What to expect in a relationship

Learning how to manage expectations in a relationship starts with understanding what constitutes a quality partnership.There are 10 cardinal rules of love:
1. Prioritize appreciation over expectations

When you’re learning how to manage expectations in a relationship, you must demonstrate appreciation for your partner every day. Instead of focusing on the negative, make a point to value your partner’s positive qualities. This will take you much further in your relationship. They may not have folded the towels the way you wanted them to, but at least they tried to do their fair share by putting the laundry away. And maybe they did the dishes after dinner or took the dog for a walk because you had a long day at work. If you pay attention, there’s always something to be appreciative about. What was it that attracted you to them in the first place? It wasn’t their towel-folding abilities – it was their warmth, kindness and love for life.


That sentiment can apply to anything in life, but if we apply that same thought to our relationships, appreciation can be the trigger that puts an end to your unhealthy expectations in a relationship.
2. Express compassion

Compassion is at the top of the list of what to expect in a relationship. To successfully navigate any relationship, you want to demonstrate compassion by prioritizing your love over your expectations. As important as it is to learn how to manage expectations in a relationship, remember that expectations are there to facilitate warmth. At the end of the day, it’s your partnership that’s most important.
3. Show respect

Respect is the basis of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. To show respect means to value the other person’s perspective and needs – this is the basis of effective communication. To show respect for your partner, never correct them! Instead, try to find a playful, empathetic way to redirect an argument. From there, you’re able to find solutions without creating unnecessary tension.
4. Demonstrate consideration

Healthy relationships hinge on consideration – for your partner, their interests and their relationship expectations. To show consideration, you must make a point to value your relationship over your relationship rules. This is a real stickler when it comes to what to expect in a relationship, since it’s easy to view the “rules” as the basis of your partnership. But when you value your partner over your rules, this paves the way for fulfilling both people’s expectations.
5. Devote time to your partner

Devoting time to your partner is one of the fundamental expectations in a relationship. Don’t let your partnership become a side note – take the time to reinforce your connection. When you create rituals and traditions that cement your sense of connection, you demonstrate that your relationship is a real priority.
6. Never question the nature of your relationship

When it comes to learning how to manage expectations in a relationship, one of the worst missteps you can make is questioning your partner’s intent. When you question the very nature of your relationship, it corrodes trust, which takes a toll on even the strongest partnerships. Just because you’re having issues doesn’t mean the relationship itself is a problem.
7. Avoid repetition

If you’re in an argumentative pattern with your partner, change your approach. If you don’t, you risk creating a circular loop where neither party is heard, leaving both feeling defeated. Take the high road and bow out of an argument. Take a break to regroup and consider what you’re really arguing about. When you make this a habit, you set a high standard for what to expect in a relationship with your partner.
8. Never threaten your relationship

One of the primary expectations in a relationship is that there will be give and take and mutual dialogue. Threatening your relationship with ultimatums doesn’t help anything, since it shuts down communication. If you’re at the point of threatening your partnership, it’s time to take a break and rethink the conversation.
9. Don’t stagnate

Learning how to manage expectations in a relationship is not a one-time deal. It’s a continuous conversation where you’re touching base to see whether each other’s needs are being met. Don’t settle for stagnation, assuming your relationship is doing fine because you haven’t argued that day. When you commit to never-ending improvement, you’re able to build an extraordinary relationship.
10. Don’t compare your relationship to others’ relationships

As tempting as it is to look for “textbook” expectations in a relationship as a template for your own, this approach doesn’t work. It ignores your unique personality and needs (and those of your partner) without valuing what makes your partnership unique and special. Don’t adopt other couples’ expectations in a relationship – work with your partner to develop your own. Building a healthy partnership takes work, but it’s well worth the effort.

Pointless arguing in a relationship: Many people do it and most of us don’t understand it and are completely perplexed by it. Everyone knows a couple who constantly bickers or has conflict – maybe that’s even you and your partner. Maybe you argue so frequently that it’s become the norm. Is this really what to expect in a relationship that’s supposed to bring you joy and companionship?

What if the amount of bickering in your relationship could be substantially reduced or eliminated completely – almost immediately? It’s possible. Expectations in a relationship form the basis of whether or not the partnership works for both people. By shifting your mindset, your relationship can become happier, more peaceful and more productive.
Why expectations in a relationship can cause problems

We first have to start with the “why.” Why does bickering happen in the first place? The short answer is expectations. What we presume a relationship will look like shapes our contribution to the partnership. Expectations in a relationship are subjective, biased and can differ from person to person. Some may expect their spouse to take out the garbage and they, in turn, may expect you to have breakfast on the table every morning. But if both people assume the other person knows this automatically, without ever having a conversation about it, it can only lead to tension in the relationship.

The problem with expectations in a relationship is that they’re just like an opinion: everyone has one – and they don’t always match up to the other person’s thoughts. This is the birthplace of bickering.
It’s important to realize that, in talking about how mismatched expectations can lead to fighting, we are not saying you don’t have a right to expect anything out of your partnership. The opposite is true: You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and so does your partner. This is where knowing what to expect in a relationship comes into play. When you’re both on the same page about what a quality partnership looks like, you’re ready to take action and learn how to manage expectations in a relationship. When you’re able to articulate your respective needs, you’re in a place to make those expectations work.
How to manage expectations in a relationship

Fortunately, there is a solution for dealing with mismatched expectations in a relationship! When our focus is centered on our differences in expectations, rather than our appreciation for the things the other person does “right,” conflict is always inevitable. The way any two people decide to fold towels, for instance, will probably differ… but does that make one of the ways wrong? Of course not. Expectations with no appreciation leads to nagging, which leads to frustration, which leads to, you guessed it, bickering.

Think about the things you and your partner have fought over. How many of these fights are actually over something important – have any of them had a productive resolution? Most likely, the answer is no. It’s often said, “We argue about the smallest things.” Consider your expectations in a relationship. Are the towels really worth the emotional turmoil? Probably not. Chances are, there’s something you could be doing with your time that’s not only productive, but more beneficial to the strength and longevity of your relationship, too.

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE
No matter what you want in life – joy, love, passion, fulfillment – Unleash the Power Within will give you the drive and momentum to achieve it.

QUESTION FOR THE YEAR? AS THE YEAR IS ROLLING OUT - WHAT WORDS CAN YOU USE TO DESCRIBE THE YEAR 2019.

"FAMILY IS THE MOST THINGS" BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU REPRESENT-THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR LIFE.

Many things go into the making of a good father, but there are a few traits that stand out above the rest. These are the aspects of a man’s personality that allow him to make a positive difference in his child’s life, to be a pillar of support, love, and guidance, and to have the fortitude to not grudgingly endure fatherhood, but to love and commit to every moment of it.We need strong fathers. So whether you’re dating and would like to learn how to spot men with the potential to be a great father, or if you’re a man who desires to cultivates those traits within yourself, take a look at these 7 traits of a strong father, and learn what it means to truly take on the role of dad.
For a father, patience is essential.
A father will inevitably face challenges from his relationship, from his children, and even from himself. He will be tested. He will have to do things both noble and lowly. And he must be able to endure it all without giving up.
The truth is that fatherhood isn’t always fun. In fact, it’s downright difficult. Children constantly test boundaries from the time they can say “No,” to the time they move out. Partners disagree with major life choices or make their own mistakes.
But what breaks fathers more than anything is a lack of patience with the self. Many men place the title of “father” on a pedestal, leaving no room for their own humanity. They feel unworthy to be dad. This is because of any number of reasons—they feel they don’t earn enough, that they’re inadequate, that they’re not perfect enough.
Whatever the reason, the result is often the same—fathers with a lack of patience pull away, abandoning their families.
But fathers who practice patience have staying power, and don’t waver when things get hard. This is one attribute dads can’t do without. The second attribute that all fathers need is a deeply grounded sense of morality.
This simply means that his decisions are rooted in something greater than himself—he looks to something higher. He’s selfless. He’s righteous. He knows the difference between good and evil, and can deftly navigate the shades of gray between them.
This sense of morality is what will guide him when temptation arises—when another woman’s eyes linger on him a little too long, when money is short and his workplace credit card is burning a hole in his pocket, when his child makes him angry enough to lash out.
The moral man will know what to do in each of these situations—there will be no doubt as to which is the correct path. Temptation will always be there. We’re only human, after all. But having a strong moral compass that does not bend or break helps make a man the best father he can be.
He's Open-Minded
An open-minded man makes for a thriving family.
Some men have the wrong idea of what fatherhood really is. They think it’s about control. They think it’s about power or dominance or strength. They think it’s about imposing upon their family their own single-minded vision of what should and should not be.They are wrong. The open-minded man accepts that his family members are a diverse bunch, and admire the differences between them. He is teachable, and rather than rejecting what is different in his family, he happily learns from them.
This means, for example, that when his child chooses a liberal arts education over the military, or vice-versa, he’s happy for him or her, despite his own preferences. This means that when his wife decides she wants to begin her career, he encourages her to follow her dream, even if he wants to be the sole breadwinner.
This doesn’t mean that he isn’t rational that he makes poor leadership decisions. This simply means that he is open to the new, to the different, to possibility.
An open-minded father allows his family a safe place in which they can explore their own dreams, desires, and personalities, and in which they can fully be themselves.
This trait makes for a wonderfully happy home.

He's Loving

Ask people everywhere what they wish their fathers had done better, and you’ll likely hear this.
“I wish he had shown his love more often.”
The lack of emotional intelligence—also known as EQ—in many men is a problem. Although this has been improving in recent years, the harsh lessons of conventional masculinity teaches men to, at best, hide the highs and lows of their emotions, or at worst, transmute it into anger.
But for fathers, consistently showing affection and love are vital. Emotional honesty and intimacy are rare treasures in a dad, both for his children and his partner. Fathers who show more
Looking at data from the U.S. Census Bureau, children who have loving, expressive, involved fathers are much likelier to do well in school, develop empathy, and avoid risky behaviors. And what’s more, these children are simply happier. They feel safe. They feel unconditionally loved. That’s important.
The spouse of a loving father also receives these benefits, and marriages thrive when both partners are able to express their love for one another.
It’s obvious that being unabashedly and openly loving is a prime trait of a good father.

As our society drifts further and further away from biblical principles, raising your kids up in Christ becomes that much more difficult.

How do you raise up children in Christ in this difficult world? That’s a question most Christian parents ask at one point or another. It’s not just about raising kids today. There are a thousand books out there from a thousand experts on how to do that. It’s the struggle many Christian parents face because they are raising their kids the best way they know how, they’re raising them in church, and the kids are still walking away from church and the faith. What are we doing wrong? What can we do differently? And culture isn’t making things any easier. As our society drifts further and further away from biblical principles, raising your kids up in Christ becomes that much more difficult. So how do we do it?
Now, it’s easy to assume that if culture were more godly, then raising good Christian kids would be much easier. But think about the 1950s, what many people would look back to as a Golden Age when culture lined up with biblical values. Well, all those kids raised in the 1950s became teenagers in the 1960s, and how did that turn out? The solution has got to be more than just culture, which should give us hope, because culture isn’t going back to the Bible anytime soon.
A better comparison would be the first century. Think of trying to raise your kids in Christ in the first few decades after Jesus. If you were Jewish, you were considered an outcast from the faith for believing Jesus was the Messiah and you were effectively cut off from your family and community. If you were Greek, you were abandoning the Roman gods and were susceptible to outright persecution from society and eventually the government itself. If first-century Christians could figure out a way to raise their kids in Christ in a difficult environment, so can we. Here’s what the Apostle Paul wrote to the early church about raising kids: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). From this verse we find six powerful steps to raise your kids up in Christ in this difficult world.

1. Don't be the reason why your child rebels.

This comes from the word “exasperate.” “Exasperate” means to provoke someone to anger, to drive someone to wrath. It’s not losing your temper in the moment. It’s a slow-building, long-term, life altering rage. What provokes kids to rebel against their parents? What provoked you to wrath and rebellion when you were a teenager? Was it injustice? Perhaps your parents did something that was completely unjust and benefitted them only. Was it severity? Maybe your parents were so strict they were trying to crush your spirit. Was it hypocrisy? Perhaps they said one thing at church but lived out something completely different in the house. Whatever your parents might have done to provoke you to wrath, don’t do that with your kids. Don’t be the reason why your child rebels.
Or, let me put it another way: your kids will most likely end up just like you. Is that a good thing? So, if there’s stuff you need to work on in your own life, do it! Don’t wait until your kids are out of the house.

2. Don't make kids an idol.
This comes from the word “training.” In Hebrews 12 this word is used four times when talking about how a father disciplines the son he loves, and even though discipline isn’t any fun, it’s for their good. That’s the idea behind training. When you train your child, that means there has to be ground rules and discipline. You can’t properly discipline someone when they’re your idol.
Years ago the term many people used about parenting was “helicopter” parents, the ones who hovered around and never let the kids do anything on their own. The term used today is “lawnmower” parents, those who mow down anything difficult so that their kid never has to struggle. As loving as that might seem, it’s not setting them up for success later on in life if they never learn how to overcome adversity because they’ve never faced adversity.
Life isn’t always going to be easy

The Christian life can be hard and there is no need to sugarcoat it. However, it is a glorious feeling to know that God will be alongside us each step of the way. Many believe that if they follow Jesus that means everything will be flawless and perfect. Unfortunately this isn’t the case, and normal trials and circumstances will come their way. Rough patches will happen but God will help us through them. We will face an array of hardships – doubts of faith, friends who don’t believe, personal mistakes and sins – and should never expect life to be perfect because we are Christian.

God is perfect, but His followers are not.
It’s important that kids are taught that God is perfect, however His followers never will be. All of God’s children, even pastors and dedicated Christians, will make mistakes and have contradicting actions. For example, a church leader might display anger towards someone else that is unwarranted. Children can turn this into resentment towards the Lord, instead of directing the frustrations on the real problem: His followers' downfalls. Children can get confused easily with this. However, they can learn how to separate their frustrations towards Christians from that of the Lord, and learn that it’s okay to be human and imperfect because of the sacrifice our Savior made for us.

7 Ways to Love Fully Without Limits
Can we learn to love unconditionally as Jesus does?
Regardless of our pasts, Jesus chooses to love us unconditionally. It’s a love that is so strong that it can be hard for us as humans to understand, because our human nature doesn’t always follow that same path. We let our pride get the best of us, we push back to forgive an enemy, or we expect that we should get love in return. Jesus doesn’t do any of this.
Instead, Jesus chooses to show love without limitations. Everyone can receive the love He has, no matter what condition they come to Him in. This type of love is incredibly rare to find. This type of love requires us to be humble, vulnerable and open to make sacrifices. However when we love this way it makes the world a little bit brighter. We are able to make more genuine connections, empower others to grow, and personally transform our hearts. Jesus loves others fully without any limits, conditions or restrictions. Here are seven ways we can too.
Always Forgive
Some people have a difficult time getting rid of grudges, but those grudges hold us back from loving others fully. Forgiveness is a choice and it can take time for you to want to forgive someone that has done you wrong. However Jesus chose to love everyone, despite the hurtful things they might have done in the past. It can also be incredibly hard to forgive ourselves for things we have done wrong. We hold on to guilt and pain which can hold us back from freely spreading love. Jesus, however, has already forgiven us for our wrongdoings. If we choose to accept His love, we are free from our sins. We should show love to others through forgiveness so that they can be free from their own pain and guilt. Ephesians 4:32 says "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Make Sacrifices
Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us. He suffered a terrible fate so we could have the ability to one day enter into heaven. He put aside His own needs, desires and wants to focus on the needs of others. Sacrifice is a beautiful way to show others you truly love and care for them. This can be as small as sacrificing your time to help a friend in need. Sacrifice requires a positive attitude and an obedient heart. In Romans 12:1 it says "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship."

Pray to God
There are two different ways that you can pray. First, you can pray asking for God’s help. We aren’t perfect, and the Lord understands that. He recognizes that we need guidance to love as Jesus does. We can pray and ask Him to teach us how to be better. Secondly, we can pray for other people. Praying for others is something Jesus did regularly and it’s an act of unconditional love. Praying for others, especially our enemies, is a positive way of lifting them up. Even when you feel simply cannot love someone, praying for them will be a way to open your heart up.

Experience God’s Love For Yourself
We cannot be expected to love others fully if we haven’t received that type of love ourselves. Jesus is a perfect example of how to love without limits, but we have to be willing to accept Him first to truly understand what that love means. When you are ready, accept Jesus into your heart. Profess Him as your Savior, and begin to look for all the small ways He shows love to you. Romans 5:5 says “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” Once we begin to confess our sins and become born-again, we can start to feel His unwavering love.

Set Aside Judgment
Jesus does not judge others. He looks past physical appearances, social economic status, race, gender, and the like. He chooses to love them unconditionally regardless of where they are at in life. He meets them right where they are, and provides the perfect love that they need. We can choose to ignore our judgments too. When we meet someone, we automatically start making assumptions about them. When we do this, we put limits on our ability to love them unconditionally. We have to get over our negative conventions about others and replace them with positive thoughts. For example, instead of judging a poor beggar for being a drug addict we can choose to talk to them, provide aid when possible, and show them love and kindness.
Be Humble
Having a humble view of ourselves can sometimes be difficult. Sometimes we think we know what’s best and tune out everyone else, including God. Ultimately though, we have to accept that we were made for God’s purpose and not our own. Humility teaches us how to take our minds off of ourselves and turn our thoughts to the Lord. Being humble requires saying no to sinful behavior or responses that want to over-ride our "Christ-like" attitude. We become peacemakers, recognizing every person has a purpose and needs to be treated with dignity and respect. No one person is better than another in God’s eyes, which is why He chooses to love all of us equally.

Don’t Expect Love in Return
We can understand unconditional love that a mother has for their child. However for other types of love – in friendship and in romance – we feel that the love has to be earned. We think that we will be loved more based on our performance, or expect that the love will always be reciprocated. However Jesus doesn’t love like this. He chooses to love like the mother who has unconditional love for their child. He doesn’t expect anything in return and simply gives us His love as an act of generosity. We have to break free of our desire to get something in return, and give love out because our heart yearns to do so.

You might not realize how much a little love and kindness can change the world. However Jesus’ love for us completely revolutionized everyone’s future lives. When we choose to love like Jesus, fully and without limit, we will not only feel better about ourselves but make the world a more beautiful place to live in. Spread your love out freely without hesitation.

10 Ways a Man Should Treat a Woman
Here are 10 ways every man should treat a woman. No exceptions.

The Right Way
Want to create an amazing relationship with a woman and receive the same kind of love you’re giving in return? Here are 10 ways every man should treat a woman.

Pay Attention to Her
Sometimes it’s the little things a man says and does that mean that most. Pay attention to what she’s doing, big and small. Usually, when a woman is switching things up, she’s trying to get your attention. Show her that you notice. Don’t be afraid to compliment that change either. It makes her feel good.

Communicate With Her
Communication is everything in a relationship, especially for a woman. When something’s bothering you, it’s easy to shut down, think that she should just get it or believe that the issue will resolve itself. But sometimes it takes a certain level of honesty to resolve the issue and get the relationship where it needs to be. Make sure you’re actively listening when she’s sharing something with you and that you’re respectfully communicating when you feel like the respect isn’t mutual.

Respect Her
A woman should always be treated with respect. Under no circumstances should arguments escalate to a point where you’re attacking and bringing her down. These acts of disrespect lack respect and can easily turn into emotional and physical abuse. No matter where an argument takes you, you should practice self-control and openly communicate what’s bothering you. Give her the same respect you'd want in the relationship. If you’re doing anything that compromises that, there’s a problem.

Don’t Talk to Her Friends
Nothing’s wrong with having mutual friends with the woman you’re with, but make sure if those friendships include people of the opposite sex, that the relationship is always respectful –and never behind that woman’s back. Even if you think it’s innocent, if you talk to her friends, not only are you seriously compromising that woman’s friendship, you’re compromising a level of trust you may never be able to regain.

Keep the Spark Alive
Don’t cut off the affection. Just because you’ve been together for awhile doesn’t mean the relationship romance should fizzle out—when it does, it can make a woman feel insecure about the relationship. If you feel like the spark is dwindling or simply want to keep the spark alive, do some of the things that made you happy when you first got together. Nothing’s wrong with regular ‘first date nights’ and making her feel special all over again.

Remember Important Dates
Even if she doesn’t say it, a woman loves when her man remembers the important dates: birthdays, anniversaries and milestones in the relationship. And don’t think she doesn’t notice when you don’t. Not only will it impress her when you remember them, it will show her that you care.

Compliment Her
Sometimes, a woman just wants to feel like she’s beautiful, and sometimes the best way to do this is with a compliment. If she’s having a rough day or if you haven’t said it in awhile, tell her how great she looks, or how she’ll succeed in whatever stresses she’ll face today. That compliment shows that you’re paying attention to what she’s going through and could be the boost that turns her day from dark to bright.

Give Her Little Gifts
Make her feel special by giving her little gifts that let her know you’re thinking about her. This can be anything from a box of her favorite chocolates to a note that simply says ‘I love you.’ The occasion doesn’t always have to be special to show how much you care. Brownie points for the men who know this.

Tell Her You Love Her
Sometimes, a woman just wants to hear that she’s loved. Just because you think or know she knows you love her, when you don’t say it, she thinks about it. If you used to say it and now you don’t, it confuses her. If you love her, tell her you do and not just on special occasions.

Be Honest With Her
Even if you think being honest will cause conflict, you’re hurting the relationship more when you’re not honest with her. When you spot something going on in the relationship that you know is or may potentially be problematic, address it. If you’re not feeling the relationship anymore, tell her. A woman wants and deserves to know how you feel concerning her. Even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment, she will always respect you when you do.

@ SimeonOTC, You are welcome

Change your thoughts, change your life. How you think and view the world affects the story that will be told about your life. Your story is one of three elements that can lead you to finding a breakthrough – that is, learning how to create lasting change in your life.Want to learn how to change your life around? Then learn how to change your story. What we tell ourselves is what we believe.We often limit ourselves by deciding we can’t do something before we even try. These limiting beliefs may lead us to ask ourselves, “Why bother?” or tell ourselves, “This is silly.” When we do this, we are effectively telling ourselves the answer is “no” before we even ask the question. When we do that, we’ve stopped our growth and our path to success. This negative self-talk is a clear sign that you need to rewrite your story. Our story affects what we do, where we go and how we approach life. A powerful story leads to a life of opportunity – change your story, change your life. The first step in changing your story is to stop telling yourself disempowering ones.

How many times have you said something like this to yourself? I have to be perfect… I’m too old… I’m just not that kind of person.
These are exactly the type of damaging thoughts that keep us from achieving our goals and, ultimately, our dreams. By addressing the following damaging thoughts head-on and treating ourselves with kindness instead of doubt, you can change your mindset and learn how to change yourself.

FIND A MENTOR
You don’t have to do this alone. Committing to change is easier when you face it with someone who’s been there. Find someone who has achieved the results that you want – they lost 30 pounds, or they have their dream career or they’re just truly happy with their life. Finding someone who inspires you in this way is called modeling, and it’s a great way to determine the steps you need to take to reach your goal.

People don’t achieve repeated success because they’re lucky. They achieve repeated success because they’ve found something that works – a formula, a strategy or a tactic – and they’ve repeated it, adjusting as necessary. Find out what steps this person took to get where they are today. What decision did they commit to and act on that pushed them forward and made them take that first step into the future they wanted? You can follow their method, changing it here and there to better apply to your own needs.

COMMIT TO CHANGE
What’s one small decision you could make right now that would take you in the direction you need to go? What’s a big decision that might be really tough, but if you made it, it would take you in a new direction in your life? Write these things down, and start making plans to see them through. They may not happen instantly – they will probably take time and effort – but writing something down is a powerful way to tell yourself you’re going to make something happen. They aren’t just words in your mind anymore. They’re words on paper, a list you can look at again and again.
If you don’t act, your dreams will die in your mind. When you make a decision, commit yourself to it by taking the first step toward it right then and there. Otherwise, you’ll go home, get caught up in the 87 other things you need to do and you won’t make any headway. Take some form of action that will move you in the direction you want to go. Sign up for the membership at the gym. Start thinking about what you want your career to look like. Maybe you need to take a class or read a book to start learning new tactics to improve at your job. The smallest of changes can lead to big results if you follow through with them.
When you’re committed to change, life starts to look different. You stop fearing what might happen and instead embrace it. So what if you fail? At least you learned something – that means you’ve grown. By shifting the way you approach things and realizing that only you can make a difference in your own life, you’ll change the way you think about yourself and the story you’re living.

Don’t like your body? Your relationship? Your job?

CHANGE IT.

So often we sit around, thinking about how unhappy we are about one thing or another. Here’s a secret: the only person capable of changing your life for the better is you. You are the only person who can go to the gym, talk to your partner or open your own business. So why don’t you?

FEAR OF FAILURE
Fear.

It starts with self-doubt. “Maybe I shouldn’t really do this,” we think. “Maybe it’s not a good idea.” We ask ourselves over and over again if we really should bother lifting weights or eating better. It’s not going to work anyway, is it? You’ve tried it before and it didn’t work then. And everyone has a job they don’t like. Failing would be terrible, so you don’t even try.

The key to following through when you’re committed to change is to fight off your fear of failure. Of course you’re afraid; any sort of change can be frightening. But if you fail to even try, then you’ll be exactly where you’ve always been. You might not fail, but you also won’t grow. You won’t learn.

REACH FOR SUCCESS
We’ve established that if you get in your head, you’re dead. The brain is a great tool to strategize with, but there’s a point where you have to use your heart, put yourself on the line and do something.

So don’t think too much. Instead, commit to a decision, act on it and move yourself forward.A lot of people tend to make “sorta kinda” decisions: “I’ll do this… someday.” Here’s the secret behind why people don’t follow through: The reason people don’t commit to a decision is that they don’t act on it. You may have thought that it’s the other way around – that you have to commit to a decision before you act on it. But the only way to prove to yourself that you’re completely committed to change and are going to follow through is if you push yourself to take the first step, which is the hardest step to take.

Realize your ultimate purpose. Why do you think owning a large house will make you happier? Money isn’t the real end goal you’re looking for. Your ultimate purpose is probably something closer to wanting to be able to provide for your family or to be recognized as a leader in your industry. You must realize your ultimate purpose before you can make progress.

Identify limiting beliefs.Why haven’t you achieved your goal yet? Maybe you don’t realize that you’re always telling yourself you’re not good enough to achieve your objectives. Perhaps you’re always using the excuse that you don’t have enough time to put in the required work. .

Break negative patterns. Which of your actions were synced up with your limiting beliefs, and how can you break away from them? you to step away from actions that are limiting you, and instead work to integrate positive, productive habits into your daily life.

Achieve your ultimate goal. Having someone in your corner who’s cheering you on, providing you with the tools you need and helping you to reach your ultimate goal is the end result of hiring a Result. Whether your goals are related to your career, personal relationships or health, there’s a qualified Results

When a business is struggling, most business owners shift their entire focus to strategy. But 80% of the time, the chokehold on your business is actually your psychology. Yes, the strategy, the skills, the tools — these are all critical components to creating real and sustainable growth, but knowledge alone is not power, it’s simply potential power. Execution will always create greater results than theory. And execution starts with your psychology.

Fresh fish has long been an important part of the Japanese diet, but the challenges of meeting the demand was overtaxing the area’s waters.

To solve the problem, fishing companies acquired bigger boats that could go farther out. But—as is often the case—the solution brought with it a different problem.

Longer trips to more distant waters meant the fish had to be frozen on the boats. But frozen fish didn’t suit the refined Japanese taste in seafood, and prices for the frozen fish quickly dropped.

So it came to the next idea—installing fish tanks in place of the freezers. After a little thrashing around, the fish became listless and apathetic—and their lethargy, like freezing, affected the taste of the final product. Consumers were still unsatisfied, and the industry was in crisis.

Then they came up with a brilliant solution to keep the fish tasting fresh. They added a small shark to each of the fish tanks. Fearful of the shark, the fish were constantly on the move—keeping them active and therefore fresh.

Just like those fish, we all sometimes are in situations where we don’t want to be, racing to stay ahead at whatever is nipping at us. But it’s not 100 percent bad (well, at least not for us—it’s hard to find an up side from the fish’s perspective).

Here are some of the benefits of being thrown in with a shark or two:

Sharks keep you fresh. To solve the challenges that face us, whether they’re everyday or extraordinary, means finding an innovative way to transform the source of the challenge. That’s a task that’s much easier to do when you can draw on the power of staying fresh, using new experiences to shape old ideas.

Sharks keep you engaged. Indifference is no longer an option. Every day is infused with your mission and the goals that will help you achieve it.

Sharks keep you challenged. Many people are mistrustful, even frightened, of new ideas. They buck at the idea that something will be challenging. But as leaders and innovators, we welcome challenges as the way to our greatest achievements.

Sharks won’t let you quit. Leaders are called to be tenacious. Cowards never start, the weak don’t finish, and leaders never quit. The right challenges and engagement won’t leave you any room to even think about it.

Sharks keep you on the move. As with the fish, a stagnant existence comes with bad side effects. Leadership favors those who are on the move, those who take action, those who come up with creative solutions.

When you least expect it, life may send you a challenge to test your courage, the best leaders, the most successful people, learn the up side of swimming with the sharks, they are ready.

Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed by your challenges; instead, view them with a fresh, challenging mind and discover what you can learn from them, because you usually face your greatest opposition when you’re closest to your biggest innovation.

Lead From Within: Life is about keeping us fresh It’s about being bold and staying ahead of the sharks. Because being challenged in life is inevitable, but defeat is not.

Communication is an art, and it’s also one of the most important skills in any relationship—whether it’s mother and daughter, best friends, colleagues at work, or boyfriend and girlfriend. But we don’t get taught how to communicate at school. So where do you learn how to communicate properly?

If you don’t seek out the knowledge yourself, or your parents aren’t clued-up on it either, you probably end up as a poor communicator, through no fault of your own. This can have such a negative impact on all your relationships. Not only does it stop you from expressing how you feel, but it also stops you from understanding the importance of allowing the other person to express their own feelingsBut the great thing is, anyone can be a great communicator—it just requires some time, energy, and focus.
Here’s how to start improving your communication, so you can enjoy stronger, healthier relationships:

1. Understand your communication style in relationships.
There are four main types of communication styles that most people identify with. These are:

Passive
A passive communicator tends to avoid expressing their needs and feelings altogether, and just goes with the flow because they want to avoid conflict at all costs. This lack of outward communication often builds up, and leads to resentment, internal suffocation, or anger.

Aggressive
This person will often be very loud and vocal, will raise their voice, display controlling behaviors, and blame or criticize the other person. They can often come across as rude, and poor listeners.

Passive-aggressive
This person may seem passive on the surface, but often display aggression in subtle and indirect ways. Giving someone the silent treatment, or speaking ill of them behind their back are examples of passive aggressive behavior.

Assertive
This person is able to express their own feelings, needs, ideas, and desires in a thoughtful way; while also being considerate to the other person’s feelings.

Take some time to think about your common communication behaviors when in a relationship, and which one of these four styles you most identify with today.

2. Understand your partner’s communication style.
Once you’ve figured out which style you most identify with, take some more time to think about which style your partner displays to you most often. Being able to understand both of your communication styles will help you see why you clash, and why arguments often work out the way they do.


From here, you can determine where you both need to adapt your communication styles, so you can communicate better with each other.

3. Focus on communicating with love at all times.
One of the greatest rules with communication in relationships is to make sure you’re focusing on love—after all, if you didn’t love each other, you wouldn’t be together, would you?

When you focus on love, and saying and doing things in the most loving way you can, the other person feels it. This shows mutual love and respect for each other, which is vital for any relationship to survive, and flourish.

4. Talk to your partner often.
Some of us avoid speaking about our feelings and problems, which is often a learned behavior from our childhood. But getting things off our chest and addressing issues if and when they arise stops mole hills from growing into mountains.


If you don’t make time regularly to speak to your partner, this is something that could have a profound effect on your relationship.

5. Be open and honest at all times.
When we’re open and honest with our feelings, we feel free. Nobody likes to bottle things up, because it’s suffocating. If you’re afraid of hurting your partner, just remember what we’ve already spoken about—communicate kindly, and with love and respect. Don’t raise your voice, and don’t point the finger. Just be open with your feelings, and invite them to do the same.

6. Practice practice practice!
Like all things, the more we do them, the better we become at them. You might feel like a poor communicator right now, and that’s probably because it’s not something you’ve been aware or, or put much time and focus on. But if you want to get better at it, the only thing to do is practice, practice, practice! The more you practice, the more skilled you’ll become.
This is something you and your partner could commit to doing together, so that you’re able to support and encourage each other through it—and you’ll reap the rewards in watching how your relationship goes from strength to strength.

Just as positive habits create strong leaders, bad habits can and will create weak leaders. Here are seven habits to be especially mindful of. If you’re practicing even one of them, start working immediately to replace it with a positive habit before your leadership weakens and suffers major damage.

Holding to a double standard. Weak leaders are in the habit of saying one thing and doing another. They believe it’s fine to set rules for others, but they hold themselves exempt. Consistency between word and deed is a major factor in successful leadership, and part of being a leader is knowing that people are watching you at every step and taking their cues from your behavior.

Lack of vision or strategy. Weak leaders have a habit of not thinking beyond the scope of today. They may deal with immediate issues and concerns, but overall they’re comfortable with the status quo. They’re the ones who say, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.” This shortsightedness causes others to similarly focus on tasks instead of the visioning and strategic planning that will move the organization and its mission forward.

Poor communication. It’s impossible to be a strong leader with poor communication skills. If you can’t communicate, you can’t connect with others—much less provide engagement and transparency. The ability to speak, write and above all listen effectively is among the most important leadership skills.

Isolation. If you hold yourself inaccessible and unavailable, sitting in your office with the door closed, you send a clear message to others that you’re unwilling to engage. The message it sends isn’t one of leadership but of privilege and insecurity.

Failing to develop others. A weak leader focuses solely on getting the job done instead of using the job as a way to help their people develop new competencies and skills. It’s an ineffective leader who keeps their people playing small without investing in them, whether it’s through neglect or because they see others as a threat.

Resistance to improvement. Every great business is constantly growing and evolving. Leaders who resist change and improvement are arrogant or complacent—and sometimes both. They believe things are fine as they are and aren’t interested in moving to the next level or positioning for the future.

Lack of interest in inspiring others. The best leaders know how to energize people and inspire them to reach higher levels of performance and potential. Those who can’t are probably uninspired themselves, and it’s virtually impossible to build a great team with an uninspired leader.

Being a strong leader requires equal amounts of self-awareness, self-management and humility. Spend some time reflecting on any bad habits that may be limiting your leadership potential and resolve to take steps now to reverse them.

Lead from within: A single bad habit, left unchecked, can be enough for your leadership to weaken and fail.

HOW DO YOU SEE THE WORLD?
DISCOVER IF YOU ARE A MATCHER OR MISMATCHER – AND WHAT THAT MEANS FOR YOU:

If I asked you to describe the relationship between these three figures below, you could answer in many ways. You could say they’re all rectangles. You could say they all have four sides. You could say two are vertical and one is horizontal, or that two are standing up and one is lying down, or that no figure has precisely the same relationship to the other two. Or that one is different and the other two are alike.

There are many reasonable answers, but ultimately what is going on here? They’re all descriptions of the same picture, but they take completely different approaches. So it is with matchers and mismatchers.
This metaprogram determines how you sort information to learn, understand, and the like. To determine whether someone is a matcher or mismatcher, ask him about the relationship between any set of objects or situations and note whether he focuses first on the similarities or the differences.

MATCHERS
Some people respond to the world by finding sameness. They look at things and see what they have in common. They’re matchers. So when they look at our figures they might say, “Well, they’re all rectangles.” Another kind of matcher finds sameness with exceptions. He might look at the figures and say, “They’re all rectangles, but one is lying down and the other two are standing up.”

MISMATCHERS
Other people are mismatchers, or “differences” people. There are two kinds of them. One type looks at the world and sees how things are different. He might look at the figures and say they are all different and have different relationships to one another. They’re not alike at all. The other kind of mismatcher sees differences with exceptions. He’s like a matcher who finds sameness with exceptions in reverse – he sees the differences first, and then he’ll add the things they have in common.

THE DIFFERENCE
Matching or mismatching modes are extremely important because they can play out in so many ways. If you have a job that requires the same repetitive work, year after year, would you want to hire a difference person? Of course not. You want to hire a sameness person – he’d be very, very happy in such a job for as long as you needed him there.

If, however, you have a job that requires a great deal of flexibility or constant change, would you want to hire a sameness person in that position? Obviously not. These distinctions can be very useful in discovering what kind of jobs people would be most happy at for the longest period of time.

People are not Pavlovian dogs. They can modify their strategies to some extent, but only if someone talks to them in their own language, as we discussed in my article on how to be truly convincing. It takes tremendous effort and patience to turn a lifelong mismatcher into a matcher, but you can help him make the most of his approach and be a little less churlish and doctrinaire in the process.

On the other hand, it’s useful for matchers to see more differences, for they have a tendency to generalize. It might be useful for a matcher to notice all the differences between this week and last week, or between the cities they visit (instead of saying Los Angeles is very much like New York). Focus a little on the differences, too – they are part of the spice of life.

Can a matcher and a mismatcher live happily together? Sure – just as long as they understand each other. That way, when differences occur they’ll just realize the other person isn’t bad or wrong, he/she just perceives things in a different way. You don’t have to be totally alike to establish rapport. You need to remember the differences in the ways you both perceive things and learn how to respect and appreciate each other.

What makes a relationship truly extraordinary? Is it the way you communicate with your partner? Does setting relationship rules for couples help long term? And what weakens, or even destroys, a relationship?It all comes down to a few relationship rules for couples. We all create rules – those things we believe have to happen in a relationship in order for us to be happy. However, when we have too many rules or our relationship rules are determined by what we can get out of the relationship rather than what we can give, the relationship can quickly become a nightmare. Furthermore, many of us are skilled at setting effective boundaries in professional or platonic relationships, but we struggle with setting healthy boundaries in our romantic relationships.
This is because, given the intimate nature of romance, the guidelines governing effective relationship rules for couples are a bit different than those for other types of relationships. How can couples learn to set healthy relationship rules to protect and nurture their partnership and stay connected to one another? It boils down to a few straightforward, powerful concepts.
RELATIONSHIP RULES OF LOVE
Have you been in failed relationships in the past? Maybe your trust has been betrayed or you failed to keep the spark alive and the union fizzled. Most failed relationships are due to adopting the wrong relationship rules or not adhering to any boundaries or healthy relationship rules at all. The good news is, you can start over and create the healthy relationship you deserve.

Relationship rules are not things like, “My partner must tell me he loves me every day” or “My significant other must be home for dinner five nights a week.” Instead, they are based on broader concepts that help you be gentle with your partner, see the bigger picture and acknowledge and embrace the beauty of uncertainty in your relationship. These healthy relationship rules don’t limit your partner or your union. Instead, they encourage growth and do away with dangerous expectations that can stifle you as a couple.

The only rules that support an extraordinary relationship are the rules of love. When you tap into the two final human needs – growth and contribution – and apply these principles to your relationship, only then can you experience true love and bliss. These are the relationship rules for couples that remind us how to give more of ourselves and how to grow with our relationship. Relationship rules, to be successful and meaningful, must always be rooted in love.

If you want a relationship that magnifies the human experience and allows you and your partner to feel an incredible amount of love, follow these 10 cardinal rules. The 10 cardinal relationship rules touch on everything from communication to connection. And remember: A relationship is not a place you go and get something, but a place you go to give. As you and your partner learn to consistently practice the 10 cardinal relationship rules for couples, you will experience a transformation in your partnership. Instead of feeling unbalanced in your relationship, struggling to get your needs met and meet your partner’s needs, you’ll begin to notice that the relationship is meeting both of your needs, drawing you closer together into a rewarding partnership.

RELATIONSHIP RULES FOR COUPLES
Love is one of the greatest human emotions we can experience. Unfortunately, if the right rules are not followed, it can also cause anxiety and depression and become an unhealthy power struggle. Love is never about selfishness or the need to be right – instead, it’s a safe harbor where you consistently strive to appreciate and understand your partner. In this space, you support each other when you’re stressed and celebrate when one or both of you succeeds.

1. THE DISCIPLINE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE & COMPASSION
. Have you been making things all about you and your needs instead of thinking about your partner? This behavior won’t help you to create a healthy relationship. Instead, always put your lover first — it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life. Rather than being an observer and critic, you feel what they feel and you will discover the deepest pleasure in your relationship — sexual and otherwise.
2. THE DISCIPLINE OF ABSOLUTE COURAGE & VULNERABILITY
It’s easy to build walls to try to protect yourself. We do this all the time because we’re afraid of getting hurt in love. By withholding your love out of fear, you’re inflicting pain on your partner and creating doubt about your bond. Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations. Don’t just be physically present, be fully present — give your lover your undivided focus. Any time you lose trust, interest or commitment to your partner, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection. Stay connected! Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower. This requires time and attention, but your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be..
3. THE DISCIPLINE OF KNOWING THE TRUTH
Every couple fights; it’s inevitable. But the couples that are successful in creating long term joy and commitment know one crucial thing: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems. When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed. However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself openly, and from the heart. It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share. Remember to use phrases that avoid blame. If problems arise in your relationship, it’s important to remember there are two people involved in creating them. recognizing that you are in charge of your emotions and can reshape how you discuss conflict with your partner.
4. THE DISCIPLINE OF TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH
Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state. If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself. Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you. Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions.The foundation of this is embracing your authenticity — what do you want? This question applies to all aspects of your life, including your career, health, finances and your relationship. You can’t achieve success in any of these realms without honoring who you really are and staying committed to your values.
5. THE DISCIPLINE OF GIVING FREEDOM
The power of forgiving, forgetting and flooding. Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes? Whenever we have painful experiences, we can either learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others. People often blame their partners for past misdeeds or hold old grudges against them. If you want passion, set your partner free. If you’re committed to making your relationship work, then learn how to forgive and forget. See the mistake from their perspective. Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy. Once you’re able to move past old mistakes, learn to flood yourself with all the good moments of your relationship. Sure, your partner may have done something to hurt you in the past, but let yourself focus on all the moments of beauty, love and gratitude that have also been present throughout the relationship you’ll be one step closer to creating your ideal relationship.
Neither you or your partner are perfect, but if you’re committed to one another, you can create your ideal relationship. start working to create the life, and love, you’ve always imagined.

How do you and your partner fare when stress enters the relationship?
Does the stress become a source of conflict and contention? Do you tend to fight more? Do you tend to withdraw from one another and feel more disconnected, frustrated, sad or angry?
Or does the stress become an opportunity for you and your partner to draw closer? Where you find ways of supporting, comforting and caring for each other. And you put the other’s needs ahead of yours, no matter how challenging the situation.
Stress can cause considerable levels of irritability, anxiety, fatigue and other negative consequences. And it shows up in our actions, our behavior and in our verbal and non-verbal cues. So inevitably, it impacts both partners and the relationship. But the way in which you handle your partner’s stress can be a determining factor in which direction your relationship ultimately goes.
When we allow stress to control and overwhelm the state of our connection with our partners, it can create a sense of tension and disconnection. And if that is perpetuated, it can lead to a distant relationship, drained of the love, passion and joy that were once shared.
But when we routinely provide our partners with the emotional support they need, we can create a new depth of love in the relationship. Because as ironic as it may seem, when stress makes your partner more ornery, argumentative, or distant, that is when he or she needs you to show up the most. And aside from the inherent good derived from exhibiting patience, understanding and support, acting as a stress reliever can ultimately bring a number of unexpected benefits both to your partner and the relationship itself.
A recent study conducted showed that those who said they have someone they can lean on for emotional support report lower stress levels and better related outcomes than those without emotional support. They are also less likely to say their stress levels increased over the past year, and less likely to let stress get in the way of making positive lifestyle changes.
Providing emotional support can also help your partner maintain a more positive outlook at work. A study conducted revealed that “employees with high levels of stress but strong spousal support had 25% higher rate of concentration levels at work compared to those without the solid spousal backing.” They were also “33% more likely to have positive relationships with their colleagues and had a 20% higher level of job satisfaction compared to their peers.”
On top of work-related benefits, those with strong spousal support also experienced a number of personal bonuses. They reported 50% higher rates of satisfaction with their relationships, a 25% lower rate of post-work fatigue and 25% more likely to be satisfied with the amount of time spent with their children. At the end of the day, we can’t control whether or not our partner experiences stress or to what degree. The only thing we can control is ourselves: our actions, our reactions, the choices we make in our relationships each and every day. But by embracing the power you bring to creating the dynamic in your relationship, you can help turn a negative situation into a force for positive change.

A lot of us have been conditioned to think that once we find the person who we believe is perfect for us, then the hard work is over. Everything should be smooth sailing from that point on. After all, if they are perfect for us, shouldn’t everything just fall into place? But that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, once you find the partner you are ready to commit to, that’s when the real work begins. And any healthy relationship will require a certain amount of flexibility from each partner. Because change is inevitable. And in order for a relationship to grow and prosper, it is critical that you and your partner be able to adapt to the changes, finding your way through the good and the bad together.

FLEXIBILITY IS A SKILL
For many of us, how flexible we are in a situation depends on what kind of mood we are in, how attached we are to a certain belief or idea, or what fears we may feel about letting go of that belief or idea. But how many times have you seen that being inflexible has led to even greater stress or created more conflict in your relationship? And how many times have you seen that being flexible can help bring more peace, comfort and love?

That’s why being flexible is a conscious decision, and it is a skill that you must practice repeatedly in your relationships if you want to see the benefits. Often, individuals choose the path of resistance and refusal to change, because they equate being flexible with settling or weakness. But it is actually the opposite. You can still remain steadfast in your values and beliefs, you are just choosing to be open to your partner’s feelings and wishes and willing to make significant changes for the betterment of your relationship. That’s powerful and proactive, and it’s something that your partner will undoubtedly respect and admire.

FLEXIBILITY MEANS LETTING GO
Our attachment to things, to ideas and to certain views can make us rigid and unrelenting. By letting go of these attachments, we are not denying our beliefs and values, we are simply giving up the mandate that we must control every aspect of them. This practice is known as “non-attachment.” Non-attachment doesn’t mean being cold and callous. It is not the same as being detached. Rather, it simply means you are not holding on, you are not grasping. When you become non-attached, expectations and emotions will no longer control your life. And you will have a new sense of clarity that allows you to see the truth that lies at the heart of the matter, which ultimately helps you be more flexible with your partner.

FORGET ABOUT “BEING RIGHT”
When we are right, we feel good about ourselves. We feel validated and we feel that we have sound judgment. Granted, those are all positive things. But what do we get out of being right when we are in a relationship?

The need to be right leads to the need to win an argument. And the need to win an argument means your partner has to lose. And if you really care about your partner, why would you want them to lose?

When you let go of your need to be right, you open yourself up to a generative and exciting environment where both you and your partner can learn and grow together. This also creates a safe space in the relationship where both you and your partner can trust the other to engage in compassionate listening and effective communication techniques.

WHEN NOT TO BE FLEXIBLE
Many of us have been conditioned to place emphasis on having the same interests and hobbies as our partner. But what we really should be focusing on is ensuring our partner shares our same values.

Values are those principles and ‘rules of life’ that you hold in your heart. They’re the personal beliefs that are a critical, fundamental part of who you are as a person. And they play a role in most aspects of your life — the choices you make, how you interpret scenarios, the reactions you have, who you choose to spend time with, the expectations you make. (Read more about how values drive your decisions.)

When someone respects and honors your values, you feel safe and secure. But when someone denies those values, it can make you feel uneasy, or perhaps even cause you suffering. And a lack of shared values with your partner will only lead to continuous arguments and ongoing frustrations that can ultimately lead to the demise of your relationship.

While any close relationship requires compromise, it is quite another thing when going along with what your partner wants means a loss of your personal integrity. If you are on different pages, you will feel that you are sacrificing your core beliefs, and it won’t be long before the relationship becomes strained.

Anyone who runs their own business knows that customers are everything. They’re the backbone of a successful company, and they can be the most difficult to keep happy. Achieving real customer satisfaction is part of the thrill of entrepreneurship, but it’s also one of its great stressors.
Engagement 24/7

Just as your business now requires a social media presence so that your customers can find and contact you, AI interactions will soon be must-haves for your company. Customers are coming to expect quick and automated information when and how they need it. Most customers expect near-instantaneous responses to their query, and they want the option to connect 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That demand is not something that can be easily met by most small businesses manually.

For companies, the costs of employees being unhappy at work are heavy and equates to billions of dollars in lost productivity. For the people who are disengaged and not happy at work, this is nothing short of life stifling. Most of us spend more than half of our waking hours working or doing work-related activities. That we are anything less than fulfilled is championing mediocrity and cheating ourselves out of our best possible lives.

Although this might sound like doom and gloom, don’t fret! If you constantly find yourself saying, “I am so unhappy at work,” there are solutions. In fact, there is a simple strategy and accompanying framework that can get you out of the doldrums and into the career you’ve always wanted.
Strategy
A much more effective strategy is planting your flag. This requires taking a few steps back and asking some critical questions including, “How do I want to be in the world?” “What do I want to create?” “How do I want to use my life?” “What kind of impact do I want to have?” You also need to take a look at what drives you. When you have a true purpose behind your decisions, you can align them with your values and ensure that you are always moving in a direction that will fulfill you.
Framework

How do you build what you’ve designed and how do you use this to ensure you will never be unhappy at work?

The three-part moonshot strategy to creating a fulfilling career is the same every single time you decide to embark on the journey. It works whether you’d like a promotion at your current job, would like to do the same thing at a different company down the road or if you want to quit investment banking and go sell baskets in the rainforest. Basically, it can be recreated to fit any purpose and is the perfect solution to being not happy at work.

Commit

Truly committing to creating a more fulfilling career is the crucial first step. Commitment can come proactively by listening to that quiet voice in your head that asks, “Is this all there is? Could there be something more?” Once you’ve identified your purpose and drive, these decisions usually come much easier. If your current job does not align with your values, you’ll always be unhappy at work. Identifying this as the reason will help you commit to something new.

Irritation, Frustration, Emotional Stacking and Stonewalling
To have a good relationship, you need to have five times more positive communication than negative. Positive communication helps reduce the amount of stress on relationships. Often, when you feel a loss of attraction and you can’t successfully influence your partner, you stop communicating – and in turn, you begin to experience the 4 Rs:
• Resistance: This occurs when your partner does something that bothers you, but you choose to not say anything. But when you repress your emotions, they stack, and eventually transform into…
• Resentment: Now the resistance goes deeper, and you feel unresolved tension begin to rise to the surface. Eventually you move to…
• Rejection: In this space, there’s a level of toxicity or abrasiveness throughout your relationship. When you get tired of being harsh with each other, you go into a level of…
• Repression: You feel numb, in a place of learned helplessness. You feel that you’re no longer in control of what happens in your relationship. You’ve lowered your expectations for your relationship and found other vehicles to meet your needs – your work, your kids, friends, etc.
How do you escape the 4 Rs? You need to reverse the negative stacking that causes stress on relationships and create mutual patterns of openness, connection and love.

Loss of Physical Passion
Frustration and irritation with your partner will ultimately lead to the loss of physical passion. Why? Because in order to experience passion, you and your partner need to be open with one another. You can’t be physically intimate with each other without connecting on an emotional, spiritual level.
If you’re feeling critical of each other, or feeling misunderstood or neglected, then you will put up walls. This blocks the possibility of passion and connection, and only perpetuates the lack of intimacy. If left unaddressed, then there is the danger of inflicting permanent damage on the relationship. You must make it a priority to put yourself in a state that promotes passion, not tension and upset feelings.

Loss of Commitment
Once you experience a lack of attraction and passion, your energy goes elsewhere. You find that you are in a happy state with others – your friends, your colleagues – but not at home. This leads to a waning commitment to your partner, in that you are no longer focusing your undivided attention and energy toward your partner. You are not committed to understanding your partner or to meeting their needs. Maybe you chalk this stress on relationships up to external factors, like young children or all-consuming work. But this is the beginning of the end for your relationship.
How do you stop this loss? You need to make sure that there’s no threat — that you don’t have one foot out the door and that nothing or no one else is a higher priority than your partner. You must make your partner feel that fulfilling their needs is an absolute “must” for you.

Story of Incompatibility
Feeling incompatible comes from not meeting each other’s needs, not being put first and not making it a priority to understand each other in a sincere, heartfelt way. Sure, some couples are just fundamentally incompatible. It has nothing to do with relationship stress. But remember, no couple even stands a chance if they are not meeting each other’s needs. You don’t know your true potential together until you’ve taken care of the fundamentals and made sure that you are meeting each other’s needs. To do so, you must take control of the meaning you are creating. So many of us create stories around our partners – who they are, how they treat us, how they see us, how we fit into their lives and vice versa. And once you have a story about your partner, you will find evidence to make it true. You must be careful about the stories you create about yourself (for example, thinking that you are not attractive enough or good enough) and the stories you create about your partner. Your story dictates how you think and what you do, and that can be empowering or create severely damaging stress on relationships of all kinds.
So what is the story of your relationship? What’s the story you need to create in order to move your relationship forward? Remember, we have the power to control the stories that define us and our relationships. Relationship stress is part of what allows us to learn more about ourselves and others –but it’s never too late to alleviate some of that tension and rewrite your story.

What brings two people together and creates a lasting connection filled with love, passion and excitement? And what is it that can ultimately extinguish that spark? How is it that people who once felt such a deep love and attraction can find themselves feeling alone, misunderstood, even dead inside, because the passion has been replaced with pain?
Relationship stress comes in many forms, but it doesn’t have to signal an ending. The key to avoiding these pitfalls is to understand the common stressors that negatively impact your relationships and how each source of relationship stress can ultimately devastate your connection if not addressed. It’s also essential to establish clear lines of communication with your partner so that you both focus on fulfilling each other’s deepest desires and needs, instead of ignoring these needs and contributing to greater relationship stress.
Loss of Attraction
The only difference between a romantic relationship and a friendship is intimacy. When that desire, that deeper connection, begins to wane, then the passion in your relationship begins to fade, leaving you with something closer to friendship.
Why does attraction diminish? This may come as a surprise, but it’s not a physical issue. Loss of attraction is often caused by something psychological and emotional called depolarization. Depolarization takes place when partners no longer have the play of masculine and feminine energies between them. The person with feminine energy feels too insecure to relax into their feminine core, and the partner with masculine energy is bent out of shape and loses their masculine core. Many couples spend years this way and get used to the loss of passion. However, attraction can shift in a matter of seconds – one partner could go from tight and controlling to free and radiant once their significant other makes them feel appreciated, needed and loved.

YOUR STATE
Of course, whether you have an empowering story or disempowering one is influenced most powerfully by the mental and emotional state you’re in at that moment in time. As human beings we all develop emotional patterns, also known as moods, that are mental or emotional states that tend to filter how we look at our lives.
These influence the stories that we make up about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we can achieve or not. The states we go into most often turn into the most powerful filter of all. They determine whether we find the strategies necessary to succeed and whether we come up with a story that will empower us. The big question then becomes: what is it that we can do to change our state of mind when we’re not able to maximize our true potential? One of our greatest scientific discoveries has been that you can change your emotional mood by a radical change in your physiology.

BREATH AND STRESS
For people who are experiencing stress at any given moment, a form of relief can be to simply change your physiology: take a couple of deep breaths. Most people only use 20% of their lung capacity taking small short breaths, but 70% of the body’s toxins can actually be released when taking a full breath! By taking the time to fill your lungs and release, you can not only improve your health but also radically decrease the anxiety related to that moment. There are many ways to change your physiology and in our seminars we prove this time after time by taking people who feel depressed and having them make a radical shift. Intuitively we know this can be changed not only by the way we move, but our breath and body temperature as well.

WHERE FOCUS GOES, ENERGY FLOWS
The second thing that affects our state is what we focus on. For example, if you’ve been at a funeral honoring someone you cared about and everyone is in a sad state and afterwards someone shares a story or anecdote about something that person did that was extremely humorous, suddenly everyone goes from tears to laughter. In an instant our states can be changed., where focus goes, energy flows. What’s wrong is always available; but so is what’s right. Whatever we focus on effects our state and our state then effects the story we have about who we are, what’s life about, what’s possible and what’s not. From that story we will often determine whether or not we will maximize our capabilities and the strategies that will help us achieve what we’re truly after in a sustainable way.

Learning to put yourself in a peak state consistently is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your life. It can transform your stories and give you the strategies to breakthrough. This is a huge focus that we just don’t tell people but what we train people to do with their minds and bodies in an instant, on cue, so they can shift the quality of their performance. Whether it’s a peak performance athlete like Serena Williams, MMA champion Jon Jones, a president of a company, a parent, or someone in prison—if we’re going to shift our life it comes down to these three fundamentals:

Fulfilling your dreams and your ability to thrive in the areas of your life that matter most can be simplified by breakthroughs, those moments in time when the impossible becomes possible. If anyone wants to thrive in any area of their life, they have to reach a point of breakthrough where they will not settle for anything less than extraordinary in that area. Whether you want a breakthrough in your business, intimate life, emotional well-being, health, finances or career, there are only three areas to break through to feel lasting success. Here are my 3 steps to a breakthrough:

1. YOUR STRATEGIES
I live for finding strategies — those shortcuts that help people get more done in less time. What is it that gets some people to succeed while others fail who seem to have equal enthusiasm or passion for the tasks at hand? They have insights, distinctions, and strategies that allow them to achieve more quickly.

For example, take someone who was born very poor, without an education, and had emotional and financial challenges but found a way to be highly successful and living an inspired life. I don’t believe that’s lucky—luck is what you do for a day or a week—strategies are what make it consistently happen for decades. A strategy can be found in the simplest or slightest distinction and it can happen in an instant.

For example, there are hundreds or even thousands of strateYOUR STORY
We all have stories — narratives we tell ourselves about why we can or cannot do or achieve something in our lives. Whether we believe we can or can’t, we’re usually right, because our expectation controls our focus, perceptions, and the way in which we feel and act. When a person succeeds it’s because they have the right strategy, and usually they found it because they have a story that it was possible or they could make it happen. Often people don’t lose weight because they have a simple story: it says, “I’m big boned.” With that as your core belief system you are never going to find a strategy, and even if you do, you won’t follow through on it.

Your story may be true — you may have been through a horrific experience — but that’s not the reason why you can’t have the life you want. For example, you might have had a bad breakup five years ago, but that’s not the reason you haven’t found the passionate and loving relationship you deserve. A disempowering story is one of the things that controls people and makes them stuck in their beliefs. Most people tell a story in a selective way so they don’t have to ever maximize their effort towards a strategy because they’re afraid they will fail. In order to get out of a story you have to be triggered by hunger and desire: if someone wants something strong enough they will break through the story that’s limiting them.gies out there for losing weight, and frankly most of them are proven to work — if you work them! We’re not hurting for strategies. There are fitness clubs on every street, dieticians, health coaches, training videos, audios, books, etc. Yet 65% of the United States is overweight and 33% is obese, and those numbers are only growing geometrically. I think that the problem for most people is not that they don’t have a strategy; it’s that they’re not using a strategy that works for them or acting upon it. Why? Because they have a disempowering story.

“What is my purpose?” How can you find your purpose in life? Many people have no idea where to begin, so they simply react to what happens instead of figuring out what they really want and need. Even when they think they know their purpose, they often mistake it with a short-term goal. And once that goal is achieved, what’s left?
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
Ultimately, what we become, and who we become is the answer to “What is my purpose?” A goal yields a sense of achievement. Purpose makes you into something more. So when it comes to asking, “How do I find my purpose,” you’re ultimately asking for a true sense of fulfillment.

When do you learn how to discover your purpose? Everything in life is growing or dying, which is why growth is addictive to those of us who are searching for our purpose. Everything in life is calling to us to grow. When we stop growing, we start feeling pain, fear and anxiety. We are then susceptible to envy as we look around and see what everyone else has that we don’t. Instead of asking “What is my purpose in life?”, you start coveting status, material goods and power that will ultimately leave you feeling empty.

HOW TO FIND MY PURPOSE
If you focus only on achieving short-term goals, you will never find your true passion or discover your ultimate purpose. Once you achieve goals that aren’t based on your purpose, you’ll only feel a fleeting sense of accomplishment and will soon be looking for something more. You won’t be able to see that life is happening for you instead of to you.

However, if you develop a value system and focus on an abundance mindset, your purpose in life becomes much clearer. You question less and less what is the purpose of life because you feel like you have more of the answers and that you are on the path to achieving meaningful goals.

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
To be one of those who succeed, understand that both the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment create the road to happiness and a life of purpose.

The questions “How do I find my purpose?” and “How can I be happy?” are actually the same. If you let your past conditioning control how you evaluate that and dictate how to discover your purpose, you’re going to live a life based on others’ expectations. You can never truly understand the answer to “What is my purpose in life?” by looking outside of yourself. Everything you need is right at your fingertips.

True fulfillment comes from designing your own life. This is how you unlock the extraordinary. To find your purpose, you must decide what’s truly right, and know it in your heart and soul. You must not let yourself be driven by fear or anxiety. A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision. It will not help you understand “What is my purpose?” but instead confuse the issue even more.

If you’re ready to discover your purpose, these tips can help.

Examine what already comes easy to you
Can you pick up a pencil and sketch a lifelike portrait? Have you always been able to pick out a tune on a piano after you’ve heard it only once? When you look closely at the activities or skills that have always come easily to you, you’ll likely stumble upon passions that you can turn into a profitable career.
Develop your own life vision statement
Before you can ask yourself “What is my purpose?” you first have to know what an ideal world looks like and how you fit into it. Creating a life vision statement involves identifying what life would look like if everyone were living up to their fullest potential. This will help you develop a roadmap to guide you in the proper direction.
Think about what has brought you the greatest amount of joy
When asking themselves “What is my purpose in life?”, some people don’t even know where to start. If you fall into this category, it helps to look back on your life and identify the times when you felt the most joy. Was it when you were connecting with your partner? Making a successful presentation at work? When you discover what brings you joy, you usually discover where your passions lie.
Take time for yourself
“What is my purpose?” is a deep question that takes time and reflection to answer. When you spend all your time running from one commitment to another, you never have time to just sit quietly and reconnect with yourself. Make sure you schedule enough personal time to reduce the noise and demands of the outer world and focus on what you want.
When you develop your core values and stop looking for external affirmation, you’ll find that the question of “How do I find my purpose?” is much easier to answer.

Do you often find yourself asking, “What is my purpose?” How can you find your purpose in life? Many people have no idea where to begin, so they simply react to what happens instead of figuring out what they really want and need. Even when they think they know their purpose, they often mistake it with a short-term goal. And once that goal is achieved, what’s left?
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
Ultimately, what we become, and who we become is the answer to “What is my purpose?” A goal yields a sense of achievement. Purpose makes you into something more. So when it comes to asking, “How do I find my purpose,” you’re ultimately asking for a true sense of fulfillment.

When do you learn how to discover your purpose? Everything in life is growing or dying, which is why growth is addictive to those of us who are searching for our purpose. Everything in life is calling to us to grow. When we stop growing, we start feeling pain, fear and anxiety. We are then susceptible to envy as we look around and see what everyone else has that we don’t. Instead of asking “What is my purpose in life?”, you start coveting status, material goods and power that will ultimately leave you feeling empty.

HOW TO FIND MY PURPOSE
If you focus only on achieving short-term goals, you will never find your true passion or discover your ultimate purpose. Once you achieve goals that aren’t based on your purpose, you’ll only feel a fleeting sense of accomplishment and will soon be looking for something more. You won’t be able to see that life is happening for you instead of to you.

However, if you develop a value system and focus on an abundance mindset, your purpose in life becomes much clearer. You question less and less what is the purpose of life because you feel like you have more of the answers and that you are on the path to achieving meaningful goals.

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?
To be one of those who succeed, understand that both the science of achievement and the art of fulfillment create the road to happiness and a life of purpose. The questions “How do I find my purpose?” and “How can I be happy?” are actually the same. If you let your past conditioning control how you evaluate that and dictate how to discover your purpose, you’re going to live a life based on others’ expectations. You can never truly understand the answer to “What is my purpose in life?” by looking outside of yourself. Everything you need is right at your fingertips.

True fulfillment comes from designing your own life. This is how you unlock the extraordinary. To find your purpose, you must decide what’s truly right, and know it in your heart and soul. You must not let yourself be driven by fear or anxiety. A decision made from fear is always the wrong decision. It will not help you understand “What is my purpose?” but instead confuse the issue even more.

If you’re ready to discover your purpose, these tips can help.

Examine what already comes easy to you
Can you pick up a pencil and sketch a lifelike portrait? Have you always been able to pick out a tune on a piano after you’ve heard it only once? When you look closely at the activities or skills that have always come easily to you, you’ll likely stumble upon passions that you can turn into a profitable career.
Develop your own life vision statement
Before you can ask yourself “What is my purpose?” you first have to know what an ideal world looks like and how you fit into it. Creating a life vision statement involves identifying what life would look like if everyone were living up to their fullest potential. This will help you develop a roadmap to guide you in the proper direction.
Think about what has brought you the greatest amount of joy
When asking themselves “What is my purpose in life?”, some people don’t even know where to start. If you fall into this category, it helps to look back on your life and identify the times when you felt the most joy. Was it when you were connecting with your partner? Making a successful presentation at work? When you discover what brings you joy, you usually discover where your passions lie.
Take time for yourself
“What is my purpose?” is a deep question that takes time and reflection to answer. When you spend all your time running from one commitment to another, you never have time to just sit quietly and reconnect with yourself. Make sure you schedule enough personal time to reduce the noise and demands of the outer world and focus on what you want.
When you develop your core values and stop looking for external affirmation, you’ll find that the question of “How do I find my purpose?” is much easier to answer.