My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. - Romance - Nairaland
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| My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 8:33am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Lemme go straight to d point... I'm in my late 20s and was(is) in a relationship with a cute lady.. I work but don't earn as much as she does. We were coursemates in sch but weren't intimate back then. I met her as a virgin but havnt being able to disvirgin her cos @25+,she feels she has waited long enough and shd wait until marriage though we do d other romance stuff. D problems are: 1)I cldnt visit her @ home cos she feels "I'm not ready for marriage now and her mum wld raise eyebrows"(she's from a wealthy home). 2)She told me pointblank that she may not be able to wait for 2yrs to get married cos she is always scared of losn me later(I'm dark,over 6ft tall and a desmond elliot look alike). I targeted 2014 sincerely My dilenma now is,is it advisable to get married to a person like that even if my fortunes change early enough? Shd someone in love give an ultimatum to her BF?(She gave me a year to be financially ready). *D last time we spoke I told her she needed fresh air and I ended d call angrily cos I want to be in charge of my emotions.. Wl answer questions on areas that are not clear but I need sincere answers pls. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Mynd44: 8:42am On Jun 27, 2012 |
From what I could from the post, you want to marry her but you don't want to because of your financial situation right now right? You have three choices 1. You have to realise that she might be receiving pressure to bring home a guy who she is ready to marry or she loves you so much she wants to get into the family business with you not minding the fact that you are not financially ready in which case she is ready to support you in terms of finances. If that is true you should marry her cos you want to but the problem is money 2. Your ego is getting in your way cos you know if you marry her now, she will be financing most of the thing and you (due to your pride which is no fault of yours) cannot stand it. If this is the case, I advice that you continue to stall and if she decides to walk, no problem 3. Why not do an introduction or engagement thing just to buy yourself time with her. This will make her know you are serious about wanting to marry her and see from there? 2 Likes |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by ODB1: 8:42am On Jun 27, 2012 |
sell one of your kidneys |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 8:53am On Jun 27, 2012 |
@Mynd_44,, d truth is,ur no 1 comment was right. She's under heavy pressure from relatives. To be sincere with u, she herself is scared of her parents telln her she doesn't know what she's doing by bringing someone who isn't stable yet. I'm a very sensitive person and @ times I feel she may be using her parents as an excuse. She may want to be sure of financial prospects herself... She once jokingly said that guys(esp handsome ones) change when more money comes. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 8:53am On Jun 27, 2012 |
O.D.B.:Will the money last for eternity? |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 8:56am On Jun 27, 2012 |
sexkillz: Will the money last for eternity?Lol. @sexkills,I chose to ignore him... |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 8:57am On Jun 27, 2012 |
O.D.B.:dude is dat an advice? |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by LordReed(m): 9:24am On Jun 27, 2012 |
While the ultimatum might seem harsh the babe was only being real with you. However I think she has some trust and security issues which you need to help her deal with. As for the financial issues there is no short cut (except you want to go and steal) you just have to get stable. Persuade her to wait for you, if she truly loves you, you'll find her open to it. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Omolola1(f): 9:32am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Long and short of the story - She wants to get married but you are not financially stable yet. Don't force it, if at d end of d quack 1yr ultimatum she gave u, u ar stil not balanced, let her go ahead and get married to whoever she wants. Nothng in life is permanent, you would become better, only God knows when, and by dat time there would be someone special for you. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 9:43am On Jun 27, 2012 |
@Lord reed,thanks.. D security issues are d main problem here. She works in a bank where accordn to her, her superiors are yet to get married in their mid 30s cos of disappointment.. I'm trying and will try a lil harder. @omolola,thanks dearie.. I dnt intend to force it, that's why I told her to go get a lil fresh air. I also understand that mothers may put a whole lot of pressures on a female child so I'm being real here. I know I wl get someone special but dnt want to judge her too early. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by LordReed(m): 9:47am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Alora lord: @Lord reed,thanks.. D security issues are d main problem here. She works in a bank where accordn to her, her superiors are yet to get married in their mid 30s cos of disappointment.. I'm trying and will try a lil harder. @omolola,thanks dearie.. I dnt intend to force it, that's why I told her to go get a lil fresh air. I also understand that mothers may put a whole lot of pressures on a female child so I'm being real here. I know I wl get someone special but dnt want to judge her too early. So you don't think she is special? |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Godmother(f): 9:49am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Like Mynd said you can do an introduction just to buy yourself time with her. But seriously I understand your girl's point. I am over 25 myself and though my family isn't putting pressure on me, the pressure is still there a lil. Take her ultimatum seriously cos I'm sure she is too. My elder sister just before she got married at 26 did the same tin to her bf. And that's because at that time she had 2 serious guys wanting to marry her. Today they are married and things are fine with them. There's this blessing that come to a person when they get married that they wud never otherwise have gotten while they were single. Another thing is how sure are you that your financial status will be balanced in 2 years? You may have time on your hands dude, but your girl sure feels she doesn't. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Omolola1(f): 9:50am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Alora lord: @Lord reed,thanks.. D security issues are d main problem here. She works in a bank where accordn to her, her superiors are yet to get married in their mid 30s cos of disappointment.. I'm trying and will try a lil harder. @omolola,thanks dearie.. I dnt intend to force it, that's why I told her to go get a lil fresh air. I also understand that mothers may put a whole lot of pressures on a female child so I'm being real here. I know I wl get someone special but dnt want to judge her too early. neva said u shuld judge her. But what do u call someone who gives u an ultimatum wher marriage is concerned? This clearly shows she cant exceed dat 1year she has given u. But then, if she reali loves u, she'd marry u not minding d circumstances. Afteral, she's comfortable |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 9:51am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Lord_Reed:He does. . . That statement means he is ready to accept his fate and open up to another if she eventually leaves. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by optimusprime2(m): 9:53am On Jun 27, 2012 |
3. Why not do an introduction or engagement thing just to buy yourself time with her. This will make her know you are serious about wanting to marry her and see from there?[/quote] I suggest the same thing too, it'll buy you time in this situation... Because at this point what you need is'nt just money, but Time. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by LordReed(m): 10:01am On Jun 27, 2012 |
sexkillz: He does. . . That statement means he is ready to accept his fate and open up to another if she eventually leaves. Ok that sounds alrite. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 10:13am On Jun 27, 2012 |
@Lord reed,she's special but is kinda diff.. Even her cousin(whom I knew b4 her) said she may be a weirdo @ times. So, she's unpredictable. I'm only trying to make sure I dnt 'crumble' if d unexpected happens. @optimus, guess u missed d part where I said I cldnt visit. Wl someone who didn't want u to visit go into an engagement wt u  She doesn't want to disappoint her folks. @Godmother,she was damn serious wt d ultimatum and I'm takn it serious. @Omolola,I get ur drift. She seems to put logic above feelns.. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by ODB1: 10:20am On Jun 27, 2012 |
She wants out simple. She has met another guy and the only reason she is still with you is down with sentiments. You had your chance, she was patient, waited for you to man up. She has a biological clock and it's ticking fast. She is also approaching the peak of s@xual maturity for women (25 -45yrs). Men max out at about 18 and from there on it's all down hill until mid-life crisis sets in (late 20's to mid 30's). |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by claremont(m): 10:28am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Dude, let her go! Never, ever you allow yourself to be rushed into marriage. There are a lot of couples wallowing in misery simply because they rushed themselves into an unholy union. Take your time and establish a career for yourself, ladies will flock over you when you have reached some level of stability career-wise. 1 Like |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 10:56am On Jun 27, 2012 |
@O.D.B, that was blunt and may be true..@times,d truth maybe what we dnt wanna hear... Anyway,that's why I'm here. @claremont, thanks. Will put every comment into consideration... Maybe I shd just allow d water run into d river... |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by optimusprime2(m): 11:25am On Jun 27, 2012 |
Its simple, If thats the case- Two words; "WALK AWAY" |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by esere826: 1:26pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
@Alora_Lord Dude, You did not sleep with her!! Na dere u make mistake. The power lever is against u, and she can smell it |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by esere826: 1:40pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
Alora lord: Lemme go straight to d point... I'm in my late 20s and was(is) in a relationship with a cute lady.. I work but don't earn as much as she does. We were coursemates in sch but weren't intimate back then. eiya!!, poor boy Dem go soon dump you, mark my words. And the interesting thing is that it won't be her fault (women are instinctively smart that way without being conscious of it), it would be urs. .. he yelled at me .. he insulted my parents ... he's not confident ... he's not ambitious ... he's insecure and so so jealous ... he's not born again ... he's not commited the stage has just been set. Kpele ... |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Bisjosh(f): 1:57pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
esere826: @Alora_Lord RUBBISH!!! @OP Pls do not rush yourself into marriage. Whoever cannot wait should LEAVE!! Its not a DO or DIE thing!!! |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by cretin: 2:15pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
let her go.u ain't in her league.when/if u make the money .babes will flow.don't ever b pressure d into marriage for any reason.get married on ur own terms n at ur own time 1 Like |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by esere826: 3:12pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
Bisjosh: I agree, Utter rubbish, no b lie. but u see, there is science to these things. @Alora_lord,.. experience will be your best teacher. Especially if the next guy that is already probably waiting in the wings and that she is attracted to bleeps her before marriage. Scenario 1: The guy might be 'better off" financially than you are now, but even if he loses his means of livelihood while he's still dating ur ex girl, na den u go see ur ex dey carry am go meet her parents and even asking her parents if they can assit him. Maybe that time she go dey quarrel with de guy say he's too proud and does not want to accept her parent's career help and marriage sponsorship. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 4:09pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
esere826: @Alora_LordHmmm.. Maybe but she's too stubborn..I tried but I made sure I confirmed d virginity....We both attended d most 'rugged' university in d southwest(u can guess). If she didn't get disvirgined then,I doubt she wld do it b4 marriage. That's part of why she's kinda desperate to get married ASAP. Lemme quote her- "ure sexually free but I'm not,I can't wait to do it in d proper setting".In other words,unlike her,I'm not a virgin.*U can sense her insecurity*.. Wld I get dumped? I've loosened up already... |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by esere826: 4:57pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
Alora lord: Dude kpele, I feel U. U'd have to respect her desire to keep her virginity. What I'm refereeing to is actually those weak moments that u and her probably had in the past were she looked into ur eyes, but wasn't sure about doing it or not. Then you you would have helped her make that important choice speedily, and she no for regret am as long as u didn't intend to dump her afterwards. For now, consider her lost, but don't let her see it in ur eyes. Just carry on and don't act desperately. U'd be more unattractive to her if u do. The way this thing usually works is that, she might try to dump u only wen she feels sure and confident about the other guy. It would be difficult for her to just dump you and then be alone. She's already very 'used to you'. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 6:44pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
Well, τ̅o me, †ЂΞ very d̲̅A̲̅γ̲ my gf gives ♍ε any kind of altimatum, dats †ЂΞ very d̲̅A̲̅γ̲ it all comes down τ̅o a wrap. Its a dangerous signal because if she succeeds now, Ūя̅ life wit her will be subject τ̅o her rule. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 7:19pm On Jun 27, 2012 |
esere826:Thanks man.. Ure on point. Infact,anytime I jokingly mention another gal,she immediately warms up more to me... Will try to master my emotions BUT I've to hustle more and man up! @jenams, at times,its easier said than done. Thanks anyway. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by scobaba: 4:06pm On Apr 08, 2013 |
Alora lord, from ur name and description about urself, u na 'fine boy', no let this chick make u feel any less. Now on a serious note. What's ur own about virginity wey u dey confirm?, do people still do dat? As in love a girl more cos she's a virgin? I run from virgins(I no won hear sermon) If she's igbo, den bro, take that 'one year ultimatum' seriously. Igbo girls do dat mostly when there's someone by the corner. They tell the other guy to give them one year to sort themselves out n I bet u dat other guy is ready to pay the bride price as you are here chatting on NL. One of the major reasons she's still keeping you is the time u v spent togeda n probably ur looks( every girl like marry fyn boiz now), but hommie, if push comes to shove....all dat will be 'tales by moonlight'. I repeat, ds is the case if she's an igbo girl. Brothers, cousins n friends have experienced all these and more. Though I'm igbo, I have neva dated and will not date or marry an igbo girl. Finally, Go on ur knees and tender this project b4 the one you revere most as nothing pass God. |
| Re: My Story- Sincere Advice Pls. by Nobody: 3:36pm On Apr 11, 2013 |
scobaba: Alora lord, from ur name and description about urself, u na 'fine boy', no let this chick make u feel any less.Thanx man! I did let her go but she's trying to get back after months.. I no be olila na! Guess someone else has eaten d fruit and jazzed out..lol.. Btw,only 'fineboyz' can bear this username.*winks*... Gratias! |
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