chinani:

I'll pass. Something tells me the commute is a bitch.

chinani:

I'll pass. Something tells me the commute is a bitch.

Commute? what do u mean haha?

"My dad neva cheated on my mum." Only your father knows the truth oh!

Another topic where people will drum the music of what people want to hear. Women should listen to the real truth. Any man that does not cheat on his wife has a greatest gift from God. Even if a man doest want to, he is sometimes force to do it. I know of a friend who is gifted not to cheat on his wife, but his wife did not believe him and he doesnt have a happy home. Ladies should live in reality world, not on the life of deceit they are known for. Better believe your husband is cheating on you and when you know you wont mind it at all. The most important thing is that pray for a caring and responsible husband. period. That is the plain truth.

Gift indeed! I dnt agree with oga twinstaiye at all. I think it's all about decisions and choices. Your friend decided not to be a cheater so its possible if you want to.

Cheat or no cheat




,
at the end of the day everyone dies of something

im not married, so don't have any stories about myself,

I only have info about my parents:
My Dad Never Cheated on My Mom, and
My Mom Never Cheated on My Dad.

How do i know? ive grown up to know that my parents don't keep secrets among themselves, and even amongst us children.
As such, i myself find it hard to keep anything a secret.


that's a nice imput there.

Cheating in a marriage is bad and inexcusable . en shold not do it because it is part of the marriage contract. You gave your word. but please please, as a woman do not pretend to know what it means to be a man, and likewise as a man do not pretend to understand how hard it is to be a woman. Women take cheating seriously but many will tolerate it. Ironically most men who cheat can not even take their wife cheating on them.

I know the women will disagree but honestly, its obviously easier for women to be faithful.  I repeat: its easier for women to be faithful.
Think about it? How many women go to the streets and pick prostitues? That should tell you that indiscriminate sex is not in demand in womenfolk as in menfolk. It has nothing to do with morality. Its biology.

Most of the people on this thread are not married anyway. SO I am reluctant to discuss this topic seriously here. But honestly, in these day and time, unless you are seriously in the Spirit in Nigeria, as a husband you are likely to cheat.

So I advise the original poster, assume that your husband is a cheat (though do not tell him so). that way you will not be disappointed if you find out he does.

if you mean cheating just by looking lustfully at other women, then i guess most men have, but if you mean cheating as in extra-marital affair then, no not all men

@ rhodalyn, you are probably very correct. if its cheating with the eyes then even more women too would be found guilty.

at larger-20,
you're right, i guess i annoyed him that night but that was the whole purpose seeing as i was mad with him. inwardly i was elated to have him confirm what i had always believed( that he doesnt cheat).

wish i knew how to insert a quote from previous page.

t4cash:


I know the women will disagree but honestly, its obviously easier for women to be faithful. I repeat: its easier for women to be faithful.
Think about it? How many women go to the streets and pick prostitutes? That should tell you that indiscriminate sex is not in demand in womenfolk as in menfolk. It has nothing to do with morality. Its biology.

unless you are a geneticist with a first class honors degree and a PhD please do not talk about outmoded biological claptrap.
in different cultures people do behave in very different manners. in the USA or UK it is relatively easy to hire a male escort

i do agree that Nigerian men do appear to be rather unfaithful but this again seems down to culture MORE than anything else. when my mum learned i was going to marry my Nigerian boyfriend she was devastated, she said that he would never be faithful.

i have always had a stronger sex drive than any of my boyfriends and my late husband ,but i was never unfaithful and as we seem to accept cheating is a huge weakness does that been woman are stronger than men?

weev:

i do agree that Nigerian men do appear to be rather unfaithful but this again seems down to culture MORE than anything else.

I never thought that someone attacking cheating would say it is mostly cultural, because if it comes to that , monigamy is not really our culture. And if monogamy is obviously not our culture (remember we Africans just became monogamous in the 20th century),  our women can not hold cheating against the Nigerian men.

The western culture has its problems also. Westerners , they have a higher divorce rate. Most of their divorces are caused the women caught the men cheating. Many oyibo men stay unhappily in their marriages to avoid losing half of their assets. Some who can not hold themselves men practise is serial monogamy. (30% of Americans will marry thrice).

Basically I am saying that there are good sides to Nigerian men also (obviously you must agree since you chose to marry one). When Nigerian men cheat, they rarely leave their wife for their mistress. It hurts the women surely. When oyibo men do have an affair, they leave their wife and kids.

Its questionable which is better. Having high situations of a high-divorce-rate/unhappy menfolk or our situation of men-cheating/unhappy womenfolk. Both cultures can be argued by different people to be better.

I do not support cheating because these days we marry under common law and couples swear an oath to faithfulness. You gave your word to her, try to keep it. If its too hard, find a good pastor/ imam to help you.

@ t4cash & twinstaiye
You're right. Women shouldn't front and men shouldn't front like they now what it is to be the other. So why do you then presume that women are o.k. with infidelity? Men kill me sometimes w/ their "observations". . .Some men think if dinners never late & the wife hasn't slit her wrists, "She must be o.k."And you know, one of the fatal flaws of humans is to think that other ppl MUST be just like "we" are. Bunch of Iagos. Why must everyone be shady just b/c some ppl are? Biology is also used to justify rape. Uh, I'll leave my thoughts here. Peace.

@Weev
I feel you. At least someone is talking some sense.

I detest this topic. Its an argument neither side can possibly win, because the two sides may as well be speaking different languages. It serves no use but to create animosity and poison the mood of the board.
As the book says - Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. We might as well be from different planets.
Admin should ban it, and close any thread anyone starts that goes back to it. Its a truce, we all can leave it alone.
Funny thing is the women are the ones who always bring it up. _(**hisses**)

Truce.

cheatin on your spouse is not really the main problem here. The bigger problem is your spouse finding out and even when he/she finds out, what kind of attitude will u adopt in handling the confrontation  since it's inevitable in a way especially for guys to cheat, the best thing to do is to make sure she doen't find out because believe me guys, that ish is killin, I mean it rips off the heart. 

MY GUYS, check out this song/lyrics (My NAIJA GUY) , it is some how relevant to this issue. Get the song. When you start getting flak from Madam about how we Nigerian men are terrible and so on, just put it on to feel (a bit) appreciated.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-8941.0.html

Men should learn how to control themselves. No matter how luscious the tempatation may be. Learn to resist!

babymine:

Men should learn how to control themselves. No matter how luscious the tempatation may be. Learn to resist!

can you proffer tips on how men can control themselves?

There are thousands of men who have never cheated on their wives right from the very point of courtship. Am not talking of the born again men only oh. there are men with strong principles who are still in the world who have decided from their heart of hearts not to cheat on their wives and no amount of temptation will let them do it. Although these species of men are rare but they exist in hundreds.

NOT CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE IS A MATTER OF ABSOLUTE DISLIKE FOR IT AND 'PRINCIPLE' and this will multivate the zeal to resist the temptation.

@ twinstaiye
Learn to say no!

babymine:

@ twinstaiye
Learn to say no!

Word.

@ Imani
Abi?

babymine:

@ Imani
Abi?

Yes ke!  If women can say no or are expected to be faithful, why can't men.

@ Imani, I wonder

Thumbs up to all men who's never cheated.

@ twinstaiye
Other married men (the faithful) might be the best source of advice. But I think that it comes from one's upbringing and conscious values/morals. It has to be like murder, something you would NEVER. Like, I can sit here and say I would Never kill man & I would NEVER cheat on one either. That's how serious a person has to take it.

That is one thing about you women that amazes me, you don't want to hear the truth. Chances are that there are numerous faithful men around, like I said earlier on I had one even though his wife do not believe him, it is always quarrel each time he keeps late or she has a slight excuse to suspect him. Has there been anyone who has ever been faithful to his/her God? Yet God is superior than man. Is it only having sex outside marriage that give the best definition of unfaithfulness or cheating? Those among women who will listen (and I mean those who want a happy home) cheating among men is typical. A man who will not cheat on his wife is endowed and gifted, and this could be seen even before courtship and the type of company of friends he mingle with. This is not the first forum I have tackle this type of issue, and you will notice that it is always women who are in the forefront of such argument and mostly protagonist. However while discussing the issue of whether a single lady should marry a married man or have an affair with a married men, it is also the same women who are always in the fore front of such arguments, meanwhile, you see single women jumping into relationship with men at a snap of finger so long as such man is taking good care of them. Truth however is bitter. If we can't tell ourselves the bitter truth here while we don't know each other and see each other, then we are all bunch of pretenders.

I would never ever dream of cheating on my wife!! Love is trust!!

The funny thing is that the babes this men cheat with most times aint as pretty, intelligent, endowed and blessed as their wives.
Cheaters, what's up?
N yes! Love is trust.

@ t4cash- 30% of Americans will marry thrice you say? hate to sound like a teacher but you would need a source for this to make it a valid point

and you are quite right i did marry a Nigerian man because he was too sweet to pass up, but if he had been unfaithful i would( and i agree this is perhaps my western up bringing) have divorced him with out a backwards glance. mostly because if a man can keep me sexually satisfied and still look elsewhere he must suffering from some type of mania

although i grew up in the UK my mum is Nigerian and she always taught me i was worth more than that. My mum freely admits she set out to marry a British boy because of the appalling way she saw my grandfather and uncles behave. moreover as many of our brightest girls travel for work or/ and education and they see that this type of unfaithful behavior is not accepted everywhere they may become a lot less understanding. its something to think about- 50 maybe even 30 years ago polygamy was widely and freely accepted by woman, now most educated woman will i believe not even concider it? never mind the grass looks greener on the other side more like, when you see the grass is greener you try to jump the fence.

i think things are just more equal now men can cheat if they must but they probably going to get divorced for it. its basic cause and affect i hope the way things are happening in USA (divorce rate etc) now will settle down in years to come when people finally realize there are consequences to actions.

oh yeah t4cash you never answered my point- if cheating is a weakness and men cheat more does this mean women are stronger than men?

I don't see the sense in going around assuming every man is a cheater, I think you're doing your future husband a great disservice. I know society would like us to believe it, but it's unhealthy for a monogamous relationship. I remember one of my neighbors back in Lagos who was married to a good man and had a wonderful marriage, or so I thought. Come to find out she had been having an affair with one of her co-workers. One of her reasons for running around was because her husband was probably doing the same thing.  Her husband is an honorable man and it was hard for me to believe he would ever do that to her, but being convinced that most men run around anyway, she couldn't see her husband as being faithful.  I don't support cheating by either married women or men, nor do I think anyone should be praised for remaining faithful. When you make a promise--for better for worse, etc, --you shouldn't be congratulated for keeping that promise. Supposedly one in four men in America is raising a child that doesn't belong to him. I see things being much worse when people start seeing cheating as normal.

@ twinstaiye
I don't understand your post. You quoted me so I assume/think that you were refuting something that I wrote but I'm not sure what. Honestly, I'm not being sarcastic, I just didn't get the gist of your last post. I was only answering your question but it seems that I said something silly. Also, why bring up the "affair" thread? If that's a reference to me, then please be bold and type what you mean (I must be dull today). I'm just confused about your last post. Peace.

@ Nia
Just wanted to co-sign your post. You're way more succint than I am! However, the US stat is wrong. Random samples show that no more than 5% of men are raising they think are their own but are not their own. But some of these men are aware and no this (it's the child that doesn't).

Chinani, actually, I wouldn't be surprised if "one on four" is conservative. I'd say it's prolly much worse than that. I live in America and almost all the married women I know have cheated at one time or the other, though their partners don't know it. It's not as one sided as people might think. Women who cheat are less likely to reveal it, and I think these women are abusinmg the institution of marriage, the same goes for the men.