manj3:
I never ever imagined i would be posting on Nairaland, I was too busy too proud and always thought people who came to post here were whiners and jobless people. However, as I lay on my bed not sure if i would find the cure i need to live or if my treatments will fail and I will die I have so much time on my hands. All the things that held my attention and made me what i am now mostly a distant memory, I have nothing but time on my hands, My tired hands, tired from injections, needles, tests everything you can imagine in the last three months i have reflected, been angry, cried, regretted, repented and now made peace that soon I may be gone from this world. This world and all its trappings that made me once a proud arrogant, conceited and wicked man, made me turn my back and terribly hurt the 2 women who would have given their lives for me all for a father who has only spoken to me once since i became ill. It is these 2 women now who bare the burden of my wasting body even though I was so cruel to them.
My ex-wife suggested this site to me as a way to keep me busy during the day and at night when sleep eludes me, I come on read through but finally gathered courage to register and share my story today. I read through and see how most men here talk and honestly 4 months ago I would have been talking the same way, arrogant, disrespectful and rudely but today i lie down regret filled, hoping for a miracle and that my treatment works so I can spend the rest of my years being a better person.
I come from a home where I saw my father 3 or 4 times a year, My father was one of those rich men who believed women were possessions and life is all about him and himself, but as the first born and first son I always longed for his love and attention, when my dad came home on one of his visits, it was filled with tears, pain and sadness for my poor mother. He would bring in women to stay, smoke, drink totally disregard her. If she dared complain she would get belted, I remember taking care of my mum from as early as 13 years in the hospital, I remember my ex wife while we were young will stay with my younger ones at home while I stay with my mum in the hospital.
Even though my father will not always send money my mum never let us know, she will scrap, sell, work and do every business to be sure we were fine. My Ex- wife"s father is a man I hope will find space in his heart to forgive me, that man loved me, he cared for me since i was a boy and stepped into my fathers shoes.
I have hurt so many people.
I would swear as a young man that I would never drink, smoke, womanize or beat my wife. I remember when my ex wife said yes to my proposal, I was above the moon, she is a beauty, kind, forgiving and good woman, even though we had dated straight out of secondary school all through university (her dad paid for my masters) I still feared she wouldn't marry me because of my background. Her closest sister was always opposed to our being together and always told her "Boys turn out to be just like their fathers" but she loved me, her father loved me, my mother was and is still one of her best friends, anyway we got married and I promised to always make her laugh and smile, My dad then barely participated in the formalities as he preferred I marry a woman who I could dominate one from a poorer background. I was married to a beautiful woman, had a good Job, wonderful mother, life was good, I will always look forward to getting home to my smiling wife who always had a way of making the worst day better.
6 months into the marriage I got a much better job which paid 6 times what i was earning, combined with my wife's income we became millionaires, but like they say you never know what you are capable of till you have money and power. Overnight my status changed, I was in a position to afford anything i wanted, for the first few months it was good, I gave my wife and mother the best, my younger ones too, I gave my wife even things she never asked for, she was not materialistic and when I bought her another gift she will always encourage me to buy land and drag me to donate to hospitals and orphanages. Then my father who suddenly realized I was his first son started spending more time with me. I entered a world of private clubs, yatchs, private planes, a world where money, drugs and alcohol flowed like water, I was too eager to bond with my dad, that was always my hope and prayer, now i had his attention and I was willing to hold on. My wife started getting worried, at first she would talk, then she started crying, even though she will wipe her face when am home but i would see her swollen face and dry tears, My dad would give me ladies to spend the night with me and I was willing to do anything to please him, I will leave home for days without telling my wife where i was, one day she told my mum and my mum called and scolded me, that day I screamed at my mum for the first time and went home and slapped my wife, I was high on something but when I crossed that line i never went back. From that day my wife and mother irritated me, only my father mattered, to make matters worse we couldn't have kids, even though it was my fault I will humiliate my wife, beat her and insult her, she took all the blame silently. I will bring women home to sleep, she will quietly move to the guest room to avoid beatings, she cried, begged, talked, did everything till I beat her one day over some silly issue and she landed in the hospital, she was in coma for days but i was with my father far away having fun, even when i wanted to go and check her he told me to "man up" she will be fine. When my wife recovered, to my shock she never came back, she had spent 2 1/2 miserable years and she decided she had enough, at first I though she was joking, my father had assured me that she will be back begging, but she didnt come back, when i finally decided to go and beg my mother wouldnt go with us and that was the day i cut my mother off totally, for years i wouldnt call her or pick her calls, if she came to my house i will leave her there and go out, my own mother.
after all these years, how are you faring now OP |
