bentley and pack it in the village without driving it). What's his take on this? He even prostrated for me in her presence, and said I should take her back. What did she do? That's when she now finally ran away 2 days after.
What's her maternal family's take on this? Expressly told me "You are like a brother to us, pls just divorce the stupid girl and move on with your life with your son".
What's my mother's take? That girl was never yours. Stay 2 years and then remarry.
What's the effect of her leaving me? Confusion, anger, debts in millions from her perpetual sickness, demands, and all. I have been using my huge salary to pay debts in the past 1 year.
What did I do? I reported it to the police and update the police record every month that my wife is yet to be back before they say I did something to her.
Has anyone been spotting her? Yes. Where? Clubs. Dressed super irresponsibly? Does she have a facebook page? yes. What do i see there? A girl evidently enjoying her freedom.

You see why I am afraid for you marrying a girl who isn't fully divorced, has a son whom her mother-in-law is taking care of? And a husband who "has found another woman"
What do you expect a man whose wife runs away to do? Become a eunuch? Absolutely no.
Am I living singly? I dey craze? I have another girl with me keeping fully satisfied and I even have potbelly now sef.
But let me tell you what has changed. FUNNY THAT WHEN SHE IS BROKE SHE CALLS ME FOR HELP FOR MONEY. Imagine Which i dont give. You left me mercilessly indebted for crying out loud.
BOTTOMLINE?
My brother Gbengulu,...INVESTIGATE THIS GIRL, investigate her badly.
MArriage is for better, for worse, till death, that was an OATH, u know what an OATH is? A swearing. Majemu. Covenant. Promise.
I can only beg you, you don't need the cO.m.Pli.c.A.tions that marrying a divorcee woman with child brings.
You deserve to be happy and married to a woman who is YOURS alone under heaven and earth. And there are so many beautiful, humble, Holy Spirit filled girls out there who are hOtTer than fire in bed and will give you the craziest sex, Mouth Gig, love, affection, and every damned thing a man could ever wish for WITHOUT the annoyance of an ex's call, or son growing up and becoming a nuisance in your life.
...may God guide your steps and perfect your heart and give you wisdom and the key to fulfilment.
But sometimes sha, the wisdom of men is foolishness before God...for all we know, God fit say nah this babe be your own o, make e com be say, nah dat man wey she marry first be the wrong husband.
abi, ki lo feel?

cgift: But what about the option of convincing her to let go of the child and only visit once in a long while thereby absorbing herself completely of her motherly responsibilities? ME thinks that would work. So, the child remains with the in-laws if they want it, and she can focus and move on.

Thanks @cgift. I think it will be fine if she could collect her child back, thereby absorbing herself completely of her estranged husband, rather than the frequent contact, via the child.

newcreatio: I feel for you my brother. Let me intimate you with my side of a similar story. If you google my posts, they are not much on NL.
You will notice something. I have issues, marriage issues. I have a wife who hasn't slept under my roof in the past 6 months.
We are not yet divorced, and we are not officially separated. She just ran away. She lives in this city with me but I dont see her.
Her excuse? That I am unfaithful. Any other excuse? That she does not feel safe. My take on it? Utter rubbish and nonsense.
Is a child involved? Yes. Where is the child? With my mum. When was the last time she saw or heard the child's voice? 6 months ago.
What did I do after she ran away? I escalated to her family and mine. Did they try to settle issues? Yes. Result? fail.
What's her dad's take on this? He disowned her.I am talking hard facts, not making it up, or trying to look good.
What is her godfather's (her godfather is a multamillionaire, he can afford to buy a N45 million Bentley and pack it in the village without driving it). What's his take on this? He even prostrated for me in her presence, and said I should take her back. What did she do? That's when she now finally ran away 2 days after.
What's her maternal family's take on this? Expressly told me "You are like a brother to us, pls just divorce the stupid girl and move on with your life with your son".
What's my mother's take? That girl was never yours. Stay 2 years and then remarry.
What's the effect of her leaving me? Confusion, anger, debts in millions from her perpetual sickness, demands, and all. I have been using my huge salary to pay debts in the past 1 year.
What did I do? I reported it to the police and update the police record every month that my wife is yet to be back before they say I did something to her.
Has anyone been spotting her? Yes. Where? Clubs. Dressed super irresponsibly? Does she have a facebook page? yes. What do i see there? A girl evidently enjoying her freedom.

You see why I am afraid for you marrying a girl who isn't fully divorced, has a son whom her mother-in-law is taking care of? And a husband who "has found another woman"
What do you expect a man whose wife runs away to do? Become a eunuch? Absolutely no.
Am I living singly? I dey craze? I have another girl with me keeping fully satisfied and I even have potbelly now sef.
But let me tell you what has changed. FUNNY THAT WHEN SHE IS BROKE SHE CALLS ME FOR HELP FOR MONEY. Imagine Which i dont give. You left me mercilessly indebted for crying out loud.
BOTTOMLINE?
My brother Gbengulu,...INVESTIGATE THIS GIRL, investigate her badly.
MArriage is for better, for worse, till death, that was an OATH, u know what an OATH is? A swearing. Majemu. Covenant. Promise.
I can only beg you, you don't need the cO.m.Pli.c.A.tions that marrying a divorcee woman with child brings.
You deserve to be happy and married to a woman who is YOURS alone under heaven and earth. And there are so many beautiful, humble, Holy Spirit filled girls out there who are hOtTer than fire in bed and will give you the craziest sex, Mouth Gig, love, affection, and every damned thing a man could ever wish for WITHOUT the annoyance of an ex's call, or son growing up and becoming a nuisance in your life.
...may God guide your steps and perfect your heart and give you wisdom and the key to fulfilment.
But sometimes sha, the wisdom of men is foolishness before God...for all we know, God fit say nah this babe be your own o, make e com be say, nah dat man wey she marry first be the wrong husband.
abi, ki lo feel?

Damn!
All i can say is..
Damn!

newcreatio: I feel for you my brother. Let me intimate you with my side of a similar story. If you google my posts, they are not much on NL.
You will notice something. I have issues, marriage issues. I have a wife who hasn't slept under my roof in the past 6 months.
We are not yet divorced, and we are not officially separated. She just ran away. She lives in this city with me but I dont see her.
Her excuse? That I am unfaithful. Any other excuse? That she does not feel safe. My take on it? Utter rubbish and nonsense.
Is a child involved? Yes. Where is the child? With my mum. When was the last time she saw or heard the child's voice? 6 months ago.
What did I do after she ran away? I escalated to her family and mine. Did they try to settle issues? Yes. Result? fail.
What's her dad's take on this? He disowned her.I am talking hard facts, not making it up, or trying to look good.
What is her godfather's (her godfather is a multamillionaire, he can afford to buy a N45 million Bentley and pack it in the village without driving it). What's his take on this? He even prostrated for me in her presence, and said I should take her back. What did she do? That's when she now finally ran away 2 days after.
What's her maternal family's take on this? Expressly told me "You are like a brother to us, pls just divorce the stupid girl and move on with your life with your son".
What's my mother's take? That girl was never yours. Stay 2 years and then remarry.
What's the effect of her leaving me? Confusion, anger, debts in millions from her perpetual sickness, demands, and all. I have been using my huge salary to pay debts in the past 1 year.
What did I do? I reported it to the police and update the police record every month that my wife is yet to be back before they say I did something to her.
Has anyone been spotting her? Yes. Where? Clubs. Dressed super irresponsibly? Does she have a facebook page? yes. What do i see there? A girl evidently enjoying her freedom.

You see why I am afraid for you marrying a girl who isn't fully divorced, has a son whom her mother-in-law is taking care of? And a husband who "has found another woman"
What do you expect a man whose wife runs away to do? Become a eunuch? Absolutely no.
Am I living singly? I dey craze? I have another girl with me keeping fully satisfied and I even have potbelly now sef.
But let me tell you what has changed. FUNNY THAT WHEN SHE IS BROKE SHE CALLS ME FOR HELP FOR MONEY. Imagine Which i dont give. You left me mercilessly indebted for crying out loud.
BOTTOMLINE?
My brother Gbengulu,...INVESTIGATE THIS GIRL, investigate her badly.
MArriage is for better, for worse, till death, that was an OATH, u know what an OATH is? A swearing. Majemu. Covenant. Promise.
I can only beg you, you don't need the cO.m.Pli.c.A.tions that marrying a divorcee woman with child brings.
You deserve to be happy and married to a woman who is YOURS alone under heaven and earth. And there are so many beautiful, humble, Holy Spirit filled girls out there who are hOtTer than fire in bed and will give you the craziest sex, Mouth Gig, love, affection, and every damned thing a man could ever wish for WITHOUT the annoyance of an ex's call, or son growing up and becoming a nuisance in your life.
...may God guide your steps and perfect your heart and give you wisdom and the key to fulfilment.
But sometimes sha, the wisdom of men is foolishness before God...for all we know, God fit say nah this babe be your own o, make e com be say, nah dat man wey she marry first be the wrong husband.
abi, ki lo feel?

Thanks for taking your time to share part of your experiences brother. It's really sad, yet not sad, as you have apparently put everything behind you. It's part of life. The most important thing is that I really dont want to make much mistakes in marriage. Sometimes, i even think i'd rather marry a divorcee and succeed than marry a virgin and always groan. You put me in a tight corner when you said, among other things, that the wisdom of men is foolishness before God.
Thanks for contribution as this can be a turning point. I think the eventual answer lies with time, cos time heals - ultimately.

Negwo: @OP, please be convinced you are ready for all the challenges of getting involved with divorcee,e.g comparison with the other guy, condemnation from the church if you are Christians,bringing up her child, should there be a delay in giving birth to a child for you and many others. Pls be very sure before you jump.

The best you can do for her is help her in prayers for her marriage and be a friend to her when she needs one but vivi caution. JESUS LOVES YOU.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

gbenga007:
How did I betray her? Have I betrayed her by seeking for advice - anonymously?

Considering this statement, I am kinda feeling somehow and I ask: how does this post betray? Could this post make her feel bad? Can't I show her to show the extent to which I went? Thanks

gbenga007:

Considering this statement, I am kinda feeling somehow and I ask: how does this post betray? Could this post make her feel bad? Can't I show her to show the extent to which I went? Thanks

Contemplating giving her this link

Oh yea! If yhu luv z strong enuf 2 carry u guys on...It aint a big deal,u can be a correction 2 da mistakes already made,marriage is about d two parties involved not d relations tho u hv 2 be so sure n determined 2 kip yhu head up yle sum challenges hit u up

Dubemkelly: Oh yea! If yhu luv z strong enuf 2 carry u guys on...It aint a big deal,u can be a correction 2 da mistakes already made,marriage is about d two parties involved not d relations tho u hv 2 be so sure n determined 2 kip yhu head up yle sum challenges hit u up

Thanks man. Do you feel showing her this thread will affect her feelings negatively? Someone had insinuated I did wrong putting things like this up init .

.

Yes,some truth are better left unsaid

REALITY101:

Lying to his family?

Do not show her the link
If you wanna marrying then go ahead like it is your decision not after being pressured from the public court.
If she sees this she will imagine every single details u would have in future will be table before the people before u make a decision and that is not the kind of man most matured ladies want.
Finally , let her get properly divorce then marry her . She is not just a divorcee u intend to marry as most people would want to see it, she is an old friend which u know very well and she made a mistake by rushing off to marry someone that was not intended for her by God.
Make this right