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Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Am Not Comfortable Having Kids In Nigeria / Does Being Married Hinder Some Dreams? / Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by moremi2008(m): 8:26pm On May 13, 2012
Tgirl4real:

Thanks Moremi for this.

@least, u no insult *we fat, lazy 40 sumthn women tongue

All this guilty conscience! Chai! I was only talking oh! I didn't know we had some real 40-yr old fatties in da house! Thanks for identifying yourself! grin
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Tgirl4real(f): 9:21pm On May 13, 2012
U wish! Lol tongue
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Nobody: 5:37pm On May 18, 2012
Its a stumbling block, a lot of people wouldnt say so. But stumbling blocks can propel. Instead of kicking the block, you can either dodge it or climb on the stumbling block and get taller. Get busy with your passion and turn it into money making enterprise and you will be on your way to a blissful life.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by papatosibe: 6:01pm On May 18, 2012
moremi2008: Whatever you do, please don't listen to the fat, lazy women advising you to "enjoy" God's blessings and stay at home with your kids. Once your kids start school, get back on your feet and go find a job! Hopefully, you'll be done with your BSc by then. And please, make sure you visit a family planning center. Three kids is enough! Don't just rely on condoms because one night of passion, one little mistake and ... GMAM! ... you're pregnant with twins and back to square one. I am saying this because it happened to somebody I know. Her 40+yr old self is now tugging around toddler twins and feeling very foolish because she has had to put her promising career on hold again.

Thats why God created Plan B. Very effective. I always give every girl I sleep with a brand new Plan B. It never fails.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by pelezico: 6:14pm On May 18, 2012
For what does it profit a man to gain the entire world but lose his soul.

Listen mate take some advise - do not allow your work to get in the way of your relationship with your wife and children. This is where your maturity must kick in. This is what makes men men. Im a contractor working in the city for a financial firm and understand all to well the pressures of delivering projects, training and home life. But my priority has shifted from work to family.

It will be a miserable shame if you miss out on your childrens up bringing - you will one day look back and think about what could have been.

I herald from the UK and the one thing that is ruining families is absent Fathers who leave the upbringing of children to their wifes. This effects all classes to some degree. However the more wealthier families tend to have more time and spend that with fam.

So you will have to learn to prioritise you responsibilities and also work on your home life as that will give you the joy that you will naturally get from work

Please please im in the same situation but have had to repent. Be wise as time is nto always on our side.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by dayokanu(m): 6:21pm On May 18, 2012
This is a lesson for those young girls who think they can just jump into marriage without the necesary education

You are in Nigeria where single energetic men and women with Masters cant find a decent job, What do you seriously think an OND holder would get?

If you have an advert for a driver paying 45k per month I am certain no less than 20 BsC holders would apply how much more an OND with 3 kids

Since you seem to care about your career,You made a very huge mistake getting married after OND.

What does OND computer science do sef? i doubt you even know how to operate Microsft excel and Powerpoint

The fact is that you cant get a job, All those LASU part time are just means of boosting your ego, No employer would take you after 3 kids with a part time degree. Those part time degree are for people working and seeking promotion. Wih a part time degree I doubt you can even go for NYSC which is a requirement for getting a job

Truth is bitter. and I hope if you have a daughter, you would warn her sternly against getting pregnant or married after OND.

To those women who believe a career is not necesary as long as you marry a rich man, This is an example for you. Most men would give you the bare minimum you need to survive and nothing more, We always have more importnt project that feeding the fantasies of a lazy fat asss wife
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by dayokanu(m): 6:22pm On May 18, 2012
papatosibe:

Thats why God created Plan B. Very effective. I always give every girl I sleep with a brand new Plan B. It never fails.

Stranger Plan B sef don fail . Na to get IUD or use Polythene bags as condom
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by pelezico: 6:32pm On May 18, 2012
I i jump the gun here and thought i was talking to a guy

You need to hurry and talk to your husband because teh corporate world is not what people think it is -

You need to evaluate whats truly important in life (it should be your family) or making it in this world - whatever that means

If you are truly saved please seek the advise of a mature Christian (avoid the health and properity ones they will feel your head with garbage)

This needs to be discussed with your husband as i think theres dissatisfaction in your relationship
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by heavensown: 6:51pm On May 18, 2012
@poster, its quite sad that you husband soes not seem to want you to have any life outside of him and your kids. But the truth is, for you to be successful either careerwise or business wise, you definitley need your husband's support. You have a lot of brilliant ideas already so that is not the issue neither is it your kids that are the stumbling block, rather I think the real stumbling block is your husband. I don't know the kind of relationship you have with him, but you need to put your foot down and get it sorted with him. I don't know if you guys discussed it during courtship and I seriously think its one of those things people should discuss before marriage so that each party knows what he or she is going into.
You've been married to him for about four years now I guess so you know best how to get what you want from him. If he is the loving and understanding type, I see no reason why he should not reason with you and give you some level of independence. But on the contrary, if he is the difficult type then.... undecided undecided you need to go to the alter of prayer as there is nothing God can not do. I pray that God touches his heart to make him understand that you deserve your happiness as much as he deserves his.
May God bless your marriage and I sincerely wish you all the best in your decisions.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by revivedafrikana(f): 6:58pm On May 18, 2012
Yes girl sometimes it does but you have to overcome and be mentally willing. I was in love, drop out of school and gotten married.
1 year later I had a baby to care for. i was not happy because I could not find work and very down most of the time.

I have decided to go back to school after 4 yrs this summer to finish that degree and hopefully it will get me ahead.

You can do it if only you want to.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by murphy02(m): 7:04pm On May 18, 2012
Forget search for a job, just consider skills like hair making e.t.c that will give you both the money and time to take care of your family !
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by otokx(m): 7:08pm On May 18, 2012
Planning is very important but the mentality in Nigeria is pretty poor. Once you marry it is assumed ab initio that children must follow notwithstanding the economic reality of the situation on ground.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by cowgurl: 7:12pm On May 18, 2012
@Topic, To a reasonable extent YES most especially we the ladies. It's why 'l stick with married ladies being self employed so she can be there for her family anytime any anyday.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by gsmgold: 7:15pm On May 18, 2012
Busy_body:



You come across as someone who married young, was rushed into having too many children too soon and now you feel life has passed you by and wished you were on the other side of the fence. But listen up dearie, you cannot have it all, something's gotta give. Even career ladies in the Western World struggle to strive a balance between work and raising children, so you are not alone. So get that thought out of your head that these people God has blessed you with her stumbling blocks in your life. If anything, its just that you married a controlling guy, but since you are in it now, there is no need resenting the dude, so all you can do is pray God soften his heart . . .

I am glad to see that you have not lost hope yet and have weighed your strength and weaknesses and are quite good with your hands. Thumbs up for this entrepreneurial spirit of yours and please keep the fire burning, it is the way forward, and if you set your heart to it, the sky is your limit and you would even find yourself employing Graduates to work on your payroll.


(((A massive hug to you)))

well said.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Sike(m): 7:24pm On May 18, 2012
Hmmmmm
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by member479760: 8:43pm On May 18, 2012
ronkebp: My kids can never be a stumbling block, i will 'weave' them into my life, all i have to do, is make realistic goals and how to acheive them, so that nothing suffers.
Getting married and having kids is a stage in life that majority of people are hoping to be in, what use is education if you cannot fully apply it to your life

Your suggestions of getting more skills is a good one, and that will help you with the home front as in the challeneges will be less stressful. Talk to your hubby let him know that sitting at home and doing nothing is "driving you crazy and it will make you feel better, if you started something".

beta talk!
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Nobody: 8:59pm On May 18, 2012
@OP, most married women are in d same shoes wit u. The best is to do a biz dat can enable u raise cash for ur needs cos men hate d idea of asking dem money every nw n den. For ur kids, pls give dem d attention n love dey requires. Me i cant trade my daughter / kids to come for a job. I wil wait till dey grow up @ a certain age den i can work(well dats wat i agreed wit my hubby n i pray he doesnt change his mind abt it). For ur hubby pls follow his conditions n if he is adamant over raising cash for u, jux let him be for a while n pray. The lord wil work things out for u.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by hubreality(m): 9:28pm On May 18, 2012
No.
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Claracuzio: 10:08pm On May 18, 2012
Madam I suggest u have more kids so that ur husband can employ you as a full time nanny
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by Nobody: 10:59pm On May 18, 2012
Getting married, for most, is an end to your life. Your 'singularity', your 'person'. You move from "I've gotta hand in this research paper tomorrow, then go to the gym before heading to the pub with the lads" to "We've gotta cut into the electricity budget to pay the mortgage and pay the kids' tuition."
But for the lucky few, and those in the oh-so-romantic spot just between "Just Married" and "Baby Bash", and those that have yet to discover just how much of their 'singularity' they'd have to sacrifice to make 'it' work, being in a couple is right up there with immortality and a very, very good high.
_
So, @OP, what I'm driving at is that You. Really. Really. Fücked Up! Majorly!
And really, what the french kinda job d'ya expect to get in Nigeria with an OND?
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by dayokanu(m): 11:04pm On May 18, 2012
OND and SSCE are basically on the same level
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by purefella(m): 12:14am On May 19, 2012
elaine mia: Hi,
I'm a married woman with kids(3),and sometimes I feel like marriage and kids are like holding down my dreams n goals in life from coming to fruition.I have an OND in computer science, tried looking for a job, it wasn't easy even considering the fact that it was OND qualification I was making use of,finally I got one as a receptionist. The pay... 30,000k but I had to get a nanny for my kids. Now the nanny was demanding a salary of 20,000k, from where I stay to where I have to work I will spend at least 12,000k on transport! How much was I being payed?! Due to this and my kids...I cudnt leave them without anyone to take care of them I had to forfeit the job. Maybe if I didn't have the kids(not that I do not love them and thank God for giving them to me) I would have been working now. The main issue now is my hubby,if I get some job,he is like no I don't want you to work there if I bring up a business idea he is like no not that kind of business. Recently, I decided to acquire a skill, the 3 I have my eyes on are being a makeup artist, fashion designer or hairstylist cos I work very well with my hands but getting the money to register and learn out of him is a problem. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to sit at home though he doesn't admit to it. I am tired of being at home year in year out. Pleaseeee I need some candid advice on what to do. Thanks in anticipation.

theirs no better goals you can archive in life than having a healthy children!!!
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by ojogbontomoye: 12:27am On May 19, 2012
purefella:

theirs no better goals you can archive in life than having a healthy children!!!


Well I hope you tell that to your children. What a tool
Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by ojogbontomoye: 12:29am On May 19, 2012
OND and SSCE are basically on the same level

OND = SSCE - English = Feel good degree for dullards.

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