₦airaland Forum

noblegrex:
don't be scared of loosing a woman cos u might end up loosing her eventually,that doesn't mean u don't love her,u r a man,u have to b in charge.then what is the essence of suffering internaly.don't hurt yourself.

Thanks... Really appreciate. Am afraid it does appear as though I lack the will to confront her. However, am just trying to be cautious not to make mistake by only thinking about myself.

Op. Having gone through your post, I think I get your point. Having said that, you didn't stand firm on your initial point by suggesting appropriate time to introduce sex into a relationship. Is there any manual to operate relationship? What time is the appropriate time? I know you didn't mean after marriage because you post says so.

The truth is that you can't eat your cake and have it back principled. Most people just post comments to deceive themselves and others, though few refused the trend of buying into societal make-believe concepts. A typical example is this particular issue here.

A lady who is not a virgin, who had been in sexual relationships with different guys suddenly sees a serious minded guy and she declares no sex before marriage quoting the scriptures as her back up. Who is fooling who?

Who says it's a male's duty to demand for sex? Either sex could initiate the move. Or better still, a complete abstinence from sex and emotional relationships could be the answer. But, I strongly suggest we tell ourselves the truth and build a better future for our children than throw the truth under the bus.

On a personal note, the issue of sex before or after marriage is not an issue at all, it all depends on the two parties involved. I can wait as long as it is not forever and their is understanding. Sincerely, I've had my own fair share as well, hit the link and see for yourself.

https://www.nairaland.com/2368628/complicated-girlfriend-future-wife-frigid

Edusouls:
am telling you brother,it is madness more at the male part, the craze for sex is so much that u begin to wonder if our mind is really so idle,so much idle and sex starved men doing anything to get under a girls skirt,at the end only just a few get it.brother african man get wahala, thats why we are called black monkeys.

I wanted to just bypass like I usually do but this is strong... You should learn how to degrade yourself alone with your racists comment. How dare you use such derogatory word on the African man.

Rainess:
1) Frigid is not a medical condition. It is a term that has been used for many scores of years to insult a woman who rejects a man for sex.

2) Your girlfriend does not owe you sex. Perhaps you do not excite her. You should talk about it. But if you cannot live with her like this, do not propose.

Firstly, your suggested (perhaps concluded) that frigid is a derogatory word used to describe women who refuse their partners sex without any medical complications. Am not a professional gynaecologist but a further research on the subject may clear your view or perhaps you just right about it.

Secondly, you should've carefully and meticulously read through my original post before through tantrums at me. Having said that, she is more than excited and sacrifices more in the relationships than myself.


However, thanks for your advice.

noblegrex:
Ah ah! Y r u afraid to confront or talk to your Gf=future wife, man no try am o. All in d name of I don't want to loose her yet u r suffering emotionally. If u knw u want her to b your f wife then talk to her as to settle whatevere it is b4 u regret later n eventualy plan to leave. Y should u b afraid talk to her 1on1 if she's leaving bear it if nt gud for u habba which kind levels b that, say u go beg her b4 u talk to her abi b4 u Bleep her ni.

Its been a while I visited nairaland...
Yeah somehow... I think was scared to just lay it bear like without considering her thought on it... I think I was scared of losing her because I loved her so much.

Like seriously... Back pack? Hand bag? Beware of ladies with hand bag

Just felt like dropping this:
ABC vs Nautico - under 2.5 goals @1.50
Mogi Mirim vs CRB - under 2.5 goals @1.56
Give it a try and thank me later.

Mhizkel:
When she starts avoiding going out with you. Fear of guys approaching just you, and snubbing her.

valuable point - one that should be added to the original post.

smithsydny:
I jst chop fastin food finish. Heavy poundo yam

Yet you call it fasting... who is deceiving who

smithsydny:
I jst chop fastin food finish. Heavy poundo yam

Yet you call it fasting... who is deceiving who

1. Give Backhanded Compliments:
You’ll quickly recognize a jealous person by the swift, backhanded compliments. A jealous friend may congratulate you on a new job by reminding you that you got it because you know someone.

2. Avoid You When You Succeed:
If something great happens to you, like you start dating someone new or get a huge bonus at work, jealous folks might take the back door in order to avoid having to celebrate your accomplishments.

3. Downplay Your Happiness:
Jealous people can’t stand when good things happen to other people; one of the subtle ways they deal with it is by cutting you down with their words in the veil of offering advice. If you lost weight and are feeling great about your body, they might downgrade your joy by telling you that it’s pretty common for people to gain it all back in a few weeks.

4. Constantly Complain:
Everyone knows that jealous friend who always complains that you look better than them, are smarter, kinder, funnier, wealthier, better-dressed, etc. What a snooze!

5. Pout:
If your friend doesn’t want to admit they are jealous, they might pull the serious pout. They might act bitchy because everyone is flocking around you at the bar but when you ask them what’s wrong, they say “nothing” with a saccharine smile.

6. Tell You That You’re Bragging:
If you are genuinely happy about something or sharing some good news, jealous people have a way of making it seem like you’re boasting about yourself and like you’re a nasty person for doing so.

7. Process, Process, Process:
A lot of jealous people need to constantly process their feelings of inadequacy by asking you to have long, intense talks about your relationship. Everyone needs a good processing session to keep relation-ships healthy once in a while but if it’s three to four times a week, you know you’re dealing with a jealous person.

8. Gossip:
Because jealous people are uncomfortable with other people they view as superior to them, they love to gossip about any kind of negative tid-bits they can get on you. This kind of vicious gossip is a tell-tale sign of an unhappy jealous person.

9. Feel Sorry For Themselves:
Instead of realizing that there is plenty of love, riches, joy and beauty to go around, jealous people tend to mope around feeling sorry for themselves as though they’ve been dealt a worse hand in life than everyone else.

10. Plot Revenge:
If the jealous person in question isn’t a moper, they might be a revenge plotter - the ones who feel that your good fortune has slighted them in some way and scheme ways to make you look bad and take you down.

Someone added:

Mhizkel:
When she starts avoiding going out with you. Fear of guys approaching just you, and snubbing her.

CC: Lalasticlala

ronald4lif:


Everything you said is accurate. Any society where a gender is subjugated and where there's an imbalance in the society it affects every sectors and the general economy of that country. The have to be a level field of play for everyone for a society to develop. Nigeria as we all know, is a patriarchal society where men are placed above women in almost every sphere of life.

Most feminists have posited that, the feminism crusade and the struggle for an egalitarian society isn't just beneficial to women but about the future growth of the society and that feminism is at advantage to the men too. When one considers society where there's equality of both sexes, and how women contribution has been phenomenal in various sectors they'd agree that an equal field of play is detrimental to the development of developing nations like Nigeria.

The Nigerian successive governments have been a joke over the years. This trend of women turning a relationship as a poverty alleviation program would keep skyrocketing until poverty and a suitable environment is established where youngsters can engage themselves in something meaningful.

For many Nigerian men, they employed fraud, drugs and other illicit means to earn a living. Women on the other hand aren't ingenious in such acts, so they decided to use relationship as a bail-out of hardship and earning comfortability. It has become a game of survival of the fittest

Truckpusher:
Exactly and its a cycle that dents the image and morality of a people and nation bringing their credibility down to the ashes of time.The Government just need to do something if not it will continue unabated and the ensuing socio economic chaos that will follow would be unprecedented.
Spain had a similar problem in the 15th or 16th centuries ago where eight out of every ten women in the streets of Maldrid was into some form of prostitution until they had to ship a lot of them off to the Americas . Ours is more pathetic we've got no where to ship our bad girls to ,even as our prisons can't contain the number of inmates it was originally designed for the bad guys that are into illegal activities .
The most annoying part is that our useless lawmakers were trying to enact laws to legalize prostitution instead of brainstorming on how to turn these abundant human resources into a great asset ,either in the factories to churn out goods and give services that would be locally consumed and also exported while maintaining our dignity as a nation and a people with a fulfilled life.
Our leaders are sick , honestly .

Are you guys political analysts? Look how you just associated this thread with the problem of the society. I think President Buhari needs you in his cabinet....

oyin17:
you are right my only problem is their insecurity

Insecurity is a thing of the mind. Even the rich suffer from it in their relationships. Though financial insecurity is very high on any insecurity list. An insecure person (guy/lady) is not worth investing time with.

oyin17:
thanks for your observation, I'll modify later

You're welcome dear....

The truth to the matter is that some girls actually put up with some broke for different reasons. Some girls date broke guys because of one or more of the following:
1. Has potential to be rich in the future
2. Treats her great with little he has
3. Gives her best bleeps of her life
4. Treats her like slave (most girls love being manhandled)
5. Promises marriage especially when age is creeping on the lady.
6. Etc. You can add more

oyin17:
Money can't buy love but broke guys are annoying sometimes. I'm not saying its wrong to date a broke guy. They are always insecure about the relationship and keep accusing the lady of cheating.

My opinion

Your first and second sentence are spot on. However, I've some challenge with your last sentence. I think you shouldn't generalized with "they" rather words like "most" ot "some" would be more appropriate.

I don't think she actually wore a clothe with those words boldly written on the back? I think someone must have restructured that photograph. Please take good look at it again... Check... Is it edited.

If she is actually wearing that those sitting beside her would notified het or an user... Just thinking...!!!

I don't get it.... Can someone explain what's all this....?

Let me try and explain to myself:

1. HE CHEATS: this one is strong... this one is strong. As far am concerned everyone is a cheat... If you claim not to be then tell us if you've not look lustfully and fantasized about another in a relationship . Remember, the thought is as good as the act. Well you can look, fantasize but don't act be a good boyfriend

2. ACTS VIOLENT BUT DOESN'T HIT YOU: It is spear the rod and spoil the child... I don't subscribe to hitting women but this point makes no head for me. So I should smile and pretend all is well my girlfriend gets me upset na lie o... I go vex but not hit her.

3. PROCLAIM: Perhaps I've to tie her to my waist and carry her to everywhere I go, na lie I disagree. Ladies remember some guys are not always comfortable with the idea of going widespread with their relationship doesn't mean they don't love and will not marry you, so don't be deceived. I believe action speaks loud that words.

4. ADDICTION: This is a negative point in accessing if a lady should marry a guy. Chai . So before you guys gone to sleep (bed) you mean you don't know he smokes, like sex, watches EPL every weekend (even on Sunday morning), loves money more than you? Etc. I mean you should ask all this on your first date and you'll will get the best answers . Nonsense... Women trying to change men since 1800BC. And as a matter of fact everybody has its own addiction(s) some are seriously and others mild but addiction na addiction.

opedaydydx9:
If ur this guy with high libido, hmmmmm.... It's certain u gonna cheat on her after marriage,.... Before u gon into a relationship with anybody u should knw this things about them... I ask about everything not minding the fact I might seem like a pervert buh then I wouldn't want to cheat on my wife!

Thanks for your advice....

booqee:
Hang on lemme get this straight, throughout your sexual encounter with her, you guys didn't do anything like kissing and Mouth Action? (becuase the bolded suggests so, if you are just thinking now of suggesting it to her). Lemme ask again, you don't kiss?? I'm certain you don't even do any kind of f0replay at all..you just go straight for the kill and gbam you want to chook something inside her kini.

How the hell do you want her to feel aroused or excited?!!!

Thanks for your comment.

Like seriously you don't mean that bold part right? Is it possible? No, no... I don't think so as matter of fact, I hate going straight into action without the right rituals. I know the benefits of it (I.e. The more you play the longer you last ). The truth is that she just dislikes the idea of any sexual advances.

onomeglo:
seriously,can't vomit everything here,buh u can check my thread'I have similar issues with ur gal,sex is like a stranger to me,God help us

Thanks I'll definitely check your thread for insight.

Jollyjoy:
hmmm! I use to suffer frm that same frigidity untill my guy take me to a counselor, and she advice me on what to do, talk to her, get her more into the mode be4 the actual act, kissing and the rest wil help, beside, she may nt like sex due to her first sexual experience or maybe she has been raped be4. Get her to trust u., she is nt alone.

Thanks very much really appreciate.

Space booked

mordtonia:
Buy Trevo for her, by the time she's done with one bottle you'll give testimony. #promise#
Contact me for order.

Be serious na....

onomeglo:
Hmmmmmmm I'm having similar issues with this op's girlfriend,God help us.

You're very serious? Can you throw more light on it? How is it with you? What goes on in your head anytime sex is mentioned.

Dollyak:
Haa. This is a bit complicated

That's why your advice is needed.

remsonik:
You have to be careful with the way you approach the issue.
One: you don't have to make her think you are after her for sex/romance.
Two: you haven't told this forum if you plan using premarital sex as a way of helping her frigidity. Cos if you really want to sleep with her now just to test the waters before you tie the knot then I see you as a foolish man who wants to eat his cake and have it.
Three: what's the physical attraction like? Is she really attracted to you?

My advice is this,if you both want to seek help either from a therapist, doctor, counselor make sure its someone who isn't known to you both or your families. Also make sure the person is highly professional, not someone who will use her story as the next sermon or illustration for another couple.

Secondly, pls and pls in all you do don't initiate sex cos if you finally have to break up with her cos of sexual compatibility she might never heal

Thanks for the advice...

I totally agree with first point, however, I beg to disagree with your second point - I mean I can't marry a woman whom I can't predict her sex life. I don't mean necessarily engaging in intercourse but feeling her sexual nature through other forms of romance. Of course I can lay low and wait for marriage but this more than testing the water and lastly of course the attraction is there from both of us. Thanks once more.

RichThug:
OK Mr OP "one cannot survival without the other" very hilarious blunder looool. surely we can all "Survival" in this earth without sex hehehehe

Yours is more hilarious

Frankenstein:
What exactly is the issue here? She is not ready for sex before marriage or just frigidity?

She is suffering from frigidity and not necessarily holding out for marriage before sex.

Archero:
Life's too short to try and change somebody. Either u find an. Exit or live and die wit her like DAT.

That really ruthless....

Thanks for your contribution.

oyin17:
I wanted to change my mind but let me do it

Is alright dear.

Ok. Thanks

oyin17:
Marrying this Lady would be your greatest mistake in life. If you can cope with no sex in marriage then go ahead and marry her if not forget love and break up with her.

Thanks for your advice...

I still ask: Will she never recover or get married? I totally agree with your point about love and sex in marriage. The truth is that one cannot survival without the other. Still I love her but no sex in the marriage is a no for me.

Mprex:
like make her understand that what you are doing is for the both of you, that its not all about satisfying your sexual desires and that you still love her all the same.

Clearly understood. Thanks dear.