₦airaland Forum

DrGoodman:
Unfortunately for you, the caliph owns Lagos now and is spreading their tentacles to other south west states as we talk. When the biggest kingmaker in Lagos supported the north and you are here yarn in dust. An emir may be appointed to take over from Akiolu before 20 years.

It is you who is yarning dust.

What are you basing your pathetic assumptions on? Maybe on your hatred for hausas? If anyone will take over Lagos, it is the igbos who have refused to accept Lagos is a yoruba state.

Yewandequeen:
You must have studied my picture well to be convinced it was me. kudos

We chatted on BBM couple of times before remember? You changed your pictures quite often then.

Yewandequeen:
Yea right. The redeem church is where i worship.

Sharp sight i must say you have,to have been able to recognise me.

I was convinced it is you.

UbanmeUdie:




I wish buhari had such talent for hunting and an appetite for rat pepper soup, he would have been grateful rats invaded his office.

That would have been a blessing in disguise for him.


BTW, only those who had their childhood in the village can relate to this post.

Hunting bush rats and shooting down birds and squirrels for pepper soup and sales will forever be a remarkable experience for all village brought ups!

My GUYYY. My wife can't get it. I live in Ibadan, I drive to somewhere in Abeokuta to buy bush meat every week she doesn't know you can take a boy from the village but residue of the village can't leave the boy. She no believe herself when I abandoned blogging that I was doing so well in for farming. The root is the root.

Proud of my beginning.

#onceafarmeralwaysafarmer.

I eat bush meat alot. In fact driving to Abeokuta to buy some for myself and my father in law but Jesus you are eatin Okete ( thats what Yorubas call it ) It is one hell of a death animal.

Feeds on anything and everything. Guy you are chopping nonsense.

This should make front page but it won't as it is not sensational.

I can't believe I am saying this but "this country is f*cked big time". Buhari should be booted out if Malami doesn't get sacked, arrested, investigated and probably jailed after this act of sabotage.

I am a big Buhari fan but this is one goof too many.

The writer of this article is probably a new blogger. Reading the article it is obvious he wants to rank for the phrase "new cheapest smartphone" hence the constant repetition which rubbishes the article.

Mate, that's not how SEO is done in this day and age. You attempt to get Google ranking makes a mess of the article.

k

AlanSugar:
I'm sorry I had to quote all this, I could actually had chopped some off but... Pls my friend, is every act of insanity a sign or result of sexual abuse? I don't watch Nigerian movies, neither do i believe in the existence of witches but as long as there's God, Satan also exists! What if she's a true devil and exihibitting her true satanic tendencies, how will he deal with that? Can psychiatric and other councilling help out here? I think the op has entered one chance, he should quit the marriage and the lady taken off the streets till further notice.

This has nothing to do with satanic tendencies. She is fighting a battle pure and simple.

She as the op said often prays for her attackers to be attacked by GOD. That tells a story on it own.

I honestly think the op needs to take this guy's advise. A bastard monster who ought to be castrated has ruined that woman but not beyond repairs. With GOD, sound advise from an expert and true love and patience, the op will win his real wife back.

selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

Mate, I am sure you are not a broke guy. With this advise, and the generosity to give it ( if not generosity why would anyone type such a long message?) I am sure you don't be out of money. But, can you please, let me buy your lunch today or tomorrow?

This is the best advise I have seen on nairaland. Nothing, I mean nothing can beat this advise on this section in the next 5 years.

You just in one go solved the problem for the op. Nothing else should be added to this.

andray12:
bros go for rx330

You think I can get Toks for that price?

tstx:
You need to have your brain revamped.... Both you and the guy you mentioned. life shouldn't always be serious... Once in a while you just gats jonze small.. that's one thing the westerners are really good at

It is you who needs a complete head transplant, whether someone will be stupid enough to donate their head to you is what I can't guarantee. I have been on Nairaland since 2008 and I have seen a lot and can judge.

Too many fools on here. Some will even go as far as comment nonsense on threads reporting people died. But off course you will defend your fellow monsters.

chinedubrazil:
sometimes, what i see on nairaland, makes me feel like shutting down my NL account. it is quite obvious that NL is full of kids.
mtchewww
for goodness sake this is serious, if you dnt have a serious thing to say rather don't even open the thread!

It is such a shame. Too many senseless kids on here. Unfortunately it is practically impossible to control the activities of fools.

Facebook. I am owing Mark some money as it stands. But not going to pay as he doesn't need it but kudos to him. He helped find my angel and mother of my lovely baby.

erico2k2:
Erm i thought the OP said SUV, so why are you guys with non SUVs getting excited??

Marketers' life. Like an agent trying to convince me locked land is actually not water locked when it was quite obvious to the blind that buying the same property will be a waste of money.

Unfortunately I either get an SUV or continue with my camry.

Yewandequeen:

Saw you yesterday. I was surprised but it was certainly you. Around 9am. You were wearing is it ankara they call it. It has some browns in it. Opposite that redeem church. Was going to pick a pastor for pulpit exchange.

You were heading towards Mobil or Zenith bank.

erenax:
He has a family and he took my mom as second wife. I just had to skip that part because it was irrelevant to what I am seeking. He has a wife in kaduna. The worse he does for his children is to push all his children to NDA(Nigerian Defense Academy) after they finish secondary school so that he will not pay school fees again after secondary school. 2 of his son's that senior me are in NDA. The worse thing is that he is even trying to use my money to train my stepbrothers. Can you imagine, one them was going back to school, he called me that I should give him 10k because they have not yet paid NDA cadets salary. He called me that I should give him money to buy provision to go back to school

Sorry this your story is making me think you are my driver's younger brother. Are you yoruba? From Oyo state? Do you have a brother call Femi? Or maybe step brother?

Is your father a retired military man who used to be a white garment church goer?

thorpido:
You could try a court of arbitration though it might be a long journey.I think you should forget about that money but ensure you don't release money any further to him.
Your father is highly irresponsible,I wonder what your mom is still doing with him.
If not that you're 17yrs and a bit too young,I would have asked you to move out and stay on your own.

Mate he is not too young. My father would have in the same way as he ruined my life before I took charge.

My was even worst. I don't have a house of my own till now because of that man and my so called mother. If only I had taken charge when I should have I won't be here now.

I personally won't don't advise the op to go to court. Just for posterity's sake. But cut loose that man. I ended up suffering depression ( which miraculously left after my marriage and the birth of my daughter) now I have to deal with insomnia, all because I didn't take action earlier.

He will try to blackmail you with religion. It is a lie. The bible and I believe as well as the quran, is clear on the duty of the parents to the child and the child to the parents. They have defaulted and although you shouldn't default because they did but by cutting him loose, you will be saving a generation. I wish I can tell my story here but some people will instantly know who has this moniker if I did. You will be shocked.

Move away from him, there must be a friend of yours who is well behaved and well mannered who you can move to temporarily.

It is for your own future. When I was reading your story I initially thought it was my driver as he has very similar story especially as he was also scammed into moving to Kaduna as well, the man has his masters now but for health reasons he can only work as a part time driver with me because of an irresponsible father who turned himself to GOD.

Op, act now. Forfeit that money but also move far away from him. Cut total contact with him.

talk2cj08:
Bro bring your mechanic and inspect the car

I am keen on Rav4 honestly. I think I might have found one. Thanks though.

SalamRushdie:
GEJ was looking for every way to make the northerners fall in love with him but he failed to understand they all wanted him out including that Dasuki

Probably the most sensible thing you have ever said on nairaland and maybe in real live.

Gej wanted to win cheap popularity and was busy spending everything in the treasure to do so. It is such a shame that he is not one who can stand by himself but depends on favours from others.

His wife ruled him, his emotions ruled him, his alleged alcoholism ruled him while his advisers, ministers, cohorts and "friends" looted the country dry.

Atiku2019:
How many of your current commissioners are under 40?

That's the big question his fans won't ask him. He is only deceiving those who want anything, just one to be presidency provided it is not Buhari.

For them, it can even be Kemi Oluoloyo.

Fayose will never rule this country. It is a fact he himself knows. He is merely trying to use the half baked presidency bid against EFCC and Buhari.

He knows EFCC will be on his case once his tenure expires and by putting his hat in the ring for the presidency, he will be able to say Buhari is witch hunting him when EFCC starts with him.

I am not falling for his gimmick one bit.

The South east simply do not know what they want. They keep allowing themselves to be used and dumped.

The south east won't be the president of this country anytime soon unless they finally seat down learn to stop being greedy when elections are at the corner.

Having said that, I also must say I don't think Buhari should contest in 2019. I am one of his biggest fans but to be told, he seems to have lost his mojo due to his health problems.

Newboss:
Check this out. Just 2.1m

Registered 2012 Honda CRV in Lagos. Just wanted to help.

https://www.nairaland.com/4127233/reg-2012-honda-crv-selling

more like a scam. The price gives it away as a scam already. 2012 Honda CRV that cheap? Even if it is used, can't be that cheap. Even corrolla sport of 2012 won't be so that cheap.

N2.1m? 2012 Honda crv for this amount? Suspicious.

[quote author=akeemakinremi post=61577953][/quote]My mind is on RAV 4. Anything from 2006 model upward.

I have upped my max price a bit to N3.2m

akeemakinremi:
I have a Toyota Camry 07, corolla 11, Acura 04, Rx 300 99, kindly chat me up for pics. 08034188409

None of them fit what I want. I want an SUV.

I am willing to go up to 3m.

TheKingdom:
So someone wakes up and coins a name of an "organization" and pays the press to carry some statements. YEt, tomorrow you will never hear of the "organization" again.


WHo are you guys fooling?

Do you have the evidence that this organisation doesn't exist? Or it doesn't exist as it is against your evil agenda?

clevvermind:
THOSE PEOPLE MUST BE BUHARI'S ASS LICKERS. THEY ARE NOT IGBOS.

but if they were protesting against Buhari they will be igbos. Bloody hypocrite.

You just need to accept the fact that Buhari have some of his fans even among the igbos.

We can if other clubs refuse to show up. After all a piss poor Chelsea team won the Champions league. And Porto did as well. But we need all the miracles in the world in our own case.