My bf left about a month ago to do some work with his father in Nigeria for a few months. Yesterday, he asked me if I can come visit him. As much as I like him I wonder what this trip could signify in our relationship. I've already met a few members of his family [his brothers and 2 of his sisters] and his mother but if I went this would be the first time I met his father. Should I? And what does it mean for me to go visit? How important is it? Is this his way of "claiming" me or presenting me to his family and his friends back home? I just don't want to start to believe something is true about our relationship that isn't.

We have been in a relationship for about a year.

@ op i really think there is any harm in visiting him apart from the financial cost. but this visit is likely to put in perspective what u re guys re doing together and where the relationship is headed. i think this is a rare and good opportunity. be open minded and enjoy ur visit. do all ur analysin when u get back to base.

your questions should go to your boyfriend because all you will get here are guesses and your man is the only one who can put things in perspective for you.

Advice: why not ask him things like do you thing your dad is ready to meet me? or how do we introduce ourselves to your dad when i meet him. simple questions like that will give you what you are looking for

twinkles286: @ op i really think there is any harm in visiting him apart from the financial cost. but this visit is likely to put in perspective what u re guys re doing together and where the relationship is headed. i think this is a rare and good opportunity. be open minded and enjoy ur visit. do all ur analysin when u get back to base.

Alright. Well now I have to move around my summer plans and budget accordingly

omega25red: your questions should go to your boyfriend because all you will get here are guesses and your man is the only one who can put things in perspective for you.

Advice: why not ask him things like do you thing your dad is ready to meet me? or how do we introduce ourselves to your dad when i meet him. simple questions like that will give you what you are looking for

I will ask him next time we communicate. Its funny cuz before he left his sister was all like "When are you going to visit him?". So far, I know my bf has already spoken to me to his father a few times. If I don't end up visiting I can just wait a few more months to meet him.

Jst dnt put on unecesary opes,jst visit if ur realy misin him

Sometimes U̶̲̥̅̊ ladies confuse ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ A̶̲̥̅ lot wit Ūя̲̅ plenty plenty talk! Shiooo! A̶̲̥̅ guy invited U̶̲̥̅̊ τ̅☺ meet wit his family, PROBLEM! if he Ȋ̝̊̅§ yet τ̅☺ D̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ ∂α†, PROBLEM! Una ''ladies'' D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥Ɣ carry bomb blow M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅̊ mind like osama sometimes sha.@Op, oya dnt honour his visit O̶̲̥̅̊к̲̣̣̥. Some other girl will gladly D̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ it FƠ̴̴̴̴͡я̲̅ U̶̲̥̅̊.

Boyloaf: Sometimes U̶̲̥̅̊ ladies confuse ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ A̶̲̥̅ lot wit Ūя̲̅ plenty plenty talk! Shiooo! A̶̲̥̅ guy invited U̶̲̥̅̊ τ̅☺ meet wit his family, PROBLEM! if he Ȋ̝̊̅§ yet τ̅☺ D̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ ∂α†, PROBLEM! Una ''ladies'' D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥Ɣ carry bomb blow M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅̊ mind like osama sometimes sha.@Op, oya dnt honour his visit O̶̲̥̅̊к̲̣̣̥. Some other girl will gladly D̶̲̥̅̊Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ it FƠ̴̴̴̴͡я̲̅ U̶̲̥̅̊.

na only you go first use bb 4 nigeria Abeg stop infesting threads with your fonts.

kate, this issue goes in two ways, he is either looking for a way to get his family to accept u on a more general note, which is a good thing... but on the other hand, ask him where ul be put residing for the duration of your stay with him... in his family house would mean general acceptance, based on the fact that the family has accepted you into the family or in a hotel, meaning there's a hiccup with u meeting or being accepted by the whole family,(maybe if theres a village girl in the picture) like in those naija home videos

krispycash: kate, this issue goes in two ways, he is either looking for a way to get his family to accept u on a more general note, which is a good thing... but on the other hand, ask him where ul be put residing for the duration of your stay with him... in his family house would mean general acceptance, based on the fact that the family has accepted you into the family or in a hotel, meaning there's a hiccup with u meeting or being accepted by the whole family,(maybe if theres a village girl in the picture) like in those naija home videos

I will talk to him about it next time that way I know how serious he is. It's just a bit more complicated given that I already have an internship for the summer and currently its just him and his father in Nigeria right now, his mother and all of his other siblings are in the States. I do want acceptance, I just wish he would've brought this too my attention sooner so I could plan accordingly. I don't like being told things like this last minute. I don't base my life on his schedule.

Do you have any relatives you can stay with in Naij?
If no, his he planning for you to stay with him and his family?

jay bee: Do you have any relatives you can stay with in Naij?
If no, his he planning for you to stay with him and his family?

We haven't spoken in detail about that. However, that is what I am assuming but I wonder when his mother is returning. I would feel more comfortable in a home with his mother, his dad and him as opposed to just my bf and his father whom I've never met.

I don't know how to advice you. Am exhausted. Just be careful.

KateSpade:

We haven't spoken in detail about that. However, that is what I am assuming but I wonder when his mother is returning. I would feel more comfortable in a home with his mother, his dad and him as opposed to just my bf and his father whom I've never met.

If you have doubts then stay put except you have enough money to lodge yourself in a hotel close to his house

Your decision is between you and your man. The advice to ask him about his expectations for the trip is spot on. Also, be sure not to hurt your finances or inconvenience yourself too much with this trip. He should be making it as easy for you as possible because he wants you there. I would go, because I love traveling and QT with the BF in a new place can be an eye opening experience.

Also, make your own connections with relatives or friends so that if something is not right or you two have a falling out you don't waste the trip or get stuck.

Plan properly, have a back-up plan in case something goes awry, and be safe

Killz.:
No. . . There is no need, and you are having second thoughts. Personally, if i have second thoughts about an ish, i stay the hell off it.

its not a 2nd tot, its more like anxiety cos she is going to meet de guy`s dad.

OP,
just relax, pay de visit if yu can afford it just like any other visit, that he is with his dad doesnt change much.
but u have to ask him abt his plans wrt yur visit , yu guys plan together and den u know how to go abt it,
if yu re goin to stay with them, ask him if his dad is aware of it .

good luck and enjoy yur visit

Thanks everyone, I'll keep you updated

Now you are talking

Update: Spoke to him, he is serious about me coming to visit him. Still have to ask him more details. But his plan wasn't for him and I to stay at his fathers home. He is currently in Lagos but is not sure if he will be there next month and will be looking for a place of his own where I would come stay during my visit. I dunno, sounds a little strange to me. And how would I explain this to my and his family that Im traveling thousands of miles to play house for a few days.

Killz.:
No. . . There is no need, and you are having second thoughts. Personally, if i have second thoughts about an ish, i stay the hell off it.

g-beezy! (gbam!!)

@topic tough call!
Let me ask you..and i hope you know it's not to be "all in the kool-aid" but how well do you know him?
You said you met some family members with the exception of his father and you've been dating for a year...yet, I am sensing some hesitation and doubts on your end which means you don't necessarily trust him like that. Plus with this latest development you said he's looking for a place of his own in Lagos which I agree is "odd". Do you think he plans to relocate to Nigeria permanently? Naturally only he can answer that but his sense of urgency is kind of puzzling.

MsDarkSkin:

g-beezy! (gbam!!)

@topic tough call!
Let me ask you..and i hope you know it's not to be "all in the kool-aid" but how well do you know him?
You said you met some family members with the exception of his father and you've been dating for a year...yet, I am sensing some hesitation and doubts on your end which means you don't necessarily trust him like that. Plus with this latest development you said he's looking for a place of his own in Lagos which I agree is "odd". Do you think he plans to relocate to Nigeria permanently? Naturally only he can answer that but his sense of urgency is kind of puzzling.

I've been dating him for about a year and a 4 months. Its difficult, I'm not the kinda of girl who falls head over heels and runs off with a man. I'm pretty independent which makes all relationships a struggle for me. I think Im only hesitant because I havent heard "I love you" yet. He has attempted to say such emotional talks but I usually ruin them with jokes. I will talk to him more about the details. Ha I doubt he is relocating permanently because he keeps asking me where I got accepted into grad school so I will stay in the same state as before so when he returns from Nigeria we will be together. I think he knows that if i decide to attend another university or college out of state I will break up wit him. He isnt urgent abt it, he just brought it up again for the second time. I was doubting it the first time cuz it was like 3am for him.

OP

Are you by any chance in Indiana?

OP, are still contemplating? You berra get that flight ticket as soon as possible before those lagos chikalas handle your man! My dear, don't waste time!! Go get a Visa (If you need one), flight ticket too...I tell you, Lagos chicks are really something else so ...Your choice!

Mrs.Chima:
OP

Are you by any chance in Indiana?

No, further down south than that. Why do you ask?

Vikin: OP, are still contemplating? You berra get that flight ticket as soon as possible before those lagos chikalas handle your man! My dear, don't waste time!! Go get a Visa (If you need one), flight ticket too...I tell you, Lagos chicks are really something else so ...Your choice!

haha. I'm not worried, if anything he needs to hurry up and hustle his way back to me. He is far too old for a babysitter and I don't need to be dating any babies. He is an adult, he knows right from wrong, if he chooses wrong that's on him. I love him but I'll get over him if I have to.

Mrs.Chima:
OP

Are you by any chance in Indiana?

you wrong as hell!!

KateSpade:

I've been dating him for about a year and a 4 months. Its difficult, I'm not the kinda of girl who falls head over heels and runs off with a man. I'm pretty independent which makes all relationships a struggle for me. I think Im only hesitant because I havent heard "I love you" yet. He has attempted to say such emotional talks but I usually ruin them with jokes. I will talk to him more about the details. Ha I doubt he is relocating permanently because he keeps asking me where I got accepted into grad school so I will stay in the same state as before so when he returns from Nigeria we will be together. I think he knows that if i decide to attend another university or college out of state I will break up wit him. He isnt urgent abt it, he just brought it up again for the second time. I was doubting it the first time cuz it was like 3am for him.

Well in that case it's up to you sis. Seriously talk to him and voice all of your concerns. No disrespect to Nigerians or anyone from a developing nation, but I would be a bit weary about going to meet someone without knowing the "ins and outs" worst of all if they want me to go and to do so alone...In this world you can't trust many which is why I asked how well do you know him. But in the end, all I can advise is to follow your gut/instincts.

KateSpade:

haha. I'm not worried, if anything he needs to hurry up and hustle his way back to me. He is far too old for a babysitter and I don't need to be dating any babies. He is an adult, he knows right from wrong, if he chooses wrong that's on him. I love him but I'll get over him if I have to.

OOOOH! I LIKEY!!

twinkles286: @ op i really think there is any harm in visiting him apart from the financial cost. but this visit is likely to put in perspective what u re guys re doing together and where the relationship is headed. i think this is a rare and good opportunity. be open minded and enjoy ur visit. do all ur analysin when u get back to base.

he said it all