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Country blessed with crude oil still import fuel #it is only in Nigeria

Ramadan manual

What do you think they are fixing in this wreck van?

TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National Anthem?
CHILDREN: D-Banj!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do you call people from Moscow?
CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That's great! You're going to be stupid like this until your government increases my salary!

TEACHER: Who is the President of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: (They all chorused) Lamido Sanusi!
TEACHER: Correct! Who is the Minister of Defence?
CHILDREN: Asari Dokubo!
TEACHER: Good! What is the capital city of Nigeria?
CHILDREN: Enugu!
TEACHER: Very good! Who composed the National Anthem?
CHILDREN: D-Banj!
TEACHER: Excellent. What do you call people from Moscow?
CHILDREN: Mosquitoes!
TEACHER: Perfect! How much is 2 + 5?
CHILDREN: 25!
TEACHER: That's great! You're going to be stupid like this until your government increases my salary!

1) Straighten your intention - why are you fasting? Is it to please the people? Is it because you don't want to be the odd one out? Or is it to please Allâh and obey Him and to follow the sunnah of the messenger (salAllahu alayhi wa sallam).
2) Control your eating and be disciplined with your food - too much food makes you weak for worship, induces sleep, removes understanding and is bad for you. Be disciplined.
3) Monitor your ibaadah - maybe have a plan which you follow. Don't burn out in the first few days. Little and often is better.
4) Read as much Qur'an as possible - this is the month of the Qur'an. Focus your time on this and use this month to reconnect with the Book of Allâh.
5) Avoid distractions - no tv, games consoles, movies etc. Each second is like gold in this month so do not waste it on uselessthings .
6) Use it as a launch-pad for the rest of the year - repent, implement changes into your life and plan how you will improve between this Ramadhaan and the next.
7) Avoid swearing and foul speech - no useless chat and no cursing. Guard your tongue, especially in this month.
Give charity - be extra-generous in this and ensure you give something every day - even if it's a small amount.
9) Enjoy - Allâh loves this action. You're following the sunnah with billions of Muslims worldwide so smile and enjoy the blessings thaGt Allâh has placed in this month.
May Allah count us among dos dat will fast and be rewarded . Amin

Who is Happy

A crow lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life.

But one day he saw a swan...
This swan is so white and I am so black... crow thought.

This swan must be the happiest bird in the world.

He expressed his thoughts to the swan.
"Actually," the swan replied,
"I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colours.
I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation."

The crow then approached the parrot.
The parrot explained,
"I lived a very happy life—until I saw a peacock.
I have only two colours, but the peacock has multiple colours."

The crew then visited a peacock at the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him.

After the people had left,
The crow approached the peacock..

Dear Peacock,
You are so beautiful.
Every day, thousands of people come to see you.
When people see me,
they immediately shoo me away.
I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.

The peacock replied,
I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet-
but because of my beauty,
I am entrapped in this zoo.

I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realised that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage.

So for the past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.

That's our problem too.

We make unnecessary comparison with others and become sad.

We don't value what Allah has given us.
This all leads to the vicious cycle of unhappiness.

Value the things Allah has given & say Alhamdulillah for absolutely everything.

Learn the secret of being happy and discard the comparison which leads only to unhappiness..

I couldn't resist sharing this.
HOW TO KILL YOUR MOTHER -IN -LAW
A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got
married & went to live with her husband and
mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found
that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-
law at all.
Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li
was angered by many of her mother-in-law' s
habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her
mother-in-law never stopped arguing and
fighting.
But what made the situation even worse was
that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li
had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her
every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the
house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! D great
distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-!
law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer,
and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li
went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang,
who sold herbs.
She told him the situation and asked if he would
give her some poison so that she could solve the
problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said,
"Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you
must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you
tell me to do."Mr. Huang went into the back
room, and returned in a few minutes with a
package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a
quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-
law, because that would cause people to become
suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number
of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her
body. Every other day prepare some delicious
meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.
Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect
you, when she dies, you must be very careful to
act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with
her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a
queen." Li-Li was so happy.
She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start
her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every
other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food
to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr.
Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she
controlled her temper!r, obeyed her mother-in-
law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household
had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her
temper so much that she found that she almost
never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an
argument with her mother-in-law in six months
because she now seemed much kinder and easier
to get along with.
The mother-in-law' s attitude toward Li-Li
changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own
daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives
that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one
could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were
now treating each other like a real mother and
daughter.
Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was
happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang
and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr.
Huang, please help me to keep the poison from
killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into
such a nice woman, and I love her like my own
mother. I do not want her to die because of the
poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li,
there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you
any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins
to improve her health. The only poison was in
your mind and your attitude toward her, but that
has been all washed away by the love which you
gave to her."
HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is
exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise
Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will
also be loved in return." God might be trying to
work in another person's life through you. Send
this to your friends and spread the POWER OF
LOVE.
Good morning.

There are nine children in the house, and only them are in the house. A is ironing. B is watching TV. C is cooking. D is playing cards. E is bathing. F is is listening to music. G is sleeping. I is dressing. H is..................? Fill in the gap

1. The wife that wins all arguments with her
husband is not wise. The home is not a law
court.
2. The wife that uses sex as a weapon in the
home - placing embargo, going to bed in jeans
shorts and trousers - lacks wisdom. 3. The wife that uses the modern trends and
laws of "women's rights" to insult or ridicule
her husband simply makes a fool of herself.
4. A woman that makes her home devoid of
peace through bickering, nagging and
quarrels needs help. A man should be eager to run away from office to be at home, for
that should be the safest and cosiest place on
earth for him.
5. Modern-day equality in marriage does not
mean competition. It simply means
partnership. Taking advantage of such equality to turn around and become the de
facto head of the home and oppress the man
is tantamount to playing with fire. If you
destroy your home, soon you will be the
boss of an empty home.
6. A wise wife makes the man feel so good that he assumes that he is the head. Once he
gets that feeling, the woman gently wields
her power and the head actually turns to
wherever the neck wants without a protest.
7. A wife that does not pull herself away
from friends' influence and advice or even from the control of her mother and father
will have herself to blame.
8. When a man is looking for a wife, he
bypasses women of different shapes and
sizes to choose a wife. But soon after
childbirth, many women hide under the excuse of childbirth to let go of themselves.
Many stop bothering about their looks, shape,
dressing, etc. Within 5 years of marriage,
people start wondering if the wife is the
man's aunt, even though she is 7 years
younger. Her defence is that if he truly loves her, he should love her the way she is, but
when looking for a wife, he saw people like
the present YOU and ignored them and settled
for the former YOU. Today, you go to bed
smelling of onions.... You go to bed wearing
grandmothers' clothes. Why are you playing with your marriage? Love is not about looks
- we know. But looks enhances love and
marriage. There is a difference between
someone disfiguring herself and the person
being disfigured by an accident.
Please don't be complacent. As hard as it may be, work on looking like you were when he
first saw you and began the chase.
9. If every night you are tired, sleepy, sore,
down with headache or fever, "not in the
mood," you are a joker, a serious comedian!
10. If your children suddenly become more important to you than your husband, you
need prayers.
11. If you assume that as the woman, only
you need to be pampered and fussed over
while the man is a stone that has no
emotions, you need to be pitied. 12. A woman that has the mind of a wife
does not excite her husband. Wives are
usually complacent and presumptuous. A
wife must strive to have the mind of a
girlfriend. A girlfriend is always nicer,
sweeter, more loving and always thinking of ways to wow her sweetheart; a girlfriend
does not try to win all arguments, does not
call the man a "useless man", is not careless
about her looks or dressing, always smiles
and laughs with the man, sends the man
sweet messages and calls, etc. Are you your husband's girlfriend in word and in deed?
J

A hungry man prayed to GOD that he should stumble on N2000 on the road and he promised to give GOD N1000 out of it. Not up to 5 minutes later after he had made the prayer, he saw N1000 on the road, he quickly picked it, looked up to the sky, shook his head and said,
''My Father in heaven, na now I come fear u o...u no like cheating at all, sharp, sharp u don quickly comot ur own share."

i go laff ooo.... graduate in Biology from University of Benin
was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an
advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at
a zoo.
In the interview, the manager told him that their
gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has
died so they needed someone to dress up &
pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed,
but since the salary was OK, he accepted the job.
The 1st day, he put on the gorilla skin & entered
the cage, he started jumping up and down, beat
his chest & roared like gorilla.
The next day, he put on a gorilla skin & started
moving around the zoo again & mistakenly
entered another cage and found himself
staring at a lion. The lion roared & rushed towards
him.
The scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a
gorilla & started shouting like human, "Help!
Help!" The lion leaped onto him,knocked him to
the
ground & whispered in his ear "Jimi" it's me
Chuks, ur course mate. Shut up or we'll both lose
our job....!!!

Money has different names !!! In church its
called (offering), in school its (fee), in marriage
it's called (dowry), in divorce (alimony), when you
owe someone its (debt ), when you pay the
government (tax), in court (fines), civil servant
retirees (pension) boss to workers (salary),
master to subordinates (wages), when u borrow
from bank (loan), when you offer after a service
(tip), to kidnappers (ransom), illegally received
in the name of service (bribe). The question is
"When a Husband gives it to his Wife what do
We call it __________? ‪#‎ GeniusAlone‬

A NIGERIA teacher was sent to China
to teach.
The first day he entered class, he
began by
roll-calling. He said "Sheng." A
student
said"Present." He called the second
name,
Chu Muon. Another student
said"Present."
Suddenly, he sneezed, "hatchia" One
student
seated at the corner stood up and
said,
"Present." He then exclaimed and
said,"hmmmm..." all the students
shouted
"Absent." He got confused and said,"
Shaa..."
Three students stood up and said,
"Which of
us?" The teacher became more
confused and
he asked, " What iswrong?" A
student stoodup
and he said, " Sir, I'm not Wrong, I'm
called
Wong."The teacher now laughed
and said,
"hahaha" .. A girl said "Present sir."

Splash fm ibadan the best so far

Riddle for the day:
i am the first on earth
i am the second in heaven
i appear twice in a week
i am only see once in a year
and i am in the middle of the sea what am i?

If we mistakenly slip or fall into a gutter, we would, without delay, get up, rush home, take a bath, wear clean clothes and apply perfume.

But when we actually fall into the gutter of sins, dont we foolishly remains there?

Should we not immediately pickup ourself by getting out of the sin we fell into, by making sincere taubah (repentance) that would bathe us off our sins, once more adopt the garment of ‘taqwa’ (piety) and perfume ourselves with the zikr of Allah?

‘Do not delay the time for repentance.

“Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499

The one who fell and got up has not fallen.’

May Allah forgive our sins that we have done knowingly or unknowingly.

A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Others diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.

After he finished eating, his son who was not at all embarrassed, quietly took him to the wash room, wiped the food particles, removed the stains, combed his hair and fitted his spectacles firmly. When they came out, the entire restaurant was watching them in dead silence, not able to grasp how someone could embarrass themselves publicly like that.

The son settled the bill and started walking out with his father.

At that time, an old man amongst the diners
called out to the son and asked him, "Don't you think you have left something behind?".

The son replied, "No sir, I haven't".

The old man retorted, "Yes, you have! You left a lesson for every son and hope for every father".

The restaurant went silent.

As a muslim lady I don't see any reason why I should date a non muslim, not even talking of getting marry to one, I pray almighty Allah help us all

See what this twitter user promised, if chelsea should win EPL and barcelona win la liga

It is called RESPECT and it is our culture so don't be obsessed with it.

What are you doing with your sister phone the first place?

Well, what can I say if I said he's exposing his family they started it after all. I pray that Almighty God will give you the strenght to settle this amiclably I can't imagine what I will be going through without my family support

his he trying to defend himself or what?

Did I hear you say you are not biased? Why is majority not happy when they have won. Other party are celebrating when they win ward as if the winner has been announced. We are happy and we are peaceful.

Empress kii

GMB must deliver