emmatok:

Will she give such cold shoulders if her people are visiting? probably not.

.

Word!

There is a bit more to this story than meets the eye. I am particularly disturbed by the specific manifestations of the SIL's hostility: taking away her child and locking up her household items. I hate to break it to you, but your brother (or somebody else) has been sharing some family secrets with his wife and you might be shining the light up the wrong alley. What is your history with your brother? What in your past would warrant him describing you negatively to his wife? A woman doesn't snatch her child away from a friendly relative for no reason. She has heard something about you and your showing up unannounced like an illiterate villager probably brought all her pent-up feelings about you to the surface. Good luck and next time, please spend N50 to call the young family before moving-in for a week!

Let us not forget that we are Africans so this business of informing madaam that he is coming to his elder brother's house is not our way of life. Let us not become more catholic than the pope. The sister in law may have her own problems to behave the way she behaved and it is something that can be ironed out. Dont make a mountain out of it. If you had asked maybe your brother may have given you insight into what isues they are having. If you were on good terms with her you would have chipped in that you would be visiting to spend some time with them. Some people want to be recognized.She may that you were taking her for granted by not informing her of your visit but that is not to say its a rule that you will obtain permission from her. When my wife's people come to the house she tells me that so so and so would be coming. i dont usually expect the person to call and seek my permission. Like i said its not the way of our people.

Why are most of the replies from women scolding the guy and those from men scolding the woman?

Can't we get unbiased replies from NLders?

Why are most of the replies from women scolding the guy and those from men scolding the woman?

Can't we get unbiased replies from NLers?

I personally don't appreciate visitors coming into my house when am not expecting them. My siblings, parents and friends must tell me before coming over to my house cos I have to inform my husby of their visit and the same goes for him(although he doesn't tell me when his people are coming and I honestly hate surprise visitors) why? I have to plan ahead for them. So that might be one of the problems while the second problem which I have faced too could be the lady's husby. My husby picks up all sort of things from the meat too small to me not respecting his brothers or failing into traps his siblings are weaving for me and not knowing or giving bread and tea for breakfast whenever his relative comes around. So I started being cold to them then he started complaining that I was arrogant. Whenever anyone of his family member steps into my house, am always afraid cos I can't just do anything right. This has made me withdrawn from them a little. This could also be the case with your SIL. Or whenever you come ard, like my in laws do, they come to pick my discussion or smth I will do wrong and report same to my husby.This and many more thing has chnaged my relatnship with them cos I don't trust them. You can look inward to see if you are doing smth not too good in her marriage if not, I believe you shld ask her why she behaved like that. She will open up and even apologise to you

I personally don't appreciate visitors coming into my house when am not expecting them. My siblings, parents and friends must tell me before coming over to my house cos I have to inform my husby of their visit and the same goes for him(although he doesn't tell me when his people are coming and I honestly hate surprise visitors) why? I have to plan ahead for them. So that might be one of the problems while the second problem which I have faced too could be the lady's husby. My husby picks up all sort of things from the meat too small to me not respecting his brothers or failing into traps his siblings are weaving for me and not knowing or giving bread and tea for breakfast whenever his relative comes around. So I started being cold to them then he started complaining that I was arrogant. Whenever anyone of his family member steps into my house, am always afraid cos I can't just do anything right. This has made me withdrawn from them a little. This could also be the case with your SIL. Or whenever you come ard, like my in laws do, they come to pick my discussion or smth I will do wrong and report same to my husby.This and many more thing has chnaged my relatnship with them cos I don't trust them. You can look inward to see if you are doing smth not too good in her marriage if not, I believe you shld ask her why she behaved like that. She will open up and even apologise to you

I forgot to add that if this brother-in-law happens to become a minister or a senator tomoro, it is dis same hostile wife that will be d first to remind d husband to meet his brother to give him contract, appointment or some other favors, so y create a hostile environment now?

Now, let me share a personal family story to help other single & married ladies out there to learn. Firstly, I am d last in the family, and I am working and earning good money from my work and personal businesses, etc. why am i telling this? to let u knw that my family is able and not reliant on any one family member. again, i am d only one still living with another family member; my 2nd immediate elder broda, which its becos he is still single, & there is no need for me to rent an apartment. ok, i have one hostile sister-in-law who acts d same way d wife op narrated acts, even though we hardly visit she & her husband cos everyone is busy & engaged such dt i even feel so thirsty to see & be with my nieces & nephews, bt no time.

dis sister-in-law acts so hostile u wud wonder wots her problem, y she is eating herself cos of ppl dat kia less or not. but unknowingly for her, her husband, my brother is even tired of her ill character & made move to divorce her & remarry, so he strted a serious affairs with one girl, nd finally went to pay d girl's dowry, & we got to find out & my father said over his dead body. becos he do warn us dat once ur married, no going back, so look well. my mom said never despite dis lady's hostile & shabby character. me & my siblings said, never and even fought with him secretly. so he went behind with his friends to pay d dowry & my father found out & went to the new girls family with my brother's wedding pics, his pic with d wife & kids to shw d parents of d ne girl, & warned them to tell their daughter to keep off dt his son is married legally & traditionally, & nothing like divorce in his home, so that ws d end of it.

dis lady never knew abt dis till date even as i write dis, & will never knw cos we did it for our family image & progress. & she & her husband are living happily nw. but in her ignorance, she still keeps her hostile life towards us, & her husband has tried to no avail, but she never knew dat if nt for us the in-laws, she wud have been somewhere crying her eyes out cos my brother as we later learnt, instructed his lawyer to commence a divorce case against her, which ws stopped after our intervention. all dis she never knew.

to all single & married ladies reading this, pls embrace true love, peace & happiness at all time, dis world is nothing, if u die now everything ends; ur enemies will even come & eat & drink on ur grave. love unconditionally, love ur house maids, they are humans, ur gateman, driver, colleagues at work, pls does it take anything much to love & embrace ppl around u? remember, wives that beef or nurture hostile environment with their in-laws always live to regret it sooner or later in life, so y create one? funny enough, this lady used to be an exceptional lady when my brother was courting her, sighs. pls embrace love my dear sisters & brothers. peace!


EXACT WORDS. wOMEN WANT TO BUILD BARRIERS THAT THEY AND ONLY THEY THEMSELVES WILL BE THE ALTER EGO. DEM DEY LLOK FACE SHA.NA SLACK MEN DEM DEY TORMENT.

What are you talking about? Are you justifying his behavior? How would you feel if you were the wife? Except you do not have a problem with polygamy?
No, I do not justifying HIS behaviour!
If I were one of the wife’s, I would think well, before marring into such a family.
However, my partner were a polygamist, a womaniser or love to sex around AND he told me this clearly before the marriage, I know what I let myself into! When I can clearly see, all men in this family are link this. WHY do woman always believe they can change their men?
My main point is and was, WHY do this sister in low keep her months shout and keep stumm by wife number two and informed the first wife about number three?
One more or less, does this matter, if all of her brothers are ploygam or have different baby mamas.
She is the second wife, herself.
Did she do favour by involving herself in her brothers matters.

tasandra: Wow,sorry abt that Op..some women,are just shame...my sis inlaws are my best frnds my house s thier second home...am happy wen dey are arnd,trust women wit gossip

LOL!!!

I do no really know what has beclouded the sense of reasoning of some people here especially our female folks;ok lemme agree with you tht the op's broda and wife might be passing thru some emotional or financial challenge as the case may be,but how does that affect the aspect where she flings her child from him when carrying him or playing with him?

Does lack of money or planning or prior notice cause this actions too?

Some women are naturally wicked and foolish at thesame time.

armyofone: what did you take with you when you were going? gift for her, the kids etc? did you call to let him and the wife know you coming?
did you bring your own stuff with you? overnight bag with soap, cream, paste, brush, sponge?
you are a visitor, did you act like one?

CC gave you a good idea. Next time always call first. we are in 2012.

now call them to thank them for the last visit. talk to the wifey and thank her for her hospitality the last time you were there
and that you enjoyed your stay.

witty stuff and best contribution so far.

on the real though its just common courtesy and respect for others to inform them of your coming. Attitude like this is will not take you far in the business world as its all about good interpersonal relationships. Good luck

While I think the Poster should have called first I also believe the sister in laws reaction was simply childish and not very nice. Family and In Law relations is a lot of politics. She could have still have respectfully hosted him and joking put it in the conversation that he should have called, me I would tell you " ah ha brother, you would have told us now so i can prepare my house to accomodate a king" something like that, he gets the message yet he is not offended. Taking the kids away and grumbling will not tell the brother in law how and why he wronged her, adults should learn to speak diplomatically when offended and not act like spoilt kids.
I cant control how people behave to me but i can control how i respond to them, This may come and bite her and we may see another thread, "My In Laws Hate me",. ANyway Poster, it is done, please if you havent informed other family members please dont, send her a text and tell her you are sorry for not informing her before coming and you are hurt by her reaction, both of you sort it out and rebuild the once close relationship you had, as long as she is married to your brother you are stuck with each other forever, make peace, life is too short

Double post

Maybe your brother told her stuff about you and how she should be careful around you. Cos i don't see any reason why she should take her baby from you.

@ op, Even if you are not asking for permission but please can you at least inform your bro that u will be coming before you show up. Its just good manners.

[b][/b]DailyNews: I forgot to add that if this brother-in-law happens to become a minister or a senator tomoro, it is dis same hostile wife that will be d first to remind d husband to meet his brother to give him contract, appointment or some other favors, so y create a hostile environment now?

Now, let me share a personal family story to help other single & married ladies out there to learn. Firstly, I am d last in the family, and I am working and earning good money from my work and personal businesses, etc. why am i telling this? to let u knw that my family is able and not reliant on any one family member. again, i am d only one still living with another family member; my 2nd immediate elder broda, which its becos he is still single, & there is no need for me to rent an apartment. ok, i have one hostile sister-in-law who acts d same way d wife op narrated acts, even though we hardly visit she & her husband cos everyone is busy & engaged such dt i even feel so thirsty to see & be with my nieces & nephews, bt no time.

dis sister-in-law acts so hostile u wud wonder wots her problem, y she is eating herself cos of ppl dat kia less or not. but unknowingly for her, her husband, my brother is even tired of her ill character & made move to divorce her & remarry, so he strted a serious affairs with one girl, nd finally went to pay d girl's dowry, & we got to find out & my father said over his dead body. becos he do warn us dat once ur married, no going back, so look well. my mom said never despite dis lady's hostile & shabby character. me & my siblings said, never and even fought with him secretly. so he went behind with his friends to pay d dowry & my father found out & went to the new girls family with my brother's wedding pics, his pic with d wife & kids to shw d parents of d ne girl, & warned them to tell their daughter to keep off dt his son is married legally & traditionally, & nothing like divorce in his home, so that ws d end of it.

dis lady never knew abt dis till date even as i write dis, & will never knw cos we did it for our family image & progress. & she & her husband are living happily nw. but in her ignorance, she still keeps her hostile life towards us, & her husband has tried to no avail, but she never knew dat if nt for us the in-laws, she wud have been somewhere crying her eyes out cos my brother as we later learnt, instructed his lawyer to commence a divorce case against her, which ws stopped after our intervention. all dis she never knew.

to all single & married ladies reading this, pls embrace true love, peace & happiness at all time, dis world is nothing, if u die now everything ends; ur enemies will even come & eat & drink on ur grave. love unconditionally, love ur house maids, they are humans, ur gateman, driver, colleagues at work, pls does it take anything much to love & embrace ppl around u? remember, wives that beef or nurture hostile environment with their in-laws always live to regret it sooner or later in life, so y create one? funny enough, this lady used to be an exceptional lady when my brother was courting her, sighs. pls embrace love my dear sisters & brothers. peace![b]DailyNews: I forgot to add that if this brother-in-law happens to become a minister or a senator tomoro, it is dis same hostile wife that will be d first to remind d husband to meet his brother to give him contract, appointment or some other favors, so y create a hostile environment now?

Now, let me share a personal family story to help other single & married ladies out there to learn. Firstly, I am d last in the family, and I am working and earning good money from my work and personal businesses, etc. why am i telling this? to let u knw that my family is able and not reliant on any one family member. again, i am d only one still living with another family member; my 2nd immediate elder broda, which its becos he is still single, & there is no need for me to rent an apartment. ok, i have one hostile sister-in-law who acts d same way d wife op narrated acts, even though we hardly visit she & her husband cos everyone is busy & engaged such dt i even feel so thirsty to see & be with my nieces & nephews, bt no time.

dis sister-in-law acts so hostile u wud wonder wots her problem, y she is eating herself cos of ppl dat kia less or not. but unknowingly for her, her husband, my brother is even tired of her ill character & made move to divorce her & remarry, so he strted a serious affairs with one girl, nd finally went to pay d girl's dowry, & we got to find out & my father said over his dead body. becos he do warn us dat once ur married, no going back, so look well. my mom said never despite dis lady's hostile & shabby character. me & my siblings said, never and even fought with him secretly. so he went behind with his friends to pay d dowry & my father found out & went to the new girls family with my brother's wedding pics, his pic with d wife & kids to shw d parents of d ne girl, & warned them to tell their daughter to keep off dt his son is married legally & traditionally, & nothing like divorce in his home, so that ws d end of it.

dis lady never knew abt dis till date even as i write dis, & will never knw cos we did it for our family image & progress. & she & her husband are living happily nw. but in her ignorance, she still keeps her hostile life towards us, & her husband has tried to no avail, but she never knew dat if nt for us the in-laws, she wud have been somewhere crying her eyes out cos my brother as we later learnt, instructed his lawyer to commence a divorce case against her, which ws stopped after our intervention. all dis she never knew.

to all single & married ladies reading this, pls embrace true love, peace & happiness at all time, dis world is nothing, if u die now everything ends; ur enemies will even come & eat & drink on ur grave. love unconditionally, love ur house maids, they are humans, ur gateman, driver, colleagues at work, pls does it take anything much to love & embrace ppl around u? remember, wives that beef or nurture hostile environment with their in-laws always live to regret it sooner or later in life, so y create one? funny enough, this lady used to be an exceptional lady when my brother was courting her, sighs. pls embrace love my dear sisters & brothers. peace![/b]DailyNews: I forgot to add that if this brother-in-law happens to become a minister or a senator tomoro, it is dis same hostile wife that will be d first to remind d husband to meet his brother to give him contract, appointment or some other favors, so y create a hostile environment now?

Now, let me share a personal family story to help other single & married ladies out there to learn. Firstly, I am d last in the family, and I am working and earning good money from my work and personal businesses, etc. why am i telling this? to let u knw that my family is able and not reliant on any one family member. again, i am d only one still living with another family member; my 2nd immediate elder broda, which its becos he is still single, & there is no need for me to rent an apartment. ok, i have one hostile sister-in-law who acts d same way d wife op narrated acts, even though we hardly visit she & her husband cos everyone is busy & engaged such dt i even feel so thirsty to see & be with my nieces & nephews, bt no time.

dis sister-in-law acts so hostile u wud wonder wots her problem, y she is eating herself cos of ppl dat kia less or not. but unknowingly for her, her husband, my brother is even tired of her ill character & made move to divorce her & remarry, so he strted a serious affairs with one girl, nd finally went to pay d girl's dowry, & we got to find out & my father said over his dead body. becos he do warn us dat once ur married, no going back, so look well. my mom said never despite dis lady's hostile & shabby character. me & my siblings said, never and even fought with him secretly. so he went behind with his friends to pay d dowry & my father found out & went to the new girls family with my brother's wedding pics, his pic with d wife & kids to shw d parents of d ne girl, & warned them to tell their daughter to keep off dt his son is married legally & traditionally, & nothing like divorce in his home, so that ws d end of it.

dis lady never knew abt dis till date even as i write dis, & will never knw cos we did it for our family image & progress. & she & her husband are living happily nw. but in her ignorance, she still keeps her hostile life towards us, & her husband has tried to no avail, but she never knew dat if nt for us the in-laws, she wud have been somewhere crying her eyes out cos my brother as we later learnt, instructed his lawyer to commence a divorce case against her, which ws stopped after our intervention. all dis she never knew.

to all single & married ladies reading this, pls embrace true love, peace & happiness at all time, dis world is nothing, if u die now everything ends; ur enemies will even come & eat & drink on ur grave. love unconditionally, love ur house maids, they are humans, ur gateman, driver, colleagues at work, pls does it take anything much to love & embrace ppl around u? remember, wives that beef or nurture hostile environment with their in-laws always live to regret it sooner or later in life, so y create one? funny enough, this lady used to be an exceptional lady when my brother was courting her, sighs. pls embrace love my dear sisters & brothers. peace!



Dailynews,u have really spoken well and i can't agree less with u. But let me remind u that some BILs too have their bad attitude with them.Have u ever seen a BIL that was so nice to u before u came in and immediately u get married to their brother it was as if u came to snatch something precious from them all because they depend so much on their brother for almost everything,such was my own case.This particular BIL was so nice to me before i came in to the extent of him dashing me one his chelsea jersey even though i didn't ask him and i'm not even a football fan,i'm not suppose to collect that gift from him but i did seeing that he was just trying to be nice.This same BIL turned against me immediately i got in(because they were living together with their brother before i came in and i thought i could tolerate them),saying all sort of things.Infact he expect that after going to work,coming back in the night,i should be doing everything in the house for him while he goes gallivanting about with friends,they expect u to cook for them,wash the dishes for them,wash the bathroom,wash the toilet,sweep the house without even caring to assist all because u married their brother,and to tell u that they're all younger to me,now tell me how will u feel? In essence BILs too have their own part to play in ensuring that there's mutual love and respect in the family.Thanks

Olalekan 0: May God punish these sister in-laws. A friend of mine is no longer on talking terms with his four brothers now due to ill treatment he suffered in the hands of the wife of his eldest brother.His three other bros sided with the wife cos they didn't want to upset their wealthy eldest brother who made it categorically clear that whoever does not like his wife could go to hell. My good friend now lives isolatively in the US for the past 7 years,does not call home and has vowed never to come back as he feels he has no family

Olalekan,same to you. If your so-called friend decided to ostracize himself, Goodluck to him.
One day, he'll come back begging, since he's the only wise one in their family.

Hmm, things are changing fast! why would my in-laws write a letter of should i come before visiting? If what the poster said is real, then maybe her brother has been harsh to his wife's relation, i see it as a case of do- me- i- do you. But however, it is sad indeed what SIL and MIL are turning relationships to in marriages.

Courtesy demands that u inform the households before ur arrival no matter how familier u are with them. not saying her attitude towards u was good, she should hav chiiled for jus one week then she can talk with her husband abt the uninformed visit

@OP
i believe the challenge is the environment most young couples are living in(with regards to Nigeria), they are constantly being inundated with african movies/tales/testimonies/gists of how "wicked the Mother-in-Laws are, how quarrelsome the Sister-in_laws are, how beggarly the Brother-in -Laws are etc, so once married they tend to form an invisible hostile barrier/shield between themselves and other family members (did sum1 say "no third party")as such they have become myopic and forgetful that it is a union of two families and not a mutual exclusion.

rose~75:


Olalekan,same to you. If your so-called friend decided to ostracize himself, Goodluck to him.
One day, he'll come back begging, since he's the only wise one in their family.

I don't blame you,apparently, you're one of those women breaking the ties of closely-knitted families. One day you'll also become a mother and one of your son's wife will ruin the cordial relationship between your children.I'm not cursing you,it's simply called nemesis.

that's why men and women are not equal and can never be equal. How many BIL have u heard are hostile like d women. Just look at majority of the replies 4rm d guys nd d ladies. U can feel love,patience and tolerance in most of the relies 4rm d guys. U no go try am 4 try am wit me o. I go tell u live and direct "iyawo watin dy do? U smoke?"

I think this is all about jealousy and every part should know their place. A sister will always love and care for her brother but I'm sorry she shouldn't be involve in couple's lifetime or issues except if her brother asks to. But sometimes some family in law thinks they've all rights to interfere in your life without any embarassement and I totally disagree on that, a couple should have its own space

rose~75:


Olalekan,same to you. If your so-called friend decided to ostracize himself, Goodluck to him.
One day, he'll come back begging, since he's the only wise one in their family.

You've just exposed yourself here,you're one of those nigerian wives who come from poverty-strickend families,who do not have a life and income of their own and have used marriage as an escape route out of penury and hardship.

Whenever,your in-laws pay visits,you believe they've come to beg for money since it's the norm in the family you come from. You forget that it was his extended family who nutured,educated and protected him before you became attracted to sucess,had his family not educated him,would you still have married him?

rose~75:


Olalekan,same to you. If your so-called friend decided to ostracize himself, Goodluck to him.
One day, he'll come back begging, since he's the only wise one in their family.

By the time you become a mother-in-law,i pray that you'll have to complete forms before visiting your son even though you're an illiterate and cannot operate a phone,

i pray that you'll have to submit yourself to the whims and caprices of your daughter-in-law and wash her panties before she allows you to come visiting a son you gave birth to,

i pray that you'll have to cook,clean and wash the cars of your son's home before his wife allows you to eat from her kitchen,

i pray that you'll have to act as an house-maid before you're accepted in your son's home and neighbours will always have to confirm from your son before believing that you're actually his mother.

All these and many more are my prayers for you,in jesus name i pray,AMEN

We can only speculate as to why the sister in law was so hostile. It may be that she is quite superstitious. If she is one of those that pray e.g.'I destroy mama' etc, she would begin to act out her fears in real life. Keeping the child away may be her way of protecting him from harm in her own understanding. Sad.

Growing up, I saw my mum welcome extended family on both sides i.e. my dads relatives and mums. In those days, it was an engrained part of the upbringing to be more open and welcoming, now suspicion is the other of the day and it makes people behave in a way that is so cold. In the past, some other relative (maybe older) may live nearby and notice sister in laws behaviour and caution her and reconcile the OP and the in law.

I frowned at d fact that d wife thought she is married to only her husband nt knwin dat wen she came into d family she accepts all d members as family and is as well married to her husbands brother and should treat him as 1

Biggiestep: I frowned at d fact that d wife thought she is married to only her husband nt knwin dat wen she came into d family she accepts all d members as family and is as well married to her husbands brother and should treat him as 1

Accepting doesn't mean suffering sorry, and we women also come from a family

Beync: Courtesy demands that u inform the households before ur arrival no matter how familier u are with them. not saying her attitude towards u was good, she should hav chiiled for jus one week then she can talk with her husband abt the uninformed visit.

inform you for what exactly, to prepare you for the cooking of extra cup of rice or to adjust your dressing code. This is Africa and how you handle issues like this one tells more about who you are in the inside. Most men are guilty of not telling their wives about a visiting friend or relation and to me what should be important is wd he provide the extra things if need be. I wd have objected if its a relation that is coming to live with them besides this is a big brother africa coming to visit. Enough crunches and flavour ice cream for madam and baby.

Must som1 call before coming to his brother's house again??perhaps u need to call becos some women are very dirty so they need notice to keep their home tidy!!!call my ass

ifihearam: Must som1 call before coming to his brother's house again??perhaps u need to call becos some women are very dirty so they need notice to keep their home tidy!!!call my ass

What if you get there by 8pm and there is no place for you to sleep cos they have 3 other relatives sleeping there even sleeping on the sofa? Where will you carry your load to? You will have to sleep on the floor and share 1 cup of rice with everyone else abi no be your brother get house? After, u will start complaining of how your SIL made you sleep on the floor.

What if u even get there and met their absence,u would have wasted ur time and energy so I think it's just logical to call before coming,no biase please even when it has to do with ur own relations or not