elaine mia: Hi,
I'm a married woman with kids(3),and sometimes I feel like marriage and kids are like holding down my dreams n goals in life from coming to fruition.I have an OND in computer science, tried looking for a job, it wasn't easy even considering the fact that it was OND qualification I was making use of,finally I got one as a receptionist. The pay... 30,000k but I had to get a nanny for my kids. Now the nanny was demanding a salary of 20,000k, from where I stay to where I have to work I will spend at least 12,000k on transport! How much was I being payed?! Due to this and my kids...I cudnt leave them without anyone to take care of them I had to forfeit the job. Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now. The main issue now is my hubby,if I get some job,he is like no I don't want you to work there if I bring up a business idea he is like no not that kind of business. Recently, I decided to acquire a skill, the 3 I have my eyes on are being a makeup artist, fashion designer or hairstylist cos I work very well with my hands but getting the money to register and learn out of him is a problem. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to sit at home though he doesn't admit to it. I am tired of being at home year in year out. Pleaseeee I need some candid advice on what to do. Thanks in anticipation.

Daresh: My sister I feel. Your pain. Its not a good feeling to have to ask for money and to be under appreciated. I was in your shoes not too long ago, unhappy with my life, upset with my husband and my son because I felt so under appreciated. It took me a while and a lot of good advice to get me thankful for what I had and find what I love to do and do it. I have always known I am not a 9-5 person but in my desire to just get out of the house and do something I almost started a job I hate. I took a lot of thinking, planning and consulting b4 I could turn what I love to do into a business and you know the best part? I don't even have to leave home! So my love, I advice you to find what you love to do and do it and be there for ur family especially your kids because they are the best thing in the world!

Busy_body:

Ha, you reminded me of that word "tiredness" again, the alarm going off and your shattered body refusing to get up cos it knows it needs an extra 5 hours sleep daily. How I managed to get anything done is still a miracle.

May the good Lord come through for you and your heart's desires and also preserve your precious child whom you are doing this for.

chaircover: This moremi sha

Who are the fat lazy women advising the poster to stay at home with her kids? I dont know about fat and lazy, but i dont think that anyone here has advised her to sit at home twiddling her thumbs.

And what is wrong with a 40+ woman having twins? if God blesses me with twins when I am over 40, I will grab the blessing with both hands. Career ko career ni. What have I been doing with my life since I graduated, that will not afford me to spend a few years at home with my twins

moremi2008: Once your kids start school, get back on your feet and go find a job! Hopefully, you'll be done with your BSc by then. And please, make sure you visit a family planning center. Three kids is enough! Don't just rely on condoms because one night of passion, one little mistake and ... GMAM! ... you're pregnant with twins and back to square one.

chaircover: Moremi Hen Hen before nko? I am a fat lazy 40 year old woman expecting twins.

@Jenny thank you oooooo. If God blesses me with quadruplets at 60 gan I will say Thank you God and FCcUK the career. Ha! 3 beautiful toothless babies smelling of Johnsons baby powder . . . pure bliss. Mr CC wey u dey o! Abeg forget the X5 we need a Chrysler Voyager. My prayer point don increase by one today.

Busy_body:

Ha, you reminded me of that word "tiredness" again, the alarm going off and your shattered body refusing to get up cos it knows it needs an extra 5 hours sleep daily. How I managed to get anything done is still a miracle.

May the good Lord come through for you and your heart's desires and also preserve your precious child whom you are doing this for.

Hahaha, I've got a friend whose sanctuary is the loo too. That's the only place she can escape into her own lil world away from her screaming kids. Then she comes out only to hear her Hubby sneaking away and nearly falling over, after eavesdropping on her

I find shopping from Nigerian stores a bit bearable, its those Tesco, Sainsbury's ones I can't stand. . .take the stuffs off the shelves and put it in your trolley. . .take it from the trolley and place on the belt. . .remove from belt and put in trolley (again). . .put in boot of car (leave there for 2 days) . . .dump on kitchen floor for another 3 days. . .then get the strength to put them away in their respective places, phew

chaircover: @naijababe the idea is to buy a simple washing machine. Forget all those singing and dancing hotpoint ones. Just buy a simple one and program it permanently on 40 degrees, and all he has to do is press the START button

Also invest in 2 laundry bins; one for darks and one for lights and pleas please please; when you take off your jumpers, hide them at the back of your wardrobe until you are ready to wash them yourself otherwise he will throw them in the machine and ruin them

stillwater:

The husbands will tell you they feel the same way jor.

@OP
You know some people would do anything to be in your shoes. There's a thread here where a woman's lamenting she needs a husband even though she's already settled career-wise. You can see that whatever situation we find ourselves human beings are insatiable.

elaine mia: @gemstone22

I would love to write but i don't know how and where to start from. Would be glad if you could give me a hand and some orientation too. For example, what is Ghost writing...

elaine mia: @gemstone22

I would love to write but i don't know how and where to start from. Would be glad if you could give me a hand and some orientation too. For example, what is Ghost writing...

elaine mia: Thanks gemstone22.you know,i used to have a note book way back in my OND days where I wrote down daily happenings in my life until I got married. But I didn't stop, I continued...when I started feeling bad about staying at home,I was always angry at everything and so I stopped putting those unhappy moments down in writing. I just let each day go as it came so I don't have to remember it or have a reminder somewhere. But now that I'm learning to be more productive and think out of the box, I think I'll give it a shot...again. I do have a career path in mind but any good idea that could bring in cash without breaking a sweat is welcome. I'll do as you said. Thanks again.

elaine mia: Though he doesn't like to admit it, I don't think he wants me to work yet. he has the money but he tells me there are other very pressing bills to pay,"maybe" when he gets some extra to spare. He's the one sponsoring me through school.

As for schooling and motherhood occupying me, yes they are,partially but not fully cos I go to school on the weekends only,and my kids,the first and second go to school. So i'm practically idle through out the day till 3pm when I go to pick them up. Moreover, a woman needs to take care of herself and kids. My hubby is not the kind that gives allowances or pocket money. And he is so consumed with trying to expand his business,invest and pay off the bills that he forgets those little things that can make me and the kids happy and quite comfortable with ourselves. I want to assist him and fill that gap. I can't go out and see something nice and get it for my boys or me cos I can't afford to. I have to ask him for EVERYTHING and 8 out of 10 times the story is always the same"later not now,there are other pressing needs" and to be real later never comes we just forget about it.I'm tired of being totally(I mean TOTALLY)dependent on him,that's why I am seeking advice on what I can and should do to better me and my family cos I know my career might not kickstart now until I upgrade my qualification which is going to be in another year or 2 by God's grace cos our educational system is not helping issues and a happy me is a happy home cos its the woman that makes a home.

moremi2008:

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Stop worrying! If you hold on to your dreams and plan diligently, you'll be back in the workforce in no time. Some ladies have suggested things you can do to make some money while you complete your studies. Your current situation is only temporary. Good luck!