Greetings Nairalanders, Please, I would like sincere advice on my situation.

I met this young man earlier this year and we hit it off very well; conversation, rapport, flirting etc however, it became a situation where I found my self letting him know that I would like to get to know him better, he responded in kind, but since this time it has always been me making contact, suggesting things etc. In normal situations I would have taken the hint and left this brother alone.

He has been consistently bad at communication, and from the offset he informed me that he is like XYZ and true to form, I have experienced XYZ from him. The thing with this man is, although he leaves all the contacting to me, he always responds in kind and opens up to me, we have both spoken volumes about our like and dislikes, marraige, kids, the kind of woman he is looking for, to the extent we speak as though we are discussing our relationship. He has told me what he finds with me - the good and the bad. However, due to his lack of input, I cannot deny, I'm confused. Is he testing me or is it just simply a case that this brother is not interested in me in that way? Or is he unsure of me? 

Just the other day, we spoke and I asked him if I was waisting my time with him as he doesn't contact me or suggest anything etc, in a nut shell, he basically indicated that I should not take this personally. We agreed to meet up on the weekend, however he just left me hanging!  I mean what nonesense is that 

I'm a woman who does not see life in black nor white, rather I believe in looking at the context in which people behave. My confusion with this man is that when we speak, we speak at length and he's level of interest towards me surfaces, however he has not put his talk into action. Just the other day we spoke again and he informed me that he is seeking a woman who can put up with his ways, I know these ways encompass his lack of communication and I am now started to think I'm being tested.

I know we all go through a level of testing people for suitability, but personally, I feel the way he left me hanging and did not respond to my call, was nothing beyond disprespectful. I have once again decided to leave this brother alone once and for all; as we know, people will treat us as the way we allow them to treat us! Me, I don't want to get to the point where I loose the respect I do have for him.

My question to Nairaland is, has he been testing me or was is simply a case of basic non interest. I hope my thread made sence, if you want to know more please ask.

One love.

Very simply.

The guy is not exactly ready to share his life with u.

Dont waist your time in vain sis.

Don't fall for the reverse psychology. I'm a guy. I know how it works. He hasnt asked u out. Why are u panicking?

(He is not exactly a disrespectful person. He might be very attracted to u. But he may want to eat his cake and still have it )

There is one way you can answer that question. Stop communicating with him altogether. Don't think about him. Condition your mind to believe that he is history. In short accept that the worst had already happened.

If he is testing you. If he is interested in you; if he appreciate you; if he is worth the stress, he would communicate with you to find out what is wrong. If he doesn't communicate, then he does not care if you are alive or dead. Forget him and stop wasting your time. But if he communicate, set in motion events that would make him talk. Don't be the man again. Let him say what he want.

its either he's just not interested in you, and doesn't want you getting hurt, cus he knows your interested in him. or
he's still studying you, and trying to get to know you better. or
he likes you very much, but doesn't know how to express himself. i don't blame him in this case. because some guys are just that way, they don't know how to express themselves. they might like you, but don't know how to say or act it. they always want the lady being the initiator of everything.

i suggest you talk to him, discuss about you and him, so you know what your stand is with him. his reaction and words, should give you a good answer about everything. this would also help you know if you stand a chance with him or your simply wasting your time.

He isnt testing you and he isnt interested. read the handwriting on the wall. a guy interested in you will be more forward and like he already told you, there is some other he thinks he 'gels' with better.

As a guy his actions are completely understandable. He has someone else he thinks he likes better but he's keeping you as backup just in case that one doesnt work out. However he is not willing to fully commit to u so as not to hurt your feelings if eventually his fantasy works out.

@ all, I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I have already considered the reply's and have already decided to 'hang up my running shoes'.

hmm, he does'nt want u. and does'nt wanna hurt u. i'm doing dat right now to a lady. I'm bad at making phone calls though, but this time i'm bad bad bad.

Get the message

davidylan:

As a guy his actions are completely understandable. He has someone else he thinks he likes better but he's keeping you as backup just in case that one doesnt work out. However he is not willing to fully commit to u so as not to hurt your feelings if eventually his fantasy works out.

word

I don't think we should generalise about that guy's intention. It can be misleading. It can go either way.

I must admit I had found myself in that state before, I want to believe that the guy may not be like me. It is fair to give allowance for deviation.

In my case, I look at the girl and told her exactly what the poster was told. I was honest and frank about it. The lady is perfect and my type. However, I noticed a great lapse which would make the relationship fail in the long run. I couldn't communicate it to her because it would demoralize her. I therefore began a gradual, but systematic withdrawal so that she can forget me. I later changed my location and stop communicating altogether.

It was years ago. And we later meet again. By which time she'd got herself another guy. We are friends now which is what I wanted.

My second experience was while I was fresh at school. I had wonderful female pal with whom I enjoy talking. But, I could not tell her what I wanted for fear of losing her! The lady found herself another guy and I learn a bitter lesson from it.

The bottomline is that, we cannot be too sure what happened and what is in that guy until the guy talk. And if he refuse to talk, the lady should accept that he had an issue on his mind. If the guy is mature, he definitely know what he is doing. The best advice is for the poster to stop communicating with him and watch his response. If he come back, he would tell you what he want. If he does not come back, then he has no plan for you. Look for another guy.

I feel so blessed to read these replies. Thank you and please keep them coming.

I accept the replies which state it's simply 'lack of interest', however I'm more inclined to subscribe to a mixture of Olanajim x2, ThoniaSlim and davidylan, as I too have been pondering these same theories. Maybe that is the case, he's not interested but doesn't want to hurt my feelings, by rejecting me Thinking of it like that I can now understand the poster who suggested he's actions were not outright disrespectful!

One thing I have had to consider from the get go is, this guy had told me his time is precious to him and he's very focused on building his business, therefore, he does not want any woman to come into his life and try and take this time, he has even stated that his child does not get much of his time as the way he see's it, he is building for his child's future. Another thing is the relationship he has with his female siblings - doesn't seem that great and he missed an important event for one of them and still has not made amends with her! This is what I mean by putting ppls behaviour into context., what chance do I realistically stand! Although I heard him then, I am now digesting all of this info as time unfolds. I would also go as far to say, this is someone who has a full plate but doesn't know how to communicate this to me, rather he has left time to indicate this fact.

Anyway, he still has not contacted me to say 'sorry' therefore, I consider the weekends No show as a deliberate act! If he genuinely could not meet with me, I'm sure he would have simply informed me by now. Then again, he's silence is nothing out of his regular behaviour. Looooooooooooooong tings!

Any way sha. Please feel free to keep your take on it coming. Although I have erased all traces of his number - again.

Men/Boys, please try to treat women the way you wish to be treated, do not take a woman's kindness and patience for a weakness! Communication is a wonderful concept. Abi.

Hmmm! move on poster.

@OP- I'll tell you one time. He's not testing you. He's got someone by the side that he hasn't chucked out yet.

S

Afta 4yrs, una stil dey giv advis!
Una wel work o

<<edited>>

Sijo01: Afta 4yrs, una stil dey giv advis!
Una wel work o

LMAO

D 2rut is that d dude admires ur courage,openess,maturity,commitmnt & ur willingness 2 move things 2 d next level. But d fact remains that he is hooked already & doesnt kn hw 2 open up 2 u 4 u nt 2 fill bad & distnc urslf 4rm him,he hs dcided 2 stand inbtwn. He doesnt wnt 2 say no 4d fear of loosing u,& doesnt wnt 2 say yes in as nt 2 break ur heart.

Girly,just chill & tell him 2b plain with u if he's got a woman in his life. Then u'll know better. Gudluck

The most likely reason is the guy is not interested or he has another lady that is higher up the pecking order than you are.
If I was you, I would get rid and ignore the guy. If a guy likes you, he will call or txt you and do things to let you know he does.

However given the fact that you like this dude and you are looking for a glimmer of hope, there is still a chance you can let him come around.
First of all, you need to let him appreciate you. A lot of men appreciate what they chase more often than what is laid on their laps. It's time to let him do
all the chasing. You can let him know you do not have time for men who can't take their time to call you.

- Chill back and relax. You have done your share - which is to let him know you are interested in him. Do no more till he lets you feel the way you should.
If not, he is not the man for you.