Dear Nairalanders,
I'm in a deep shit here and I need you to help me out of this! Please.

I met this guy sometime ago and I thot he was a big joke, but with time, I've fallen totally in love with him.

I didn't want this relationship because he had a relationship and I had one too. I decided to play along but somewhere along the line, I totally lost it. Now, am desperately in love with this guy and I have to get him to love me and not just play games with me.

I think I have some advantages over the other girl but she has the advantage of dating him for close to one year now,

Now, I can't stay a minute without thinking of this guy. It's totally destroying my relationship and am falling in love with him every new day.
I wonder when he spends time with his girl because he spends a lot of time with me now.

He just proposed we take a 1 day holiday to somewhere nice and cozy. I've accepted the invitation with the intention of showering him him love, spoiling him crazy and make him hunger for me so much. Then, if he insists on sex, I'm going to tell I can't share him with any woman. (That's true and I'm sort of a virgin too.)
If he wants a full blown relationship, he must decide between me and his girl. Yet, I don't want to put pressure on him and drive him away.

Now my questions are: I'm I doing the right thing?  How do I actually make him fall in love with me?

Please before you criticize me, remember, I didn't encourage this relationship from the beginning. I told him I didn't want it but he was so persistent that he ended up winning me over.

Good and candid openions will be welcome.

You can sure go for the holiday wit him,
But i can bet that u would RUIN everything
if u end up sleeping with him.

SEX with him won't make him love his fiance less.
So my deear! take your time, get 2 know him
and see his reaction when u refuse him sex.

If he doesn't press u hard on sex and seem not
2 mind, then there is a possibility that his FALLEN 4 You.
                                                        Ciao & Goodluck.

Oh busygal,
Thanks so much for this reply. I'm so relieved am not making mistake. I sure do agree with you, am definintely not going to give him sex, but will give kisses and a little touch now and again. ( I hope that is ok?)

More replies on how to go about this will be appreciated.

u right! u could actually drive him crazy
with hot touchings here and there, KISSING
HIM REALY HARD while
Make him long deeply 4 u. But be very
careful when doing this cos not all girls
GO scotfree with this! He could end up
SEDUCEING U INTO IT

Thanks Girl!
Trust me, I will be on my guards.
I shall keep you posted!

if you're sure you will be able to say "no" and mean it , then you can go spend time with him if you like.
and watch closely for the reaction when you say "no".
be carefull.

candies:

Then, if he insists on sex, I'm going to tell I can't share him with any woman. (That's true and I'm sort of a virgin too.)

Can You Xplain the Highlighted? " What Do U Mean By "Sort of a Virgin". Is their anything like "Partially Virgin"? God Help Me!

I've had a finger inserted into me now and again but never had anything larger than a finger in me which makes me not such a virgin anymore.
At the same time, I've never had a dick in me or any sexual toy which means. . . .

WOW!!!

@Topic, you "Very vivid" description_{or do i dare say "Redition"}of i touch myself was quite, hhhhmmmmmmmmmm,

Anyway, you really need to decide what you want from this guy cos if you want my sinsere opinion
Sex wont change his feelings for you_{truth hurts but this is facts with guyz}

The "1 day Holiday getaway" is a SEX APPOINTMENT. no matter how you look at it. Boyz don't require such timeouts to bond with gals.

If you know 4 sure that he's really into his other woman, you need to decide if you will keep the relationship_{leaving you as the "Other woman"} OR walk away now no matter how sad it all might seem.

The choice is yours.

@Nautillus,
Thanks for your candid advice and sincerity although, quite painful.

I quite agree with you that this guy definitely had sex on his mind when he proposed this holiday.
The catch here is that, I'll go with him but make sure I DON'T give in to him.
If he jilts me after this, I mean just because I don't give him sex, I'll accept that he was never meant for me. I'll try to move on and forget him.
If he stays after this holiday without sex and still wants to hang on with me, I'll heave a sigh of relief.
But no matter what I do, I'll NOT give in to sex just as busygal and autopilot have adviced.
I'm sure I can do that because I've had relationships and have been in love before and still said NO to sex.
Once again, thanks.

you have to be really careful when seducing him you may actually end up doing the main thing.

@Topic

no, no, no, Gawd, when will gals ever understand guys

Listen girl, let me reel out/ predict event proceedings between you and this guy from now till the nearest future.
1.IF you attend this holiday_{which from all indications you want to} he will ask 4 sex and you will say no, he will be hurt(and might show it) and will then try "reverse pshyco" with moves like, you don't REALLY love me, because if you did, you wont deny me, blah, blah, blah, yes i know that I'm still with girl X but my heart has always been with you, blah, blah, blah, i have a hard on 4 you the size of Oyo state, if i don't let out now, my balls/D**k would rupture and i can't mastorbate, blah, blah, blah, etc.

This will be the direction of events during the holiday whenever you guys are alone _{and he will always have hope that he will definitely hit your skins eventually afterall you kiss him now abi}

IF by some unlikely miracle you don't end up having sex with him during this period, he might, or might not try to register his grievance by drifting away for a little while and "play the waters" to see if you will come back more submissive

He _{if he's a true player like most Nigeria guys} would persist but his overtures will slow down drastically if you don't sleep with him until he would find another chase_girl that he can match with you_{in his head that is} that he would divert his attention to and he will WALK.

Standard player operation_{sorry girl but the truth bites}

naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
the 1 day holiday  is just a sheild 4 the guy 2 get sex 4rm u, [well it depends, but  4  most  guys   na  so, ]

are u sure that u are strong enoogh 2 resiost?,

gal, try  n  take it  slow,
sex  doesnt  automatically translate  2  luv, 4rm  a  guys  point  of  view,

Candies,
hmm, i smell a rat here. u rightly said u were in a relationship. and how come nobody is talking about your main guy. if you give him as much time as you are giving this new guy, then you will not fall in love with this new guy let alone go on a 1 day getaway with him. the truth is, there is always 'this thing' about meeting new friends. before you know it you will think nothing else exists in the world but u just want to be with this new friend until you have come to such a level that  you have done everything with this new friend and he/she then becomes a normal close friend. once this close friend status is achieved, the human heart longs for something new again, and you might think meeting/or falling in love with another new person will solve it. NO, its just one viscious cycle. so girl, bet real, take hold of yourself and start cutting off from him unless ure set to end your existing relationship, and break a heart, just to be happy with someone ure not even sure will leave his other girl for u. when the chips are down, he will sure leave you for the one he has come to trust and love over a longer time. how are you sure he isnt seeing you as a one fling thing, so all your efforts to make him stay might just end up as nothing.
its also interest to say that most guys might just be satisfied with a change in company on such a getaway, have a few kisses + touches even without having sex if the girl refuses him, so please don't be his 'new toy'.

i think u need to follow your head in this case, not just your heart

This is theory for now, wen you do go for the holiday, you may
end up beign screwed up. You love this guy, and you may may give
in wen he shows you his romantic prowess. We men have that.
It has happened to me. The lady ended up begging for more.
Be careful. You may not come back a virgin.

Gurl, forget that thang you dey "YARN"

Its difficult to find a relationship without Sex, its part of a relationship this days so if you want this guy then you better do wat you have to do,having sex with you doesnt mean he only wants sex from you, Lemmie give you an example, i actually asked my gurl friend out becos she was sexy, i mean extremely sexy and all i wanted was to f**k her (that was my intention) here i am today, madly inlove with her, but you can bet she gave it to me real bad and i fell for her, so who knows,

Even the fact i am outta Nigeria right now, i still try to keep intouch with her once in a while,

besides you get OJUKOKORO you have a boyfriend and you still fell for another guy, cant you simply stick to your real boyfriend? what does this new guy have that your boyfriend doesnt, na wa oo,

Gurls, sometimes you gurls SUCK !!!

I tell ppl gurls doesnt know what they really want, this is a very good example

Hay,
You're sure in real shit here! I only wish you hadn't fallen in love with him, then, I would have adviced you seduce him without giving him anything, empty his pocket , and leave him feeling wounded and wanting you!
But since you're already in love, that won't be easy.
I've gone thru the posts, and I discovered that the ladies think you should go for this trip and play cool while the guys think you shouldn't go at all.
I think you should follow the advice of the guys because they know themselves more. On the other hand, ladies get sentimental. Why don't you tell him the truth?! Like 'hello buddy, I can't go with you cos I don't want to be your intimacy gadget?!
Like the ladies have said, i think you could give this a shot. But remember to carry VEX money, so that in case he insist and he gets nasty, you just pick your handbag with your vex money and leave him there!

Thanks every one for your candid advice and sincerity. I don't agree with passionwit, Love is not about sex. I love this guy and am vulnerable now, but I'm going to use my head and not become any man's toy for any reason.
I feel sort of insulted that he's given me a 'sex appointment' but I'm going to prove him wrong.
If He continues to love me, fine, if not, life goes on.
You know, life sucks sometimes! But it could be cool.

@yimiton.
You seem to belong to the old brigade.
Men are wiser now. You dont get a dime
without your pussy beign hot. Sorry for my language.
back for ground, money for hand.
Try me.

it is no ACCIDENT people say "O God" when they come

Bob James,
That might not be totally true.
He's been showering me with presents and I could demand for more if I wanted to but I don't see any reason why I should as I am pretty comfortable too.
@ bebe2007,
If he thinks it's a waste of his money, too bad. I have to find out if this guy will love me and continue to care for me or choose the other lady and let me go.
whatever the case, I'm prepared for the worst. The only thing am sure of right now is that NO SEX!

girl  i can only say u should play save and be wise, cos u can't tell and very important don't drink and get tipsy or else , and don't over seduce him so that it's won't turn to be by force. U no some guys can't withstand the pains as they said , I will be happy if u can play and be the winner.

You Will Be Deep in Something Worse Than Shit By The Time The "Ho" Liday is Over. Better Dont Go Anywhere With Him. Hes the Regular Selfish Guy.

Try This And See. Disappoint the Appointment. I Bet His Reaction Will Help In Washing Clear Your Eyes. I Swear You Will Ask your Self What The Hell Uve Been Doing With Him After You Give Him The Shocker, That Would Reveal His True Soul.


Girls, Girls, Why Cant You All Read The Signature of Players Till You Are 33. Most Girls Only Wake Up At 33 (My Hypothesis)After Several "Plunges" Why?

Y Cant You keep Your Legs Closed Till Marriage. Most Guys are Only Out For Adventure Especially When They Are Gainfully Employed. This is the Truth My Sister. Shove off that Guy and Go Back to the Guy That Has respected Thy Virginity So Far.

The long and short and fat n thin of all is that, don't go if u don't want sex!! This guy is not taking you to somewhere "cozy" only to look into ur eyes n ur nice body n tell u sweet things u wonna hear n perhaps lie like his feelings are dead whilst u seduce him. He's going to get ya pants down! trust me BTW, why do u wonna cheat on ur guy n snatch someone's own from her Remember the people u meet on ur way going are the same people u meet on ur way coming, this guy is not following u for nothing. . . . like u said; "i want him to fall in love with me" it means he doesn't love u like u do, and i bet u, a guy will do anything only to get his "thing" into ur panty. . . afterwards, cry ya eyes off, he care the less. You see the drama Nautillus has given above. . .his words alone can UnCloth u, if u're not the strongwilled type. . . and b4 u say jack, ya eyes r already wet

Be kiaful, that's my candid o! truth bites. . . hmmm!

Those who live in glasshouses dont throw stones dress in the basement

i will continue to speak in proverbs until --------------------

Allright guys.
Thanks for all your good advice. I won't go. From what you guys have said here, going will not make us any closer or love any better. _{He says he loves me and I'm always pissed whenever he says that.}
I'll even try to break up with him _{I tried that at the beginning but he didn't let go until I started lovng him}
@ Efua, thanks for your advice, but for all that it is worth, I am strong willed. I'm 27 and I've loved before as well as dated before. All those 'if you really love me shit' don't get me tripping anymore. _{Maybe when I was 17 though}.
The big problem here is the fact that I love this guy now and when you're in love with someone, you get mushy over him.
Special thanks to the guys in the house. I'll stay away from that trip _{even though I was looking forward to it so much!}

For real are you a virgin at 27

many women complain that they keep attracting the wrong relationship.What they meany by that of course ,is that they are attracted to the wrong relationship.Thay are stuck in a place that is to dangerous but SEDUCTIVE.They want desperately to get out of the pattern but often not quite desperate enough They lack the power to save their own lives.

We give up what we want to give up and keep what in some way we still want to keep

Posts like this make me want to vomit. Stop getting so carried away by your emotions.
What you're calling "true love"is just infatuation and sexual excitement. It's no big deal.

This is a man who is asking you out despite the fact that he has a girlfriend. Is this the
kind of man you want? Wait a minute, you have a boyfriend too. You deserve each other!

@ ettehgate,
Sort of, but what I'll call a bad virgin or an experience virgin. Quite pretty and could be very naughty, wicked and seductive.I don't fall in love easily but I do occationally. I've seen it all, had relationships and allowed a boyfriend's preying finger now and again, but never the real thing.
To me, being a virgin is not a big deal, neighter does it make me a good girl. To be sincer with  you, I don't feel like a real virgin after the fingering and I don't think am better than all other disvirgined 27 year olds, it's just that, I could be a smart **s.